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Post by Toz76 on Mar 7, 2023 18:02:32 GMT -5
It was a rainy spring day, and Eyes was walking to her car, having just purchased a milkshake from a popular diner in her area. She was on top of the world, and everything was finally going her way.
Suddenly, a bolt of purple energy shot out of the heavens and liquified Eyes. As her brain turned into mush and she ascended into the afterlife, she could faintly hear an ominous voice echoing around her: "GET TOZZED ON, BITCH!"
The user below thinks I could have described Eyes' day before getting smote in more detail, in order to get the audience to care about the character
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Mar 7, 2023 18:06:22 GMT -5
Sorry, it's impossible to make anyone care about as shitty a character as Eyes.
Although... the user below may disagree with me on that point.
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Post by Toz76 on Mar 7, 2023 18:11:08 GMT -5
I mean, there are multiple versions of the character "Eyes", and not all of them are winners, but I think some of them are pretty rad. Especially the sitcom one and the real life one
The user below will list their top five favorite Eyes's
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Mar 25, 2023 19:44:02 GMT -5
1) Sitcom Eyes
2) 3WSR Eyes
3) Thousand Eyes (w/ 1000 eye powers)
4) anime Eyes
5) Shakespeare Eyes
The user below is confused by the ticking sound that is under their chair
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Post by Toz76 on Mar 26, 2023 23:33:13 GMT -5
Oh, that's where my bomb went!
The user below likes garlic bread more than Jesus.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Mar 27, 2023 11:08:31 GMT -5
While Iโm not a religious person, I still think itโs not right to put more value in an inanimate object over a humanโฆ unless said human is irredeemably vile
The user below is about to.., wait, get off the unicycle!
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Post by Toz76 on Mar 27, 2023 14:53:41 GMT -5
Oh god oh frick there's so much blood... I knew I should have put on the gorilla suit and balanced a wine bottle on my head while playing the banjo before I got on the unicycle!
The user below is in on the joke
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Mar 27, 2023 16:06:16 GMT -5
Yes, but I could have sworn it was a bowling pin on the head
(Man, that was a great moment)
The user below is about to do something so mind bendingly crazy, that any attempt for me to describe it would result in me going insane
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Post by Toz76 on Mar 27, 2023 16:57:46 GMT -5
There, I did it.
The user below will attempt to describe the mind-bendingly crazy thing I just did, even if the attempt drives them insane.
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Mar 30, 2023 0:49:19 GMT -5
In diagnosing the insanity of The Thing Which Toz Hath Just Done, one first has to start with the question of motive. What motivated Toz to do That Thing? Was there a specific reason that drove her to get off of the couch and enact the momentum and energy required to be put forth to push This Thing into existence? Scholars will debate this until the very end of the earth, I am sure of that, and yet I think the solution is quite simple and entirely in plain sight. You see, before doing The Thing She Did, Toz first smoke a huge blunt, clouding her judgement and unlocking one of the three gates of the mental bays that usually stop such Things from happening. Her intake of drug item 57 ("Cannabyss") was the first in a string of events that led to The Thing happening.
Thereafter we must ask the question of method. When did Toz do The Thing That Toz Did? At what time of day did it occur? At what time of year did it occur? In which part of the country did it occur? Well, the answer to the last question is obviously that the event was localized entirely within her kitchen. The year was 2035.35(repeating). The time of day was just after sundown, just after sunrise, aft 37+1, 1456ad5732b6. The following string of letters and numbers will further elucidate the time: Bou6773/55vb40,7f7f7f, color grammar function 4.
Now comes the matter of how. What items were used by Toz when Toz did the Toz Thing Tozzily? Did she use her entire inventory or was the expansion pack still downloading? The answer to these and many more questions can be unlocked by subscribing to 3WSR+ for a low rate of just $14.95x33.56 per hour. But there was a table. And now a word from our sponsor!
Are you tired of feeling like Toz is short for Termite Operation Zone? I'm Joe Biden and I approve of this message.
Call my Eyes. Some years ago, never mind how long precisely, I stumbled across a black hole of a mystery that was set to rock my entire existence to the core. As I sat in bed looking at my computer screen, thoughts flooded into my head. The thoughts consisted entirely of one thing. What was it that Toz did that was so mind-bendingly crazy that Frank couldn't dare describe it without fear of going insane? The more I read the more I realized I had to figure out the secret of the mystery before me. So, packing my bags, I circumnavigated the globe until I reached the sacred shores of Seattle. With a carpet-bag strewn across my shoulder, I trudged through the streets of liberal lawlessness as I searched for the hole of the one they called The Big Rat, where I was sure to find the legendary Ratatozille.
Whistling a conservative anthem so as to ward away the demonic free healthcare and trans rights from my soul, I stepped foot in the lobby of one apartment complex that I believed held the key to my journey's end. Floor 739. That was the number I had come up with after cross-transposing the number of posts Toz made on the 3WSR forum with the fibonacci sequence divided by the amount of bears I'd encountered in my life plus carburetor manufacturers in Wisconsin. For three years I stood inside the elevator as it ascended to the room where it happened, the room where it happened, the room where it happened. On the day after my third anniversary of ascension, I heard a ding and was alerted to the fact that I was on Floor 739.
Leaving the shuttle I walked down an endless hallway towards the final flat on the floor. Minutes seemed like hours, yet the hours seemed like seconds. Long strides took I. Finally, after another year of walking down that hallway, and an impromptu surprise birthday celebration from my folks (love you ma and da), I reached it. The Tozziverse.
I opened the door and was surprised to find no black holes, no swirling intergalactic space portals, no Toz. It was just an ordinary apartment. There was a living room, a kitchen, a bathroom, a bedroom, and a chamomile tea emporium. The apartment seemed deserted. Somehow I felt as though things were off. Toz should've been here. I searched every nook and cranny of the apartment for her, but no Toz was to be found. After an hour of searching I decided to sit down on the couch and read the magazine standing on the coffee table. Halfway through an unChristian article about gay weddings (Jesus I ask for pardon), my eyes grew heavy and I drifted off into a deep sleep.
How long I was asleep I know not. But when I slowly opened up my eyes again, something felt off. Something felt different about the whole situation. At first I couldn't put my finger on it. Getting up from the couch, I walked into the bathroom. I glanced at the mirror on the wall, and then in panic I rushed towards it. Staring back at me was a body I never knew before. Where once I my dark brown hair had been, blonde was now in command. What once had been male about me had suddenly turned feminine. My voice was Washingtonian to a fault, replacing the Virginian soul I had once spoken.
Lord bless me, I was Toz all along!
I burst into the kitchen to find the shadow of my former self staring back at me with panicked eyes. We locked focus and began a mad rush towards each other, each struggling to destroy the other. I needed to reenter my body. My body wanted freedom. We tumbled and then all of the heavens split open as we did the mind-bendingly crazy thing that Toz did that had set up the entire journey of mine, right there upon that very table.
Now at long last clarity is in control of my thoughts once again. I finally understand everything. I have unlocked the key beyond all doors and beyond all doubts. For now I know, that I am Toz, and not only that, I am also The Thing That Toz Did. And furthermore, without a single doubt in the world, I
Am
The
TABLE
So anyway, what's new in your life?
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Post by Toz76 on Mar 30, 2023 3:24:49 GMT -5
I just got laid, so can't complain
The user below is a dweeb
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Mar 30, 2023 3:28:59 GMT -5
Dweeb's nutz, gottem.
The user below is going to be having breakfast.
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Post by Toz76 on Mar 30, 2023 3:32:49 GMT -5
In a few hours, it's 1:30 AM
The user below thinks I should sleep because I have class at 10:00
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Mar 30, 2023 3:34:56 GMT -5
For the best probably, I should be sleeping too as it's 4:30 but I don't have to work tomorrow so fuck it.
The user below is dating the user below the user below them.
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Post by Toz76 on Mar 30, 2023 3:37:48 GMT -5
Well, I am currently doing the whole polyamory thing so that's not out of the question, but it would be really embarrassing if that ended up being me The user below will deliver a scathing but accurate critique of my character, conduct, and morals
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Mar 30, 2023 3:38:50 GMT -5
Toz sucks!
The user below would like to offer a rebuttal.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Mar 30, 2023 12:31:56 GMT -5
Toz has every right to her views and opinions... but at her core she's still a good person
The user below is on the verge of a great breakthrough
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Apr 1, 2023 23:01:32 GMT -5
Actually yes! Given this post: For the best probably, I should be sleeping too as it's 4:30 but I don't have to work tomorrow so fuck it. The user below is dating the user below the user below them. ...users Toz76 and frankthetriviaman are officially dating. The user below would like to offer their opinion on the subject.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Apr 1, 2023 23:49:31 GMT -5
The rumor is clearly a hoax given that the substantial age gap between the two of (redacted) and (redacted) years old would lead to demonization in society towards the older one
The user below is now counting down, and is up to 37
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Post by Toz76 on Apr 2, 2023 1:52:34 GMT -5
36... 35... 34...
The user below will comfort me after I was rejected by Frank
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