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Post by Eyes on Aug 20, 2017 1:04:14 GMT -5
"Well I'm all for nudist cruises... SO LONG AS I'M NOT IN THE NUDE!!" Eyes shouted. "F*ck this, Nessie and I are gonna go to the mountains."
"Whatever," said Toz.
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Post by Toz76 on Aug 20, 2017 1:08:27 GMT -5
"Now, Eyes," Steve Dingle said, "being naked is very healthy and can help you overcome body image issues and insecurity."
"Sure, but not on national tv!" *laughtrack*
"What if we stage all the shots so your, ahem, "naughty bits" are censored by scenery?"
"GOOD DAY SIR!" *laughtrack*
"We'll blur-"
"I SAID GOOD DAY, SIR!"
Toz sighed. "Eh, the four of us can totally carry the episode. Let's go please the sponsors!"
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Post by Eyes on Aug 20, 2017 1:19:36 GMT -5
What they didn't know was that Eyes and Nessie's trip to the mountains was going to be interspliced between Toz, Frank, Tug, and TGC's tri-
"Sorry guys, I got work," said Tug, who quietly excused himself.
"NO NO NO NO NO!!" cried Toz.
"Oh well," said Frank. "Looks like it's just us three."
"Yeah," said TGC. "Maybe we'll we're nude Toz and and I can..."
"OH GOD NO!!"
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Post by Toz76 on Aug 20, 2017 1:27:53 GMT -5
Eyes drove to Nessie's apartment.
"You all packed?" Eyes asked.
"Oh, goodness no." Nessie said. "You barely need to pack anything for a Godiva Nudist Cruise."
"Oh god... they got you too!" *laughtrack*
Eyes looked across the street and saw a poster for Godiva Lines. He looked at the ground and a crumpled newspaper article about Godiva blew past. He looked up and a plane flew by, skywriting the word "Godiva".
"It's all Godiva... everyone is naked.. help..."
And Eyes must scream.
Meanwhile, the others were boarding the ship. They'd somehow forced Tug to come due to an obscure clause in his contract.
"There are 11 decks. Your rooms are on deck seven. Lido and pool are deck nine, bars on 2, 3, 7, and 10, restaurants at 2 and 3. Remember, stay clothed on the decks until we reach open water."
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Post by Eyes on Aug 20, 2017 1:32:07 GMT -5
"Listen," said Eyes, "I thought we'd take a trip to the mountains."
"Nope, Godiva's the way to go!"
"We'd have a nice meal at a fancy restaurant."
"Godiva serves 10 star meals prepared by famous chefs from around the world."
"We could have sweet, passionate sex every night."
"I could have that with the playboys on the Godiva."
"And you could sleep in every morning."
"I'M THERE!!"
Eyes was a bit surprised, until he saw the pamphlet. "WAKE UP BRIGHT AND EARLY AT 4 O'CLOCK EVERY MORNING AND CATCH A BEAUTIFUL SUNRISE!"
Toz didn't know what hit him.
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Post by Toz76 on Aug 20, 2017 1:35:01 GMT -5
"Playboys? PLAYBOYS? This is non-sexual nudity, not some brothel barge!"
"We can't have one of your leads bail on us." Steve said. "I'll send my crack team of kidnappers, the Product Placers, to get him on board. You lot enjoy the cruise."
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Post by Eyes on Aug 20, 2017 1:37:42 GMT -5
Meanwhile, Eyes and Nessie were in the convertible, doing 60 on a 25 road.
Actually, they were doing 25 on a 60 road. Some slow idiot was crawling along in front of them.
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Post by Toz76 on Aug 20, 2017 1:44:36 GMT -5
"Screw this." Nessie said, pressing a button on the dash.
Suddenly, the duo were teleported to a rave on the Godiva. Synths blared and lights flashed.
"GAH! MY CLOTHES!" Eyes screamed.
"Go Godiva Cruises! Go Godiva Cruises!" The crowd...
******
@b÷U;Y$£/G*O&D^I'V!A
******
...chanted in perfect unison.
"Oh god... product placement... nudist zombies... dubstep..." *laughtrack*
Eyes curled up in the fetal position in the corner of the room and recited metal lyrics to himself.
Meanwhile, the other four were...
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Post by Eyes on Aug 20, 2017 1:47:34 GMT -5
(Eyes was reciting Moonchild 'cuz it has synths in it BTW.)
...in the water. Toz had fallen over thanks to see sickness, and TGC jumping in after him did not work, so Tug and Frank had to help as well.
"What's 'see sickness' though?" asked Frank.
"It's when you look too hard at something," said Tug.
"No, it's when Eyes messes up a post," said TGC.
"No, it's when nudity is taken to the next level," said Toz.
"What do you mean?"
"LOOK!"
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Post by Toz76 on Aug 20, 2017 1:56:19 GMT -5
Several travellers were skinning themselves by a statue near the bow, cutting off chunks of skin with a long knife.
"Whoa, too gory for primetime." Frank said.
"You're naked." Tug pointed out.
"Sure, but it's blurred out... right?"
Toz and TGC approached the people skinning themselves.
"Excuse me, why are you cutting your flesh off?"
"GODIVA CRUISES: SO FUN YOU'LL JUMP OUT OF YOUR SKIN WITH EXCITEMENT" they intoned in unison.
"Toz... something is very wrong here." TGC whispered.
"No, it's perfect... everything is great... that's why Godiva has a 96% on Yelp and is award-winning three years in a row... hey, they have a volleyball court on deck 11!" Toz yelled, grabbing TGC and dragging him away.
Frank and Tug conversed.
"Whatever's wrong with this ship, it's clearly corrupted Toz. We need to save him before he starts trying to lop off body parts." Frank said.
"But how?" Tug asked.
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Post by Eyes on Aug 20, 2017 1:58:47 GMT -5
Meanwhile, Nessie had decided to do something.
Namely, kick Eyes in the crotch.
"YEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelped Eyes.
"Man the hell up dumbass!" she shouted. "How do we get out of this situation?"
"LEAVE ME ALONE MY BALLS HURT!!!"
Nessie gave him another kick for good measure.
Meanwhile...
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Aug 20, 2017 14:05:30 GMT -5
Frank had woken up... in his apartment of all places.
"Ugh... hey, where is everybody? And why the heck are some of my clothes missing?!" Frank fumed as he looked through the drawer. Then he remembered.
"Oh yea, that's right... nude cruise. No way am I participating in that lowbrow stuff. But if I'm here, then... oh no!" Frank screamed.
......
Frank and Tug were conversing, then went about making a plan. Just then, someone dived into the pool, splashing Frank.
"Frank, are you ok?" Tug asked.
"Yea, I'm fine-fine-fi-fi-fi-fi-fineeee...." Frank said as suddenly an exploding sound was heard within him, smoke started coming out of Frank's ears, nose and mouth, he leaned forward and his arm fell off. (laugh track, applause)
"Oh my goodness... Frank is a robot?!" Tug said, shocked. (laugh track)
......
"Now you're probably wondering why that little stunt happened? Well, article 6, section 3 of my contract explicitly states that I am not supposed to appear nude at any point while on screen. I can wear a bathing suit, towel or appear in underwear, but I must always be clothed. Any way, we needed a subplot anyway, so..." Frank said as he left the apartment.
(Cut to: Frank at an animal shelter)
Frank entered the shelter and came up to the volunteer.
"Ah, good morning Frank; how's it going?"
"Going well Alan; the guys are off on a cruise and I'm alone for the week. I've been considering adopting a pet for a while and thought I'd'take a look around" Frank said.
"Ah, glad you decided to come to the shelter Frank. But wait, don't you guys have a donkey... that we haven't seen around for a while?" (laugh track)
"Alberto? We did... but he's currently tied up in the United States Legal System" Frank explained.
"What? Did he commit an awful crime?" Alan asked, shocked.
"No, he's in the immigration courts; apparently his visa expired" Frank explained.
"Oh, what a shame. Well, let me show you the puppies" Alan said as he took Frank in the back.
*This part of the show brought to you by The Northeastern Animal League; remember, adopt, don't shop
...
Alberto was in immigration court, fighting to remain in America... and spreading awareness of our broken immigration court system
"Mr. Alberto, I will ask you again- why did you stay after you visa expired" the judge asked.
"Hee-haw, hee-haw!" Alberto replied.
"Speak up sir, you're making an *ss out of yourself" The judge said (laugh track)
......
Back on the cruise...
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Post by Toz76 on Aug 20, 2017 14:12:09 GMT -5
The ship hit an iceberg and started sinking.
"Well, that was abrupt." Tug said sarcastically.
The four remaining leads got onto a lifeboat and made it to a deserted island.
"We're finally free of the product placement!" Eyes yelled.
"Sure, but we're stranded on a deserted island with no where to go."
"What about that Starbocks Coffee?" Toz said. "Try that heir delicious new "pumpkin unicorn surprise latte"."
"Oh god... Toz has gone full corporate! Run!" Eyes yelled.
Oh, and Nessie drowned on the sinking ship. *laughter and cheers*
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Aug 20, 2017 14:19:42 GMT -5
"Nessie! No!!! My poor, sweet Nessie! I'll never forget you!!!" Eyes screamed dramatically.
"Oh great, now Eyes has gone full overacting" Tug muttered (laugh track)
"We can't just stick around and do nothing! We gotta survive! What do we have to work with?" TGC asked.
"Well, we got a radio, a flare gun, a jet pack... hey, a book of matches!" TGC said (laugh track)
"Great! We can start a fire!" Tug said joyously.
"What will we do for food?" Eyes asked.
"Please don't squeeze the... I'm loving it!... you'll wonder where the yellow went... With a name like Smuckers, it has to be..." Toz kept going on and on. (laugh track)
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Post by Eyes on Aug 20, 2017 14:55:05 GMT -5
Luckily for Eyes though, Nessie wasn't dead. The dead woman was actually Priscela von Idontgiveashit, and Nessie had actually ended up surviving.
Which Toz found out all too soon when she ran up and kicked him in the nuts for being an idiot.
Meanwhile, Frank was...
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Aug 20, 2017 15:04:27 GMT -5
looking through all the puppies that were available at the animal shelter.
"One of you will be coming home with me today... the question is who" Frank said as he interacted with them.
......
Well, turns out both Eyes and Toz were wrong and right.
Nessie did survive, but she was not on the island; toz was so delusional at this point that he was seeing things that weren't there. So where was Nessie, you ask?
(Cut to: Nessie floating on a piece of deck; no land is in sight, the current dragged her away)
"Eyes! Where are you Eyes!?" She screamed. But she was surrounded by nothing but debris, and was being carried by the current into the great vastness of the Atlantic Ocean.
(Cut to: A mourning Eyes)
"Oh where are you my beloved Nessie! If only we had gone to the mountains!" He screamed.
"Snap out of it Eyes! If we're going to live through this we need to pull ourselves together!" Tug screamed
(There; we met in the middle)
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Post by Tug on Aug 21, 2017 10:23:53 GMT -5
Tug, tired of this crap, alone, went to the beach and to his amazement saw a rescue ship come landing on the beach...
"Are you the man called 'Tug'?" Asked the Navy Seal
"Why yes I am..." answered T
"Then please, come with us, the United States Court System needs you on the defense team to determine the fate of the future of animal immigration..." answered the Seal
"Wait, how did you find me?" asked Tug
"The Donkey said he put a tracker immbedded into you so you wouldn't 'have a repeat of Morocco'..." replied the Seal
"Alright, I rather be in a subplot than here! Sail away Me Hearties! Crap, wrong episode... I mean lets go pass the bar!" shouted Tug as Seal Team Generic left the others behind since they had rescued their target...
Meanwhile...
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Aug 21, 2017 11:12:31 GMT -5
"...and this little guy is Wendell" the volunteer said as Frank held him.
"He's a sweet dog, but I don't think he's the right fit for me" Frank explained.
"Fair enough; how about this one?" The volunteer said when suddenly...
"We interrupt your animal adoption to bring you an update on United States vs Alberto the Donkey!" The tv said in a breaking news report (laugh track)
"Oh look, a convienent segway" Frank said as he looked at the tv. (Laugh track)
"Beloved local Alberto the Donkey is fighting for his right to remain in the United States, and though everything looks stacked against him, we have received word he may be fetting new legal counsel for his case..."
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Post by Toz76 on Aug 21, 2017 23:25:41 GMT -5
"Godiva Cruises! That's right! Godiva is donating a dollar from every ticket purchased to help Alberto win his case. So buy those tickets now, folks!"
*we cut to a raft in the ocean. Two figures are on it*
"I can't believe how well my plan is going! My dumb twin has turned into a corporate pawn! It'll cripple their show for sure!" Tiberius Zeno, Toz's double from that one season one episode, said.
The other figure was wearing a "Gulf Of Delaware National Park" hoodie that obscured his face, thick gloves that obscured his arms, and long pants that obscured his legs. He had no skin showing whatsoever.
"Yes, eet weel be en eeexcellent victorrrrrie." *canned laughter*
"Can you stop the horrible French accent, Mysterious Figure?"
"Mi identitee must rrrrremain le mysterrrrrious until the season finalee. Therrrrreforrrre, I rrrrrroll my r's and thrrrrrow in rrrrrrandom Frrrrrrrench worrrrrrds." *laughtrack*
"Fine. Why are you so interested in destroying the sitcom anyway?"
"I hawe my reasons." *laughtrack*
"Now you're doing a crappy Russian accent!"
"I think eets wery wery good, ja?" *laughtrack*
*Tiberius growls in frustration as we cut to commercials*
BUYGODIVABUYGODIVAMOTHERFUCKERBUYGODIVABUYGODIVABUYGODIVAMOTHERFUCKERBUYGODIVABUYGODIVABUYGODIVAMOTHERFUCKERBUYGODIVABUYGODIVABUYGODIVAMOTHERFUCKERBUYGODIVABUYGODIVABUYGODIVAMOTHERFUCKERBUYGODIVABUYGODIVABUYGODIVAMOTHERFUCKERBUYGODIVABUYGODIVABUYGODIVAMOTHERFUCKERBUYGODIVABUYGODIVABUYGODIVAMOTHERFUCKERBUYGODIVA
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Aug 21, 2017 23:50:14 GMT -5
Just then... corporate lawyers to the rescue.
"Wait, what?" The Godiva cruise people said.
"Hi, we're representatives from Godiva Chocolate, and your name infringes on our trademark, so we are taking you to court" the lawyer said (audience ooohs)
"Run George their onto us!" The CEO said as he suddenly put on a propeller helmet and tried to fly away (laugh track)
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