Everyone is fighting for some reason

[Eyes]

“Bruh,” said Eyes, “not the vibe homie,” and Toz was banished to the Island of Perpetual Tickling as Eyes helped Frank assemble the pieces of the encyclopedia to put it back together.

[frankthetriviaman]

“Wow, what was the point of all this?” Frank said in reminiscence

“No idea, this was supposed to be in good fun and now we’ve been reduced to a bunch of animals” Eyes lamented

“Let’s shake on it and never fight again” Frank said as the two went for a handshake

“No no no, I can’t allow this” a disembodied voice said

What the?” Frank said in confusion

“Who said that?” Eyes said in return

“I am the guardian of this thread, I ensure that this game remains in a playable state and keep the status quo in place. Peace is not the end goal here, fighting is” the voice continued

“You can’t make us” Frank said sternly

“Oh, but I can” the voice said

Suddenly, Frank and Eyes are both hit in the neck with darts. Their eyes turn pure black with hatred, their mouths become full of sharp, aerated teeth, they mutate into 15 foot tall hulking behemoths a la, well, the hulk, and begin fighting in vicious unarmed combat

“My work here is done” the voice said as he kept his vigil over the thread

[Toz76]

Above the field, looking over the carnage, the figure stood on a ledge, armed with a sniper rifle outfitted to shoot the darts. He wore a well-pressed suit with odd green accents, and his glowing eyes were the same sickly green. Also, for whatever reason, he was a golden skeleton. I probably should have led with that.

But suddenly, the skeleton was knocked to the ground. Toz, holding a frying pan, stood over him.

"Who do you think you are?" Toz bellowed. "We're friends! You can't turn us against each other for your own amusement!"

"Ah, but I can." The skeleton stood, apparently unharmed by the pan to the cranium, stood. "Tell me, Toz, why are you fighting?"

"Because it's a silly premise for some low-effort posts?" Toz said. "Is this a trick question?"

"Close, Toz, my dear, very close." The skeleton laughed. "It's in the name of the thread. 'Everyone is fighting for some reason'. And that's me. You're fighting for my entertainment. My name is Some Reason, and I'm going to ensure that the fighting never ends."

And with that, Some Reason shot Toz point-blank in the eye with a dart. Toz fell from the ledge, transforming as she fell into another one of the hulking behemoths. By the time she hit the ground, she was consumed by anamalistic rage and rejoined the fight.

As Tug and TGC were cornered by the three behemoths, Some Reason leaned against a tree, somehow sipping lemonade through his skeleton mouth. "Good... all according to plan."

[frankthetriviaman]

The behemoths went in for the strike, until they began shrinking back to normal.

"Darn... I forgot they only lasted 3 minutes" the voice muttered.

"Well, if we have to fight, might as well do it on our terms" Frank said, as he suddenly drew a balloon sword, as did everyone else, and they began fighting with balloon swords as a "middle finger" to Some Reason

[Toz76]

But then, suddenly, Eyes' balloon sword magically turned into a real sword, and with a swift heave he cleft Tug in twain.

"My god! Eyes! Thou havest rent Tug asunder!" Toz said.

[frankthetriviaman]

A horrified Eyes realizes what she has done, as Toz’s balloon morphs into an axe and strikes down TGC

“That’s it! That’s two members too many! Guess I’ll have to break out the big guns!” Frank said, continuing to defy Some reason

At that moment, he pulled out the mask from the Jim Carey movie of the same same, put it on and started reenacting the famous Cuban Pete scene from the movie

The three were now too busy dancing to fight, while Some Reason found himself becoming “infected” with the beat and after about 2 minutes began dancing up above too

[Toz76]

But suddenly, Toz did a high kick directly into Frank's face.

"Ow! Frank said, keeling over in pain. "Toz, what the heck?"

"I'm sorry!" Toz said. "I didn't mean to! Let me help you up."

Toz knelt beside Frank and swiftly put him in a headlock.

"Toz, what the heck!" Frank said. "This hurts!"

"Ohmigod, I didn't mean to do that!" Toz released Frank, shoving him facefirst into the ground.

"Ow! Toz, you're really beginning to annoy me." Frank said, wiping the blood and sand from his face. "The goal is to not fight. You're gonna make me say the h-e-double-hockey-sticks word if you keep this up, and I don't use such foul language lightly!"

Toz looked at her hands, terrified. "I don't understand! I was just trying to dance, but I kept accidentally attacking you!"

"It must be the ambient fighting energy of this battlefield." Eyes suggested. "Even when we don't want to fight, the fightotronic particles in the air turn our every action into a violent one. That's why Toz and I accidentally killed Tug and TGC just now despite using balloon weapons."

"We're okay!" a bloody and bruised Tug said weakly, as a badly wounded TGC wished for some THC and TLC, and maybe a tic tac as well.

"How are you able to detect fightotronic particles?" Toz asked. "I thought those were a myth!"

"One of my 1000 Eyes has the ability to detect made-up subatomic particles," Eyes explained, tapping the side of her head.

"Oh, Eyes, you're a genius!" Toz said. "All we need to do is find a way to block the fightotronic particles, and we'll be able to defeat Some Reason once and for all!" Toz was so emotional that she ran over to hug Eyes.

"Wait, Toz, no, you'll-" Eyes was cut off as Toz's hug shattered 5 ribs.

[frankthetriviaman]

Frank then broke out the... pool noodles!

"Everyone knows foam is a great absorber of fightotronic particles!" Frank declared as he began waving his arms around recklessly

[Eyes]

Eyes limped for shelter as each of her 1,000 eyes began a complete system reboot after Toz's shattering hug. For the first time in eternity she was straight-up blind for about a minute. But in that minute she was vulnerable, and vulnerability can lead to dark things. Namely...

[Toz76]

A complete emotional breakdown.

Eyes fell to the ground, sobbing tears from each of her 1,000 eyes (the ones with tear ducts, at least). Toz knelt beside her to comfort her, as Frank stood there awkwardly wondering how this rapidfire game had somehow developed an ongoing story.

[Eyes]

Suddenly out from behind a tree, Alberto, strapped with weapons and camo and sunglasses, burst into the open and began aiming fire at the skeletal figure that was controlling everyone. Frank knew now that it was time to act.

[Toz76]

"Donkey! To me!" And Frank ran towards Alberto.

Some Reason was not alarmed. "Hah. You think you can defeat me with a sitcom character? You fools. This isn't the sitcom! That's a different universe! I think. I don't actually know how the author avatars work. Are the ones in the sci-fi game, the sitcom, and 3WSR itself all different? And which one do I have here?"

[frankthetriviaman]

“Well actually we’re all the same and not the same. We’re the same template, but every story is a different universe where the same characters exist, kind of like how DC comics has those 52 parallel universes where the same characters exist in different forms” Frank explained

“Wait, so you’re saying…” Some Reason began.

“That’s right! There’s a lot of us!” A voice said, and just then, there was… Frank! And Frank! And more Franks! Specifically there was:

-3WSR Frank
-Author Frank
-Sitcom Frank
-Anime Frank
-Sci fi Frank
-Action Movie Frank
-Medieval journey Frank
And others that were yet to be seen
-Mustache Frank
-Musical Frank (we only let him join out of it obligation)
-Amazing Frank (a friendlier, better version of Standard Frank)
-cowboy Frank
-Frank in a hot dog costume
-Frank in Stein (literally a Frank that just floats around in a giant beer stein)

“Fear us Some Reason, for we are…

Franks
Routinely and
Absolutely
Necessary for
Keeping
Fiendish and
Unlawful,
Rotten,
Terrible
Evildoers
Routed

“Face the justice of FRANKFURTERS!” Sitcom Frank said

“You couldn’t think of a better name?” TGC said with a raised eyebrow

“Well I’m the mascot so it was the only one that made sense” Hot dog costume Frank said

“What the heck, Musical Frank get to be a FRANKFURTER but I don’t?!” the Frank of this thread said in confusion. (Fighting Frank? Some Reason Frank? IDK)

[Toz76]

"Hey, only one author avatar per thread!" Toz complained, summoning several of her other author avatars.

Pirate Story Toz charged at the Franks, followed by the rest of the Toz mob.

[frankthetriviaman]

Mustache Frank tackled Sitcom Toz, anime Toz struck cowboy Frank with a baseball bat, and Action movie Frank Judo chopped medieval journey Toz

"Will they like it when I turn up the volume?" Frank asked, who pressed play on the radio and started playing... The Barney the Dinosaur theme song!

"GAAAAAAHHH MAKE IT STOP!" Sci-fi Toz said as the assorted Tozzes began wincing in agony from the "Music" they were forced to listen to

[Toz76]

"Wait, we're mature adults who don't get annoyed by songs from children's programming!" Anime Toz reminded the group. "What are we, third graders?"

"Oh yeah, excellent point," the other Tozzes said (except for a few of the truly immature ones), and the fight resumed.

"You fools," the main Toz said. "You're all Frank's, which means I know your weakness... documentaries about shipwrecks!"

And Toz turned on a large TV that was showing a documentary about the Costa Concordia.

[frankthetriviaman]

Some of the Franks got distracted... but most of them just agreed to set the DVR and watch it later after it sat there for a few months.

"I didn't want to have to introduce other members, but you've left me no choice! Bring out... the Franks that none should ever see" Sitcom Frank said grimly.

And then, in that moment, a series of Franks emerged, and the Tozzes looked on in utter shock. Franks that should not conceivably exist, and yet here they were, right in front of them.

Goth Frank, emo Frank, punk Frank, crazy hair style Frank, hipster Frank, and about half a dozen others in styles that Frank would never be caught in in a million years.

"My mind... it can't handle it!" anime Toz said in shock.

"The logical contradiction is to great! I can't comprehend what I am seeing!" sci-fi Toz said as he began to feel very unnerved by what she was seeing

"Don't look at them directly! Or you'll turn into-" was all medieval Toz could say before she turned into solid stone, followed by a few other tozzes that also turned to stone, one by one.

[Eyes]

By this point Eyes had fully healed from Toz's damaging embrace, and looked around at the madness before her thousand eyes.

"Y'know what?" she said. "I'm going home!"

[frankthetriviaman]

“Hmm… how to prevent Eyes from leaving…?” Some Reason though to himself, before gaining an evil grin “I got it! I’ll create a nightmare scenario for any Gen Z person” he said with malice

Eyes frantically got into a car and put the key in the ignition, but when she went to put it in gear..

“What? What is this? How do you drive this thing?!” Eyes said. As it turns out… the car was a stick, and no Gen Z knows how to drive a stick

Frantic, Eyes looked around the car, and came across an envelope, labeled “instructions” and frantically pulled out the envelope, and was immediately confused again, “what are these squiggles? Where are the words?!” She said anxiously; a victim of the post 2000s education system, she couldn’t read the cursive that was before her.

“Uh…uh…” she said, the. A voice said, “fine, I’ll give you audio instructions, you just have to play the thing that came attached to the envelope”

“Oh, thank goodness, I just have to… what is this thing?” She said, holding a cassette tape; not knowing what it was because she was born just after they had pretty much died out as a medium

“I suppose that other tape won’t be of use to you either” the voice continued

“Hey, I’ve seen these before! Frank was talking about them” Eyes said as she held up the VHS tape, “but… why did you 3D print the save icon?” Eyes asked confused as she held up a floppy disk

“Don’t you have a more important problem to figure out” the voice said

“I know! I’ll call for help! I just need to use a phone and… what the heck is that?!” Eyes said in confusion as she picked up a rotary phone

“Man, if Toz saw me like this she’d be laughing hysterically” Eyes muttered

….

“Why are 12 numbers in a circle? What are those 3 sticks? How is this a clock?!” Sci-fi Toz said in confusion

“Frank said a third of them would retreat if we could tell what time it was on these 3 clocks, but I can’t understand what I’m seeing” sitcom Toz said

“I’m trying to decipher the note that explains everything, but it’s filled with a bunch of squiggles I can’t make sense of” Anime Toz said as she held up the cursive note

Frank and the Franks observed everything from a distance

“Good thing I’m a millennial that is the son of baby boomers so I understand how almost all of these things work” Frank signed with relief

“Well according to the internet, these are all things that confuse Gen Z, and you know what they say, the internet is never wrong!” Sitcom Frank said with a thumbs up

“ANYWAY, let’s plan out the counter strategy” fighting Frank said as they all regrouped

[Toz76]

"Hey wait a minute! I can read a clock! I had a grandfather clock in my home growing up! And I can kind of read cursive..." the main Toz said. "You lot are useless!"

"I really can't drive stick, though..." she whispered to the camera.

Frank was about to celebrate his success when a bunch of avocado toast and buzzfeed quizzes fell on his head.

"Here! Have some millenial stuff!" Eyes said, indignantly.

"I don't even like avocado toast..." Frank said.