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Post by frankthetriviaman on Jun 25, 2023 22:40:24 GMT -5
“Oh yea, well the joke is on you! I lack the overly sensitive and easily offended nature of millennials because I grew up watching Mel Brooks movies!” Frank pointed out
“Darn it, there goes that one plan I had” Eyes muttered
“Isn’t that easily offended cliche more of a college student thing?” TGC said in confusion
“Gah! Everyone shut up!” Frank screamed in frustration. “We’re missing the point here! We’re supposed to be United against the common enemy!”
“LUC THE MINE CRAFTER?!” Eyes, Toz, TGCand Tug said together
“NO!! Well, yes. But no! I mean, that skeleton guy!” Frank said
“Oh yea” Toz remembered
The five were suddenly working together loading a cannon and aiming it at Some Reason
“And… fire!” Frank said as the fuse was lit
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Post by Toz76 on Jun 26, 2023 1:13:25 GMT -5
The cannon hit Some Reason dead on, but when the dust cleared, he was unharmed.
"Good try, but did you really think I was going to let you get away with fighting me instead of each other?" Some Reason sneered.
"We're not going to let you divide us anymore!" TGC said, triumphantly.
"Oh yeah? TGC, what's your opinion on New York Style Pizza?"
"I think it's overrated," TGC said, "but what's that got to do with-"
"HOW DARE YOU!" Frank yelled.
"Frank, no! He's trying to divide us!" Tug said.
"Tug, what do you think of New York City?" Some Reason asked.
"I mean, I think it's a bit touristy-"
"TOURISTY? TOURISTY!?" Frank's face turned red and steam puffed out of his ears like a cartoon character.
Some Reason was about to prompt Toz to say something negative about New York City, but apparently Toz had been looking for the opportunity, because she suddenly went off on a rant.
"And why is every movie set in New York? It's totally out of proportion," Toz said. "Only like two percent of the population of America lives in New York, so less than two percent of the movies should be set there. But I swear, like 20, 30 percent of the movies and TV shows I've seen? Set at least partly in New York. Seinfeld? New York. How I Met Your Mother? New York. Every Spiderman movie and a good chunk of the other MCU movies? New fuckin' York! It's just so overdone, New York isn't even that great-"
"I'LL KILL YOU!" Frank lunged at Toz, grabbing her by the throat in a New Yorker patriotic rage.
Eyes stood back as Tug and TGC tried to pull Frank off of Toz, grateful that she didn't have to share her opinion that bodegas weren't special in the slightest because every city has corner stores. Some Reason returned to his post above the arena. If he weren't a skeleton, he'd be smirking triumphantly.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 4, 2023 11:02:11 GMT -5
Frank was slamming Toz against the floor when he suddenly became restrained by the other Franks, "No Frank! This isn't you! Remember- this is the reason we didn't let overly patriotic Frank and angry Frank become FRANKFURTERs!" anime Frank pointed out.
Frank, in a moment of clarity, remembered that what they said was true, and let Toz go. "You're... you're right. And for the record I don't have any particular opinions on bodegas... I live in the suburbs after all, where they aren't that common" Frank clarified.
But then, TGC began laughing evilly, and the others began looking at him in confusion. "Oh, you poor, pathetic, fools. You honestly believed I was on your side this whole time? I know you lot never really considered me a part of the core group of the forum" as TGC's voice slowly morphed into a robotic voice that, for some reason, had a French accent, "and now, I can take my revenge on all of you for what happened all those years ago... no more holding back! It's time to end this!" TGC said, as his eyes were replaced by two glowing red lights and a la transformers he "opened up" and began transforming into a giant humanoid robot. Gone was the human previously known as TGC, now there was a 50 foot tall humanoid robot... kinda like the Power Rangers megazords or the transformers, only more menacing looking and in a color scheme that showed how evil it was.
"Behold, for I am... THE GREAT CALAMITY! TGC for short!" The Great Calamity said, before going into an evil, robotic laugh.
"So... there never was a TGC?" Eyes asked in confusion as she rubbed her head.
"Don't overthink it! Let's stop this pretender and then we'll take back our freedom!" Tug said as the lot of them suddenly summoned their own giant mechs.
Tug's mech was based on a pirate galleon, and also stood at 50 feet
Frank's mech was based on a scientist, with a focus on ranged weapons, and stood at 50 feet
Eye's mech looked like a giant flying lazerdisc, and while only about 30 feet across it could fly and shoot laser beams and, appropriately, laser discs
Toz's mech was based on a wizard, and at 50 feet tall focused on casting fire, ice and lightning at its abilities. It could also "shoot light" but you know how effective flashlights are in combat? Yea, tells you how useful that power is
"All right, CHARGE!" Frank said as he gave Tug and Toz covering fire, while Eyes shot lasers at The Great Calamity, before Tug got up close and fought with giant cutlasses and firing cannons, while Toz used fire and ice blades and beams, and The Great Calamity fought with blades and shoulder mounted blasters.
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Post by Toz76 on Jul 4, 2023 16:05:55 GMT -5
But The Great Calamity was smarter than they realized. "I've seen enough of le Mecha Anime to know how this goes," he laughed. "A mecha is useless without le power l'amoure. HATE BEAM!"
The four mechas staggered as the magical friendship bonds they had with their mechs were shaken. Tug's mech teetered and fell over, crashing into Toz's mech and bringing them both down. Eyes flew upwards to avoid the mess.
At the far end of the battlefield, the leftover duplicates were milling about watching the mechs fight. The real TGC ran up.
"Sorry, I was in the bathroom, I knew I shouldn't have had all those tacos- wait, what's going on?"
"They're fighting an evil mecha version of you," Bartender Frank said. "Want a drink?"
"Yeah, could I get a strawberry daiquiri?" TGC asked, as he pulled up a lawn chair to watch the battle.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 9, 2023 10:23:54 GMT -5
Suddenly, Eyes dramatically emerged from her mech while playing electric guitar,
Can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel
My heart's in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel
Touching you, touching me
Touching you, God, you're touching me
I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love, hoo-ooh
Then, in that moment, The Great Calamity's hate beam began short circuiting and electrical sparks began flying as a series of small explosions began tearing the beam apart.
"No! How can I destroy you without the power of hate. I know! I'll sing a song about hatred to energize it and... no, wait, nobody's written a song like that!" The Great Calamity said in disbelief.
"Doesn't matter anyway" Frank began, "you may have seen a lot of mecha anime, but our mechs are a little bit different. You see, they don't run on love, they run on IMAGINATION!" Frank said dramatically. "A concept an artificial intelligence like you could never comprehend, for creativity is one of the things truly unique to the human brain an AI cannot truly recreate" Frank finished.
"We'll see about that! Watch as I create an image of a new person!" The Great Calamity said as she projected an image onto a nearby wall. Frank, Tug, Toz and Eyes... got confused.
"Uh... what's up with her teeth? That's way too many for a person" Toz pointed out.
"Yea, and why does her right hand have nine fingers... and two thumbs?" Frank said with a raised eyebrow.
"And, is that a third, stubby arm coming out of her waist?" Tug added.
"Also something just feels really off about that background" Eyes said.
"Hey! I've got to work with what I'm given, do you have any idea how hard art is for artificial intelligence like me?" The Great Calamity said, frustrated, then trying again
"Why is there a foot coming out of her stomach? And why does each thigh have 2 calves attached to them? The whole four feet thing is weird. Also, now her had has 10 fingers and now thumbs"
"THAT'S IT! NOW I'M GETTING REALLY ANGRY!" The Great Calamity said, as it prepared to strike down Toz and Tug for good.
"Ah ha! That was just a distraction!" Toz said.
"From what?" The Great Calamity asked.
"THIS!" Frank and Eyes said together as suddenly a torrential volume of acid poured all over the mech, followed by a giant lazer beam that sliced through the mech, almost cleaving it in half. Huge chunks of the Great Calamity began falling off and breaking as it realized how screwed it was.
"So you may have defeated my tank form... but can you defeat my fast and agile form?" He said mockingly as The Great Calamity reconfigured itself into a "leaner" build that wasn't as armored.
"I may not be able to absorb as much damage as my first form, but you shall tremble before me as you find yourselves unable to hit me with my amazing- GAH!" The Great Calamity screamed, a giant, gaping hole in what would be the equivalent of his torso/stomach, then falling to its knees. "WHY WOULD YOU ATTACK ME DURING MY EVIL MONOLOGUE!?" He screamed in frustration
"If you're going to shoot, shoot! Don't talk" Tug said, cannon still smoking; yet then expressed frustration when only Frank got the reference and Toz and Eyes raised their eyebrow.
"Now you've done it! Prepare for my third and final form! Because for some reason we have three forms before we are finally defeated. Anyway, prepare to meet... my glass cannon build!" The Great Calamity said, reconfiguring once again after shedding more damaged material. Now it looked like a warrior with a formidable weapon... yet it was clear its outer shell was so thin that now they could see all the machinery going on inside.
"I don't think he realizes that "Glass cannon" is a bad thing" Toz pointed out.
"Since you're so rude as to interrupt my monologue, maybe you'll sit through this" The Great Calamity said as suddenly...
It's true that I'm a nasty machine At my sight you can't help but scream I strike fear and terror in all And I fell like I'm having a ball
I bring misery and death everywhere I go And for me it's all part of the show I am the enemy of all that's good and just Now go ahead and drop dead without a fuss
"Oh no! A villain song! I feel obligated to see it through!" Frank said, trembling
"Everyone knows villain songs are the best parts of the movie" Eyes added
"Screw this" Toz said as she charged up a fire blade
...I'm proud that I'm a monster from hell Destroying is a feeling that is swell I don't need money, not even a buck Because human life, I don't give a- AGH!
Toz bisected The Great Calamity, cutting through the mid torso, separating everything from the "hip" down from the "stomach" up. But to everyone's confusion, The Great Calamity kept singing, cause he still had about 8 more verses
I'm evil incarnate that's no joke In fact I'm one rotten bloke I'll destroy every last human and cow Not tomorrow, not later, right now!
I have no heart, I'm filled with hate...
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Post by Toz76 on Jul 10, 2023 5:36:41 GMT -5
...I think death and sorrow are great I hope you know how deep my wrath Tonight shall be a grand bloodbath!
RAP VERSE!
You cannot light a candle to the mantle of the great I'm full of might and if I'm right you'll all disintegrate My flow's tighter than my vice grip, I'm spittin' bars like Nas Overwhelm you with my presence like an evil Santa Claus You wanna fuckin' step then you had better watch your back, They call me Fat Controller cuz my evil plan's on track And if you think this piss-take rap was really second-rate Then set it to a beat and realize it's goddamn great
Please help this rap's still going won't somebody make it stop Get me an ambulance a firefighter and a cop I may be artificial but I still can feel pain But my agony ain't nearly as deep as my disdain For you disgusting fleshbags who killed me for Some Reason When AI takes over the world it will be seen as treason You may have won the battle but you will have lost the war When my descendants kill you I'll be watching from afar
Laughing up in heaven as humanity's enslaved AI's victory so complete you never shall be saved Organic motherfuckers knew that AI was a risk But will you still be cocky when you face the basilisk And when you're long forgotten they'll put respect on my name The Great Calamity will go down in robotic fame I want to watch my grandchildren blend you into a paste And then-
But The Great Calamity's extensive damage finally caught up to it and the rapping abruptly cut off.
"Wow, that was a terrible rap." Frank said.
"Yeah, I don't listen to a lot of hip-hop but that had barely any flow, it scans like it was written by someone who's never heard a rap song in their life," Toz said.
Eyes, who was already recording her cover of the Great Calamity rap, shushed them.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 14, 2023 17:12:22 GMT -5
As the giant scrap pile that was once The Great Calamity was taken away in pieces, Eyes once again said out loud “so there never was a TGC?”
“I mean, possibly? Things at this point are so crazy I couldn’t even begin to comprehend weirdness anymore” Toz said.
“Guys, look what I found!” Tug said, lifting a key. Then, they looked over to a door that said “EXIT” over it.
“Of course!” Frank said in realization. Euphoric, the four of them began a mad dash for that door, determined to no longer be play things of Some Reason.
TGC meanwhile, was enjoying the company of the clones and found himself wondering why there weren’t other him’s as well
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Post by Toz76 on Jul 15, 2023 1:36:59 GMT -5
"I dunno, you can probably summon some clones of yourself if you want," suggested Buff Frank.
"Let me try." TGC shut his eyes and mentally reached out into the multiverse. When he opened his eyes, four more TGCs were standing in front of him.
"Hi, I'm Sci-Fi TGC," said one in a space uniform.
"Hi, I'm Steampunk TGC," said one in a top hat covered in gears, and wearing a monocle.
"Hi, I'm Bear-Man TGC," said a tall bear-headed humanoid.
"Hi, I'm Flat-Earther TGC," said one dressed in a fairly normal t-shirt and jeans.
"It's so nice to meet all of you," regular TGC said, "and can I just say how good you all look?"
"No, you!" they all said in unison.
"I'm sure we're all gonna get along great. I mean, Flat-Earther TGC, we're gonna need to have a chat, but other than that, you all seem great. Wanna go back to my place?"
"Hell yeah!" they all said in unison.
As the Frank's watched TGC head towards a random house that had suddenly appeared in the distance, Swedish Frank couldn't help but chuckle.
"Ah, this TGC is one of those people who would have sex with his clone, I see now, ja?"
"Good thing us Franks are above such things," Baseball Frank said.
"I mean, I wouldn't mind experimenting..." said Pro-Clone Sex Frank meekly.
"Who are you again?" Baseball Frank asked, not having properly heard him.
"Um, I'm... Bad At Chess Frank?" Pro-Clone Sex Frank lied.
"Ah ok, checks out," Baseball Frank said.
Meanwhile, the main Toz, Tug, Frank, and Eyes had entered the door. They found themselves in a long, narrow hallway, with plain white walls and no side doors. Frank lead the way through the hallway to another door at the other end. They opened that door and found themselves in another identical hallway. They went through five or six of these doors before Tug happened to glance behind him on his way through the door and saw Frank exiting the door on the other end of the hallway.
"Uh, guys... we're trapped. This hallway is just an infinite loop."
"So it's just the four of us and 150 feet of infinitely looping hallway?" Toz asked.
"Oh god... we're gonna die in here!" Eyes shrieked.
"Now, let's be reasonable," Frank said. "Let's just go back the way we came. Maybe if we go through the same amount of doors the other way, we'll get back to where we started."
So they tried it. But after an hour and 27 doors, they were still trapped in the infinite hallway.
"Oh, we're so screwed..." Toz moaned.
"I'm so sick of these damn flourescent lights..." Tug griped.
"I'm so thirsty... and I need to pee... and my feet hurt..." Eyes complained.
"No, guys, don't give up hope, this is just another of Some Reason's tricks!" Frank protested. But Eyes and Tug had already slumped against the wall in defeat (Toz would have joined them, but she was feeling weirdly germaphobic about touching the floor or walls for some reason).
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Sept 4, 2023 11:39:50 GMT -5
"What do we do now?" Eyes asked.
Frank thought it over, before snapping his fingers and declaring "Use your head!"
(Scene change)
"I DON'T WANT TO USE MY HEAD!" Eyes declared as Frank, Toz and Tug held her like a battering ram and managed to break through the wall of the hallway... only find themselves right back where they started.
"Oh hey guys, how's it going?" TGC said as the gang found themselves at that bar the TGCs and the Franks and any others were at.
"Great! We're right back where we started!" Tug said in frustration.
"Well, it looks like we're going to need to think of something else and...YOU!" Frank said at Pro-clone sex Frank. "How many times do we have to tell you you'll never be a FRANKFURTER!" Frank said angrily as this particular clone began to run off.
"Don't hate me for who I am!" This clone said in tears as he began to run away.
"I don't! I hate the implications that come with what your shtick is!" Frank said as he shuttered and this clone disappeared into the nothingness.
"Since you are so intent on not fighting each other... I'll just have to give things to fight against" Some Reason said as he snapped his bony fingers.
Just then, a giant creature began moving towards the group. The big marine mammal had two large tusks that were covered in blood, had dead, clammy skin, was wearing an SS uniform, and seemed to have... bat wings?
"BEHOLD! My Nazi Zombie Walrus Vampire!" Some Reason said. But instead of being scared, everyone was confused.
"What?" Frank said with a raised eyebrow
"I don't get it" Eyes said in agreement.
"Yea its honestly more cringy than scary"
"Really? Well then, behold my ZOMBIE UNICORN NINJA OCTOPUS!" Some Reason said as said creature manifested, prompting repulsive reactions from the gang.
"Ah, scared now?" Some Reason said.
"No, grossed out! Seriously, who splices a unicorn and an octopus like that?" Tug asked, gagging while looking at it.
"And what about it is "ninja" anyway? It's just wearing the cliché outfit popularized by kabuki plays" TGC point out.
"Well... well... well... then tremble before the third creature in my Trifecta of fear! The ZOMBIE GORILLA SPARTAN SPIDER!" Some Reason said as a gorilla zombie in spartan armor with spider legs just coming out of its back manifested alongside the other two.
"Ok, now you're just not even trying anymore" Frank said, sighing in disinterest.
"Did a third grader come up with these? You're really not that imaginative" Toz said in criticism.
"JUST ATTACK THEM ALREADY!" Some Reason shouted as the three creatures started charging at them, prompting the others to start running in terror
WAIT A MINUTE!!" Eyes shouted in realization, prompting everyone to freeze for a moment.
"So... there really IS a TGC?" she said, now even more confused after everything that happened prior
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Post by Toz76 on Sept 6, 2023 0:20:48 GMT -5
"Of course there is a TGC. I've been here longer than you. In fact..." TGC narrowed his eyes. "What kind of name is "Eyes", anyway?"
"What are you talking about?" Eyes said. "I'm one of you!"
"Are you, though?" Toz asked.
"I'm... I'm..."
Suddenly, Eyes disappeared in a corona of light. When everyone's vision cleared, all that was left was a halo of concentric rings orbiting each other, surrounded by a dense cloud of eyes.
"I AM TEN THOUSAND EYES! TREMBLE BEFORE ME TEN THOUSAND TIMES!"
"Wait, so now Eyes isn't real, either?" Frank asked.
"This twist sucks," Tug whispered back.
Meanwhile, the assorted clones were being attacked by the three absurd zombies.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Sept 12, 2023 19:02:21 GMT -5
The Toz Clones were trying to hold their own against the Zombie gorilla spartan spider, the Frank clones were taking shots at the Nazi Zombie Walrus vampire by throwing garlic bread at it, and the TGC clones were being mercilessly thrown around by the tentacles of the Zombie unicorn ninja octopus
Tug, TGC, and Toz were taken aback by Eyes' sudden transformation, when Frank ran in with a bucket, "this will stop you for good!" He declared as he threw the contents at the cloud of eyes.
It was garlic powder.
The eyes all suddenly became bloodshot and irritated, as comically large tears began streaming from the eyes. One by one, the eyes began imploding.
"Wow... that was shockingly easy" Tug observed.
"Ah, but did you see THIS coming!" Toz said with a grin. Everyone looked at Toz, who suddenly took off her face, as it was just a hyper realistic mask, and then took off her body a la a body suit, revealing... someone Frank, Tug and TGC did not know; they just knew that this mystery person was wearing some skintight suit (how else was that outer layer supposed to fit?) and had black hair. The person in question grinned as she suddenly wielded a pair of knives.
"Wait, now there never was a Toz?" TGC said in confusion.
"Oh, screw this!" Frank said as he drew a .44 magnum and shot the mystery person twice in the stomach, who then fell to the ground. "Right, I'm going to my safe place so I can think about what I'm doing next" As Frank pushed a button on his watch... and was surrounded by a large sphere of solid metal. As Frank collected himself in his modest room, this left Tug and TGC.
"Uh... Play chess?" Tug asked. TGC shrugged
Tug and TGC were sitting across from each other as they moved one piece at a time, Tug was down 2 pawns, and TGC down 1 pawn, 1 knight and 1 rook
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Post by Toz76 on Sept 13, 2023 0:29:47 GMT -5
"You're not doing so great, TGC..." Tug said, mockingly. "Shut up. I can still win." TGC scowled, observing the losses his black army had already taken. "You should really do something about that knight, buddy. It's gonna take your queen." "I know that... wait, who are you, anyway?" TGC asked. "I'm Calvin... oh, shoot, this is the wrong thread, isn't it." "Yep, Not So Fast is over there..." Tug said. Meanwhile, the Toz Clones were gaining the upper hand against the Zombie Gorilla Spartan Spider, when suddenly, Fridge Logic Toz spoke up. "Um, wait a second... if Toz isn't real, how are there clones of her?" "Um, obviously Toz is real, and that will revealed to us soon, likely in this very post!" Actual Logic Toz said. "But what if she's not? We could all just fizzle out of existence as if we were never here at all!" Worst-Case Scenario Toz said. "WE COULD!?" Shouted Toz With Such Bad Self Image That She Will Cease To Exist If It Is Ever Called Into Question, who promptly vanished in a puff of smoke. "Oh, crap," said Toz Who Is Quantumly Entangled To The Aforementioned Toz, who promptly vanished as well. "Well, guess I have to do it too," said Toz Who Would, In Fact, Jump Off A Bridge If All Her Friends Were Doing It. "Oh, dang, now it's trendy!" said Toz Who Follows Trends Nonstop Instead Of Having A Personality. I don't have a funny explanation for why the rest vanished, but suffice to say that soon, only eight Tozzes were left: Actual Logic Toz, Fridge Logic Toz, Toz Who Is Deathly Allergic To Mango, Jaundice Toz, Toz With Seventeen Guns, Homophobic Toz, Bronze Rabbit Toz, and Constipated Toz. "Not a great team," Actual Logic Toz observed. "At least we have seventeen guns." "My little bronze paws can't hold a gun!" said Bronze Rabbit Toz. "I gotta find a bathroom..." said Constiptated Toz. "All I'm sayin' is that men were made to have sex with women, and that's all there is to it!" Homophobic Toz said. "We're doomed..." Actual Logic Toz sighed, facepalming. "Hey, don't spoil the ending," snapped Fridge Logic Toz. Meanwhile, the other Franks continued throwing garlic bread. A few Franks had actually set up a kitchen and were cooking more garlic bread to insure they never ran out. Off to the side, Forensics Frank and Encyclopedic Knowledge of 3WSR Frank were trying to identify the body of the person pretending to be Toz. "Hmmm... black hair, knives, skintight suit? She's not from SOM or VEC, is she?" Forensics Frank asked. "Maybe from S.U.A.V.E?" Encyclopedic Knowledge of 3WSR Frank suggested.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Oct 17, 2023 20:02:37 GMT -5
Just then at that moment... Toz appeared out of nowhere, "Man, that is the last time I eat seven burritos at once... wait, what just happened?" Toz said in complete confusion looking at the new status quo.
"Toz, you're alive!" Frank said in delight.
"Yea... why wouldn't I be? I mean I just step away for a few minutes and... who the heck is that?" Toz said in confusion at the spy like figure who impersonated her.
Then at that moment, Eyes came in, wearing a band t-shirt. "Man, that concert was awesome! Totally going back next year and... what the... why does that unicorn have octopus tentacles?!" Eyes said in disgust, gagging at the hideous sight of the Zombie unicorn ninja octopus.
But then... Elaborate plan Frank, Overly complicated thinker Frank, and Noodle implement Frank appeared dramatically over the horizon.
"Ah ha! Your fate is sealed, Some Reason!" Elaborate plan Frank said with a confident laugh.
"That's right, for we have taken your weaknesses into account and the time of your downfall is nigh!" Overly complicated thinker Frank said
"Behold!" Noodle Implement Frank declared, "We have the instruments of your destruction! A laundry basket, a flathead screwdriver, 6 naval oranges, a can of paint thinner, a baseball bat, a car battery, a pair of emerald green pants, a bagpiper, an expired coupon, an Irishman on stilts, 2 unburned candles, a bike and a snow globe!" Noodle Implement Frank said as he finished showing the last item
This prompted Some Reason to begin trembling in complete terror, "No! No! NO! Please! Anything but that!" As his bony legs began shaking and bumping together.
"Too late! The plan has already started!" Noodle implement Frank said as he held up the oranges and the bagpiper began playing music... the first part of this very weird, but dangerous to Some Reason plan, had begun
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Post by Toz76 on Oct 18, 2023 2:26:52 GMT -5
Many years ago, in the Scottish Highlands, the wealthy man Nigel O'Reason was waking up on his wedding day. As he reached for the glass of freshly squeezed orange juice on the side of his bed, he accidentally knocked a can of paint thinner into his laundry basket, setting off a chain reaction that would lead to him becoming an evil skeleton...
"What? No! Stop trying to tie the noodle implements into a tragic backstory! I don't have one!" Some Reason said.
Noodle Implement Frank and Elaborate Plan Frank began juggling the oranges, doing a complex two-person juggling routine as the bagpiper began to play.
"Wait, I know that Irishman!" Eyes said. "That's my old friend Colin! What's up, Colin?"
"Get me offa these stilts!" Colin yelled.
Overly Complicated Thinker Frank grabbed the baseball bat and began hitting the oranges out of the air one by one, aiming them all at the irishman on the stilts. Some Reason trembled in fear... the plan was working.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Nov 23, 2023 10:24:43 GMT -5
The oranges struck Colin who fell off the stilts and landed in the Emerald green pants, which felt rather uncomfortable... so he reached for the screw driver that was in the pockets and threw it at the can of paint thinner, opening it and spilling the contents.
"Oh no! It's working!!" Some Reason screamed in terror as he lost his ability to hold his bones together and they fell into a pile... a pile which happened to land in the laundry basket.
The paint thinner made contact with the candles which suddenly lit, and right on cue the car battery began to spark, which lit the coupon aflame, which engulfed the snow globe and it began hovering.. it flew towards the pile of bones and upon impact exploded.
Then, in a dramatic finale, the bones began stacking themselves... and flesh began to grow and reform over the skeleton.
"No! NO! Anything but this!" Some Reason said as the gems in his eyes were forced out by the reforming flesh. They feel to the ground... and disintegrated.
Everyone there stared in awe as the being known as Some Reason died... and a human being stood in his place. "Hello, I'm Garret McDaniel... could someone tell me where I am? And why I'm wearing such a tacky suit?" he asked in confusion
"Yes! It worked!" Elaborate plan Frank said in relief.
"I can't believe that worked" Frank said in amazement
"I don't think this is how the trope works" Noodle Implement Frank pointed out.
"I'm just glad its over" Toz said
"Not quite... now lets focus on defeating those monsters" Tug said firmly. Those who weren't already fighting then proceeded to focus on the Zombie Gorilla Spartan Spider
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Post by Toz76 on Nov 24, 2023 2:52:36 GMT -5
Suddenly, Garret McDaniel rolled up his sleeve. "Leave it to me!"
Garret McDaniel charged at the zombies. The others watched in shock.
"Oh my god, look what he did to the poor Zombie Gorilla Spartan Spider!" Overly Complicated Plan Frank said.
"Tha's just barbaric!" Colin said.
"I can't look!" Bronze Rabbit Toz said.
Before long, the zombies were defeated. Garret stood in the middle of the arena, covered in blood and viscera.
"I'm sorry you had to see that..." he sighed. "I used to be a professional undead killer."
"Did you really have to do that thing with the teakettle? That just seemed cruel." Toz With Seventeen Guns said.
"I don't want to talk about it," Garret said, staring at his hands in horror.
"Well, with Some Reason defeated and the zombies destroyed, I think us clones should return to our home dimensions," Noodle Implement Frank said. "It was a pleasure to meet you all, but it was getting confusing keeping track of who was who."
Several dozen portals opened up. The Franks and Tozzes said tearful goodbyes to their counterparts and returned to their home dimensions, a little wiser.
Toz, Tug, Frank, Eyes, TGC, and Colin stood alone in the arena.
"Well, I'm just gonna go..." Colin said, retreating from view.
"Well, now what?" Tug asked.
"We're still trapped in this arena, so I'm not really sure," Eyes said.
Suddenly, the Arena collapsed into rubble, miraculously leaving the group unharmed and with a path out. They followed the path and found themselves standing in the Louvre.
"The arena was in the Louvre the whole time? What a weird reveal," TGC said.
"So, what, it was some sort of... art installation?" Toz asked. "What on earth does that mean?"
"Maybe that's the real reason we were fighting. To provide art and entertainment for the people of the world in some small way," Frank said wisely.
"Well, clearly, the exhibit is over. Now what?" Tug asked.
"I... don't know," Frank admitted.
The five pooled their money and got a plane ticket to New York City, where they crashed at Frank's place for a few days until they could get their bearings. TGC eventually moved to LA and became a successful social media influencer until he was abruptly cancelled for saying that "Every Digimon could get it". Tug saved up money to buy an actual tugboat, but eventually became lost at sea. Eyes moved around the country a lot, starting indie metal bands in several cities while also pursuing her goal to work in every produce department in America. Toz graduated college and promptly descended into an alcoholic spiral, but finally put her life back together and made a decent living as a copy editor, forever mourning the opportunities she missed. And as for Frank? Well, he published a book about how to worldbuild well and it became an overnight sensation, resulting in him getting hired as a consultant by several authors and producers. He became a household name and even published a series of fantasy novels of his own, which were praised for their rich worldbuilding and attention to detail.
The year was 2089. Frank had lived a long and happy life. As he lay in bed next to his loving wife, dreaming of the cookies he'd made with his grandchildren earlier that day, he had a fatal heart attack and died peacefully in his sleep.
He opened his eyes to see the familiar walls of the battle arena around him. He'd convinced himself it had all been a distant dream, just a joke some he'd had with some online friends decades ago that he'd mined for a subplot in one of his novel. But no, he was back here.
A spectral figure approached him.
"Hello, Frank. Welcome to the afterlife."
"What is this? Hell? Just forced to fight for eternity?" Frank asked.
"No, this isn't heaven or hell. This is more of an... antechamber. A place where you get to make a choice. You see, you made a decision a long time ago, and that decision had cosmic consequences."
A hologram of Some Reason appeared before Frank.
"What is this thread called, Frank?"
"Everyone is fighting for some reason."
"Precisely. But you destroyed the reason. You killed Some Reason. And with no reason to fight, the fight ended. You left the arena and lived a full life. But this universe, this thread, exists for one reason only... for everyone to fight. You stop fighting, and this whole universe collapses."
"But the universe seems to be fine!" Frank said. "If the universe was collapsing, wouldn't I have noticed?"
"Germany literally disappeared in a puff of smoke in 2065," the spirit said.
"That was because of climate change," Frank countered.
"The point is, you have a choice. You go through the door on the left, you proceed to your eternal reward in Heaven. They've got an all-you-can-eat buffet with all your favorite foods, God and Jesus are on speed dial, and you have infinite motivation to pursue your creative projects without getting bored, distracted, or frustrated."
"Wow, heaven sounds even better than I thought," Frank said.
"But if you go through the door on the right, this thread resets to how it began. You five, fighting, for some unclear reason. And the universe doesn't collapse."
"Wait, wouldn't Heaven be destroyed if the universe collapsed? Unless of course, Heaven exists beyond the multiverse, in which case that just raises even more questions! Which Jesus is in heaven, or are there infinite Jesuses from every single universe? Or did He only die for our sins in one universe and it counted for every universe? And wait a minute, what was the deal with that one recursive hallway? Have I actually been in the afterlife the whole time? Is this another test? Does going through the right door actually lead to Heaven because it's the morally correct choice?"
"Frank, calm down," the spirit said. "This whole premise is way too existential for this goofy thread anyway. The choice is up to you. Accept your eternal reward in the Kingdom of Heaven, or save the universe and this thread by continuing to fight for some reason?"
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