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Post by Eyes on May 21, 2017 23:12:24 GMT -5
Not Diesel 11.
That's right, Not Diesel 11, the anti-Diesel 11. Because remember - in this universe, he's a good guy!
"Wow, what an honor!" said the new Captain Not Diesel 11.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 25, 2017 22:18:35 GMT -5
With all said and done, the crew convened in the meeting area to get a briefing for a new mission ahead.
"Gentlemen and... uh, gentlemen, we shall be traveling to the Fardonis system, and upon our arrival..."
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Post by Eyes on Aug 16, 2017 15:31:30 GMT -5
"...we'll be greeted by the locals with heaping mounds of spaghetti." "Heaping mounds?" "Like this:"  "Okay um... what?" "This is what you get when 1,000 Eyes makes a post while hungry." |
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Post by Admin on Sept 2, 2017 22:31:19 GMT -5
Suddenly, TGC woke up. Everything around him was dark. He couldn't move, or at least he couldn't move much. He was confused, before he realized something.
"My Biggerontheinside(TM) Pouch, it's got infinite oxygen in there." TGC used a voice command on the pouch to pull out the microdrill, and drilled through what was in front of him, and he emerged from his grave, the people at the funeral of the person being put into the casket next to his grave staring at him intently.
"Oh, hello, yeah, I'm not a zombie, if that's what you're thinking, I know zombies, and they can't use drills, much less pull off as many words as I'm saying, anyways, anyone got a mirror? Oh, there's a mirror, wow, I've got my stupid old face, but my hair, it's all blonde and curly, I'll have to get some dye,and some gel, wait, are the curls natural? Because that would be a problem, anyways, my condolences, but I have to go."
On his way out the gravekeeper approached him.
"I'm sorry, who are you and how did you get in here?" The gravekeeper said
"Oh, I'm B11" TGC said
The gravekeeper stared for a few seconds before running
"Anyways, I've got to go to the nearest ship rental" a newly regenerated TGC said
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Post by Toz76 on Sept 2, 2017 23:37:26 GMT -5
Captain Not Diesel 11, First Officer Toz, Commander Tug, and Science Officer Frank reached the Fardonis system, and prepared to take the shuttlecraft to the surface. But before they did, Toz had a mew gadget to unveil.
"I combined the capabilities of DANGIT and GOD, our other AIs, to create the Geometaphysical Omniscient Device, Dragoex Assistant Mobile Neurosensor. Strap it to your wrist, and you'll have a fully functional communicator, close-range laser cutter, emergency force-suit, and helpful AI all in one, that can be activated by saying it's name."
"Goddamn!" Tug said, impressed.
"HOW MAY I SERVE YOU?" his GODDAMN asked.
"Pretty impressive, eh? DANGIT is limited to the ship and GOD is only to find your position, but GODDAMN can do everything they can and more."
"Please don't make any more AIs, this running gag is getting out of hand." Frank said.
"But it's the only thing I can keep straight about this game, besides the one joke about the Stormtrooper aim trope. Like, I can't even remember if we still have redshirts!"
"Whatever, let's just get to the surface. We've got to be greeted with pasta soon." Tug decided.
In the brig, Wellsworth and Doc were guarding Diesel 11.
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Post by Eyes on Sept 2, 2017 23:40:45 GMT -5
Diesel 11's face was bleeding from constant banging into the walls, but he was still smiling a very weird smile.
Wellsworth and Doc took no notice. They were busy putting together sandwiches.
"Who's got the pickles? No no, bologna first, then ham. Oh come on, you don't stick peanut butter on a cheese sandwich!"
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Sept 16, 2017 14:10:59 GMT -5
Frank was working on a sedative to keep Diesel 11 under control. He felt cut off, being in his lab while everyone else was on the bridge, but such was the life of a Science officer.
......
On the bridge, suddenly a distress call was reaching the ship.
"Mayday...mayday... ship engines critically damaged... running out of oxygen... need assistance at once" the voice said over the intercom.
"What's the source of the signal?" Captain Not Diesel 11 asked.
"Seems to be alien sir... a Dragelslax ship" he said.
"Ah, I see. Dragelslax... are those the aliens that happen to look like attractive human females, the aliens that look like fur-covered warriors, or the aliens that look like a weird cross between a centipede and a dragonfly?" Captain Not Diesel 11 asked.
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Post by Toz76 on Sept 16, 2017 15:04:49 GMT -5
"No, those are the aliens that look exactly like humans, except with obvious prosthetic ears." Tug replied.
"Well, who cares what they look like, they need our help!"
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Sept 16, 2017 15:09:27 GMT -5
So our heroes brought their ship nearby the damaged ship. They could see the ship was just aimlessly drifting, and the lights were flickering.
"Try and establish contact... we need to know how many survivors are there" Captain Not Diesel 11 ordered.
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Post by Eyes on Sept 16, 2017 20:43:05 GMT -5
"No thanks," said Frank, "that was a crummy show."
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Dec 26, 2017 1:47:50 GMT -5
"What?" Captain Not Diesel 11 asked.
"Oh, sorry sir, misheard you. I'll go prepare our suits, you guys establish contact" Frank said as he returned to the lab.
The crew radioed in as they approached the stricken ship.
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Post by Toz76 on Dec 26, 2017 16:30:08 GMT -5
"It's a Fardonis vessel. We were about to visit them anyway, we'll take the survivors there after Chief Medical Officer Sarah greets them." Tug decided.
Upon arriving on board the damaged vessel, Toz and Tug were greeted with heaping mounds of spaghetti.
"Fardonis culture is weird." Tug muttered.
"Thank FSM you're here! Our ship is damaged. We have wounded." Said the Fardonis captain.
"Beam us up, Scotty.!" Toz yelled.
"We don't have teleporters."
"Oh."
Soon, the wounded Fardoni were in sickbay, and the Dragoex was towing the damaged vessel.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Dec 26, 2017 16:39:54 GMT -5
"Wait, I thought it was a Dragelslax ship?" Frank asked, confused.
"Oh, sorry. See the race of aliens is called Dragelslax, but the empire itself is called Fardonis" Toz explained.
"This is gonna get confusing..." Frank thought to himself.
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Post by Toz76 on Dec 26, 2017 19:30:22 GMT -5
"The Dragelslax and Fardonis share this planet and culture." Toz explained. "But they have one small but significant difference that divides them, which we will slowly learn over the course of our stay, possibly paralleling an event from history."
"This isn't Star Trek, dude." Not Diesel 11 replied.
"Oh, right." Toz said, grabbing his phaser and tricorder.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Dec 26, 2017 20:07:39 GMT -5
So the now rescued crew were aboard our heroes' ship. As everyone was settled in, on the Bridge captain Not Diesel 11 talked with his officers
"What do we do about the wrecked ship? I fear the ramifications of leaving it like this..."
"In theory we could tow it, but I don't know the effect it would have on our fuel supply" Frank informed.
"Blow it up; we have the weaponry to do so" Toz proposed
"I don't like risking using our armament's supply of ammunition on something that doesn't represent a threat; send someone aboard and rig bombs to blow the engines" tug proposed
"We aren't a warship and our weapons are limited as is; leave it be" TGC finished.
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Post by Toz76 on Dec 27, 2017 0:05:44 GMT -5
"Tow it, we're close to their home planet anyway and we can refuel there."
So it was decided.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Dec 27, 2017 0:29:53 GMT -5
"The tractor beam I never got to work quite right; we'll have to use the cables" Frank informed.
Once the derelict ship was secured, the team began making their way to the home planet.
Captain Not Diesel 11 was talking to his science officer.
"Both of our planets have oxygen sir, and they can survive in our environment. However... the higher concentration of helium and argon in their atmosphere has me concerned; we may need to wear the suits with 80/20 once we get down there"
"I see... so be it. You get on preparing the mixture Frank; then we'll get it in the tanks."
"Yes captain" and Frank went to go ensure the suits met standards.
It was about two earth-days before they finally made it to the home planet.
"Mind the angle! If we are even three degrees off in our descent the derelict will disintegrate behind us. Remember, we've got no direct control over it, so keep the helm steady" Captain Not Diesel 11 ordered.
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Post by Eyes on Jul 3, 2018 1:04:14 GMT -5
"Ye gasp! Our story has been affected by a strange race of aliens - the Terrible Headstrong Irate Soldiers In Some Damnable Environment All Dead, or T.H.I.S.I.S.D.E.A.D. for short! We need the rejuvination vaccine!" cried Captain Not Diesel 11.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 15, 2018 1:54:14 GMT -5
"Wait, what? But I thought we were landing this derelict on a planet" Frank pointed out
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Post by Eyes on Jul 15, 2018 1:58:07 GMT -5
"There's no time!" cried the Captain. "I'm pressing the all-systems-alert button right now!"
The siren sounded immediately.
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