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Post by frankthetriviaman on Apr 29, 2023 14:58:32 GMT -5
"Indeed, and now I can make myself king of this standoff" Calvin said as the others suddenly got messages on their phones.
"Calvin has been promoted to STANDOFF SUPERVISOR?!" Everett said in disbelief
"That's right! Now I order all of you to point at someone that isn't me!" Calvin said with a laugh
Fiona, Ada and Barnes groaned as they were forced to choose other targets
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Post by Toz76 on Apr 30, 2023 17:58:11 GMT -5
"Nice try, but the Standoff Supervisor can't be part of the standoff! It's part of our contracts!" Duncan handed out paper copies to everyone. "Page 57, paragraph b, subsection ii.1.IV-a1."
"Man, our contract is so hard to read," Ava grumbled.
"Oh, sorry, that was a typo," said the manager over a megaphone. "Calvin was actually promoted to Standup Supervisor. Sorry for the confusion."
"Standup supervisor?" Everett asked. "So you just do stand-up comedy?"
"What's the deal with airline food?" Calvin asked.
"Actually, there's a reason for that, it's because-" Fiona began, but Barnes shushed her.
"No one ever respects the trivia woman..." Fiona pouted.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Apr 30, 2023 18:24:43 GMT -5
“CLEARLY somebody has never flown JetBlue” Barnes pointed out, “their cheese plate is quite delicious, and one of their snack boxes includes a pretty good turkey jerky as well as M&M’s, matzo bites, Swedish fish and these little cheese puff snacks. And another snack box has a rather tasty turkey stick as well as salted almonds, a dark chocolate chip snack bar and mango jerky. Don’t be fooled though it’s rather tasty. I haven’t tried their last snack box though, not fond of hummus, but it’s a great choice if you’re vegetarian and…” Barnes said as he got lost in thought
“All right! We get it! You fly JetBlue a lot!” Ava cut Barnes off with.
Then, Fiona grinned, “prepare yourself, for here comes my balance tipping super move!” Fiona declared, as she snapped. Her minions turned on a projector and showed a home movie of an elementary school talent show, when suddenly a seven year old boy came out in a rather cheaply made spider costume that still somehow was cute. The boy then started singing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” and doing something that could have been a dance, but you know how kids are.
Calvin went red in the face and crouched as he hid his face in shame “HOW DID YOU FIND THAT VIDEO!?!?” He said in utter embarrassment
(why yes; I’m a big fan of JetBlue)
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Post by Toz76 on Apr 30, 2023 18:51:56 GMT -5
(I usually fly Alaska but I think that's just because it's a regionally very popular airline)
Calvin stuttered furiously. "Well, that's just- I mean- look, you were all kids once, too! You all did things like this too!"
"Not me," Barnes said. "I was homeschooled until high school. And my parents weren't very tech savvy. Good luck finding an embarrassing video of me. In fact..."
The film sputtered out, and in its place was a young Duncan doing the chicken dance.
"I've got videos of all of you as kids, so unless you surrender, I will-"
"Not so fast!" And Everett shot Barnes in the shoulder.
"Ah! What the-" Barnes fell to his knees, clutching his shoulder.
"Dude, this is a standoff!" Ava said. "You're not supposed to actually shoot him! Did you even read your contract?"
"Sorry, I just could tell that the videos were going alphabetically, and I didn't want you guys to see anything embarrassing my parents filmed of me..." Everett muttered.
"So you shot him?" Calvin said. "Now we're gonna have to take a break while they patch him up, and that's assuming he can even still standoff after this!"
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Post by frankthetriviaman on May 19, 2023 22:22:26 GMT -5
Barnes began removing his overcoat, nervous about what it looked like, until he saw what the physical damage actually was and sighed.
"What a relief, it was only a graze, I'm not actually shot" He said as he began to relax.
Everyone sighed before Ava began to laugh, "Fools! And while you were distracted with that I put my plan into motion.. behold!"
Suddenly some sort of improvised cannon went off and Duncan was taken off guard... until he realized that he was covered from head to toe in bread crumbs. Over two dozen birds began swarming him as he tried to swat them away to give himself personal space.
"Get away from me!" Duncan screamed as he frantically was waving his arms to keep them at bay
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Post by Toz76 on May 19, 2023 23:11:42 GMT -5
"Not so fast!" Fiona laughed. "For those birds are actually endangered! All according to plan!"
Suddenly, two nearly identical men in suits approached Ava.
"Hi, we're Gerald and Harold from the Department of Fish and Wildlife, you're in violation of the endangered species act and we're going to take you in."
"Thanks for the heads up, cuz," said the other man, giving Fiona a thumbs up.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on May 29, 2023 20:27:07 GMT -5
But then, Gerald and Harold got urgent messages on their phones and they suddenly looked panicked, "we'll have to push this back to another time Fiona; looks like a pretty bad spill happened in Lake Faraway so we need to get there in haste to help out" Gerald said as the two suddenly bolted and left the area.
"Seriously!?" Fiona grumbled as Duncan kept flailing his arms to make the birds go away
"Ah, but it is my turn now!" Everett declared, and with one hand, he reached into his overcoat. "I know we all went to the company breakfast this morning. Notice how I didn't really have anything? I ate before I reported for duty so I just mingled. But the rest of you... you sure love your coffee and orange juice" Everett said with a grin as he pulled out... a half-full bottle of Miralax.
Then at that moment Ava, Barnes and Fiona all felt really uncomfortable and suddenly bolted for the on-site porta potties as required by safety regulations of the company. While we can't say what happened, a couple "Oh my God's!" Were shouted, and there was quite a bit of screaming as well as passing gas heard. And while Duncan was still dealing with the birds, Calvin was starting to sweat a bit and noticed that he was starting to feel rather uncomfortable as well.
"I don't believe it... I might actually win this for once!" Everett thought to himself, delighted. And he could finally pick a prize from the reward room... that espresso machine was as good as his!
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Post by Toz76 on May 30, 2023 16:25:23 GMT -5
"Not so fast!" Barnes yelled, scrambling out of the porta-potty. "Good try, but you failed to consider my origami doves!"
Suddenly, a pile of origami doves rained down upon the battlefield. Soon, the entire group was knee deep in paper.
"What was the point of that, Barnes?" Ava asked, trudging back from the bathroom.
"Owie zowie, I just got a paper cut!" Everett said.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Jun 7, 2023 18:43:08 GMT -5
“Dang it Barnes! I mean it’s nothing to get concerned about, but agh! This really stings!” Everett said, using an antibacterial wipe.
“Ok” Barnes said, assessing the situation, “Fiona is still in the ports potty… and Calvin just ran for one” he said as the laxative finally kicked in for Calvin. “And Duncan is still dealing with the birds”
“Meaning it’s Barnes, Everett and I” Ava said, but then, Barnes found himself surrounded by 5 college students wearing black t-shirts with environmental slogans, screaming at him for all the trees he “mercilessly killed” for all those Origami Doves.
“Just you and me, Ava” Everett said with a grin.
“I don’t think so… Right Toz61?” Ava said with a smirk.
“Huh?” Everett said in confusion as a metallic hand grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. “Hey! Who are you?!” Everett said in confusion
“Grammar Police” Toz61 said in a monotone voice. “For committing the crime of incorrect pronoun usage I am taking you in” he continued
“SERIOUSLY?!” Everett said in disbelief
Ava grinned in excitement as she realized “I just need Fiona to not leave the porta potty for 15 seconds and I win this round. Man, I can’t wait to use that $800 Spa day certificate!” She thought as she already had her prize choice in mind
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Post by Toz76 on Jun 7, 2023 18:54:11 GMT -5
"Not so fast!" A voice yelled from behind Ava. It was... Duncan!
"You thought those birds could stop me? Well... they did! But only briefly! And now, I'm about to unveil my secret weapon!"
"Bring it on, Duncan!" Ava said, already preparing her next "not so fast".
"You see, Ava, you failed to consider... hey, wait, didn't Toz61 die?"
"They brought him back in Toz Story 3: Toz Harder," Ava explained.
"That's awful," Duncan muttered. "Hey, Toz61, is "Not So Fast" a grammatically correct sentence? I mean, there's no verb or subject in it?"
Toz61 turned to consider this proposition, and Everett took the opportunity to shoot Grammar Police in the head.
"Good riddance," Barnes muttered, having successfully convinced the kids to give up activism in favor of God and the free market. "That guy was always on my case for saying "y'all". I'm from the south, it's part of the dialect!"
"ANYWAY!" Duncan said, noticing Fiona returning from the bathroom and realizing his opportunity for a win was disappearing fast. "You all failed to consider that you are getting very sleepy! So sleepy! When I snap my fingers you will be under my command!"
Duncan snapped his fingers and Ava, Barnes, Everett, and Fiona stood, slack-jawed, successfully hypnotised.
"I knew that purchase of "hypnotism for dummies" was going to pay off one of these days." Duncan laughed.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Jun 10, 2023 21:22:46 GMT -5
Duncan had all four of them lined up and was preparing to deliver a blow to take them out, "Now, the next thing I want you all to do is..." Duncan began, but he was cut off by Calvin emerging from the Porta potty, "At last, it's all out! I can finally GO BACK TO NORMAL!" He declared ecstatically, unknowingly his "go back to normal" was so loud it cut off Duncan and was heard by the other four, snapping them out of their hypnosis. "Huh? What happened?" Ava said as she tried to make sense of where she was. "Did we just... wait, why am I standing like this?" Everett said in realization. "Curses! Foiled by a cheap gag!" Duncan muttered. "Well, now it's MY turn" Ava said, as she snapped her fingers. First, Barnes got a call on his cell phone, "Hello, Dad? Wait, Mom is... Oh My God!" Barnes said in pure terror as he dropped his pistols and bolted out of the designated area. Then, an announcement went over the loudspeaker "attention please: Whoever is the owner of the red sedan, license plate JGD 3434, you're parked too close to a fire hydrant and we're going to have to tow your vehicle if you don't move the car" "Crap!" Everett said as he also dropped his guns and bolted out of the area. Duncan was about to comment on the unfortunate timing when, at last the laxative hit him and he was forced to scramble for the porta potty. He yelled something about how they "really needed some air freshener in here" before he started screaming "So, its down to the three of us" Ava observed, as Fiona and Calvin stood in a triangle with her. "Nah, I'd say it's really down to two of us" Fiona said, pointing out how Calvin was trembling. Ava was confused for a moment until she realized, "Oh yea... he likes her" she thought to herself. It was one of those unspoken things; most everyone knew about Calvin's crush but didn't say that they did know. He even did his best to not to target her in the group situations. Oh, and before he gets accused, we would also like to make it clear that he does not obsess over her, nor does he harass her... he's never even laid a finger on her. It's one of those "healthy" kind of crushes, the kind that makes you want to just say, "come on man, just ask her out already." And to reassure you all, she's not a toxic person; she's just waiting for him to finally "make his move" or whatever its called these days. Now that that is clarified, let's go back to the standoff Calvin's hand trembled until... he fell down to his knees and covered his face in shame, "Gah! I can't do this!" He said, humiliated. "See? Now its you and me" Fiona said to Ava as the two pointed their guns at each other (And you thought we'd never see character development  ) |
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Post by Toz76 on Jun 12, 2023 3:01:16 GMT -5
"Thank goodness Duncan and I already are in relationships. This sort of thing is just sad to witness. Just ask her out, dummy!" Ava shook her head disapprovingly, reflecting on how internally consistent the characterization has been so far.
"So I guess it's just you and me, Ava?" Fiona said.
"Indeed it is. Although... you failed to anticipate--"
Suddenly, both of their phones pinged.
"Er, one sec." Ava stopped her monologue and checked her phone.
"Oh crap... Fiona, have you checked Twitter recently?"
"I don't look at Twitter much," Fiona said.
"It's bad." Ava showed Fiona a tweet.
"Looks like the two females are winning the 3WSR Mexican Standoff. Another standoff succumbing to the woke mob. Disappointing. #WokeStandoff"
"There's dozens of tweets like this," Ava said, scrolling through her feed. "Apparently someone is really upset that we're winning."
"Who cares what losers on the internet think? I've got a standoff to win!" Fiona said.
"Ugh, stop making the standoff political, you two!" Barnes yelled.
"Barnes, what are you doing back here? I thought you had to go check on your mom!" Ava said incredulously.
"My mom told me all about your little scheme to make me think she was in the hospital. I only pretended to run off so that I could prepare my ultimate weapon... a gun that shoots smaller guns!"
Ava and Fiona looked at Barnes, then at one another, then both burst out laughing.
"What! Cluster munitions are a real thing!" Barnes protested, as Ava and Fiona turned back to each other and decided to ignore him.
Will Duncan recover from the laxative? Will Calvin profess his feelings for Fiona? Will Everett move his car in time? And how will the standoff gang deal with being cancelled on Twitter? Find out next time on... the 3WSR Mexican Standoff!! Same standoff time, same standoff channel!
Sponsored by Waldtech. Innovating the future since 2016.
Also sponsored by Walkins, Bauer, and Jenkins. Have you or a loved one been injured by a sentient train? You may be entitled to financial compensation.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Jun 15, 2023 21:21:44 GMT -5
Fiona and Ava kept staring each other down, until they were caught off guard by a loud thud. They both looked at the box that feel into the arena, and it was revealed to be filled with... snakes!
"SNAKES!!!" Ava and Fiona both screamed in terror as they both ran to the porta potties in terror, to hide.
"Ah ha! I win! Wait a minute... I'm afraid of snakes too!" Barnes said in terror as he also ran to hide in a porta potty.
Calvin got up when he realized no one was around, and walked over to the crate, "Wait, rubber snakes? Who did this? I don't get it" Calvin said in confusion.
Then, the bell rang, "And the winner of stand off Round 17 for fiscal year 2023 is Calvin! Please report to the prize room to select your prize for this round" The voice said over the speaker.
"Sweet! Man, I wish being able to confess to Fiona was a prize... but I don't want her to see my nervous twitch. Wow, the thought of her seeing my nervous twitch has me so anxious that... that..." Calvin tried to say, but in that moment his nervous twitch kicked in; he went cross eyed. But not your ordinary cross eyed; his left eye looked toward his nose, but it also looked down, and his right eye looked toward his nose, but it also looked up. It was the kind of thing where if you saw it in person, it would make you wonder "how the heck is he doing that?"
So Calvin prepared to go to the prize room; Round 18 would begin once everyone had returned after all.
Meanwhile, Duncan finished his business and poked his head out of the porta potty and was confused, "Wait, where is everyone?"
(Don't worry, this won't happen often; I just wanted a chance for us to see the previously mentioned prize room)
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Post by Toz76 on Jun 15, 2023 21:46:51 GMT -5
Calvin entered the prize room. Several folding tables were lined with fabulous prizes, ranging from high-end kitchenware to all-expenses paid spa trips to the new Honda all-electric minivan (they had a brand deal).
The factory manager watched from the security camera, as behind him the other Standoff employees added another tally mark to the scoreboard.
"Alright, that's a third win for Calvin this year. Barnes is still leading with six wins, with Ava and Duncan both tied for five. And since Everett and Fiona just joined this round, they don't have any wins yet."
"Should we reset back to four players for this round?" the factory manager's secretary asked.
"Are you kidding? This round was our most profitable yet! Let's see if we can convince Gerald and Harold from the Department of Fish and Wildlife to join as contestants for this next round." The factory manager rubbed his hands together with glee.
"But Z-" the secretary began, but the factory manager cut her off.
"Sorry, Yolanda, but my mind is made up. Six contestants got us great reviews, so adding more contestants can only make things better!"
Yolanda shook her head, disapprovingly.
Meanwhile, back in the prize room, Calvin was choosing between a 70-inch plasma screen, a Red Sox season pass with front-row seats, and a working magic wand, when Everett popped up from under the table, pointing both guns at Calvin. "Not so fast!"
"Dude, the round's over. Next round doesn't start until tomorrow."
Everett awkwardly set down his guns. "Oh. Sorry. Hey, dibs on the espresso machine."
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Post by Eyes on Jun 21, 2023 16:18:06 GMT -5
But unbeknownst to the group, there was trouble brewing underneath the port-a-potties. From the group's laxative-expunged waste, a creature was coming to life. Turns out that Miralax bottle had been tampered with. Someone had added swiftly-replicating DNA to it. And that DNA was now bringing to life everything that was inside the port-a-potty.
Calvin had just finished picking his item when the crew heard a massive eruption.
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Post by Toz76 on Jun 22, 2023 0:57:04 GMT -5
"Not so fast!" Boomed the creature! "I am the Honeyest Bucket! And I am going to destroy all of humanity."
"Goddamn it... are we going to have to defeat a feces monster before I can claim my prize?" Calvin asked.
"Nah, don't worry about it. They'll probably just airlift it to Palestine like they did with the last three shit monsters," Everett said.
"This has happened before!?" Calvin asked.
Just then, Fiona burst in, gun in hand. "Everett! What did you put in those laxatives!"
"I thought for sure it was just normal Miralax this time, I swear!"
Ava, Barnes, and Duncan followed in behind Fiona, also aiming at Everett.
"Whatever horrible shit you put in our breakfast, you're going to pay for it."
"Hold up!" Everett protested. "I may have planted the Miralax, but I didn't mess with it! In fact, there's only one person here smart enough to do something like that!"
"I swear I didn't--"
"Not you, Barnes, you think that Reaganomics was a good idea. I meant someone actually smart... Fiona!"
Duncan and Barnes turned their guns on Fiona. Ava kept it trained on Everett, though.
"Please. I didn't do this! I would never do something like this! This is the sort of lowdown dirty trick Duncan would pull!"
"I have an alibi! I was busy all last night! I think it must have been Ava!"
"It wasn't me! And isn't it suspicious how quickly Barnes tried to remove himself as a suspect!"
By this point the situation in the prize room had devolved into a classic Mexican standoff. Calvin was standing over the prize table, desperately trying to shield his chosen prize from stray bullets in case the standoff devolved further.
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Post by Eyes on Jun 22, 2023 1:01:27 GMT -5
Suddenly Diesel 10 woke up.
He was completely dazed and confused about the weird dream he’d had. A bunch of people in a Mexican standoff? That never ends? What’s more, getting paid to be in a constant stalemate?
What utter madness.
Ah well, it was time for His Majesty to get back to work. Ruling over Sodor. There was no time for dreams when you had steam engines to systematically remove from service.
And Pinchy’s still hungry…
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Post by Toz76 on Jun 22, 2023 1:31:56 GMT -5
His Excellency Diesel 10, Oily Overlord, Onslaught I, was the king of Sodor, the absolute monarch, and a real deep cut that is obscure even by the standards of this forum. Unfortunately, he had one weakness, and that was that his reign is always getting retconned by something stupid. In this case, it was six gunslingers running into his shed guns blazing.
"Not so fast! You hijacked our thread and we want it back!" Ava said. The six were now dressed like cowboys for some reason.
"Please! You think you can stop me? This is pre-character development! Walkins hasn't even been introduced yet! Which means nothing and no one can stop me... ever!"
"But this can!" Calvin pulled out a bottle of Miralax.
"If you don't let this thread go back to normal, I'm shoving this down your throat... mouth... whatever!"
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Jun 25, 2023 13:14:14 GMT -5
“And what are you going to do about it?” Diesel 10 sneered
The six grinned and opened their plastic canisters after saying “target Diesel 10 only” out loud, then small clouds emerged from each canister, which fused together into one big cloud, which then covered Diesel 10. Then, he began to notice he was disintegrating
“No! Not metal eating nanobots!” He screamed in terror and he began to waste away. His hold on reality began to slip as everything went dark.
……
The six found themselves in the prize room, regaining consciousness as a couple people in hazmat suits were cleaning up a mess and taking away a damaged box
“I thought I made it clear three weeks ago I do NOT want Angel Dust as a prize in here! I run a legitimate business for crying out loud!” The manager fumed.
“Was that a dream?” Ava asked in confusion
“But we all saw the same thing” Barnes pointed out
“A sentient engine that rules an island? Sounds like lousy Thomas the Tank engine fanfiction” Everett agreed
“Hey, uh, Fiona” Calvin said, tapping her shoulder
“Yes?” Fiona asked
“Now that this crazy day is over, I was wondering if you….if you… would… like to- damn it!” Calvin said as his nervous twitch kicked in again
“Uh… what’s with your eyes?” Fiona asked in confusion
“Nothing! It’s nothing important!” Calvin said, covering his weird cross eyes in embarrassment “we’ll talk tomorrow, ok?” Calvin said hastily, trying to find the exit, which isn’t easy when your eyes are covered
Ava could only sigh while Barnes and Duncan were trying and failing to hold back giggles
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Post by Toz76 on Jun 25, 2023 22:17:57 GMT -5
"Oh, come on, Calvin... just spit it out!" Ava muttered under her breath. "She obviously can tell what you were going to ask."
Since the match was over, everyone headed home early. Ava took advantage of the time to work out and get some laundry done. Barnes spent some time reading scripture. Calvin looked up advice for how to ask women out on the web. Duncan and his boyfriend went on a nice dinner date. Everett went out and bought more dark clothes. And Fiona got lost in an 8-hour wikipedia binge reading about endangered swans.
The next day, everyone arrived at the factory, ready for the next standoff to begin. Calvin, armed with the most questionable relationship advice the internet had to offer, finally felt ready to ask out Fiona.
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