|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 17, 2022 18:32:01 GMT -5
*Cut to: Frank is sitting on a couch in a living room*
"Hi everybody! It's Frank from the 3WSR Show! Man, that show was one hell of a ride, wasn't it? Well, after all these years I thought it would be nice to revisit this and kind of give you some insight into the kinds of things that were going on while filming the 3WSR Show. Why me, you ask? Well, I was the only one willing to accept the money they were paying to do this, Toz is busy with his High Fantasy Project, Tug is focused on something with Pirates, Eyes is currently on tour with her band, "The Eyes Have It" and no one has heard from TGC in ages. So without further ado, let's revisit the 3WSR Show!"
*Title sequence: Frank reacts to: Episode One- Pilot*
FRANK: That looks good!
TOZ: With these prices, it better be! I swear, the food just keeps getting pricier and pricier while getting crapper and crappier.
FRANK: It can't be that bad.
TOZ: This bottled water was $500, and it's mostly dirt.
*laughtrack*
*beat*
FRANK: Oh.
*laughtrack*
"Now this joke was sort of our middle finger to this place we ate at a couple days prior to filming. If you look at the background you can see a sign that says "Brockton's" as the name of the restaurant. Well, 2 days before this we ate at a place called Brockwell's, and let be just say the food there was terrible! I insisted on just getting some KFC because I wanted to keep it simple, but Eyes had heard from her Cousin's Uncle's Sister's coworker that Brockwell's was simply the best and that we had to give it a go. Well, we did, and it was just, awful. The burgers were barely cooked, the water had an aftertaste, and don't even get me started on the noodles; ugh. We tore them a new one on Yelp, but the b*stards still made us pay for the food"
WAITER: Anything else? Desert, perh- TOZ: Buzz off, blockhead. DIESEL 11: Next time, get the lasagna. FRANK: Yeah, that's always good. TOZ: Are you saying I look like Garfield? "well you are wearing an orange and black stripped sweatshirt" Frank pointed out (laugh track) "Say Jerry, where's the bathroom?" Frank asked the waiter. "In the back to the right" he said. "thanks" Frank said as he walked towards the back. As he walks to the "back" he walks into the camera and falls back with a thud. (laugh track) "Agh!? What the? Who put a wall here?!" Frank fumed. "Uh, Frank... there is no wall" Toz pointed out. The camera switches angles and we see Frank did crash into "nothing" (laugh track) "Oh great... it's one of THESE kinds of sitcoms" Frank said, looking at the camera he crashed into (laugh track, slight applause)
"So, I actually need to confess- I intentionally set up Toz here. I was getting back at her for replacing my Apple Juice with some German Lager I hadn't even heard of... ugh, that sh*t tasted like grass! So initially she was just going to wear a Metallica T-shirt, but I said last minute the Director wanted this for a product placement of the clothing line; yea, the budget wasn't that great on the show, but more on that another time. So he wore the sweatshirt and initially I would just ask for the bathroom, but I slipped in the comeback unscripted, and that reaction Toz and Eyes have on their faces... yep, totally genuine moment there. Me walking into the fourth wall was actually almost cut for time on the episode- but it turns out we ended up cutting out another sequence that would have been in the third act instead; the director insisted on keeping this scene because he wanted to "set the tone" for the rest of the episode. And the rest is history! Well, I guess it's time to go," says Diesel 11, who gets up, trips, and falls onto the floor.
"Better watch what you're doing," says the waiter. "I know what I'm doing, mother******!!"
As the Toz and D11 leave the restaurant....
"Ugh- Eyes was great to work with- but her swearing caused more than one problems on occasion. We were primetime for Christ's sake! Did you know that we actually scrapped an episode involving the birthday party of Riley's 6 year old nephew because Eyes couldn't stop swearing? Sad too, I had a hole Rube-Goldberg gag planned that started with me sneezing and ending with TGC falling into the pool too." fade to black; the theme song starts. Cheerful, upbeat music begins followed by the singers. They're five crazy guys Who have most unusual lives But put them together and what have you got? 3WSR and here's the plot! Five guys, who love burgers and fries (Frank interjects)
"Seriously? I hate corporate sponsors... Five friends whose adventures never seem to end. For a good laugh don't look far, Welcome to the world of 3...W...S...RRRRRRRRR!!!"
("The 3WSR Show" title appears on screen; Frank suddenly appears beside the title)
"Seriously? That's our theme song?"
(Frank gets crushed as the exclamation point falls on top of him)
"I was probably asking for that" Frank says as the screen fades to black again.
"Not one to brag, but the theme song was all me. It was the others who insisted on the falling exclamation point at the end though; I suppose they had a point though- theme songs are a dying breed and they didn't want to lose the audience's interest. Hence, the slapstick gag"
The screen soon fades back and we see the trio walking into their apartment...
"Man I can't wait to relax and listen to some Heavy Metal..." said Diesel 11 as he walked in the apartment...
"Don't blast it like last time or else Mrs. Gregorio will complain again and talk to that jack of a building manager Old Man Tompkins and get TGC, and us, evicted..." said Toz
"What I've only done it like, once, right?" asked Diesel 11
"More like 27..." replied Toz with a sweatdrop...
*laughtrack*
"Whatever, let's just go in already..." said Frank as he opened the door...
"Man it's sucks TGC is away all the time working since none of us are working currently, besides Tug..." said Toz to no one in particular...
"Oh yeah... What's he doing again?" asked Diesel 11
"He's an international accountant, world famous I believe..." replied Frank
"How can an accountant be world famous?" asked Diesel 11
"Well I just got this postcard from him..." replied Frank
"Alright, then read it..." said Toz
*Cut to a Postcard with the words 'Greetings From Germany' on the back*
*Tug Narration*
"Greetings my friends, as you know, being a world famous accountant has it perks and disadvantages, one always being wanted by many organizations, mostly for scoring the highest grade ever on the CPA exam and having solved multiple countries' deficits and re-managing their entire government's financial systems to actually make money makes you highly sought after... Anyways, while doing work for the German Chancellor I accidentally lost the entire nation's wealth due to a typing error, and almost started World World 3 by accidentally declaring War on France by being translated wrong by my assistant Jacobs, reminder fire Jacobs possibly, but I managed to work it all out, restart Germany's entire welfare system in under 5 minutes, and am now never allowed in Berlin again... I also have to go do work for the French President now, so, do you guys know how not to insult a French Man because I think I just had Jacobs say I called the president's mother a... You know what, I shouldn't tell you, anyways, please send me a foreign language dictionary, or else the next letter might be coming from a European prison...
Yours Truly,
Tug
P.S. Start looking for a new Translator for me, I really don't have the time right now hiding from French authorities, also fire Jacobs
*End of Narration*
"Well that was a weird postcard.." said Toz
"Should we worry?" asked Frank
"Nah, he'll be fine..." said Diesel 11 not caring at all
"Well he is our only other source of income besides TGC, and with him in the slammer, TGC wouldn't be able to afford the four of us, plus Tug's bail money, so then we would have to get.... Jobbbbbbbbbbs.... Ewwww...." replied Toz
"Who cares..." said Diesel 11 as he hopped on the sofa...
"And we'll especially make you get a job, Mr. only job I've ever had was playing in a failed metal band named 'Clothes Rack 27'..." replied Toz angrily at Diesel 11
"It was Hangar 18! And we only played once due to the band's 'creative differences'..." said Diesel 11
"Didn't your drummer quit to get a 'real job' and is now a world class hair dresser... And you called him a sellout, right?" asked Toz
"SHUT UP! IT WAS CREATIVE DIFFERENCES ALRIGHT!" shouted Diesel 11
"Come down Ozzy, the Crazy Train hasn't left the station just yet..." said Toz
*laughtrack*
"WRONG BAND!"
"So not long after filming the diner scene, Tug actually came down with the flu and we had to temporarily write him out of the episode, hence the postcard scene. That Hangar 18 line wasn't a joke by the way- at the time Eyes was still getting over the breakup of her 7th band in 4 years, so she insisted on that bit to have the last laugh at the band mates who left her."
Hey! I have a job!" Frank pointed out.
"Frank; 500 bucks a week off the ads from your video game let's plays isn't a job, it's an underpaid hobby" Toz pointed out. (laugh track)
Frank holds his hand to his head then turns to the audience.
"Well, I suppose somebody's got to explain what's going on around here. You see, the five of us together are roommates in apartment 7C of Greenfield Towers. Heaven knows how that name came to be since all I can see is gray..."
*A look outside the window reveals parking lots, buildings and streets, but not one shred of nature (laugh track)
"...but we've got a nice set up here. It's a big apartment, with 5 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, a living room, a kitchen, a dining room and entertainment area. Here, let me show you around."
As Toz and D-11 go about their business, Frank takes the viewers on a tour of the apartment.
"Here we have our living room. two couches and two chairs, 2 end tables and 2 coffee tables. Why no TV you ask? Well, sometimes when we have a small party or family over, this are we dedicate to socialization more than television. The TV is over here..."
In the entertainment area, Frank walks over as Toz and D-11 are seen arguing over the TV remote in the background.
"Pretty sweet entertainment set-up actually. Flatscreen HD tv, Xbox one and 360, and PS4. And..." Frank walks over to a rather large, carefully organized shelf "200 video game library sorted alphabetically" Frank said. Just then the remote goes flying and knocks some of the games over. Frank stares at D-11 and Toz. "Uhh... he did it!" D-11 said as he ran into his room. Toz sighed as he went to clean up.
"Kitchen's over here, and nothing too fancy really. I bake something once a week, but cooking... well, there's no such thing as a home cooked meal around here. Around here, its Chinese on Tuesday, pizza on Friday, and every man for himself the other days."
Frank walks down the hall past D-11's room "This here is David... uh, D-11's room. See, that's his stage name, he sees himself as a heavy metal guitarist, but..."
A look inside reveals him playing guitar and it looks like he sounds great. But then he loses his grip and the guitar drops, but the music is still playing. He was air playing to a megadeth album.
"Uh...uh..." D-11 shuts his door in embarrasment (laugh track)
"And this is Toz's room..." Frank walks past a closed door before finally getting to his room.
"And here is my place. Standard stuff really; dresser, chair, and one of those beds where its a desk on the bottom, bed on top. It cuts down on the space. My personal couch and TV are over here- Play station 2 and Nintendo 64 with library; sometimes I like going back to the basics."
"So yea, TGC is hardly here, always out working, and we don't know when he'll be back. Tug's out on business, leaving the three of us. Speaking of which, I'd better try and get the three of us talking again; we have a plot to resolve!" (laugh track)
A quick scene change shows the three of them on one of the couches in the living room.
"Ok, so what do we do to make some money?" Toz asked.
"Oh! I know how we can make money!" D-11 said.
"how?" Frank asked.
"Well, we get some scissors and paper, and some crayons, and we look on line for reference photos, and we draw like 10,000 dollar bills and..."
*As the laugh track plays, Frank and Toz stare at D-11
"What?" D-11 asked, the laugh track still lingering.
"What do you think "making money" means?" Frank asked with a straight face.
"Yea, even I have to admit that wasn't our best material; wordplay is pretty funny, but if you have to force a joke there is no joke, as I came to learn"
"Wait, before we go any further, what type of sitcom is this? Is it one of those sitcoms where we always have hilarious misadventures while out on dates?"
"Um, I hope not." D11 said. "I'd quit if it were."
"Actually, you're contractually locked in for seven and a half seasons."
"This is the PILOT EPISODE!"
"Then you'd better hope it flops." *laughtrack*
*Frank looks bemusedly at the camera*
"Anyway," Toz continues, "I've come up with a great way to make money. We design a phone app that measures B.O."
"Is that even possible?" Frank asks?"
"Who cares? It's what everyone needs!"
"Excuse me!?" *laughtrack*
"Wait, I have another idea!" Diesel 11 said.
"What?" Frank asked.
"Ok, so we get some handguns, burlap sacks and ski masks. We go to the bank and..."
Frank and Toz are staring at him again.
"What?" D-11 asked.
"And what exactly do you have in mind once you are in the bank?" Frank replied yet again.
"I've got to be honest here- this scene was actually written completely differently, but Toz and Eyes had other ideas, so from "Wait, before we go any further" onwards- that was pure ad-libbing. Not until Eyes said "Wait, I have another idea!" did the script go back on track. The director liked the improv though, so we didn't bother reshooting"
"Legally get money out of our empty bank account. No we are going to rob the place haven't you ever seen a movie? They always wear the ski masks." D-11 said. "If we are gonna rob a bank then we need to make sure there are no witnesses, ideally, not being seen!" Toz replied "Kill the accountant." "Maybe your mother is right about those metal songs corrupting your brain." "Okay, okay. In all seriousness, I think I'll learn to play guitar."
Toz stares, then whispers to Frank, "He couldn't play guitar even if he was Randy Rhoads." *laughtrack*
"No wait, let me show you." Diesel 11 takes out his guitar and-
"OW! MY F***IN' EARS!" cries Toz.
"But I haven't even started playing yet..." *laughtrack*
"Er... um... I was just trying to be prepared..." *laughtrack*
"Honestly, I think Eyes by this point was desperate to promote her music career. But we'll see more of that in a later episode"
"Focus focus! We can't flip flop on plans here!" Frank said; "I feel like there's two different conversations going on here."
"Well, I play the guitar, that's the plan" D-11 said.
"Can you play?"
"Watch me". He said. He raised his arm to play as if he was going to play some heavy metal song, but then suddenly he began playing softer than expected
"Three blind mice, three blind mice..." And Frank and Toz looked on with confusion. Then Frank talked to the audience.
"Oh that's right, we're on television; I hate copyright laws..." Before turning back to the scene. (Laugh track)
"So... What songs can you play?" Frank asked.
"Oh, there's three blind mice, Yankee Doodle, London Bridge, Camptown Races..."
"In other words, all the really old songs that are public domain, so we don't have to pay royalties that would blow a hole in the budget" Frank whispered to the audience. (Laugh track)
"No, no, I can do better."
*Guitar riff*
"Policeman
Looking through the trash can
Can't find nothin' that looks like PacMan."
"Yea, that part was just Eyes showing off her skills"
"Considering nobody would throw something that looks like PacMan away except if it was a rotting cheese wheel"
"Uh oh... This is gonna get expensive..." Frank whispered (laugh track)
*Door opens*
"Heeeellllooo, neighbors!"
*Facepalms*
"Hi, Hartley."
"Hello Mr. Hartley; what brings you around this neck of the woods?" Frank asked as Hartley strolled in. *Hartley looks as though Frank has two heads*
"I live right next to you...."
*Frank hits his head*
"Silly me! I've been reading too many Gunnarson mysteries."
"Who?"
*Laughtrack* "Not important. So, what brings you over for a visit, I meant?" Frank asked to clarify his point.
"Yea, that was just shameless promotion for our other work, I'm sorry, but we needed the money"
"I wanted to know if you had any bread."
"Bread?"
"Yes, I am making toast, but according to this recipe I found, you need bread to make toast" he said (laugh track)
Frank decided that this guy was a bit too nutty to let stick around for long, so he just gave him a couple slices and told him to go
"But why do I need to go?" he asked.
"because the three of us are in a very important meeting now" Frank replied.
"Okay then... see ya."
"Frank... do you need to see a doctor?" asks Diesel 11.
"Why?"
"You look as if you've never seen him before..."
"No, but I don't know him that well; I see him in the hallway only twice a week or so" Frank pointed out.
"You need to get out more" D-11 said.
"So, in my defense, this was actually an unscripted sequence. The director only told us that in this scene we were going to interact with a Mr. Hartley, hence I planned on a subtle LM inclusion. But the whole bit with me not recognizing our neighbor- yep, that was them having fun at my expense. We all had a good laugh after though, so don't worry"
TGC walked in.
"Money"
TGC threw some money on the floor and walked out.
*small laugh track*
"Diesel 11 isn't here"
"Ok i guess Ill stay for a few minutes wait Diesel 11 is over there im leaving"
*full laugh track*
"Now!" Frank said as Toz pushed a chair in front of TGC, tripping him.
"I only meant to block him... I should have used a table." Frank said, annoyed.
TGC got up. "Frank! I need to get to work I'm on a very tight schedule."
"I know, but you haven't stopped here in at least 6 months."
"Why do I have a reason to stay here when all my income from the last 2 years is used on a PS4 instead of a Wii U and you won't even let me have a save file on your Mario 64 cartridge!" TGC said
*Laugh Track*
"I'm trying to get 100% on all 4 though."
"Didn't you do that already?"
"That was on the old N64 that diesel 11 threw out the window."
*laugh track*
"But that's beside the point, the point is that we haven't seen you for more than 30 seconds at a time. Take some time off." Frank said
"You know what? Your right. From now on I am on my 15 year long break!" *Laugh track fade to black*
"To be honest I wasn't a fan of my portrayal here; but they made me do to make up for all the improv that had already been done. And let's be honest- the best games tend to be under Microsoft and Sony- how was I supposed to know TGC was a Nintendo person?"
TGC went out for a while, then came back later that night and Frank was waiting at the dining room table.
"Oh; its you" TGC said to Frank as he walked in.
"Listen, about earlier..." Frank began. "I thought about what you said and- I realize what I did wasn't right. I wanted to make it up to you." Frank said apologetically.
"What could you possibly do to make it up to me?" TGC said back
Frank reached under the table and there was a brand new Wii U box with a bow on to of it ("aawwwww" comes from audience)
"How did you?" TGC began.
"My lets plays brought in more money than usual this week; I was gonna put it down towards something special, but for everything you do for us, you've earned it *aaawww is heard again.
"But you said we couldn't get it because the entertainment set up had no room" TGC pointed out.
"We'll figure it out" Frank smirked.
"How?"
"...ill have to get back to you on that" Frank said when he realized he hadn't thought it through *laigh track
"Oh and one more thing." Frank said as he took out a gray piece of plastic. "Catch!" He said, throwing it to TGC. It was the Mario 64 cartridge
"But why?" TGC said in confusion.
"Well, the truth is, once you've got 100% once... Found it kinda boring. Besides, the real reason I keep playing the 64 is Goldeneye *applause
"Thanks... But how can I play it when the N64 is in your room?" TGC asked in confusion.
"...why am I no good at thinking things through?" Frank asked himself in confusion *laugh track.
"At that point, we decided to be fair to TGC"
Suddenly, yelling was heard from the next room.
"You heard me right, Toz Sevendesix. With a V. Yes, I know it's a terrible name, but I live with a guy named D-11." *laughtrack*
"Yes, D-11. Two ones." *laughtrack*
"Geez, I thought you were supposed to be helpful!" Toz hung up and walked into the next room. "They've shut off our electricity because we couldn't afford it."
"Why doesn't Frank talk to them. He has a normal name, they'll listen to him." Said TGC. *laughtrack*
"What part of "can't afford" do you not understand, Mr."15-year break"? We're broke! I had to spend all the money you just brought in making sure they didn't shut off the water!"
"Silly Toz, focusing on trivial things like water instead of what's important, like video games." *laughtrack*
"What do we do? Without electricity, we'll have nothing to do... we might even have to... GET JOBS!" *laughtrack*
"Good on Toz for this bit; we were kind of going all over the place before this so she got us refocused at this scene"
"I wanna rock and roll all nite, and party every-"
"D-11! How can you still play without electricity?!"
"Er... I haven't thought of that... wait, no electricity?! Do you mean the computers will run no longer, too?!"
*gasp* "NO 3WSR!"
Suddenly, everyone but Toz freezes in place. Toz walks up to the camera. "I feel like I should explain... it's a website we all run."
Toz then took advantage of the time freeze to put everyone in strange positions, before unfreezing time.
"Toz! What have we told you about not goofing off during expository cutaways!" Frank said, trying to dislodge his arm from the couch cushions. *laughtrack*
"At least no one's out on the balcony naked this time!", yelled D11, trying to get out of the refrigerator. *more laughtrack*
"That one wasn't my fault, okay!" *audience in hysterics*
"So this was just us being us, honestly. Totally unscripted, and it would've been just something for the gag reel had our director not realized the episode was running 3 minutes short."
"So... what are we gonna do?"
"The better question is... WHO YA GONNA CALL?!"
"No electricity = no phone."
"No... it was a joke..."
Guys, relax!" Frank told everyone. "Look, if we're going to make money, we need to get serious jobs" Frank explained.
"But the water and electricity" D-11 said.
"First of all, the bill isn't due until the end of the month. So that gives us a few weeks to look for jobs and get on track." Frank explained.
"But then that means..." Toz said.
frank then screamed "hey landlord; you know we can sue you for this right? It's the end of the month it's due!" Frank screamed as the lights went back on after a panicked scream. *laugh track and applause
"What are we going to do?" TGC asked
"Well first of all why not call off the 15 year break?" Toz deadpanned *laugh track.
"Good idea! You can have it instead!" *tosses Toz out the window*
But Frank stopped them before he could do so.
"Are you crazy?! We're on the seventh floor!" Frank screamed (laugh track)
"I'm telling you, music will bring us in a ton of money" D-11 said.
"So you have a plan?" Frank asked. D-11 grinned.
In a subway station, it shows the four friends have formed a really bizarre street band. D-11 plays the electric guitar, Frank plays the trumpet, Toz plays the tambourine and TGC is playing a keyboard ... Not the instrument, a computer keyboard. They are playing a really out of tune version of "London bridge" as most people just pass them by and the occasional coin is put in the jar they put out. (Laugh track and applause)
"I actually happened to still have a trumpet from one of my earlier works so this was a natural fit for me. As for the keyboard- well, we would've had an actual keyboard but Toz was running late to filming that day, and backstage as she was taking her coat off, she didn't realize where she was and ended up tripping over the keyboard and breaking it. So we ended up borrowing the keyboard from my room set and used that instead. Honestly- I think it was a happy accident, since the behind the scenes crew couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all."
10 minutes later...
"Well that didn't work, you bastard." *laughtrack*
"Well it would work if we'd just play some real music!" D-11 fumed.
"We can't afford the royalties!" Frank shot back.
"Why do you talk like we're on some tv show?" D-11 asked confused.
"...never mind. Anyway, how much did we make?" Frank asked as D-11 picked up the jar.
"1 pickle and four cents."
"1 pickle?" *laughtrack*
"If I'm being honest here Eyes was not super fond of the fourth wall breaking, so that was a jab at me moreso than a random one liner"
"Maybe we should try something different" Frank suggested.
"Like what?" Toz asked.
A few minutes later, the hand was on the beach, metal detecting.
After a while, they came back to meet and share their findings.
"I found an old metal lunchbox" Toz said (laugh track)
"I found a dozen old nails" TGC said. (Laugh track)
"I found a pipe" Frank said. (Laugh track)
"I found this big bar of solid gold" D-11 said. The others dropped their jaws in astonishment.
"Our troubles are over!" TGC screamed joyously.
The four friends began dancing happily as the "hallelujah chorus" played in the background (audience applause)
Suddenly the door opens, and there is Tug.
"I heard the news!"
"From France?!" *laughtrack*
"What door, we're on a beach!" Frank said confused.
"That... door..." *points to a door standing there randomly at the beach*
*laughtrack*
"So this was actually a chance encounter- see, someone had recently installed an interactive art piece on a beach where we were going to shoot the metal detector scene. It was simply a door, and when the director saw it, he had a spark of inspiration and used it to bring Tug back into the plot at this point"
"Look at our beautiful gold bar!" TGC said joyously.
Tug went over to it and held it; then threw it out.
"What are you doing!?" Toz exclaimed.
"Nice job guys- your gold bar was actually Iron pyrite"
Frank palmed his face has everyone else went "huh?"
"Fool's gold doesn't come in bars, idiot," said TGC.
"It's a prank bar; see..." and he showed on the bottom "Wise Crack's jokeporium- solid gold fools gold"
"So TGC was actually supposed to be silent here, but we didn't know his script was missing 4 pages that day, so when we filmed this he was kind of going with the flow. The line ended up staying because we were losing our light and, well, with the tight budget we couldn't afford to rebook and reshoot the next day, not to mention I think we had rain for like 10 days after that, so it wasn't worth the hassle"
"Well... it's worth something at the very least."
"Actually, we would get more if we sell the metal detectors, but anyways, here's my cut of the rent from my jobs in France and Germany, I'll see you around, I got another gig..." said Tug
"Where?" asked Toz
"Mexico..." replied Tug
"Don't get murdered by a drug cartel!" yelled Diesel 11 as he waved while the rest of the group hit him on the head and shouted, "DON'T BE SO MORBID!!!"
*laughtrack*
"Well, that covers some of the money, but where are we going to get the rest?" Toz asked.
"I have another idea!" D-11 said.
Later, they were on the boardwalk of the beach, and were in yet another band. D-11 still on Electric guitar, Frank on trumpet and Toz on tambourine. But TGC this time was playing an accordion. (laugh track and applause) "Turns out TGC actually had a knack for the accordion, so we let him play it at this point in the episode" "You know, this isn't working. How about we have two guitarists, a bassist, and a drummer. Then we'll rake in some cash."
So: Diesel 11 - guitar and vocals Tug - guitar Toz - bass Frank - drums
And that's how Megathread was born! *laughtrack*
When the fantasy sequence ended, they thought about it and gave their answer.
"But... I actually know how to play the trumpet" Frank said.
"Tug's not even here" TGC pointed out
"I don't know how to play guitar" Toz pointed out.
"Bass." *laughtrack*
"Come on guys, give it a shot; how bad can it be?" D-11 said.
In a music rental place, D-11 looks on with utter horror at what he sees happening around him. Toz's fingers have gotten tangled in the base strings "uh, D-11, is this supposed to happen?" (laugh track)
Frank had somehow got stuck inside a base drum and was rolling around the shop "help! Help! I don't even know how this happened!" Frank said in panic. (laugh track)
And TGC just walked up to D-11 and said "You know what, I think I should go back to my job" (laugh track)
"I'll be honest with you- I was pretty much stuck in the drum for most of this scene, so I don't really remember much of what happened that day. That's right, that's me really in the drum- I do all my own stunts"
Diesel 11 just grabs a guitar and starts playing the riff to "Wasted Years" by Iron Maiden.
"DON'T WORRY! WE ASKED PERMISSION!!!!"
"NOO!!! If this rolling doesn't kill me, the music royalties will!!" Frank said from the drum; "You're probably enjoying every cent of this, aren't you, Steve Harris?" Frank said to the fourth wall.
"Yeah, I am." *laughtrack*
"What the..." *laughtrack*
Just then, low and behold, in came Steve Harris, base player and back up vocalist of Iron Maiden. (Audience applause)
D-11 gasped, TGC and Toz looked on in confusion, and Frank screamed, "Nooo!! Do you have any idea how expensive guest stars are!? that's probably 1/2 the episodes budget right there!" (laugh track)
"Aww man... I was hoping for David Murray" D-11 said. (laugh track)
"That would have been the budget for the season!" Frank exclaimed from his drum, which was somehow still rolling. (laugh track)
"Now this part I do remember. Harris happened to be doing an autograph session earlier that day and we wanted to surprise Eyes; so we convinced him to do a walk-on cameo. The David Murray line was written by me- Eyes has said Harris is better on stage but it was the only joke that made sense there, so- Mr Harris, I apologize for any slight against you"
"Shut up, Frank...." *laughtrack*
"Total ad-lib there; Eyes was fed up with the budget jokes by now so that was him actually telling me to shut up"
But just as D-11 said that, Frank rolled right into D-11
"Ow..." they both said.
"Stop messing around; can we please get on with it? I'd like to find out why there's an Iron Maiden band member that just so happened to walk into this store" Toz said.
"Who cares!? Just get me out of this drum!" Frank said.
"That was real frustration on my part; they told me I would only be in the drum for 10 minutes, but by then it had been over an hour and my back was really starting to hurt"
"Hello there, I'm looking for a gift for my wife."
"In a music store?" *laughtrack* "That's it; I'm leaving" TGC said as he decided to go back to the apartment.
"I still need help!" Toz said, referring to his fingers. "Alright, get a knife."
"KNIFE?!" *laughtrack* "Scissors" Frank said, pulling out a pair of scissors
"Rock" Diesel 11 said, pulling out a rock
*small laugh track*
"I never figured out how you are supposed to smash scissors with a rock, and how does paper destroy a rock?!" Toz said
*large laugh track* After finally getting Frank out of the drum. The store owner came up to them, "and how do you plan to pay for these damaged instruments?"
"Uh..."
The three were literally thrown out of the store (laugh track)
"Well, at least we don't have to pay for the guest star anymore" Frank said (laugh track)
"Well, back to the drawing board?" D-11 said.
"The what?" Toz asked
"Let's just go home" Frank aid as he hailed a taxi; the group was splashed with water as it ran through a large puddle. (Laugh track)
"It didn't even rain today!" Frank fumed (fade to black)
"I honestly don't remember filming this bit; the rolling in the drum really messed me up that day"
At the Apartment TGC was trying to figure out how to get the Wii U in the setup but the TV had fallen over on him. "I can explain. I tried to get the Wii U up but it was missing a cord so I got one off eBay and it turns out the seller was my mom who has sold a broken cord for a Wii u that my dog chewed up and I was really pisse day that so I threw this SNES controller at the wall and it broke."
"You threw an SNES Controller at a wall so hard you broke it. I once had a SNES and it was indestructible!" Frank said
"No I broke the wall with the controller."
*laugh track*
"How did you get an SNES controller anyways?"
"I had some extra money."
"Now we're really broke!" Toz said.
"Anyways how does that have to do with the TV falling on you?"
"I tried to get the controller out of the wall for 5 minutes but eventually got so frustrated I threw the SNES on the ground, it caused a minor earthquake, and busted through 2 floors of the building with the earthquake making the TV fall on me."
*Laugh track*
"In retrospect, the video game subplot may not have been our best idea; we never gave it a real resolution so as a whole it was quite unsatisfying; won't deny we had some good jokes though"
"Well, at least nothing broke... wait, do we even have an SNES?" Frank asked in confusion *Laugh track
"Yeah I got one with the spare money that's why we have an SNES controller, I told you I threw the SNES on the ground and it busted through 2 floors of the building." TGC said. "Oh my god now we are truly broke." Toz said. "We have 7 cents." Frank said. *laugh track* "...I think the blood circulation in my entire lower body has been cut off..." TGC said *laugh track fade to black*
After a lot of cleaning up, and luckily the TV wasn't broken, the four friends were sitting together on the couch looking sad.
"I just don't know what to do" Toz said sadly.
"We gotta make money somehow" D-11 said.
"What I want to know is how Frank got trapped in a base drum" TGC said *Laugh track
"I keep getting asked about that on social media; and my response is always the same- "Its sitcom logic, I've learned not to question it" and that's where I stand to this day"
It is the next morning and the guys are having breakfast.
"So I'm off to my job again... good luck coming into some money"
Toz, Frank and D-11 sit at a table while having breakfast.
"Well, becoming a band did't work out all that well. Any other ideas?" Frank asked.
"We could invent something" Toz proposed.
"I have an idea!" D-11 said excitedly. And he ran out of the apartment. (Construction noises, laugh track)
"Guys! Come onto the roof and see my creation!" Frank and Toz ran out to the roof. It is a bicycle with wings and a tail like an aircraft.
"I invented a flying machine! I call it the Superior Performance Longitudinal Aerial Transportation vehicle" D-11 said proudly.
"The SPLAT Vehicle?" Frank said in confusion (Laugh track)
*D-11 thinks it over, but doesn't get it
"Just watch me!" He said. He got onto the bike and began peddling toward the ramp he constructed.
Frank covered his eyes, while Toz took out a camera
"So the SPLAT vehicle was initially my idea and I was the one going to fly it- but the director felt that this would fit Eyes' character more. Not sure why since I was the inventive one in later episodes, but at this point I just learned not to question the director... especially when he doesn't have his coffee.
It went off the roof, and then-
IT REALLY FLEW!!
/end Chicken Run scene
SPLAT!
"Oh no!" Frank shrieked in terror when he heard the sound. "this is a 12 story building!" (laugh track)
"This is SO going to get a million hits!" Toz said as he began uploading the video
"Forget the video and call an ambulance!" Frank fumed. (laugh track)
"Don't worry guys... I have insurance... I'm covered!" D-11 called from the ground.
"But what about the co-pay?" Frank called out.
"What's a co-pay?" D-11 asked (laugh track)
(Cut to hospital; a full body cast is on a bed, Frank and Toz look on sadly as the doctor walks in)
"Is he going to make it?" Frank asked.
"I... I don't know" the doctor said.
"NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Frank said, falling to the ground and screaming dramatically.
"Oh wait, sorry, this is for the old lady next door... Jalenson how many times have I told you not to mess with Mrs. Gerkins paperwork!" yelled the doctor to his male Burmese
"Doctor our friend?" asked Frank
"Oh yeah, he'll be fine, just 3-4 weeks of healing plus very expensive medical a fees..." answered the Doctor
Frank screamed, "NNNNNNNOOOOO!!!!" in the very dramatic tone as the doctor walked awkwardly away to deal with another patient...
*laughtrack*
Just then Toz walked in...
"Hey Frank what's the status?" asked Toz
"Well Diesel 11 going to be out of commission for a while and all of our bank accounts have gone into negative values due to insurance fees..." replied Frank
"Well I got some good news! I uploaded that fail of a fall on YouTube and we got billions, and I mean BILLIONS, of views! I monetized the video, and with the amount were making off of one viral video and add revenue, we'll be set for a looooonnng while..." responded Toz
Thank heavens for this glorious digital age we live in where we can become millionaires by filming a fail of a lifetime! So, any bad news to go with it because that's how they usually go, right?" asked Frank
"Well the bad news is if we want to keep this as our jobs so we don't have to actually do labor... We need to keep making videos like this..." answered Toz
Frank replied, "Well our insurance Rates will dramatically go up... Oh well... Hey Diesel 11, how would you like to be a star?!?!"
*laughtrack*
"When Tug pitched this scene we were laughing hysterically because it was a great way to satirize the overabundance of fail videos on the internet. Eyes agreed to this scene on one condition though"
"So you want to make a lot of people laugh at my expense?!" D-11 said
"Oh... I hadn't thought of that" Frank said (laugh track)
"Well, what about your inventions?" D-11 said.
"Oh yea!" Toz said. "Hold on a second" he said as he went to get his, and Frank went to get his.
Frank came back holding a weird looking flashlight, and talked first.
"Check it out; it's a solar powered flashlight! Never worry about batteries again!" Frank said proudly.
Toz took out his device. "Check it out! They are like gloves, but for your feet! Never worry about cold feet again!" Toz said proudly.
"I want you to think REALLY hard on this one" D-11 said sternly.
"Toe socks!" Toz said with jazz hands. *laughtrack*
"Actually, as long as you charge it first, it's a great idea, and with some adaption could even charge itself." Frank said.
"Toe socks!" *jazz hands* *laughtrack* "Oh, wait!" said Diesel 11. "I've got a great idea!"
*Gets out phone, turns on video camera, and pushes Toz and Frank out the window*
"We can laugh at your expense!! I'll add the Darth Vader 'NOOOOOO!' to it, and then it'll be perfect!
Toz and Frank shout, "NOOOOOOOOO!!" *laughtrack*
D-11 finishes explaining his ideas, and shows they are still in the hospital room.
"Well, go on, let's follow my plan; get to the window". D-11 said.
"Wait; aren't you in a full body cast?" Toz asked *laugh track
"and... I think we're on the first floor" Frank pointed out. *laugh track
"But it's your turn to do a fail video!" D-11 pointed out.
"Why didn't you get a video of me in the base drum?" Frank asked
Toz and D-11 grin
"Why is there a base drum in a hospital?!" Frank said, somehow trapped in a base drum again, rolling around the hospital lobby while Toz records.
Back in D-11's hospital room, D-11 gets good news from the doctor.
"Well, it turns out we kinda got carried away with the full body cast, so it can come off" he said.
"Sweet! Get this thing off me!" D-11 said "I want to Frank and Toz to star in a fail video even better than mine!" *laugh track
"Ok" the doctor said, pulling out a chainsaw (bum bum BUUUMMMM!!!)
"Eyes insisted on getting a revenge moment so we filmed a fantasy sequence where he pushed us out the window. But the focus as you can see was the inventions. Not going to lie, the solar powered flashlight I created purely as a gag, but toz insisted it actually had merit so we ended up reusing it in a later episode"
To be continued.... same 3WSR-time, same 3WSR-channel!
"So the test audience actually didn't like the sign off at the end even though the five of us did enjoy it, we ended up not reusing it for subsequent episodes since the laughs just weren't there. Which is a shame since I totally got the reference.
Well folks, that wraps up my commentary on the pilot episode; stay tuned for my commentary on episode 2!
|
|
|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 18, 2022 19:26:15 GMT -5
*Cut to: Frank is sitting on a couch in a living room*
"Hi everybody! It's Frank from the 3WSR Show! I'm back again to offer my commentary on Episode 2 of the 3WSR show! No point in wasting time, let's get right into it!"
*Title sequence: Frank reacts to: Episode Two- Frank's Bright Idea*
*Episode opens; Frank is sitting at his desk working on the invention from last episode.
"Almost there and... ah ha! (turns to audience) As you may recall, last episode I came up with an invention- the Solar powered flashlight. We've made a good deal of money from mine and D-11's fail videos, so we don't have to worry for a while; but a stable income would be nice. Sure, there is my video game let's plays, but a revolutionary new product will take the world by storm! And nothing will distract me from..."
(Off screen) "Frank! The Pizza's here!" Toz screams.
"Finally! (back to audience) gotta go!" and Frank bolts out of his room (laugh track)
"Yea, this scene was intended to kill two birds with one stone; see, we lost power for about three hours and by the time it was restored we had lost a good chunk of the day. So, we combined lunch with the opening of this episode; I'm just glad we got it on the first take because I was not going to pretend bite a prop slice"
*Frank arrives at the table and sees a pepperoni pizza*
"Wow! Pepperoni?"
Toz turns and looks at Frank.
"No, Frank, a space alien." *laughtrack*
"Damn it!" says Diesel 11. "I prefer cheese."
"Diesel! This is G-rated sitcom!" *laughtrack*
Diesel 11 stops, stares at Frank, then turns to the audience and says, "F*** you, audience!" *laughtrack*
"Ugh, the d*mn cursing from Eyes again. And yes, I do realize the irony in that statement. They are sitting at the table, enjoying the pizza. "So anyway, the doctor takes off my casts, and it turns out I'm completely fine!" D-11 said. "How did you survive a 12 story fall?" Toz asked. "The doctor said the fact I landed in a bush helped" he explained. "Translation: his contract lasts all season" Frank whispered to the audience (laugh track)
"That and a death in the pilot would have been a bummer- come on guys, this is a sitcom, not a drama"
*fade to black; the theme song starts. Cheerful, upbeat music begins followed by the singers. They're five crazy guys Who have most unusual lives But put them together and what have you got? 3WSR and here's the plot! Five guys, who love burgers and fries (Frank interjects) "Seriously? I hate corporate sponsors... Five friends whose adventures never seem to end. For a good laugh don't look far,
Welcome to the world of 3...W...S...RRRRRRRRR!!!" ("The 3WSR Show" title appears on screen; Frank suddenly appears beside the title) "Seriously? That's our theme song?" (Frank gets crushed as the exclamation point falls on top of him) "I was probably asking for that" Frank says as the screen fades to black again.
D11 - "Okay. I've decided we need a new theme song." TOZ - "What..?" D11 - "A new theme song. Let's try it, shall we?"
Thank you for being a friend Travel down the road and back again...
TOZ - "You want to get sued?" D11 - "Hmm... how about:"
Nobody ever told you that life would be this way...
TOZ - "I don't think that'd be a good idea either..." D11 - "Or:"
These days are miiiiiine...
TOZ - "Oh, brother..." D11 - "Or even:"
Na na na na na na na na, batman!
Quit messing with the theme song and get to the plot!" Frank pointed out.
"Yea, that was real frustration from me; I worked very hard on that theme song and I felt rather taken aback by that exchange. We had a good laugh after that but thankfully we didn't use the music; turns out Eyes singing A Capella saved us from the royalties"
Now after dinner, Frank went back to his room to work on his invention.
"Hey Frank, can you help me out with a song I'm working on?" D-11 asked.
"Sure; what is it?" He said.
D-11 sings his song, about 90 seconds in, comes to the line
"And as the moon turned completely orange,
That was when...when..." He stopped singing "what rhymes with orange?" He asked.
"Uh...uh... I'll get back to you on that" and Frank ran to his room
"I'd tell him there is a word that rhymes with orange, but I doubt he can make something work with "sporange" there"
Frank pulls down a chart "sporange- a part of a fern plant" (laugh track)
"Now where was I?" Frank asks himself. "I know! I'll check the script!" And Frank pulls out a large stack of paper and reads it (laugh track)
"Confession: I never told Eyes about the sporange even after we filmed this episode; he's probably mad at me for that. As for the script part- that stack is actually not the script, it was something else entirely... that I am not at liberty to say. But anyway, back to the show"
Suddenly, Toz walked in. "I hate this weather!"
"It's sunny and 72 degrees! It's nice!" Frank said.
"I'm wearing my winter coat!" *laughtrack*
"...why?"
"Because I need all the pockets on it for my phone, iPod, camera, pencils, pens, markers, highlighters, scraps of paper, cough drops, cough drop wrappers, DNA samples, cat food..." *laughtrack*
"You don't need all that stuff!"
"I'm trying to trade up to a mansion." *laughtrack*
"A mansion?" Frank asked, confused.
"You didn't see that video of the guy who started with something cheap and worked his way up to something expensive?" Toz asked.
"Why are you trying to get into a mansion?" Frank asked
"Because we can't stay in this apartment forever!" Toz exclaimed.
"Do you have any idea how expensive a new set is?!" Frank exclaimed (laugh track)
"Believe it or not I actually didn't want to break the fourth wall here; but I genuinely forgot what my line was supposed to be so I ended up blurting that out. The director liked it though, so we kept it."
"Oh, by the way guys," says Diesel 11, "my aunt is coming to visit."
"You're ant?"
"Richtig auszusprechen oder ficken werde ich dich töten!!!"
*laughtrack*
*Frank and Toz stare at Diesel 11*
"Sorry, that was the Grammar Nazi in me speaking."
*laughtrack*
"Oh good, an outside opinion... we can see what she thinks of my Solar powered flashlight" Frank said enthusiastically (laugh track)
"She's here to visit Frank... not be a guinea pig for your experiment!" D-11 said *Laugh track
"But this episode is about my bright idea!" Frank points out. *pulls down title screen with "Frank's bright idea" on it. "See?" *laugh track
"You know we can have more than one thing going on at once" Toz pointed out *laugh track
"Where did that come from?" A confused D-11 asked *points at title screen Frank pulled down, laugh track.
"That was real confusion on Eyes' part- I never told her about the cards I could pull down from the ceiling and the thing it was rolled up in was really well hidden, so it took her a second to figure out what was going on"
The next day...
"Okay guys, I want you all to be on your best behavior when my aunt gets here."
"Sure."
"Oh, and one other thing - she had a stroke not to long ago, which her, kind of... well... annoying."
"Um... what do you mean by, 'annoying'?"
Ding-dong!
"That'll be her!"
*Opens door to a short, gray-haired woman with glasses and a purse made of bamboo*
"Hi, Aunt Angie!"
"What's with this high stuff? You must be blind if you can't see that I'm shorter than you." *laughtrack*
Frank sighs with relief "Thank goodness our guest star for this episode isn't anyone famous like Betty White... that would be the budget for the season!" (laugh track) "Hey, D-11 I trust you can handle your aunt at the moment? I just realized there is something very important to take care of in my room" and Frank starts walking down the hall... then he runs (laugh track)
"So that first line... in hindsight, we could have been better off without it. But the me suddenly running off bit... so that was a quick save on my part. See, I wasn't actually supposed to be in that scene, I was supposed to be in my room the whole time, then hide under my bed when I overheard their conversation. As soon as I realized my error I quickly came up with that to save the shot and avoid a reshoot. The director later congratulated me for the save, so I thought that was nice."
AUNT: "What does he do for a living, manage pools?" *laughtrack
TOZ: "Frank has learned something very wise... when someone else is around, you walk away... and then run like hell!" *Toz runs, laughtrack
AUNT: "What is he, a stripper?" *laughtrack
"Toz was in this scene, but to keep the coherency she improvised that line too to keep the gag going"
Oh come on Aunt; why don't you come and take a seat; the living room is just this way" D-11 said, reaching for her arm.
"Hands off me, woman!" The Aunt said, first striking D-11 with her purse, then pulling out pepper spray.
(Cut to: Frank, hiding under his bed in his room)
"AAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!" is heard, just offscreen.
"Don't worry folks, that wasn't really pepper spray; he's just screaming to sound like it is" Frank assured the audience.
"WHY DO YOU HAVE PEPPER SPRAY!?!?" D-11 is heard screaming.
"Wow, he's really getting into the role" Frank observed (laugh track)
"In my defense I genuinely believed that he was faking it; nobody told me that she was given real pepper spray that day. But it was the last time we trusted her with it"
"I think that's real pepper spray, dude!" Toz said.
"No, PETA wouldn't... wait, where are you?"
"Also under the bed. Can you move your foot?" *laughtrack*
"Wait, how did you get here? I ran out of the room first!" Frank pointed out.
"A lot happens off screen!" Toz said (laugh track)
"So you ran into my room?" Frank asked.
"It was closer" Toz said (Laugh track) Just then, Toz started building up a sneeze.
"Frank when was the last time you dusted under... ah...ah ah CHOOO!!!!" Toz went, and Frank was suddenly flung out from under his bed, and landed on the chair, albeit upside down.
"The things I do for comedy" Frank said, still upside down (laugh track)
"That was real confusion on my part; I realized that the original dialogue that was written no longer made sense here so I had to come up with something new on very short notice. I'm just glad Toz has always been very good at bouncing things off me. And I'm going to reveal something shocking here- "the things I do for comedy" I had no idea made the final cut until the show aired. See, I was told that after I flew into the chair, there would be a shot of me there, dazed, then we'd move onto the next scene. That line was actually me talking to the director directly, but he liked it so much he ended up keeping it in the final cut"
Back with Diesel 11...
"So what are you going to do hear, aunt?"
"Finally eat some good food, like this stuff." *takes a bite* "What the hell is this?"
"That's... deodorant...."
"Better than the stuff they serve at the retirement home." (laughtrack)
Frank and Toz were in Frank's room.
"Anyway, I'm going to meet with an investor and see if I can get some money towards the Solar Powered Flashlight." Frank said as he put on a suit.
"Can I come with you? I can support you from a moral and logistical point..."
"You just want to get away from D-11's aunt?" Frank asked
"Please." Toz said quickly (laugh track)
"Ok, let's go" Frank said as they went to leave.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?" asked Aunt Angie.
"Um... to test out my latest invention."
"You'll go down like a lead balloon." *laughtrack
"I'll have you know that my invention is a stoke of genius and will change the world!" Frank said indignantly as he left the apartment with Toz not far behind.
"You have some bizarre friends Davis" Aunt Angie said to D-11. (laugh track)
"Aunt Angie, that is not my name; call me D-11" he said.
"Nonsense! Your mother did not name you after a number, and I will not call you by a number either. You are more than a number" Aunt Angie said.
"What the **** are you talking about?" D-11 said in confusion. (Laugh track)
"Right, so that last line was actually not in the script. The actress playing Aunt Angie here really couldn't understand the premise of a number being in Eyes' name when he went by Diesel 11, so credit to her for improvisation here, but I can't help but feel bad because she didn't actually mean it as a joke. So that line- that was Eyes really confused because she couldn't understand what Aunt Angie was even talking about."
*"The Prisoner" music video suddenly appears*
"Not a number; I'm a free man, and my life is my own now!"
"No!" cried Frank, "The last thing we need is a lawsuit with Iron Maiden!!"
So they cut to Frank and Toz on public transportation.
"Frank, you really should get a car" Toz said.
"And where am I supposed to park it?" Frank pointed out.
Toz paused then had an "realization" moment. (laugh track)
"So what do we do?" Toz asked.
"We go to the address, wait our turn, and I present my invention" Frank explained.
"Not exactly my cup of tea... but I'll do anything to get away from D-11's crazy aunt" Toz said (laugh track)
"We needed the money; so Iron Maiden got some free advertising in show in exchange for that brief bit."
"You guys need to some real food for a change, not this fast food junk. I think I'll make some Lasagna al Italia."
"But that takes 36 hours to make!" (laughtrack)
"Hey, when you get to be my age, you'll find you have plenty of time on your hands." (laughtrack)
"Now, now, Davis, let's not argue; I will cook my lasagna and you will eat it." Aunt Angie said.
"I'm not waiting 36 hours" D-11 said.
"36 hours!? I'm not going to wait 36 hours! Make something else Davis!" Aunt Angie screamed (laughter)
"Wait, what? And stop calling me Davis!" D-11 fumed.
"I'll be honest with you- even we never understood why Aunt Angie kept calling 1000 Eyes Davis; but outside of filming she was such a sweet lady we didn't have the heart to correct her."
"Right then... Dahvid."
"ARGH! MY OLD NICKNAME COME BACK TO HAUNT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!" (laughtrack)
"I don't know the story with that one"
*fade to black, scene change
At an office building, Frank entered with Toz.
"Hi, we are here to see Mr. Waldron" Frank said to the receptionist.
"Oh yes, you must be the 1:30. Take a seat; you'll be called when ready" the receptionist said.
"Thank you" and Frank went to sit down.
"Say Frank; do you think any of us will get romantic interests in the future?" Toz asked.
"Well, I don't know about the rest of you guys, but it's the lonely hearts club for me... but knowing our producer, probably not."
"That sounds sexist..." Toz said sternly "the lack of female characters on this show could cause controversy"
"Well, I refuse to stoop to the level of a sitcom that resorts to hiring attractive female actress who boast no talent, and only bring in the viewers because they look nice" Frank said, standing in a "triumphant" pose (Audience applause)
"Well... what if they look nice AND they have a good depth of character?" Toz asked.
"Oh yea, totally open to that" Frank said quickly (laugh track)
"Right, so this actually requires some context to understand. I had just wrapped up filming on another sitcom before starting this show, and it was not a pleasant experience. It was an office comedy, and I was one of five male leads alongside 4 female leads. The director of that one didn't particularly care about the talent of the actors and was more concerned about appearances than anything else. Seriously- every one of those female characters were so shallow and clearly only there to draw in the viewers. I only know this because when you see what wardrobe made them wear every episode, you'll get what I mean. Seriously, that was not normal office wear. I actually refused to renew my contract because I couldn't stand the lack of substance on that show. And no, I'm not telling you the name of that series; it was honestly the lowest point of my career and I prefer to forget about it. Thank God it never got a home video release. But anyway, I was sick of shallow females who only exist to look pretty for the camera and I made it clear to the director that any characters like that and I would walk out immediately. In hindsight though, I didn't need to mention the producer, scene didn't need it."
Mr. Waldron entered the room.
"All righty, you bastards, what do you have for me today?"
"huh?" A confused Frank asked.
"Well, you are the 1:30 aren't you?" Mr. Waldron asked.
"Oh, yes. I'm Frank, sir." Frank said as he stood up to shake hands.
"Ah, I look forward to your invention" Mr. Waldron said. "And you?" He looked to Toz.
"I'm Toz, sir." He said as he stood up.
"Toz? What kind of name is that, Swedish?"
"No, Baum." Toz said. (Cricket chirps)
*Frank is shown angry, then walks towards audience.
"Really? Come on, nothing? It's Baum, TOZ. TOZ, L. Frank Baum." (Cricket chirps, then two members of the audience laugh)
"Thank you; see, somebody gets it" Frank said as he went back to the scene.
"Yea, in retrospect that was a really terrible joke; I actually apologized to Toz after the fact because she only said it because I insisted on it. We should've stuck with the original gag"
The man stared at the audience. "What the hell are all these people doing in my office?!" (laughtrack)
"Stick to the script" Frank quickly shot.
"Oh right, sorry. *Clears throat. Now, then, what have you brought for me today?"
"Shouldn't we go into the office?" Frank asked, confused.
"Oh, yes, right this way."
*Scene change
"Now then, would you like to begin?"
"Yes sir, let me just set up a few things" and Frank opened his brief case.
......
* Scene change
"Now Davis, what are we going to eat..."
"Stop calling me Davis!!" D-11 fumed.
"Okay, okay! Sheesh...."
"Anyway, we can go to that new pizzeria."
"I suppose..."
*Scene change
"Ugh! This is the worst pizza ever!"
"I think it's fine."
"You've been raised in the States. I come straight from Sicily. Back there, all we knew how to do was make love and bake pizza." (laughtrack)
"Yea, we got about 10,000 angry letters from Sicily and Southern Italy after this episode; kind of explains our ratings slump in Italy during the original airing.
"Well the best pizza in the country comes from New York; if this was New York pizza, your opinion would be different' D-11 said (audience cheers)
"Oh I see; what state are we in?" Aunt Angie asked.
"I... don't know!" D-11 said, a blank expression on his face (laugh track)
"Well anyway, I could do a lot better than this. Waiter! Waiter!"
"Yes, ma'am?"
"Get me the manager."
"Manager?"
"Yes, the manager. What, are you deaf?" (laughtrack)
"Um... but..."
"JUST GET THE THE MANAGER!!"
*a minute later...
"You wanted to see me?"
"Yeah. This pizza's terrible."
"Well, I'm so-"
"That's why, I'm buying this place."
Both Diesel 11 and the manager stare at Aunt Angie. (laughtrack)
"Okay, okay, I won't buy it. But at the very least, I'll work for you."
"Well, thanks, but we don't need extra hel-"
"What do you mean you 'don't need extra help'?! Didn't you just hear me say 'This pizza's terrible'?!" (laughtrack)
"Well where do you think we are, New York?" The manager said.
"I don't know, are we?" Aunt Angie said.
"I...don't know" the manager said (laugh track)
"Oh, I know how to figure out where we are" D-11 said. He walked outside and looked for famous landmarks.
And he saw the Empire State Building, the Gateway Arch. The Golden Gate Bridge, the Eiffel Tower, the Sphinx, the Sydney Opera House and the leaning tower of Pisa. (Laugh track, applause)
"Uh...uh..." D-11 said, a complete loss for words.
"Ah yes, the world landmarks gag. So before the sitcom was filmed in that studio, there was a documentary series on the wonders of the world that was filmed there; and they never took their miniatures home when they were done filming. So being on a tight budget we made the most of it; we used some modeling kits to try and put a makeshift city together to link the landmarks together, and viola! Basically we played with the gag of how a lot of sitcoms take place in fictional cities."
"Well anyways, let me into that kitchen!"
Back at the office...
"In conclusion, the solar flashlight will be a necessary aid for campers and spelunkers, and its self-charging function will revolutionize the flashlight industry. Thank you."
The business men stood and applauded.
"My god, this is the best pitch I've heard in years! Come in here, Frank D. Triviaman!"
Toz waited outside, talking to the secretary.
"I can't believe anyone thought this would be a good idea!" The secretary fumed.
"With a few tweaks, it would work perfectly, you have to admit."
"I do not know... now, if you'll excuse me, I'm meeting some friends for lunch across the street at the Space Needle. Then we're going to the next block over to visit Powells Books." *laughtrack* "Want to come?"
"Sure, why not?"
"We didn't have a Powell's Books model, but Toz didn't want to be left out of the fun with this gag."
Frank came out of the office with a smile on his face.
"Toz, you'll never believe this,
I just got a deal with... Oh, who's your friend?" Frank asked, noticing that Toz was just about to walk out the door.
"I was about to go with my new friend across the street" Toz explained.
"Oh, I see. BTW, they love the invention; I'm getting the investment!" Frank said excitedly. Just then, confetti and balloons fell from the ceiling *audience cheers
"Huh, where did all these balloons come from?" Frank said, confused *Laugh track.
A clown came into the lobby "Hey, did anyone see my box of balloons? It's for a kid's birthday party on the 6th floor" he said
"Sorry, I don't think there was a..."
*Frank takes box to the head, falls down to ground, then the laugh track
"That wasn't in the script; but I didn't think just standing there would've made much sense so I did the only thing I could think of when the box hit my head and fell to the floor in an exaggerated fashion"
*At the apartment...
"What the hell is going on is going on in this kitchen?!" *laugh track*
"Uh, well, Aunt Angie, you see..."
"Oh, shut up and get out of my way!" *laugh track*
A knock at the door is heard. Diesel 11 opens it. A sexy woman with black hair stands there.
"Oh, hi. Aunt Angie, this is Elvira."
"You look like a prostitute!" *laugh track*
Elvira promptly leaves. *laugh track*
"Damn it! Why'd you have to say that?"
"Even a two-year old would end up falling in love with her." *laugh track*
Frank comes from behind the fridge door, an ice pack on his head "yeah, and heaven knows if she had the depth of character, or she was all looks" Frank said (laugh track)
"What are you blabbering on about? Come to think of it, why are you always talking to the apartment's fourth wall?" Aunt Angie asked (laugh track)
"I'd explain it to you, but there's no point since you won't be appearing the rest of the season" (Laugh track)
"What?" Aunt Angie asked, confused.
"I mean, well you are only in town for a short while, aren't you. Surely you do have a home to go to" Frank explained.
"Yes, this is true" Aunt Angie asked.
"So how was your day with her?" Frank asked D-11
"Right, so the Elvira line was totally out of line for me. I had misheard the name of the actress hired to play her and thought it was one of those shallow actresses from my last project. Thankfully it wasn't, and I did apologize to the director afterwards. We kept the line anyway because it was a good follow up to the earlier gag"
"Hell. Complete and utter hell!!"
"Uh... okay...." *laugh track*
"You know what, you got me thinking, Frank," said Aunt Angie.
"What do you mean?"
"I've decided to stay here!" *laugh track, Frank and Diesel 11 look at each other and mouth "Uh-oh!"*
*Fade to black*
*Credits, end of episode*
Frank throws a ball and the credits shatter.
"Wait a minute! We still have a couple plot points to wrap up!" Frank pointed out.
Frank showed D-11 a check.
"Guess what man; I got a check from the investors; they're gonna make the Solar powered flashlight!" Frank said *Audience cheers
"That's great Frank! You'll make millions!" D-11 said.
"WE will make millions; the money's gonna help all of us" Frank said (audience "Awws"
"What?! A flashlight powered by the sun?! How is is supposed to work at night!?" Aunt Angie said.
"I'd explain it to you, but I think you're just going to give me another crazy response" Frank said *laugh track.
"Say, where's Toz? He should be back by now?" D-11 asked.
"Not sure; said he was going to hang out at the space needle for a while" Frank explained.
"So we're in Seattle?" Aunt Angie asked.
"Please, don't. We're not going there again." Frank said. *Looks out window to see Sphinx and Golden gate bridge, laugh track
*Toz is hanging from the Space Needle*
"Damn it."
"I actually don't have an explanation for that bit; it was filmed during one of my days off. Anyways, that brings us to the end of Episode 2. Thanks for watching with me, and I look forward to watching episode 3 with you."
|
|
|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 18, 2022 21:58:37 GMT -5
*Cut to: Frank is sitting on a couch in a living room*
"Hi everybody! It's Frank from the 3WSR Show! I'm back again to offer my commentary on Episode three of the 3WSR show! No point in wasting time, let's get right into it!"
*Title sequence: Frank reacts to: Episode Three- D-11 and the Incident*
It had been several days since Aunt Angie's visit. She went back home to get her things, then she promised that she would be back in a couple weeks.
So Aunt Angie's moving in?" A confused Toz asked, who was still unsure how he hanged from the Space needle.
"Not to our apartment exactly; just the building" Frank explained. "Besides, we are in apartment 7C. I asked Jacob the landlord; the only ones free are apartments 4B and 3A; even if she moves in, there is a good 3 floors separating us" he continued.
"Well that's a relief" D-11 said.
Suddenly, Aunt Angie walks in. "Okay, I think I'll just put this stuff here..."
"Aunt Angie, what are you doing?"
"What do you think I'm doing, I'm moving in!" *laugh track*
"What?!"
"Hey, you guys need me desperately. All you eat is fast food. I can make you some good meals."
"Like what?"
"Hot dogs, hamburgers, and pizza!" *laughtrack*
"If I'm being honest- this episode was a total mess. It was like two different writers were writing this episode and each had a different end goal in mind"
"Hey! I can make Chicken Parmesan!" Frank said.
"Then why don't you?" Aunt Angie asked.
"...because no one ever wants it" Frank said sadly (Audience "Awws")
"And anyway, you don't need to move in here Angie, it's ok. There's two empty apartments down stairs that you can have all to yourself!" D-11 told her. "In fact, 4B has a hot tub!"
"That's not exactly high quality cuisine either.." deadpanned Toz *laughtrack*
Suddenly, the front door opens, revealing a battered and bruised Tug... *Audience applause*
"What the hell guys!!!" shouted Tug
"What are you so angry about Tug?" asked Frank
"I come home after a dangerous and deadly adventure, literally sending you a postcard for help, and you don't even answer me or read it in the last episode!" yelled Tug in response
"Really? You sent a postcard? With D-11's aunt here I never checked the mail..." replied Toz "What did it say anyway?" asked D-11, not really caring...
Tug replied, "Well it went like this: Dear Roommates, As you know, I'm an internationally famous accountant who does work all over the globe and along with TGC is the only one who pays rent *cough D-11 get a job cough* and my recent job sent me to Mexico. In Mexico I did work for their government, maybe a cartel that was really a front for a CIA, won an entire world poker game at a fabulous resort, lost in all on a burro race, receiving the losing burro as compensation, and in short, never really want to go to Mexico again because well they the country itself doesn't want me back either... Plus I lost my passport in the Burro race...
- Signed Tug P.S. Send Legal Documentation P.P.S. Do research on how to ship Burro internationally, plus where to keep said animal in the apartment building..."
"In hindsight we had this coming; we totally forgot about Tug's plot and we had to do this to preserve continuity"
"That doesn't seem that bad..." replied D-11
"Well you're not the one who had to seek over the border with a Burro under the watchful eyes of Dolan T. Drumph now huh?" answered Tug, "Also where should I keep this Burro, his name is Alberto.."
A mule soon walks into the living room... *laughtrack*
"Seriously? PETA's going to be sending a lot of angry emails" Frank observed *Laugh track
*fade to black; the theme song starts. Cheerful, upbeat music begins followed by the singers. They're five crazy guys Who have most unusual lives But put them together and what have you got? 3WSR and here's the plot! Five guys, who love burgers and fries (Frank interjects) "Seriously? I hate corporate sponsors... Five friends whose adventures never seem to end. For a good laugh don't look far, Welcome to the world of 3...W...S...RRRRRRRRR!!!"
("The 3WSR Show" title appears on screen; Frank suddenly appears beside the title)
"Seriously? That's our theme song?"
(Frank gets crushed as the exclamation point falls on top of him)
"I was probably asking for that" Frank says as the screen fades to black again.
"Now Auntie, you really don't need to move in with us..."
"So?" *laugh track*
"Let me put it this way," says Toz. "WE NEED YOU LIKE A HOLE IN THE HEAD!!"
"So?" *laugh track*
"Better get used to the idea guys," says Frank, "I think she's staying for good..."
"No she's not!" Suddenly an older man walked in.
"Oh, hello Jacob; what's up?" Frank asked.
"I'm here to remove this woman from the apartment. Your lease clearly stipulates that this is a five person apartment, and bringing her in here would violate the rules." Jacob informed.
"So?" Aunt Angie asked.
"Read my lips, I am the landlord, and I say YOU. CAN'T. LIVE. HERE." He fumed.
"So?" She said again.
"You leave now or I call the police" he said.
"Goodbye" and suddenly she walked out.
"Well that was...lazy" Frank said.
"Was this even supposed to happen?" And suddenly D-11 looked at the script (laugh track)
"So at this point we were supposed to transition to the main plot and this would've basically been a "cold open" as its called in the business. At least that was my script. But Eyes' script said Aunt Angie was supposed to stay. Honestly I think someone was trying to mess with all of us when we filmed this one"
"No, it wasn't! Aunt Angie, come back!"
"Yes?"
"The thing is, TGC and Tug are away most of the time, so very rarely would all six of us be together. According to the script, you can stay."
"Well," says the landlord, "it the script says it, then it must be okay." *laughtrack*
Diesel 11 smiles with his success, and then - "Oh no, what have I done?!" *laughtrack*
Aunt Angie unpacks her things.
Frank rapidly thinks, then a lightbulb goes off over his head.
"ahh!" He screams, takes the lightbulb and throws it. "I hate it when that happens"
Then he went to Aunt Angie and informed her. "I am so sorry, but we don't have a spare room. All our rooms are taken, and there is no where we can put you. You'll have nowhere to sleep I am afraid."
She then fumed. "What? You have someone move in and you don't even have the courtesy to free up a bed? Well forget it! Eat fast food for all I care, I'm going downstairs!" And she stormed out angry.
"The actress who played Aunt Angie here was very patient with all the nonsense if I'm being honest- her character was going in so many directions we didn't know what was going on"
She promptly walked back in.
"I have an idea. Be right back."
An hour later, Aunt Angie walks in with a bed.
"Now I have a bed, and the workmen will be here tomorrow morning to build a new room."
"W-workmen?!"
"We can't afford a new set!" Frank said.
"What?" Aunt Angie asked.
"Uh, I mean, look it's Jacob again!" Frank said.
Jacob came walking in "No no no! I will not allow ANY form of modifications to my apartments. You're outta here!" And suddenly she was picked up by Jacob and carried out.
"But I need a room!"
"Then take one of the free apartments!" They heard screaming.
"Glad that's over" D-11 said.
Toz simply counted down on his watch...3... 2... 1..."
"Heeeeeere's Angie!"
"Oh Gawdry!"
"At this point I became convinced that the plot of this episode was some Looney Tunes esque gag-fest where we came up with an endless stream of things to get rid of a character only for them to keep coming back. I personally had no issues with a supporting character but I drew the line at her living in the apartment; the principle dynamic was the interaction of five young men (at the time) and the shenanigans they got into; an elderly aunt would have essentially been an element we wouldn't even begin to know how to incorporate"
"I said you're gone!" And the landlord grabbed her again.
"Quick, bar the door!" Toz suddenly said.
And the friends closed the door, locked it, then put a couch, a chair and an end table in front of it.
"that should keep her out" Frank said confidently
Aunt Angie suddenly appears in front of them.
"Who are we blocking out? Don't let them in!" *laugh track*
*Toz suddenly jumps up* "Wait, do you say one of the vacant rooms has a hot tub? I'm out of here!" *laughtrack*
"Toz, dang it, no..." *laughtrack*
"Hey, looks like there's a vacancy after all!" Aunt Angie said. *laughtrack*
*Tug pulls out a Beretta handgun* "Sorry, guys." *laughtrack*
Diesel 11 pulls Frank aside.
"Look, we're never going to get rid of my aunt. She's set on living with us. So, why don't we move to one of the bigger apartments? They're free, after all."
"Because our lease goes until September!" Frank reminded him.
Toz came back sad. "Turns out I can't afford the apartment; we collectively pay the rent." He explained.
"Look, I'm sorry Aunt Angie, but you can't say" Frank said.
"And why not?" Aunt Angie asked.
"OOOUUUTTTT!" They all collectively scream.
* Cut to shot of exterior of building. A dot is seen being thrown out of the apartment. Screaming is heard than an "SPLAT!"
Frank, D-11, Toz and Tug are standing there.
"I...I can't believe we just did that" D-11 said in utter disbelief.
"I can't believe I survived!"
"AHHHHHHHH!!" *laugh track*
"So what do we do about Alberto?" asked Tug
"Albert who?" asked D-11
"You know... The Burro I stole... I mean was given out of pity in Mexico..." replied Tug
*Cuts to Alberto eating part of the couch... *laughtrack*
"At this point I was convinced that we has reached a point where we could proceed with something different so I was quite eager to shift focus to Alberto. But Eyes' script was still on the Aunt Angie thing so I had no choice but to roll with it at that point"
"Uh... I'm leaving," replies Toz.
"Now look, Auntie..."
"Don't you 'auntie' me! Why, I'm old enough to be your grandmother. Actually... I might be your grandmother... no, never mind, I'm thinking of your grandmother."
"Oh, we'll just take Alberto to the farm out of town" Frank said.
"Wait a minute; we're on the seventh floor! How did a mule get up here?" Toz asked.
"Hello! I fell down seven stories and now my legs are stuck in the fence! I can't move!" Aunt Angie called.
"Should we help her?" D-11 asked.
"What's the point? She's not appearing after this episode anyway" Frank said (Laugh track)
"OH YES I AM!!" *laugh track*
"NO YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE CONTRACT SPECIFICALLY STATED 1 1/2 EPISODES!" Frank said (laugh track)
"1/2 episode?" Aunt Angie said.
"You wouldn't understand!" Frank said.
Just then, Aunt Angie got a call on her cell phone.
"She has a cell phone?" Tug said.
"She's full of surprises" D-11 said (laugh track)
She hung up. "Sorry boys! You'll have to forget about me moving in! My sister's in the hospital and I gotta see her"
So she somehow got out of the fence, boarded a bus, and went very far away.
"So, now that she's gone, how about we finally get to the episode?" Frank asked.
"Stop it with the meta-references!" D-11 said.
"Sorry." Frank apologized.
"I had that one coming to be honest, I had broken the fourth wall too much and it wasn't even funny by that point. But if you felt that the episode was stalled and you were trying to move onto the next thing, you'd be pretty frustrated too. I swear, when I get my hands on the jerk who gave us the different scripts..."
Suddenly... in walked Aunt Angie.
"WHAT?!"
"Turns out, it was a prank call. I soon showed the pervert..." *laugh track*
"Which is why I have decided to take up the apartment on the fourth floor; the hot tub will work wonders on my back. See you around" and she left.
"Finally! Now we can go back to what this show is supposed to be about; the misadventures of five friends in the city of... of... for Christ's sake what city are we in!?" Frank fumed.
"I think New York City" Tug said
"It can't be, there's the Leaning tower of Pisa" Frank said.
"But... we're in America" D-11 said, confused (laugh track)
"I really miss those models if I'm being honest- after filming wrapped I actually kept a couple of my favorites and displayed them in my basement. And no- they are not for sale"
"Uh..."
Suddenly, Aunt Angie walks back in, shouting, "And the same to you, Mister!!"
"What are you doing back here for?!"
"Turns out, someone just took it."
"That's it!" cries Frank, "Screw the lease, we're moving to the bigger apartment!" .........
"There, I think we're all finished organizing our new rooms."
"Damn it!" cried Aunt Angie.
"What?"
"I got my hair stuck in the refrigerator." *laugh track*
Frank is suddenly seen in bed sleeping, and he wakes up screaming.
"AAAAAHHHHH!!!!"
"Frank, what happened, it's two in the morning!" D-11 said as TGC, Tug and Toz came to the door.
"I had this terrible dream guys; Aunt Angie was going to move in with us!"
"That's not a dream, that's a nightmare!" D-11 said.
"I know, right? What happened to her anyway?"
"Oh, she's gone to a better place... her mansion in the Hamptons" D-11 said (laugh track)
"Well, at least everything is back to normal... let's resume this episode in the morning." Frank said. (laugh track)
*They leave, Frank turns to audience.
"You know how I know that was all a dream? Because I was NOT about to break the lease and lose a $12,000 security deposit... and we can't afford to build new sets. Don't worry folks, this episode will resume in the morning... good night.
* applause, fade to black
*resume scene- the five are eating breakfast in the apartment of apartment 7C.
"Ok guys; who wants what? I can make pancakes, waffles, eggs and French toast." Frank said as he warmed up the griddle
"I was really hoping at that point we could proceed with a plot, because until this point it had just been a Looney Tunes esque chain of gags. But alas, the guy who gave us different scripts struck again"
"I'll take all of it," says Aunt Angie. *laughtrack*
"GAHHHH!!!"
"What are you doing here?!"
"I live here, remember?"
"You... do?!"
"Yeah, we decided it last night."
"We did?!"
"Don't you remember anything?!"
"That's it!" cries Diesel 11, "I won't stand for this, I'll-" and he tries over a cable, and breaks through the floor....
.......
He awakes in the hospital sometime later.
"What happened?"
"Apparently," says Frank, "our apartment was riddled with termites, so we're forced to move out."
"And Aunt Angie?"
"We can't get rid of her, so she's moving with us."
"Okay. I think I'll live..." *laugh track*
"That's it!" And suddenly a suited man walks onto the set.
"I am tired of you guys ignoring the script. Margaret, we don't need you anymore, Aunt Angie doesn't appear after this! You're FIRED!" He said.
"Who are you?" The doctor asked,
"I'm Ronald Dummis, the producer of this show; there is no room in the budget for Aunt Angie, I'm sorry, but you are gone, and that is it; my mind is made up"
Two stage hands subsequently took her off set.
After an awkward stare, the producer took out a remote and rewinded to the dining room. ......
"so what do you guys want for breakfast?" Frank asked.
"What? No cereal!? Why, I'm so mad I will..." and as he stood up to go run into the kitchen, he tripped and fell, breaking through the floor. ......
He awakes in the hospital sometime later.
"What happened?"
"Apparently," says Frank, "our apartment was riddled with termites, so we're forced to move out for a couple weeks."
"We're going to have to move into a motel while it is taken care of" Tug explained.
"I'm thinking of suing the landlord for this" TGC observed.
"Okay. I think I'll live..." D-11 said *laugh track*
"Turns out Mr. Dummis was a victim of the Script guy too; had no idea of the situation. Once filming completed we all sat down and tried to make sense of what happened. Oh God, you should've seen how embarrassed we all were when we found out how duped we were. Seriously, this had to be one of the most elaborate pranks ever. We still don't know who was behind it, but we have a few ideas."
"Wait, where's Toz?" D11 asked.
"He's gotten sick of all the jumping around in plotlines, so he went to stay with his secretary friend from the last episode, Riley Cavanaugh."
"But... He can't just do that! It's the third episode, and none of the stuff on his character profile has been mentioned on screen!" *laugh track*
"Me neither, and you don't hear me complaining... much." TGC said. *laugh track*
"Anyway, he sent an old friend from college to stay with us because he enjoys possible us off." Tug said. "Remember Elvira?"
"Don't know how none of us caught that; not sure what "possible us off" means; probably misspoke but by this point we just really wanted to do a plot to this episode"
D11's brain was kind of addled from the medicine, so all he could offer was a hazy "she looks like a prostitute!" *laugh track*
"Excuse me!" Elvira shrieked. "I'm not just a pretty face! I'm a marine biologist, and I like to think I make good company!" And Elvira stormed out. *laugh track*
D11 hazily muttered "Oh my goodness, it's Frank's dream girl!" *laugh track*
"Yea, they got me good on that one- I'm just glad she turned out to be a good person and wasn't like those others who shall remain anonymous"
"you know what? I'm with Toz on this one; at least if I stick around with him for a while; we just might be able to salvage this mess of an episode!" Frank said (laugh track)
Some time later, Frank found Toz and Riley.
"Oh hey Frank; what are you doing here?" Toz asked.
"Well, Tug and TGC went to work and D-11 is in the hospital, so that pretty much leaves you and me to carry the rest of the episode. Plus, I'd like Riley to get a proper introduction" Frank said.
"Thank you. Wait, introduction?" Riley asked.
"Don't mind it; he's just fourth wall aware like me" Toz said.
"Oh."
But then on went the scene.
"So, you mind if I join you guys got a bit?" Frank asked.
"At this point we wanted to promote Riley to supporting character status because they were such a good person when interacting behind the scenes, the director saw potential. I'm glad he made that choice because Riley was a real pleasure to work with"
"Sure, just let us introduce Riley first." Toz said.
"Um, okay... hi, I'm Riley, I work at WaldTech, the company that's producing your flashlight thing. Please, I beg you, don't ask me if I'm a boy or a girl, because it's super obvious."
"No it's not..." *laugh track*
"I enjoy painting, baseball, fishing, cooking, and cosplaying as Vaarsuvius from "Order of the Stick."*laugh track* "I also have several exotic pets."
"Got room for a donkey? We actually have one of those, and it needs a home." Frank said. *laugh track*
"No, sorry, I don't think the homeowners association would approve. They wouldn't let me keep my Okapi, either." *laugh track*
"You had an okapi!?" Toz shrieked. *laugh track*
"Yes, and even though they may look similar to zebras, it turns out they are more closely related to giraffes" Riley explained.
"Actually I think it's a mule" Frank said
"What's the difference?" Riley asked
"Mules are a hybrid between a male donkey and a female horse, while donkeys are their own thing" Frank said.
Toz and Riley stared at Frank
"What? I am the trivia guy" he pointed out *laugh track.
"I know that!" Toz said snidely *laugh track*
Meanwhile, at the hospital, D-11, Elvira, Tug, and TGC were sitting around. A nurse walked in.
"David D. Leven, your aunt is here to-"
"NO!" *laugh track* "Tell her she's not..."
"She's just leaving a message. She's leaving to go stay with her sister in Pennsyltucky, and she won't be around for a long time." The doctor said
"Believe me, we don't mind" D-11 said. ...
"So basically, you'll be staying with your friend, and the four of us will be staying in a hotel till the termites are gone." Frank explained
"When will that be?" Toz asked.
"Oh, probably by next Sunday at 9" (winks at audience, laugh track)
"So Frank; you hear about Elvira yet?" Toz asked.
"Oh; is she a new supporting character?" Frank asked *laugh track.
"Apparently she's the pretty one who is actually really smart and cool but everyone judges her by her looks. Since you were griping about that earlier." *laughtrack*
"Well, as long as she's an interesting character, I'm sure we'll get along."
"Listen to yourselves!" Riley interjected. "Talking as if this were a crappy sitcom!" *laughtrack*
Frank and Toz glanced at each other awkwardly. *hysterical laughtrack*
"In retrospect we could've done just as funny a scene without necessarily going meta but I don't regret this bit; Riley didn't mind the fourth wall breaking and actually confided in me once that they considered it to be quite a refreshing break from a lot of the "stale" work they had been doing as of late; not sure what that means but I guess Riley considered The 3WSR Show their big break"
"Why, I have never heard something so strange, in all my years living in... Say, what city do we live in?" Riley asked.
"I ask that myself every day" Frank said.
Frank looks up to see the Empire State Building, the gateway arch, the Golden Gate Bridge, the Eiffel Tower, the Sphinx, the leaning tower of Pisa, the Sydney opera house and the White House. (Hysterical laughter)
"I mean seriously, can we just make up our mind about where we are?" Frank said (laugh track)
"Uh... no?"
Diesel 11's injury wasn't too serious, so he was able to come out again next day.
"Man, I- Hey, where's Toz?" *laughtrack*
"Somewhere. Want some waffles?"
"Oh Gawdry!" cried Frank, and he jumped out the window.
TGC and Diesel 11 eat the waffles.
"Say! These are really good!"
*Frank comes back*
"Did you say... good waffles?!"
"Yes?"
"I LOVE WAFFLES!" *tastes = likes*
"YOU CAN STAY AUNT ANGIE! JUST DON'T GET IN MY WAY! YAY!!!"
"Jeez..."
"So... during this stunt I actually banged my head so I don't remember quite a bit of what we did that day. In fact even rewatching this scene I still don't know what was going on"
"Wait a minute, you're not Aunt Angie; she doesn't have a mustache!" D-11 shouted, and the con artist ran out of the apartment.
Just then the phone rang, D-11 picked it up.
"Hello? Oh, Hi Aunt Angie, how is Pennsyltucky?" D-11 asked.
"Pennsyltucky?! I never said that I was moving to Pennsyltucky! I said I'm moving to the apartment below you!"
"Huh? But Frank said... wait a minute!"
*cut to Toz singing into a hairbrush*
"The writing staff.... can go die in a hole..." *laugh track*
"Quite frankly by this time I agreed with Toz; it would be another two days before we figured out how we had been duped"
"I'm glad that's over," said Frank.
*Aunt Angie's voice is heard.
"I got the apartment on the fourth floor with the hot tub! They guy couldn't make a security deposit!" She said.
"Good, now that this is resolved, let's get back to something that makes sense" Frank said. "So D11, how was your hospital stay?" Frank asked.
"Bullsh*t."
"Uh... okay?"
"What? Don't tell me the bad hospital food ruined the whole thing for you" Frank asked *laugh track "I'm used to good Italian food."
"Did someone say Italian? I'm the best Italian around!" Aunt Angie suddenly appears with lasagna.
"Oh Gawdry I love that woman!" *laugh track*
"Do you think anyone will notice the different actress?" Frank asked
"Yes, as long as you don't OUTRIGHT STATE IT!" Toz grumbled.
"Anyway, now that two weeks have passed and we are back in the apartment, we going to sue the landlord for the termite thing?" TGC asked.
"To be fair he did waive the rent for the next two months" Frank pointed out.
"This actually wasn't a gag; the original actress for Aunt Angie sadly became very ill and we had to let her go; we did replace her and, while Angie 2 did a good job, Angie 1 was a sweet lady off set and we all missed her even as the season went on"
Why does she have to get the apartment with the hot tub?" Toz grumbled.
"That's also the apartment with..." And Frank whispered something into Toz's ear.
"In that case she can have it" Toz said *laugh track.
"MY GODRED! IT'S A MOUSE!!"
"You're scared of mice, Toz?" Diesel 11 asks.
"Um...."
"No, I just don't like them when they are not in a pet cage, or whatever those things are called" Toz said.
"Get the mousetraps! Angie's hunting for dinner tonight!" She screamed.
"She EATS mice?" Frank said in shock *laugh track
"No, she doesn't, she just likes to pretend when she's killing mice that she hunts. I mean, she's 80-something years old, what else does she have left to live for?" *laughtrack*
"Well, there's QVC and the bingo halls..." Frank said *laugh track
"Bingo!!" Aunt Angie screamed.
"Told you" Frank said *laugh track.
Aunt Angie walks in. "Anyone up for a game?"
"Oh, Gawdry!" *laugh track, fade to black, credits, end of episode*
*Fades back in, actually was a commercial break, off camera a director is hitting a staff member for his incompetence...*
"And no one shows any love to poor Alberto, don't worry buddy, you being a donkey and Frank getting your species wrong is not that bad..." said Tug
"Hey you called him a mule before..." pointed out Frank
"That wasn't me, that was the teleprompter for our live studio audience..." replied Tug *Off camera, a stagehand mouths 'Sorry' to the cast*
"Well whatever, but I don't think the landlord will, or us actually, let us keep a animal this big in the apartment..." responded Toz
"Well he let's big dogs, so Alberto is just a really big... um... dog..." deadpanned Tug *laughtrack*
"This will never fly..." answered TGC as he drank a glass of milk, shouted, "Off to work...", and left the set finishing his required amount of screen time for every other episode each season...
"But, just look at this face... It could me;t anyone's hearts..." said Tug as Frank, Toz, and D-11 began looking to the donkey's eyes...
"I don't know why... But this donkey is making me feel things I've never felt before..." said a dumbfounded Frank
"Oh God, the one thing I hate... FEELINGS!!" shouted Toz as he was now rolling on the floor in agony *laughtrack*
"How is this possible? My heart of stone comrades are dropping like flies! I must escape to Aunt Angie's apartment, where feelings like these go to die, before it gets to me! Almost... to.. the.. door... No Gawdry no... Ahhhhh!!! My heart! Making me now want this animal living in this apartment! And for trying to flee from his adorableness, I sacrifice my room to be his stable and now will sleep on the couch for my crimes with Aunt Angie!" shouted D-11 as he was now face first into the floor clutching his chest... *laughtrack*
"I knew you guys would see it my way!" said Tug in a victorious voice
"But will the landlord even allow it?" asked Frank, the only one to recover quickly
"Oh don't worry, you guys should know I have a law degree in taxes, so I threatened to sue his Pants to Mexico if he didn't waver our rent and allow me to keep my Pants after the termite fiasco.. The Donkey that is..." replied Tug *laughtrack*
"Alright but he's your pet, but yeah D-11 giving up his room will give us the space for him to live with us..." responded Frank
"I'm against it... But this pain is forcing me to agree!" shouted D-11 in agony *laughtrack*
- And Ace the Donkey as Alberto
"Yeah it's official! Welcome to the gang Alberto!" shouted Tug as he hugged the Donkey, "Well let me get Alberto settled before I leave for work again, so I'll let you guys get back to whatever you were doing, oh yeah, someone called D-11 about an incident you caused, better call them back it seemed pretty urgent..." said Tug as he dragged Alberto off the set
*Gulp* "Uh oh..." said a now recovered, but sweating, D-11
"What did you do?' asked a concerned Frank and angry Toz
"Well..."
"I sort of ate a donkey at the hospital."
Tug comes back, "YOU ATE A DONKEY?! Alberto, let's get away from these murderers!"
*Fade to black, THIS TIME the episode ends*
"And that's how we ended up with a donkey on our show as a supporting character. Won't lie though- after this fiasco of an episode I thought our goose was cooked and they'd cancel us. Luckily we were preempted by breaking news so not many people ended up seeing this one. Oh, and I just want to put out there- I'm putting out a cash reward of $1,000 to anyone with provable information as to who the hell messed with the episode. And that does it for today's commentary. Till next time everyone!"
|
|
|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 19, 2022 22:23:49 GMT -5
*Cut to: Frank is sitting on a couch in a living room*
"Hi everybody! It's Frank from the 3WSR Show! Can you believe we're already through 1/4 of the show? Well, no time to waste, let's move on to episode 4 and our first real exploration of romance in the series"
*Title sequence: Frank reacts to: Episode 4 - Still Lovin' You*
Frank is standing in front of a water cooler.
"Damn it! Why doesn't this thing work?!"
"That was real confusion on my part; I was actually supposed to get a drink from there and it was the set up for the Spit take that would've come a bit later. But it turns out the cooler really did break and I wasn't able to get what I needed. So I kept it cool and just went with the flow"
Tug walks in with Alberto.
"Hey Frank; how's it going?" Tug asks.
"Oh hey Tug; did Alberto like the spare room?"
"I think so; taking him out for a walk now" Tug said.
"Hey wait; we are in the seventh floor of an apartment building; how did he get up there in the first place?" Frank asked *laugh track
"I told him there was a sexy llama up here." *laugh track*
"Right there, that was the spit take... well, where it would have been. In perspective though turned out to be a blessing; when I tried after the fact we found out that I was not good at spit takes, like, at all, so heaven knows how many repeat takes I saved us from that day."
Aunt Angie enters.
"Thought I'd drop off some cookies. Soy-free, dairy-free, fat-free... any kind of free you can think of."
"What do you call them?"
"'Crap-Ahoy'." *laugh track*
"We actually did a promotional stunt with Nabisco for a Crap-Ahoy Cookie... lasted all of four days on the shelves before they were pulled due to consumer complaints. The punchline- they were just normal cookies; come on, we're not that cruel. Ok, maybe Greg from costumes, but no one else"
"I think we'll stick to my cakes and cookies that are made with real stuff; not the processed low fat stuff you used" Frank said, who then held up a tray.
"Now then; who wants brownies?" "Not me." "Not me." "Not me." "Not me." "Not me." "Woof!" *laugh track*
Tug slapped D-11 and then said, "D-11 that wasn't funny... Alberto goes..."
"HEEHAW!" roared the donkey *laugh track*
"Good boy! Now who wants to sleep in D-11's bed, yes you do!" said Tug *louder laugh track*
"An inside joke; I actually made brownies the night before and we agreed to eat them together once shooting was done for the day, so that was our code for "well not now!"
"No, you don't!" *laugh track*
*fade to black; the theme song starts. Cheerful, upbeat music begins followed by the singers. They're five crazy guys Who have most unusual lives But put them together and what have you got? 3WSR and here's the plot! Five guys, who love burgers and fries (Frank interjects) "Seriously? I hate corporate sponsors... Five friends whose adventures never seem to end. For a good laugh don't look far, Welcome to the world of 3...W...S...RRRRRRRRR!!!"
("The 3WSR Show" title appears on screen; Frank suddenly appears beside the title)
"Seriously? That's our theme song?"
(Frank gets crushed as the exclamation point falls on top of him)
"I was probably asking for that" Frank says as the screen fades to black again.
*Diesel 11 is out on a date*
"So anyway, I made the donkey go sleep on a pile of hay in a spare room, and now I have it back" D-11 said.
"You have a donkey in your apartment?" the date asked.
"it's my friends. It can't be legal, but hey, anything goes in...in... say, what city are we in?" D-11 asked.
"I ask myself that every day" the date said, as she looked out to see the Eiffel tower.
"But...we live in America" D-11 said (laugh track)
"Okay... maybe we live in Miami."
"That's as good as any other place; I like it. Writers, what do you think?" *laugh track*
"We can't be in Miami, there's the Empire state building!" A passing waiter said.
"And I can't find a beach ANYWHERE in this darn town" D-11's date said.
"Darn it." *laugh track*
Next morning....
*Diesel 11 stumbles in*
"Where have you been?" asks Frank.
"In a motel room."
"What?!"
"I think I've had too much to drink..." *Diesel 11 collapses on couch*
Frank turns to the audience.
"Remember kids; drinking too much is so not cool. This message brought to you by the World Health Organization" Frank said confidently (audience applause)
"I felt obligated to say that because there's only so much you can say with "drunk comedy" before it goes too far. I personally am not much of a drinker myself and did you know that when we were filming these episodes, there would be times we'd do parties afterwards- I was the one guy who never went for the alcohol; well, there were like 4 others from behind the scenes, but I had zero intention of making a fool of myself."
"Shut up, you bastard," Diesel 11 grunts.
"So what'd you do at the motel?"
"I was there with my date."
"Did you... er..."
The Who are here? I need to get their autographs!" shouted D-11 in a hazy stammer... *laugh track*
"No D-11, they aren't..." Frank began.
"Jim Kale! I love you!" D-11 said as he began walking.
"No, D-11, that's the GUESS Who!" Frank said *laugh track.
"See you later Frank, I gotta see the Who!" And D-11 opened a door, then closed it.
"That's the closet!" Frank shouted (laugh track)
*Diesel 11 falls over, Frank and Toz pick him up and bring him over to the sofa*
"So," says Toz, "did you do it?"
"Do what?"
"You know, the er... stuff you do with a girl in a motel room."
"Well, we were about to... but she wouldn't come out of the closet." D-11 explained.
"What?!" Frank said.
"Yea... she went to hang up her jacket, but then the door closed behind her and I couldn't open the door. What did you think I meant?" D-11 asked.
"uh... nothing..." Frank said, blushing with embarrassment (laugh track)
"To be honest, in retrospect I've considered this my most tasteless joke on the show; I know, I know, we can all take a joke about each other, but I didn't have to do that kind of joke, and to anyone LGBT+ out there, I sincerely apologize for that one"
"Anyways, it finally got unstuck, and then..."
"Yes...?"
"Well..."
"YES?!"
"But then we fell asleep..." replied D-11 as he fell asleep, again... *laugh track*
"Well that was anti-climatic..." said Frank *laugh track*
"Oh man, and it was just getting to the good part to... Now I got to put this popcorn away..." replied Toz as he tossed the popcorn towards the kitchen *louder laugh track*
*Diesel 11's date walks in*
"Where's that scumbag?!"
"Who?"
"D-11."
"Right here."
*She slaps Diesel 11*
"Thanks for knocking me up, you!"
*Diesel 11 is now wide awake*
Frank goggles, "Did you say..."
"Yes! I'm pregnant!"
"Holy..."
"If you're confused by this part too... welcome to the club. Even today I don't know what happened here; we literally said they both fell asleep before they could do anything. Then again, the next joke was probably the whole point"
Frank suddenly sees a white stick fall out of her pocket.
"Hey you dropped this, you might want..." Frank saw what it was. "You liar! The test is negative!" Frank pointed out.
D-11's nameless date suddenly got nervous and bolted out the door.
"Come to think of it, who the hell left our apartment door open?" Frank asked * laugh track
The date returns.
"Okay, I tricked you," she says, "but the truth is, I'm MADLY in love with you!"
"Oh, boy..." "Pah. You have poor taste." Toz said.
"Wait, you're right, I do. Plus, I'm married with kids." The nameless date said, before leaving the room."
"Sorry, D11, but if I don't get love, neither do you." *laughtrack*
"How did you do that?" D11 asked.
"The "Big Book of Passive Hypnotism" taught me everything I know."
Suddenly, D11 had an idea...
"It was kind of like Drake from Drake and Josh; there would be a number of dates and a lot would never be developed"
"Why don't I kill you for ruining my life?!"
"Wow, don't go there."
"You're right, you're my best friend. Sorry Toz." *hugs*
"BBOPH strikes again..." *laugh track*
"Maybe you guys are on to something though... it would be nice to have that special someone..." Frank said as he trailed off.
"Uh, Frank..." Toz said.
"huh? Oh ,sorry guys. It's just that 23 years in the Lonely Hearts club really gets to you... on the inside I'm very lonely" Frank sad sadly as he sat down on the couch. (Audience "awwws")
"What? We can be genuine when we want to be!"
"Yeah.... oh well, got a date, can't be late!" *Diesel 11 leaves*
"HOW DOES HE DO IT?!"
"Know what? I hate being reminded of my perpetual singleness, I'ma go visit Riley." And Toz stormed out.
Frank glanced over at Tug. "What about you? You in the Lonely Hearts Club too?"
"Once, I was on assignment in Russia and I bedded this spy with-"
"Okay, I'm done." *laugh track as Frank storms out*
D-11 then runs into the apartment. "Hold on, I forgot my wallet" he said.
*D-11 then leaves and is heard falling down the stairs (laugh track)
"Maybe you should sober up first!" Frank called out.
"Fine, I'll just take a nap on the nice soft floor" D-11 said. (snoring, then laugh track)
"Should we help him?" Frank asked. He realizes he is alone.
"Maybe I should get out of the apartment" and Frank goes to leave... and trips over Diesel 11, waking him.
"Ohmagosh, my date!" *runs out*
"Eyes was pretty open minded with the slapstick comedy and was cool with the idea of me tripping over her, so we hit some mats for my landing and everything you saw was all real. Don't worry, there was a pad where my foot hit her when I tripped and fell, so she didn't feel anything"
Frank stood up, and decided to go meet Toz.
Some time later, he caught up with Toz, who was on his way to Riley's.
"Look man, I know how you feel; I've been perpetually single probably longer than you... I'm not sure, are you guys still younger than me here? Anyway, I know the feelings; it sucks, doesn't it?" Frank explained to Toz (Audience "Awws")
"Do you mind! I'm talking to my friend!" Frank scolded the audience
"It's not so bad on its own, what sucks is people who aren't single and happy going around seemingly obvious and rubbing it in your face unintentionally. But the worst is the people who are all like "oh boo hoo I haven't seen or texted my significant other in like 8 hours! I miss them!" I'd give my f***ing legs to have that problem!"
"Too serious! Quick, pineapples!" Frank yelled.
Suddenly, the park they were walking through spontaneously filled with pineapples. *laugh track*
Frank whimpered, while Toz gained an alarming smile and hissed "YAAAAAASSSSSS!" *laugh track*
"Dole had a sponsorship to this episode; so we used Dole pineapples for this gag; paid for a good amount of budget too"
As Frank picked up a pineapple, he looked inside one that was hollow.
"Hey toz, look at this: there is a sponge, a starfish, a snail, a crab, a squirrel and squid in here" Frank noticed.
"That's the most absurd thing I have ever heard! What is this, a cartoon?" Toz asked (laugh track)
He looked inside the pineapple and his face went blank "Oh damn, you were telling the truth!" Toz said in shock (laugh track)
"Wait, are you sure that isn't an octopus?"
"Well, it's died of dehydration now, so who knows?" *laugh track*
And the two continued on their journey.
"Nickelodeon was the other sponsor that episode; man, the network really screwed us over when I think about it"
"So anyway, I recently started reading this hilarious comic, have you heard of it? Oh, it is so funny. So it takes place in medieval times, but its more of an RPG- medieval quest satire kind of thing. There's this bard character who is clueless, but that is what makes him funny. Can't fight, but his songs are worth a good chuckle. the leader is probably the one serious guy, but the poor guy has his sword broken by the villain. And then there is this weird, gender neutral elf- character. Talks in fancy vocabulary, and he...she...it... ugh, too confusing, but the elf looks like..."
Just then they run into Riley, cosplaying as Vaarsuvius
"Actually... like that" Frank said, confused.
"All the references..." *laugh track*
"I also sometimes cosplay as that thing with the umbrella. It's really just an umbrella with black curtains, but it's great when I don't want to make an effort."
"But he has a new umbrella now. Have you updated the outfit yet?"
"...NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *laugh track*
*with apologies to Rich Burlew
"We were big fans of Order of the Stick; you know I still need to finish that comic? I hope it ends on a high note"
"So... what do you guys want to do now?" Riley asked. Frank, Toz and Riley think for a while.
* Scene change, the three of them are riding a three-person tandem bicycle (laugh track)
"You know, I can't believe they still make these!" Frank said.'
"Where to?" Toz asked.
"Let's go to that burger joint that's been all the rage!" Riley said. "Go past the space needle and the gateway arch, then make a right at the Taj Mahal. Go straight until we pass the Empire state building, then make a right! Keep going down and we'll eventually hit it. Oh and by the way, if we pass Mt. Rushmore, we've gone too far" Riley explained.
"Seriously, WHAT CITY ARE WE IN!?" Frank said in frustration. *laugh track
"I was going to say New York City, but we just past Stonehenge!" Toz said (laugh track)
"WE ARE IN AMERICA!" Frank pointed out (laugh track)
"Oh look, the Colossus of Rhodes" Riley said in awe.
"Oh come on, THAT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE!" Frank said (bigger laugh track)
Meanwhile, Aunt Angie finds Diesel 11 and his date in a restaurant.
"You out with a hooker again?"
"Uh..."
*Date leaves*
"Damn it! Why'd you have to do that?! Why won't you let me have love in my life?!" D-11 said angrily.
"because you are like the son I never had" Ant Angie said sadly
"You have FOUR SONS!" D-11 reminded her *laugh track
"Oh... yeah. You're like the daughter I never had." *laugh track*
*back at the apartment*
"Well Alberto, I guess it's just you and me... Singles for life, huh?" said Tug to his loyal pet
"HEEHAW!" replied Alberto
"WHAT?!?! You have a girlfriend? How does my pet have a girlfriend but not me?!?!?! Wait when did you two even meet!?!?" shouted Tug *laughtrack*
"HEEHAW!" responded Alberto
"Her name's Rosa and you met in Mexico so now you write to her! You know long distance never works out buddy! Also, how do you even write to her?" yelled Tug *laughtrack*
"Heehaw!" replied Alberto
"Oh, that makes sense... That's my donkey!" said Tug proud
"How, why and when did you learn to communicate with a donkey?" asked TGC, who was appearing for his contract requirement length an episode
"I took a class online... You can learn a lot of things on the internet... Like the Donkey community is a strange place that I recommend no normal person entering... Ugh..." Tug answers while shivering *laugh track*
"Well whatever, I see you kept the donkey, I don't mind or really care, going back to work, see you around whenever... Tell the others I popped in..." said TGC as he walked right off the set to the backstage exit with the camera following him the whole way out...
"That guy really needs to at least try to keep the illusion alive..." deadpanned Tug *laugh track*
"Not much I can say about those scenes to be honest... wasn't there that day so not much insight I can offer. I for one liked the four sons joke... but wasn't there something about Tug and a Russian spy earlier? Eh, no point in crying over spilled milk"
*Back to Frank, Toz, and Riley...*
As they drove their bike down the road, they passed many beautiful sites and wonders... that still annoyed Frank to no end, because he still could not figure out where they were.
"Hey guys: I'm gonna pop a wheelie!" the guy on the rear of the tandem bike said.
"No no no! Don't!" The guys in the middle and front said... but low and behold, he did it. And as the rearmost guy was laughing, the guy in the middle and front were screaming, scared.
"And this isn't even special effects!" Frank said (laugh track)
"Yeah, I lied- we had wires and green screen for that take. Come on, I may do my own stunts, but the physics just weren't there for that one"
Meanwhile...
"HOLY COW!!" cried Tug.
"What is it?" "Oh sorry, I thought it was an actual cow but it turns out to be one of your eccentric Aunt's life sized animal statues D-11..." replied Tug *laugh track*
"But she doesn't have any life sized animal statues..." *laugh track*
"She doesn't? Then what's....
HOLY COW!!" *laugh track*
The landlord appeared, and was fuming.
"What the heck is going on here!? This is an apartment building, not a farm, I want that cow out of here NOW!" He fumed.
"But what about my fresh butter, milk and cream?" Aunt Angie said in confusion.
"Buy it at the store like the rest of us!" The landlord fumed. (laugh track)
"So this scene was completely on accident. In the studio next door some children's show company was filming an Old MacDonald music video and a cow happened to wander off set. We decided to take advantage of the opportunity we were given and it worked out pretty good"
"In Sicily, we didn't have stores. For that matter, we didn't have clothes either." *laugh track*
"Aaaaaannnnnnnd... that's where the next 10,000 angry letters from Sicily and Southern Italy came from. Did you know I still can't go visit Rome because of this show?"
Aunt Angie was forced to bid her cow goodbye as a truck took it away.
"Anyway, good news Tug, I have a nice plot of land set up for your donkey" The landlord said as he pointed to an area fit for a donkey to live.
"Hey, why can't my cow get an area like that?" Aunt Angie said
"Because the donkey is actually funny" the landlord said (laugh track)
"So?" *laugh track*
"So go buy your milk at the store!" The landlord fumed.
"Fine, but only because you won't do it yourself" Aunt Angie said as she left (laugh track)
Meanwhile, Toz, Frank, and Riley had been arrested for possession of LSD.
"But really, officer, we did see all those things! It wasn't drugs!"
"You saw the Statue of Liberty, the Sphinx, the Eiffel Tower, and all that other bulls*** right here in the middle of Milwaukee?" *laugh track*
"Turns out nobody was in love with the Milwaukee idea so we kind of abandoned it after this episode"
And now, on a very special episode of 3WSR...
"It wasn't LSD, it was bad writing! I hate drugs!" Toz yelled.
"Drugs are horrible! I would never do drugs in my life!" Riley added.
"Then why do you have the words "My Chemical Romance" on your shirt?"
"It's a band! Not drugs!"
"Well, this is a sitcom, so you're getting locked up anyway." *laugh track*
Suddenly, out of nowhere-
"Straight outta Compton! A crazy motherf***er named Ice Cube! From the gang called ****** With Attitudes!"
"It's N.W.A.! Get 'em, boys!!"
"F*** tha police!"
*Toz & Co. escape*
Meanwhile...
"Holy s***, it costs THIS much to be a cantaloupe?!"
"Stop! Stop! STOP! What the heck is going on this is too confusing! You know what, back to me , Toz and Riley" Frank said as he literally flipped the camera to reset the scene.
"That was a "Semi-scripted" moment if you will. It's not actually written into an episode, but its meant to save moments of improv where if things get a little too out of hand we can go back to a point that had some coherency and pick up from there, like we did here"
Scene: Frank, Toz and Riley are sitting in a cell in jail. A guard comes to let them out.
"So anyway, it turns out those pills you had were multivitamins, and we'd like to avoid a civil lawsuit, so we are letting you out off the hook and without liability.
"Well, seeing it's in the script... ok, we forgive you" Frank said (laugh track)
They left, and stopped at the bottom of the steps.
"So... where are we anyway?" Riley finally asked.
"Personally, I thought that this was this episode's running gag, and we'd find out at the end when one of us got a letter" Frank said (laugh track)
Then the three look towards the camera "Remember kids- drugs are very dangerous substances. Don't be a fool, be cool!" They all give big smiles and thumbs ups (audience applause)
A police officer comes up to them, "Who are you giving thumbs up to?" (laugh track)
"The Mayor of New Chicago, Oregon!" Riley announced.
"Wait, New Chicago? That's where we are? Why is it-"
"Too early in the season for dark plot twists." *laugh track*
"Genuine reaction from me on my part; hadn't been told about that bit until that exact moment so I wasn't sure if we were going to stick with it from then on"
"Wait, how can we be in Oregon? I've found great New York style pizza all over this city!" (laugh track)
"There's good pizza all over the country Frank! You just need to know where to look" Toz pointed out.
"So... Who wants to hang out at the Space needle?" Riley asked.
"We aren't in Seattle!!" Frank pointed out.
"We aren't in New York either, and yet there is the Empire State Building!" Riley pointed back (laugh track)
"Man, I really loved those models. Side note- if you are ever in Hamburg, Germany- totally check out Miniatur Wunderland- it's awesome. Model trains and cities, but so much more than that too"
Meanwhile, Tug, bored out of his mind, proceeded to ride Alberto down the street... Until a police officer pulled him over...
"Sir, do you have a permit for riding your donkey down the middle of the street?" asked the officer
"No, but this is America! If it's legal in Mexico, then somehow it's legal here due to our great nation turning from a state of freedom to a state of political correctness, though that line has become thin on both sides of the argument..." replied Tug
"Alright I'm arresting you..." said the officer *laughtrack*
"What for riding my donkey?" asked Tug
"No, for bringing politics into a sitcom after we just had a anti-drug portion, it's in the 'National Sitcom Regulations' Rule 37: No Political Arguments after a certified announcement from the federal government...." replied the officer *laughtrack*
"When did this become a thing?" asked a confused Tug *laughtrack*
"After the popularity of that Sitcom that we'll call 'Acquaintances' due to licensing issues, alright hands behind your head, hooves for you donkey..." said the officer *laughtrack*
"Hey! Don't arrest my donkey! Wait, why are you arresting my donkey? Isn't that animal control?" asked Tug *laughtrack*
"Rule 5: Real life federal laws are thrown out the window to further plot Subsection D: Animals are allowed Human Rights in the eyes of Sitcom Law..." replied the officer as Tug and Albert were somehow put in handcuffs...
"I really have to get a copy of these rules... But hey! Don't arrest me!" shouted Tug *laughtrack*
"HEEHAW!" squealed Alberto as the duo were put in the back of a squad car... *laughtrack* .....
At the station, Frank, Toz, and Riley were getting checked out when they saw a strange, but familiar scene...
"Hey my donkey and I are innocent! You can't hold us!" shouted Tug as Alberto squealed in compliance
"Well you're not innocent but by Sitcom Rules you'll be held for a few minutes before your bailed out by your friends..." replied the officer
As if on Que, Frank, Toz, and Riley were soon on the scene...
"Sorry, Tug, but in the interest of comedy we aren't going to bail you out."
"What? No! I'm your friend! Come on, guys! Please? How could you do this? What was the point of this episode anyway?"
"Something to do with love, I think." One of the cellmates said. "Not that it matters to us, since we're in a prison. I haven't seen my wife in four years."
"Oh, that sounds terrible..." Tug said.
"Don't worry, I've learned to adapt... find other ways to relieve the loneliness..." the man said.
"...I'm just going to leave now..." Tug mumbled. "Alberto, do you still have the grenades?"
"HAWHEE!"
"What? Where are they?"
"HAWHAW!"
"Oh, that's why I'm on the terrorist watch list..." *laugh track*
"Oh, what's the point? I'll never find love anyway; I've become so engrossed in the last several scenes, well at least it got my loneliness off my mind for a while.."
Frank observed.
"Frank, what makes you so certain you won't find love?" Toz asked
"No more room in the budget for another actress to play my love interest" Frank explained (laugh track)
"And yet we can afford the dozens of models of landmarks for the exterior shots" Riley said in confusion (laugh track)
"That line actually had a grain of truth to it- the cost to clean and maintain the models was way lower than the salary of a supporting character"
"Good point... and anyway, when we decided to do this sitcom, the producer said that money wasn't going to be a problem and we could do whatever we wanted... WHERE'S THAT IDIOT? I'D LIKE A WORD WITH HIM!!"
"In hindsight I think we were duped into doing this show in more ways than one- the producer that took on our show promised way more than what was delivered at first" "He's not in this episode, so don't bother" Frank pointed out.
"Didn't want Eyes to lose her contract there so I covered it by setting it up as this being the punchline to the joke. luckily the producer was convinced we were just doing a gag and didn't think much of it"
"Darn it!" D-11 screamed in frustration. Just then he got a phone call. "You never showed up for our date! We are through!" The voice said as she hung up. "NOOOO!!!!!" He screamed in a slow-motion, dramatic fashion. "Don't worry man, you still have us" Frank said. "I can't date you guys, though!" "Then sucks for you. Feel our pain at our inability to get dates. Suffer our intense loneliness and misery. Discover the true depths of our despair-" "Toz, enough!" "No one ever let's me be passive-aggressive around here anymore." *laugh track* *end episode*
"I had no input on that bit, but I'm pretty sure that's a build off from that hypno book earlier in the episode. I enjoyed working on this episode because it had a little of everything- slapstick, meta humor, commentary, wordplay, even character development. But the next episode really drove up the zaniness. Till next time everyone!"
|
|
|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 20, 2022 20:58:46 GMT -5
*Cut to: Frank is sitting on a couch in a living room*
"Hi everybody! It's Frank from the 3WSR Show! Four episodes down, eight to go! And I have to say, its been quite the stroll down memory lane, going back one of the defining projects of my career. But you're not here for my monologues, so let's go on to Episode five!"
*Title sequence: Frank reacts to: Episode 5 - Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind*
We open on the cast's empty living room. A crash is heard.
"****************!" *laugh track*
All five of the friends come running out into the living room, where they see a weird shape has crashed into the living room.
The five come walking in; standing from left to right, Toz is wearing red pajamas, TGC is wearing orange pajamas, Tug is wearing Yellow pajamas, D-11 is wearing green pajamas and Frank is wearing blue pajamas.
"Oh great, we look like we're in some kiddie band" D-11 moaned (laugh track)
"We're a walking rainbow!" Tug said (laugh track)
"No we're not; we don't have a sixth friend wearing purple" Frank pointed out.
Just then, Aunt Angie burst through the door in a purple nightgown "What is going on up here?"
"Like I said; no "friend" wearing purple" Frank explained (laugh track)
"Don't worry, we're just joking about the character, the actress herself was really nice"
Just then, they saw something exit the pod. It poked it's black, formless head out and spoke.
"Afhaieruherghailsieoruglksaljghaierguasadkfjlhagldfkgjhsdg?" It seemed to ask.
"Oh no! The Swedish are invading!" TGC screamed (laugh track)
"And that was when we got 10,000 angry letters from Sweden; man, we really set ourselves up to fail internationally, didn't we?"
"£ &@:÷ "¥?÷ %¥ £!:@$÷ ÷@=%&... ¥&, £ #÷÷? %¥ &@:÷ "=@#&÷$ @ ^@_ ₩=£$÷ ÷:÷!%." *subtitles: I have come to invade Earth... oh, I seem to have crashed a gay pride event.* *laugh track*
"No, we just happen to be wearing rainbow pajamas." Tug said.
"Why do I have these anyway? I sleep naked!" Aunt Angie shrieked. *laugh track*
"Surprisingly, that wasn't in the script; she was just trying to get a reaction out of us; Eyes almost ruined the take when she broke down laughing, but luckily she turned around fast enough and was able to muffle it enough that we were able to proceed with the scene"
"TMI!" TGC yelled. *laugh track*
"Forget that, there's a god damn alien in our living room!" Toz yelled.
"^@#₩... %&÷ ₩=¥/@!£%£÷#! £% ;€=!#!" *subtitles: Gasp... the profanities! It burns!* *laugh track*
The alien curled up inside the pod and hid.
"Look out guys, that thing killed Natasha Yar." *laugh track*
"I still don't get that reference to this day"
*fade to black; the theme song starts. Cheerful, upbeat music begins followed by the singers.
They're five crazy guys Who have most unusual lives But put them together and what have you got? 3WSR and here's the plot! Five guys, who love burgers and fries
(Toz interjects, song stops with a record scratch)
"Hold up, its the same boring theme every time! We need some variety! We need a couch gag or something! Frank's witticisms aren't as funny the fifth time."
*An exclamation point falls on Toz and the song continues with no Frank or falling exclamation point at the end. After the song ends, Toz moans "I probably deserved that" as the opening credits fade out*
"So I actually wasn't involved with the filming of this part but I did find out about it the next day. I mean yes, I was taken aback at first, but Toz made good points and we decided to readjust the budget so we could accommodate a couch gag into the intro. We ended up slashing the wardrobe budget so if you're curious about why each of us essentially only had 7 outfits, now you know"
Frank looks like he is in thought,
"Well yes, I suppose a couch gag type thing would be good, it's just that the writers haven't been giving us much on that end and... Oh, I'm sorry, are we back?" Frank asked. (Laugh track)
Frank pulls out notepad "note to self: talk to writers about "couch gagging" the theme song" (laugh track)
"Now then, where were we?" Frank asked
"Alien" Toz quickly whispered
"Ah, right. So, any ideas guys?" Frank asked.
"Yea, this scene only existed to be a transition between the cold open and the rest of the episode"
"Well I have some weaponry from the Albanian Military we could use to get in an over the top shootout with this guy and wreck our apartment... Or we could see if this guy is chill, get out the cards and have a poker game..." replied Tug *laugh track*
"Game Night then?" asked Frank
"Why not... Hey Alien, know how to play Blackjack?" shouted Toz *laugh track*
"<$>#&%*>!@&_+!@$>!" replied the Alien (Yes)
"Alright then that's settled... Alberto! Get the card table set up! We're playing by house rules!" shouted Tug *laugh track*
"HEEHAW!"
"I never was one for gambling myself, but Tug had a good idea here so I went along with it"
So the five roommates, an alien invader, and a pet donkey proceeded to begin a game of Blackjack, with Aunt Angie mysteriously disappearing...
"I fold... How the hell does a donkey win so many damn hands of poker..." grumbled Diesel 11 *laugh track*
"Because Alberto is the most badass donkey in existence, why do you think I kept him?' replied Tug *laugh track*
"Well whatever..." responded D-11 "Hey D-11, usually your Aunt would be bugging the crap out of us right now..." asked Toz
"Last time I saw her, she was next to that Alien Bro's Space...Ship..." responded D-11 as the entire group soon turned to see Aunt Angie now inside the Invader's spaceship...
"Well as long as she doesn't mess with any of the buttons, we'll..." but before TGC could finish, the group heard, "I wonder what this one will do?' and the Spaceship soon launched out of the hole in the ceiling it made earlier...
"#%#!#*$>?<>!@" replied the Alien (Well... Crap...) *laugh track*
"Fun fact- that effect was five percent of this episode's budget"
"Aunt Angie no!" shouted D-11
"YES!!! WE'RE FINALLY RID OF HER!!" shouted Frank, Toz, and Tug as the trio soon joined hands and began doing the Can-Can in celebration... *laugh track*
"We totally improvised this. Gotcha! Nah, that was a scripted moment- but I just had to dispel that internet rumor that's been floating around for a while. We had a lot of improvised moments on the show, but this isn't one of them- can you imagine if it was though? But the odds of the three of us thinking of doing the can-can at the same time were pretty slim so when you think about this in context... wait, did Toz start this rumor?! Note to self: call Toz later"
"Shut up you jerks!" yelled D-11 as he tried to hit the trio while TGC just causally held him back... *laugh track*
"Down boy, down..." replied the Apartment Owner... *laugh track*
"But in all seriousness... This is a very... peculiar situation... especially for our 'guest', actually what's your name?" asked Frank as he let go of Toz and proceeded to stop the celebratory dance...
"&$%#" replied the Alien (Tony)
"Great, nice to meet you Tony... Sorry our 'eccentric' friend stole your spaceship and probably ruined your plans of invasion... To make up for it, do you want to stay here?' asked Frank
"Whatever he decides it's fine with me..." replied TGC as he causally took a sip from a random drink
"It was Dr. Pepper"
"!@#%!@$>%&>&>$%?"?//.#%^<#__-!#$!#_@$%-=+*&%#" answered Tony as he pulled out a small box (Why the hell not, for that when I take over you guys can be my personal servants and not annihilated like the rest of your planet, plus she didn't steal all of my invasion equipment, only the spares, and that spaceship was a piece of crap anyway...) *laugh track*
"Alright then, I guess we'll have to pretend Tony is a pet right now so the rent doesn't go up or something stupid like that..." replied Toz as he consulted the 'National Sitcom Regulations', and then proceeded to burn them with a lighter he had on hand... *laugh track*
"Hey, what's in the space cube?" asked Diesel 11
"#$!?#>$%>" replied Tony as he pressed a button and piles of weapons appeared before the group...(Basically weapons to destroy your entire race and this planet...)
"Cool... Hey Alberto, don't get any bright ideas..." said Tug as he pointed towards the donkey
"Heehaw!" replied the donkey
"Like hell you weren't think it!" shouted Tug *laugh track*
Anyway, it seems Tony the Alien has joined this cast of rogues, and a maverick donkey, in their weird and zany adventures, while Aunt Angie seemed to be somewhere outside the Milky Way Galaxy...
"To be clear while the character could be annoying at times- she stuck around because the actress was just a sweetheart. We wanted her around"
"Oh good, I'm thirsty anyway!" *laugh track*
*Scene change, to a top secret military base in Nevada called AREA 51*
"Did you say, 'Aliens'...?!"
Just then, the general came walking in
"For the last time Captain Winslow, we don't give a damn about aliens! We test planes for the Air Force here!" The general informed. (Laugh track)
Just then, Frank walks in "before we proceed, the cast and crew of The 3WSR Show would like to thank the local chapter of the VFW for their assistance in this episode; all military personnel seen in this episode were played by real veterans." (Thunderous applause from audience)
"That was my idea- The whole "Alien Area 51" gimmick is super annoying and really ticks me off- so I made it clear I would not do this episode unless we made it explicitly clear what Area 51 actually was. As for the veterans- as the grandson of a WWII army veteran I have great respect for them. You can hate war as much as you want, but I never disrespect the veterans. And that is the ONLY thing close to political you will hear me say and I will not say anything further on this"
"Oi! It's a non-military personnel! Remember, men, shoot to kill!"
"AGGGGGHHHHH!!!"
"I'm not really here!" Frank pointed out
"Oh, sorry"
And the scene resumed.
"Now what is this nonsense about aliens?" The general asked
"Who cares, not our jurisdiction. We just kill people because our country doesn't like their country for some reason."
"That line was included to be fair to both sides"
"Did someone say... ALIENS?" *laugh track*
It was a man in a full black suit and dark glasses.
"Can you see in those things?" Someone asked.
"...no..." *laugh track*
"What? You didn't think this was a Men In Black parody?"
"Anyway, we need you to tackle a case that is none of our business"
"What is it you want... garrgghhh!!" He said, tripping over a chair he did not see (laugh track)
Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away...
"Holy cow! Is that Godzilla's alien cousin? Hey! KEEP YOUR HANDS OFFA ME, YOU PERVERT!!" *laugh track*
"Yea, it's an awkward scene, but we needed something to help fill in the gaps; turns out this episode was running 90 seconds short so we needed filler"
Back on Earth, Frank was explaining some physics to the guys
"And so you see, due to space-time dilation, what may seem like a few weeks to her, will be many decades here on Earth. So she won't be coming around again" Frank explained.
"I mean, I know she was annoying, but I can't help but miss her now..." D-11 said.
"Huh?" Everyone said in confusion.
"Hey! She's family after all."
"And family sticks together."
"HOLY COW! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" Frank cries as Aunt Angie walks in.
"I could ask you the same thing." *laugh track*
"How are you back here?"
"Well, I pressed a button, and next thing I knew, I teleported and crash landed in the yard out front."
"I'm taking the damage cost out of your security deposit!!" The landlord yelled
"Can't get rid of her that easily"
"Fine!"
Suddenly, an alligator popped out of the floor.
"Yep, another filler gag"
"Can we focus on the plot at hand please!" Frank fumed.
Just then, a knock was heard at the door. It was the man in the suit from earlier.
"Pardon me sir, I am from Notareal (pronounced "note-ah-ray-ale") Sales company, and I am selling various products. Could I come in?" He asked.
Frank looked at the script "well, says I'm supposed to let you in, even though you are clearly a fraud. Ah well, gotta pan this out to 22 minutes" Frank said (laugh track) "come in" Frank said.
"Yea, not my favorite gag. Eyes actually proposed doing an episode where we cut back on the fourth wall breaks. She had a point- quality over quantity after all"
"What do you mean, I'm a fake? I'll have you know..."
"Aw, shut up and taste my lasagna!" interrupted Aunt Angie. *laugh track*
"So, what can we do for you?" Frank asked.
"Well, I'm selling GAAGGHH!" And he tripped over the table.
"Seriously, why am I wearing these?" The man said (laugh track)
"Take them off!"
"I'm legally blind!" *laugh track* "Also colorblind, with cataracts, and laser beam implants in my retinas!" *laugh track*
"Well, in that case, keep them onDID YOU SAY LASERS?" *laugh track*
"He actually improvised the second half of the sentence, that's why we got 10,000 angry letters from eye doctors after this episode"
"Uh, I mean, now what would you like to see?" The man asked.
"Can we see what you have?" Frank asked.
"Why?! Are you some paranoid person that you don't trust people that walk up to your door trying to sell you stuff?! Huh? HUH?!"
"No, I don't know what products you have" Frank said
"Oh, sorry" (laugh track)
So he opened his briefcase.
"Now, do you see this tape recorder?" The man said
"Well, it is actually... A pen!" And a pen came out of it.
"Do you see this pen? It is actually... A tape recorder!" He said. (Laugh track)
"Do you see this stick of dynamite it is actually a scented candle!" And he lit it.
"Mm... Cherry" the five friends said (laugh track)
BANG!
"Alberto! What have I told you about launching illegal... *cough*... I mean perfectly harmless Mexican fireworks whenever we have someone new enter the apartment!" shouted Tug *laughtrack*
"HEEHAW!" replied Alberto
"Yeah yo better go to your room! I'm sorry, about my pet, carry on good Sir..." *laugh track*
"Yea, to this day, I still don't know how we didn't set off the sprinklers with all the explosive gags we did that day" "And see this candle? It is actually a Stick of dynamite!"
BANG!!!!!
(laugh track, fade to black)
(return scene; everyone comes to; covered in black soot)
"That's it! Get out of this apartment!" Frank fumed.
"Afwaeifuhalsdkfjshdawefkjhalediwhdsriuhqoerguhadklskdjfhqoewitahvaptguerygtpaoewufhalhef!!!!!" Said the alien
"What he said!" Toz added
"But why?" cried the man.
"ealiehajghaljskhfaowueraiuethiruhgasodjfao;iwoieuweiuhtiruhgoiruhaiouehiaouyheuhflghsghsliurhg" explained the alien
"that's it!" Frank said.
(Cut to: stock footage from earlier episode. Shot of apartment building, dot is seen being thrown out and falling. This time, the man screaming is heard)
"And stay out!" Frank, Toz, Tug, TGC and D-11 collectively said.
"Aasfuhalefjhalsdfhaoierjaodfhalsdkfjhadfgkjbalreiguhalkjghbadlfuwehruh!" Screamed the alien.
"Credit to the actor for pulling off that total gibberish; won't like though, I thought he was just speaking Welsh"
"As for you..." said Frank.
"@*#*#*%*@
"Someone has got to teach you English; I am tired of reading subtitles backwards" Frank muttered (laugh track)
"I originally said "for some strange reason I feel the urge to repeat everything you say and I can't figure out why"
"Ok, so where do we start?" D-11 asked.
"We could..." and they all went into a huddle and began inaudible whispering.
Outside, the agent brushed off his injuries.
"Wow, those are some bushes; I think I don't even have a scratch!" (laugh track) "Now then, I need to get back inside" he said to himself.
So, he disguised himself. .........
DING, DONG!
"'Allo, my name ist Karprielle Klerner. I am here to repair your piano."
"We don't have a piano!" Tug said as he slammed the door (laugh track)
"Actually..." said Toz, sheepishly, "I bought one last week on a whim."
"And zat is why I am here!" said the agent, as he opened the door and walked in again.
"Now, let us repair your piano" He said as he went up to it."
Cut to: exterior shot of apartment.
"Now, I think I can..."
* A loud SNAP is heard, and the agent comes running out, yelping in pain. He is wrapped like a mummy with piano wire
"Ow ow ow!! This hurts! This hurts!" He screamed as he ran for outside.
"I don't think he knew what he was doing" Tug observed *Laugh track
"Yeah, especially since he just ran out the window..." said Frank.
A loud "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" is heard....
He lands in the same bush from before "huh? what are the odds?" (laugh track)
A while later, he comes back and knocks on the door, this time in another disguise.
"Hello?"
"Private Yoga lesson" the agent said.
"We're young adult men, WE DON'T DO YOGA!" D-11 slammed the door on him (laugh track)
"Wait!" cried Tug, "I take yoga!" *laugh track*
They all stared at Tug. "What? It helps my back" Tug said (laugh track)
Just then, there was another knock at the door.
"Now who could it be this tiOH MY GOSH IT'S LEATHERFACE!!" *laugh track*
"Yep, this was also a filler gag"
"I have a medical condition! You are so mean!" and he ran off sobbing hysterically (laugh track)
"So, how about that yoga lesson?" The agent said.
"Come on guys; join us!" Tug said.
But then, out from the shadows stepped...
"THE GRIM REAPER!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
"He, he, he," laughed Aunt Angie as she pulled of the mask. "Is this the best Halloween costume or what?" *laugh track*
"But... it's June..." *laugh track*
"So what? Always best to be prepared!" *laugh track*
"Two filler gags in the same scene, a record"
After the jump scares, they went to the yoga lesson (cut to: shot of door outside apartment)
"And now, we bend back and do this to extend the... YOOOWWWWW!!!!" He screamed in agony
(Cut to, shot outside curb: the agent, laying in an awkward position on a gurney, is loaded into an ambulance."
"Somehow, I don't think he knew yoga" D-11 observed (laugh track)
When they went back to the apartment, they found it ransacked... and the alien missing.
"I made it clear that they were not to do the bedrooms since they weren't in this shot; no point in messing up rooms that we weren't going to film"
"AUNT ANGIEEEE!!!!" The five collectively screamed. (laugh track)
"I am definitely changing the locks tomorrow" Frank grumbled.
"What?" said Aunt Angie from outside the apartment.
"You didn't..." began Frank.
"I've been trying to perfect this lasagna since I got back! How am I supposed to think of anything else?"
"But then where is Alan?" Toz asked.
"Alan?" Frank asked, confused.
"Alan the alien; I can't remember if he has a name so I gave him one" Toz explained.
"Toz actually did forget the alien's name here; but it was more filler material so we kept it"
"I thought his name was #(*&#(*&$#@," said Diesel 11. *laugh track*
"Eyes built off of Toz"
"Seriously, we have to teach him English" Frank said.
"But we have to find him!" Toz said.
Then, they heard the toilet flush from one of the bathrooms
"Phew; he was just using the bathroom" they sighed with relief.
Then, Alberto the Donkey emerged from the bathroom. *laugh track*
"Huh, the alien really is gone..."
*cut to the five heroes and Alberto in a prison cell*
"Wha... where are we... the alien?"
"I knew we shouldn't have had that much caffeinated vodka... *laugh track* ...we hallucinated a bunch of stuff and now we're stuck here..." *laugh track*
"In hindsight we should have just filmed a better transition between these scenes, but that would've been another set that would've only been used once"
"But where is here?" Frank asked.
"I know, let's look out the window and see what landmarks... on second thought, no way, not going through that again" Frank said sternly (laugh track)
Just then, the door opened.
"Ah, I see you are awake. Gentlemen, may I be the first to welcome you to Area 51... and the last."
"What? But we don't want to be Guinea pigs for the new experimental aircraft!" (Laugh track)
"I was NOT going to stoop to the level of the cliché use of Area 51; but at least Tug came up with a fair compromise"
"No! You're thinking of Area 51-B! The ACTUAL airbase. You fellas are in Area 51-A, the alien one..." replied the ripoff MIB Agent
"Oh..." replied the five roommates while Alberto just made, well, donkey noises... *laugh track*
"Wait, if we are in Area 51... yes! I knew we were in Nevada!" Frank said joyously
"No, we flew you in from out of state; you guys have been unconscious for 14 hours" the agent said.
"What? But New Chicago, Oregon is in the neighboring state!" Toz pointed out.
"We were in Oregon? No, we couldn't have, I saw the Gateway Arch!" The agent pointed out.
"Please, please, PLEASE don't go into that again, I don't know how much more I can take" Frank said (laugh track)
"Now then, you will all have to be operated upon by the Gliphliotron Celkrator" the agent said as he took out... a toilet plunger! (laugh track)
Everyone in the cell looked on in confusion
"Da hell is that?" said Aunt Angie.
"Aunt Angie! Have you come to bail us out?"
"No, I've come with a lasagna I made from a crowbar." *laugh track*
"In hindsight we really didn't need Aunt Angie there; and I'm kinda pissed off nobody did anything with the "toilet plunger" gag"
"What?" The guard asked.
"Oh, with cinnebar, my family's favorite spice." Aunt Angie said.
"Hey, you can't be here; get her!" The guard said. A taser is fired
(Focus on: the friends in the cell)
Offscreen, they hear Aunt Angie scream as she is tasered.
"Hey! You can't do that!" Frank said.
"Yea! She may be an annoying gag character, but she's still my aunt!" D-11 fumed (laugh track)
"Help me Davis!" Aunt Angie said.
"That's not my name!" D-11 fumed.
"I DON'T CARE, JUST GET THESE PERVERTS OFFA ME!!" *laugh track*
"Madam, you are being restrained for trespassing on government property!" The soldier said.
"Don't you madam me! Get your hands offa me!" She fumed (laugh track)
D-11 was fuming "That's it! I'm so angry I could, I could..."
And suddenly D-11's muscles started growing, his skin turned green as music from a particular 70s tv show started playing.
"Oh no! He's having an allergic reaction to the prison food we ate earlier!" Frank said in terror (laugh track)
"Eyes' transformation was TEN percent of the episode's budget"
Suddenly...
"I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT. I AM THE ALIEN THAT ATTACKS YOUR PLANET. I... AM DARKWING DUCK!!"
"OMG, I loved that show!" cried Diesel 11.
"What show?" asks a confused Darkwing. *laugh track*
"You fool, what about the copyright?" Frank asked.
"We have the same parent company, it's fine" D-11 said. (Laugh track)
"Actually, we didn't. Disney just was a sponsor of this episode. Ironic considering some of the content isn't exactly Disney friendly. We'd never fly on Disney+"
"Anyway, I am here to... (Notices D-11)... Good gravy! Are you having an allergic reaction to the prison food?" He asked. (Laugh track)
"No, I got stung by a f***ing wasp."
"Egads! That most be-" *gets tackled by the guards. "Oof!"
"And that's how we got him out of the story just as quickly"
"We gotta figure out a way outta here; clearly they aren't gonna help us" Toz observed (laugh track)
"Don't worry, I have a plan!" Frank said, as he pulled a chart out of nowhere.
"It's a 12 phase plan, starting with:
Phase one: scrape away at the mortar between the bricks, to free them as blunt weapons.
Phase two: weave together a rope out of the bedsheets from our beds
Phase three: one of us fakes a heart attack
Phase four: the guard comes in to check
Phase five we knock out the guard, take his keys, one of us takes his uniform.
Phase six, the uniformed one escorts the others out of the cell to the locker room, where we steal uniforms for all of us
Phase seven: now all in uniform, we go to the vehicle bay, and take a truck
Phase eight: we start the truck
Phase nine: we drive off the base
Phase ten, we dump the military vehicle and uniforms, swap back into out clothes, and find a place with a phone
Phase eleven: we call a taxi to take us to a bus depot
Phase twelve; we get on the bus, get home, and celebrate our accomplishment at our favorite restaurant, that buffet place with all the different kinds of stuff.
So, any questions?" Frank asked.
"Yeah. Why'd you say that when there are guards all around us?" Toz asked, annoyed.
Frank looked at the guards. "Oh. Whoops." *laugh track*
"No, wait" TGC observed. "They are too busy with Aunt Angie and Dorkwing Dock, we're fine right now" he explained. (laugh track)
"Don't know why I butchered the name there; probably a cheap laugh in retrospect"
"Phew, the plan can still work" Frank said.
"Where did you get that chart from?" D-11 asked, confused.
"Not important" Frank said as he rolled it back up (D-11 goes to the area it was in, reaches up, but can't find the pull tab for the chart, he gets confused) (laugh track)
"How did you...?"
"Hammerspace, I can pull anything out of anywhere, but I've sworn to use it only when it won't create a Deux ex machina" Frank explained.
"Just do something..." D-11 grumbled.
Frank had the five of them huddle and whisper "Ok, so who wants to fake the heart attack?"
"Alright... I'll handle it..." replied Tug
*A few minutes later
"Good God! Guards! My pet donkey is having a heart attack!" shouted Tug
"HEEHAW!" Alberto called out in 'pain' *laugh track*
"We've heard that one a hundred times!"
"Oh, you have huh? Alright Frank, what's Plan B?"
"WHAT?! But that was my best plan! How did it fail?!"
"No, no no! What am I saying, It did NOT fail! We are sticking with the plan!" Frank told D-11.
"I'm serious! This poor donkey is having a heart attack and you won't do anything about it? What are you, an animal hater!?" Frank said. (laugh track)
"No... no I am not"
"then open this door and help this poor donkey!" Frank said.
The guard went after Alberto, while the five sneaked up behind him and prepared to strike.
And in typical sitcom fashion, they went after they guy, and a massive dust cloud was kicked up, with only the occasional limb poking through it until.
"Whew, that was hard fought; good job with knocking him out non-lethally guys" Frank said (laugh track)
"Wait, non-lethally?" TGC asked, staring at the bloody dagger in his hand. *gasp*
"Where'd you even get a dagger?"
"Yes." *nervous laugh track*
"Even I didn't know how to react to that one; dark comedy is hit or miss to be honest"
"Who cares? Just get the uniform off and stick with the plan!" Frank pointed out.
(NOTE: The plan does fall apart eventually... just not at this particular moment)
"So... who wear's the uniform?" D-11 asked.
"Well, you're too short for this specific uniform.... your hair is to long... you're not old enough to look convincing... and you are WAY to dumb to look the part" Frank said
"Uh Frank, that's a mirror" Toz pointed out (laugh track)
"I have practically no self-esteem so I was fine saying that"
"According to the plan, we all end up in uniforms eventually, so pick one!" Toz snapped.
"Okay, okay... Tug, it looks about your size."
"Okay." Tug said. "Wait... does it go over my clothes or do I need to change into them?"
"I hadn't thought of that! The plan is ruined!" Frank yelled. *laugh track*
"Wait! Why don't we each stuff an article of clothing underneath ours?" TGC pointed out.
"Could work." Frank shrugged.
A while later Tug, in uniform is escorting the others out of the cell. They all have weird bulges in either their backs or bellies.
"If anyone asks, it's an allergic reaction to the prison food" Frank whispered (laugh track)
"I'm gonna stage a mutiny or something..." Diesel 11 whispers to Toz. *laugh track*
"I thought you wanted to get out of here?" Toz asked.
"Yes, but not with such a stupid plan!" D-11 fumed. "it will never work."
Some time later, the boys emerged from a locker room wearing uniforms... even Alberto was wearing one (laugh track)
"Who knew they made donkey uniforms!" Tug said, impressed.
(Alberto makes "I agree" noises) *Laugh track
"I'm telling you this will not work!" D-11 fumed.
Just then, Aunt Angie ran up to them "Oh, soldiers I have never met before! You have to find my nephew and his friends! They've escaped from their cell!" She said (laugh track)
D-11 looked at her, confused.
"I know it's you," she whispered, "now don't look so confuzzled and let's get out of here!" *laugh track*
"Told you it wouldn't work!" *laugh track*
"I think that was just the actress being nice; that line actually wasn't in the script"
"Right, so time for the next phase of the plan" Frank pointed out. They proceeded to walk out and make their way to the trucks.
"All right, who's driving?" Frank asked.
"Huh?"
"Well, I don't have a license." Frank said (laugh track)
"Have Alberto drive!"
"What? That'll never work!"
"This is a sitcom! Everything works!" *laugh track*
Everyone climbed into the truck with Alberto and Tug up front.
Tug decided to drive and they made their way to the gate.
"Let us through; its urgent" Tug said.
"Not without proper..." Then the guard saw the Donkey. "Oh, General Cornelius sir! Didn't recognize you for a second. Sorry to keep you waiting, off you go!" (Laugh track)
"Well, that explains the donkey uniform." Toz observed.
"Yea, probably because it takes an a** (bleep) to run an operation like that" Frank observed (laugh track)
"We actually had to stop filming not even 3 seconds after I said that. That wasn't my actual line and the gang was half mixed and half laughing over the fact that I suddenly swore when I am notorious for practically never doing it"
"You may be right," said Toz.
"I may be crazy," said Diesel 11, "but it just may-"
"ENOUGH OF THE BILLY JOEL PUNS!!" *laugh track*
And so after a while, the friends ditched the truck, changed back into civilian clothes, and went into the nearest town.
"Ok, so we just need to find a phone, right?" Toz asked.
"Yes, so what do we do?" Tug asked.
"Hey look at this thing!" D-11 said. The friends all gathered around it.
"Weird... It looks like a phone, but you put money in it." Toz said
"This must be one of those "pay phones" my father told me about, they were super useful back in the day!" Frank said.
"What day was that?" D-11 asked.
"The 90s" Frank replied (laugh track)
"I'm pretty sure there are still pay phones," pointed out TGC
"Yes, but a lot either don't work or are vandalized" Frank pointed out.
"Do what do we do?" Toz asked.
"All we need to do is call the operator to direct us to a taxi company, which will take us to a bus depot, then we go home" Frank said.
They realized they did not have quarters... But then they an idea.
(The group are dressed in odd looking suits, and are breakdancing in front of an awestruck crowd. Except Frank, who is off to the side holding his back in pain)
"Agh... Why did I do that? I don't know how to break dance." Frank said (laugh track)
Then at the end, the crowd applauded and threw nickels, dimes and quarters at them.
"We are never doing this again" One of the guys grumbled.
"I don't know why I suggested ending the episode with breakdancing; ironic since I was the only one of us who didn't know how to do it. Don't ask how the others know, they prefer not to talk about the failed musical. But yea, I was saved by a gag where we just cut to me with a hurt back"
Suddenly, a news crew pulled up.
"These breakdancing sensations have transformed our city!" *laugh track*
The crowd began chanting "encore".
"Oh, crap..."
"We'd love to folks, but unfortunately... we gotta see a chiropractor now" as the group of friends piled onto Alberto and rode away... each of the guys holding their backs or another part of their body in pain (laugh track, applause)
Anyways, long story short, they recovered, Tony went back to space, Aunt Angie was as annoying as ever, and THE END.
"Yea, the budget ran out towards the end, so we ended up rushing that last bit. Hence why we didn't do much with the news crew and why instead of us boarding a bus, it ended with that shot of us on the fake Alberto riding into the sunset as Eyes did a voiceover narration. What? You thought that was really Alberto under the five of us? We're not that cruel, jerks! And that brings us to the end of episode five. And I have to admit, I'm getting all teary eyed from the nostalgia... as far as you know. See you next time!"
|
|
|
Post by Toz76 on Jul 21, 2022 2:42:24 GMT -5
Hey, my name is Toz, and I played the character Toz on the sitcom “Sitcom”. Now, I know Frank is probably going to talk about this episode, but I wanted to speak on it too because I really think this is one of the stronger episodes of the first season. There’s a lot here that still holds up, and I wanted to go over it with my fans.
Episode 6: The One Where They Make A Band
It was a glorious day in Apartment A483. Toz was modelling, TGC was gaming, Tug was training, Frank was reading, and Diesel 11 was blasting everyone's ears off with metal.
"D-11, turn that down, will you! You are making Tug's ear's bleed!" Frank pointed out. "And this is apartment 7C!" (laugh track)
"Oh no, I just had a problem with the ketchup bottle and forgot to clean up" Tug explained (laugh track)
"What exactly is Toz modeling?" TGC asked
"It's a railway. I'm trying to recreate Awdry's layout. It's tough work, but worth it."
Because of Frank and I having gotten our start as writers for Thomas the Tank Engine, the first season has a ton of references to that franchise. This is one of the more obscure ones. I do enjoy model railroading, though.
"So far I've got as far as- OH MY GOD D11 SHUT THE F***ING MUSIC OFF!" *laughtrack*
"But... Hangar 19!"
"Gotta avoid the copyright..." *laughtrack*
"I'll show you loud annoying music!" And Toz started playing Blink-183 really loudly. "Copyright again." *laughtrack*
Fun fact, all the music in this episode was actually performed by a band Eyes and I were in at the time called “The Cisgender Men”. We were working on an album called “songs for people who don’t experience gender dysphoria”, but we ultimately shelved that record for, well, for obvious reasons. Anyway, we performed all the music ourselves, except for the accordion bits, which were done by one of the lighting techs, Doug. Great guy.
Frank decided he could not take it anymore. "Going out for a bit!" He said as he went out the door and went to the elevator, he went to floor 3. Then Frank turned to the audience.
"Things can get really crazy around here sometimes. Though we are all friends around here, we do have individual interests that sometimes cause problems... but hey, always funny when it happens to someone else, right?" (laugh track)
The elevator door opens and Frank is on another floor. "Luckily, there is a relative in the building I like to visit. No, not Aunt Angie. It's my relative."
Frank goes to an apartment door and it opens.
Hiya hiya hiya!" The man says as he opens the door.
"Hi, Uncle Mark" Frank said.
"What are you doin?" He asked.
"Things are crazy upstairs, came over for a visit" Frank said.
"Come in; what have you been up to?" Uncle Mark asked.
"You would not believe half of it..." Frank began
Frank will probably discuss this in more detail in his review, but this scene was written to pay tribute to a real life relative of his. It was a really emotional day on set when we shot that scene.
Back upstairs, D-11 was still playing heavy metal... but to avoid royalties, it was heavy metal versions of Public Domain songs.
"LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN!!!!
FALLING DOWN!!!
FALLING DOWN!!!
LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN!!!
MY!! FAIR!!! LADYYYYYYY!!!" D-11 was singing loudly into the microphone (laugh track, applause)
Toz gave up and left in protest, but set his speakers to blast "Sum 42" (friggin' copyright) at full volume with no way to shut it off without Toz's password.
The gag about number bands didn’t really translate from page to screen that well. If you aren’t familiar with the band Sum 41, someone mentioning “Sum 42” won’t be funny.
"Maybe we should go as well..." TGC and Tug muttered. *laughtrack*
*fade to black; the theme song starts. Cheerful, upbeat music begins followed by the singers.
They're five crazy guys
Who have most unusual lives
But put them together and what have you got?
3WSR and here's the plot!
Five guys,
who love burgers and fries
(Frank interjects)
"Seriously? I hate corporate sponsors...
Five friends
whose adventures never seem to end.
For a good laugh don't look far,
Welcome to the world of 3...W...S...RRRRRRRRR!!!"
("The 3WSR Show" title appears on screen; Frank suddenly appears beside the title)
"Come on writers, there's gotta be something we can do for a couch gag here"
(Frank gets crushed by a giant question mark)
"That's NOT what I meant" Frank grumbles
"Maybe we can make a metal version of the theme song?"
"NO!!"
People ask a lot about what the title “3WSR” means. In the original pilot script, Eyes and Tug didn’t exist yet, it was just me, Frank, and TGC, and “3WSR” stood for “Three Weird, Silly Roommates”. The show evolved a lot between the original script and the pilot we filmed, but “3WSR” kept being inserted into the scripts, almost as a running joke, and eventually the name stuck.
*Cuts back to apartment, D-11 is still playing Heavy metal... sort of
"Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind!!!
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And days of Auld Lang Syne!!!" (Laugh track, applause)
"So what did you think guys?" D-11 said as he poked his head out of his room. He sees Tug with the red going down his ears.
"Oh come on! It couldn't have been THAT bad!" D-11 said (laugh track)
"No! It's ketchup!" Tug said (laugh track)
Diesel 11 decides he must take matters into his own hands. He rushes to the phone.
Some time later...
"Okay, Megadeth, Iron Maiden, Slayer, Queensryche, Judas Priest, and Anthrax said we could play their music because they actually love our show."
"Awesome!"
"Dammit man, if you're going to get a bunch of heavy metal bands to let him use their muaic, at least get Metallica!" *laughtrack*
Soon, everyone but D11 had left in protest.
"I swear I did! But Lars was the one who picked up, so..." *laughtrack*
So after visiting Uncle Mark for a while, Frank headed out of the building to get out for some time.
"Well, off to see what I can do around town... And hopefully not get confused by where I am" (laugh track)
This is actually the only shot in the entire show where the Taj Mahal is visible. There was a fire in the prop room, and the Taj Mahal prop was completely destroyed.
So Frank went to a museum for a while.
As for D-11, he was with Toz and Tug at their favorite pub.
Diesel 11 had a large glass filled to the brim with pilsner, Toz had a very effective shot of vodka, and Tug had... milk. *laughtrack*
"It keeps my strength up better," he explained.
"You're f***ed," said Diesel 11 and Toz, the alcohol already affecting their brains. *laughtrack*
"Wait, I don't drink vodka, I'm mad at you for blasting that music, and I'm at the other table with Riley and Alberto!" Toz said.
I do actually drink vodka now, it doesn’t taste great but it’s certainly efficient. (laughs) I prefer this one specific brand of coconut rum, though.
"Then who's...?"
"I am Tiberius O. Zeno. My friends call me Grammar Police. I have a job offer for you two." Toz's identical twin said
"Oh. Him." Toz grumbled.
Yes, that’s me playing Tiberius. He pops up in a couple other episodes, and we had plans for him in season 2, but those never really panned out. It was a fun challenge, playing two different characters on the same show.
Just then, Frank walked into the room.
"Well, since the museum thing is not going anywhere, might as well join in" he said to himself, then saw Toz and Tug. "Oh hey guys, how is it going?" Frank asked.
Meanwhile, D11 and TOZ were talking about a 'special job', but that fell through after TOZ said, "No, I won't pay you $1,000,000,000."
D11 was left alone at the table. He started humming.
Just then the bartender walked out of the back door. "Damn it! The stupid house band cancelled again. Now I don't have anyone to play."
"Say," said D11, "I know how to play guitar, would you like me to play?"
"Sure, that'd be great!"
"I can play drums!" Riley offered.
Riley’s actor can actually play drums. They’re really good at it. I keep meaning to ask them for lessons.
"No, we're supposed to be mad at him- oh, forget it. So much for that subplot." Toz muttered. *laughtrack*
"Now we need a bassist and a vocalist." D11 said.
"Well Alberto can play the keyboard, long story, and I can sing... But ONLY rock... Not that Metal crap, most of it kills my voice, though I usually stick to drums..." replied Tug *laughtrack*
"Well I"ll guess that makes me the bassist... Hey Frank, what can you play?" asked Toz
"I play a killer triangle..." responded Frank *laughtrack*
Frank saying "I play a killer triangle" was the single hardest take to get in the entire show. Frank just kept breaking and laughing, it took like 80 tries to get a decent take. There's a blooper real somewhere online, and like half of it is Frank trying to say "I play a killer triangle" and then just dying of laughter. Wasted like half a day of filming.
"We could get TGC to play the Tambourine if he comes around..." chipped in Toz
"Alright! WE got our band! What should we call ourselves?" asked D-11
"How about the 'Fourth Wallers'?" asked Frank, who winked at the audience *laughtrack*
"Nah, how about Megathread?" *laughtrack*
Frank shook his head, "Wait a minute wait a minute! Triangle, where did that come from? I play trumpet, remember!" Frank said
(Flashback,pilot episode, laugh track)
This flashback was totally just inserted to pad the runtime and save money by reusing old footage.
"Do you guys have a trumpet on you?" Frank asked.
"No" One of the guys said.
"Goodbye" Frank said as he walked back the the audience (laugh track). "By the way, remember the last time we tried to make a band?" Frank said (laugh track)
"Yeah, but Megathread will be so much better!" *laughtrack*
"HELP HELP HELP!!!" Tug screamed, who was trapped in the base drum (laugh track, applause)
"How did you get in there!?" Frank screamed
"You tell me! The same thing happened to you in the pilot!" Tug shouted (laugh track)
"you were saying?" Frank asked D-11
"I was saying... LET'S GO KICK SOME ASS!!" *starts into Holy Wars riff, audience applauses*
"Wait, I'm not ready!" Tug screamed (laugh track)
But Diesel 11 was already going into overdrive... and the audience was loving it.
But since we cannot be defined by heavy metal alone, let's cut to what Frank ended up doing.
Upset by not being able to play trumpet in the band, Frank went back home to... well, practice.
Then after a while, he went onto the streets and played out there. Playing an assortment of Jazz, swing, and early rock and roll music, Frank wound up getting a lot of attention on the streets, and thanks to smart phones, ended up going viral.
When D-11 went on break, he broke out a cold one and said "now that was an awesome first set guys"
"Easy for you to say" Tug grumbled (laugh track)
"Hey guys, check this out, new viral video" Riley said, watching from his smart phone.
"Huh...'Crazy Talented street musician rocks out early Rock and Roll on trumpet" D-11 said to himself... then read the number.
"3.7 MILLION VIEWS!?" He said in confusion (laugh track, applause)
"Hey... don't we know that guy?" Toz asked.
I honestly don’t remember filming this scene. I had taken an edible about 90 minutes ago, and you can really tell that I’m just totally out of it in this shot.
Just then, TGC ran in with an accordion "is it too late to join the band?" (laugh track)
"Um..."
Megathread was not doing bad either; their heavy metal song covers and originals were quickly becoming the talk of the town, and they were considered the second greatest band in *wherever the hell we live*, just after the Grateful Threads. *laughtrack*
They had also become a viral hit, thanks to TGC.
Megathread was shown playing a "Crazy Train" cover when suddenly...
"ACCORDION SOLO!!!!!!!" TGC screamed as he crashed the stage... and started playing "Crazy Train" on the accordion.
D-11 and the others on stage looked dumbfounded at this... while half the audience was confused and the other half laughing.
This is one of the best scenes in the episode. You can really tell the writers were struggling to figure out what to do with TGC in the first few episodes, but this episode really managed to get a good balance of all five leads, and TGC in particular got a chance to shine.
After a good showing one day, Frank checked his smart phone.
"Huh? 'Crazy accordion guy crashes heavy metal concert and totally nails Crazy Train cover,' what is this?" Frank asked. "How did this get 4.4 million views?" He asked himself. Watching the video, Frank was confused, but he also could not help but laugh.
But back to "now," TGC was totally killing Crazy Train on the accordion, while everyone else was either laughing or confused...
Except for Tiberius Zeno, who was recording the video Frank had just been watching in the flash forward.
"When this goes viral and I get the view money, I'll buy out WaldTech and become even richer! Revenge shall be mine!"
"I can't wait for the ad money to pour in" Tiberius said devilishly.
(Cut to: he's standing outside his mailbox, looking at the check he received"
"32 DOLLARS AND 65 CENTS!?" He screamed in frustration (laugh track)
"I got like four million views! Money should be pouring in!"
Suddenly, it began raining hundred dollar bills.
"Yes!"
Suddenly the studio audience rushed the set and began snatching the bills
We had a lot of fourth wall jokes in this show. Too many, to be honest. I know y’all agree, I’ve seen the tweets. (laughs) But this one, I genuinely think was the best one. The way the laughtrack shifts to murmuring and you hear them coming before they rush the set is just perfect. Credit to Cliff and Barbara, who wrote this episode.
"MONEY MONEY MONEY!!!" They all screamed.
"Wait, this is not..." Tiberius began.
Frank and Toz were off to the side having a drink.
"Should we tell them?" Frank asked.
"Nah, give it a minute... this episode is running kinda short as is" Toz pointed out (laugh track)
Anyways, Tug and Alberto soon walked up to the duo...
"Oh hey Tug, what's the matter?" asked Frank
"Well Frank, I was wondering if I could join you in the streets performing with Alberto, me and my buddy here are sick of D-11 not listening to our convictions when we joined, 'Megathread' or whatever..." replied Tug
"What were they?" asked Frank
"I don't sing metal and Alberto doesn't like to be treated like a work horse..."
"HEEHAW!" *laughtrack*
If you look closely, you can see a boom mic above Alberto. Dunno how that one got past the editors.
"Oh, alright... Hey Toz want to join our group with Riley?" asked Frank
"Eh... why not..." *laughtrack*
And 'Frank with the Two Killer Dudes, One Fine Lady and Funky Animal' was born... *laughtrack*
Back at 'Megathread' practice...
"Where the hell is the band?" shouted a confused D-11
"Don't worry I'm here!" shouted TGC as he ran out playing a cover of 'For Whom the Bell Tolls' on his accordion with D-11 slapping his face in defeat
.....
"Guys look! We have over 20 million views on YouTube!" shouted Riley
"For what song?" asked the three dudes
"Well..." replied Riley as he turned the computer to show the title, 'Jazzy Donkey plays Soul on Keyboard' *laughtrack*
"You know I'm not surprised..." mumbled Frank *laughtrack*
"Well, animals are really popular online..." dead panned Toz
Just then, Alberto in a golden outfit walks by... *laughtrack*
That shot is one of the few times where we had to use a different donkey. Ace the donkey would not wear the suit. Just absolutely hated it. Kicked one of the stage techs in the leg and nearly broke it. So we got another donkey, Marge, to do this shot. Marge is noticeably shorter and we didn’t have to blur her junk as much, but she’s not an actor like Ace is.
"You better share that with me buddy!" shouted Tug while chasing after the donkey *laughtrack*
However, Diesel 11 knew that TGC was onto something, and so he found a record label to produce their song covers. Pretty soon they were makin' a killing.
"Can I just say that your heavy metal covers of public domain songs are absolutely brilliant! I'm saving a fortune since there are no royalties!" (laugh track)
"Always a pleasure... now when do I get to do my accordion solo?" TGC asked. (laugh track)
"And how about some actual metal covers?" D-11 asked. (laugh track)
While the boss made a phone call, D-11 checked the news on his phone to find out that a band called "Frank with the Two Killer Dudes, One Fine Lady and Funky Animal" had reached number 3 on the top 100 with their cover of "In The Mood"
"I don't believe it... Riley is a girl!?" D-11 burst out (laugh track)
"No wait, that's Tug," said TGC. "Don't know why he's dressed like Dee Snider though..." *laughtrack*
Meanwhile...
"I object to being called a lady, and Riley objects to being called a "funky animal"." Tug said to Frank. *laughtrack*
"You're just jealous of us "killer dudes", man." Toz said, and Alberto hee-hawed in agreement. *laughtrack*
That scene is one of my favorite gags of the episode. It’s even funnier in hindsight that I’m somehow one of the “killer dudes”.
"Well why are you bringing this up with me? I didn't come up with the band name" Frank said.
"Well what would you have called us?" Tug asked.
"The Impressive, Daunting, Imperial, and Overly Talented Young Men, why?" Frank asked.
"That name would have totally gone viral!" Tug said, astonished (laugh track)
"Frank... do you realize that spells..." Toz began.
"Yes... idiotym, why?" Frank asked (laugh track)
This is a reference to another show that Eyes was on, where he played a stupidly wealthy billionaire named “D’levin”. Tug also had a supporting role on that show, and I think TGC was in a couple episodes too. Anyway, there was a running gag in that show about silly acronyms, and we wanted to reference it here.
"Let's just call ourselves "rock band". Cynical self-reference is in now." Riley said.
So they did.
"Hello everyone, I just wanted to give you all a recap on how the bands are currently, as this episode seems to be about two bands. On one side, we have Megathread, a band consisting of D-11 on guitar and TGC on accordion. On the other side we have Rock Band, consisting of Frank on trumpet, Alberto on keyboard, and Tug, Toz and Riley on ... Well, instruments. (Laugh track). Thank you, we now return to the action"
"So in short, I want to stay away from percussion" Tug said.
"Fair enough. So what instruments do you want to play?" Frank asked Tug, Toz and Riley.
"I'll do drums." Riley said.
"Guitar." Said Toz.
"Glockenspiel!" Said Tug. *laughtrack*
"In English, please" Frank asked.
"Well, didn't I play a tambourine in the pilot?" Tug asked (laugh track)
"Ah, whatever, I'll be the lead singer..." said Tug as the band got together and began jamming to a sick beat...
Eventually, their playing on the street and on the internet, especially with the killer donkey, soon got the attention of big name music execs...
"I love your take on old rock and jazz, plus other genres. But you need a gimmick" the exec said.
"Like what?" The band collectively asked.
(CUT TO: They are all wearing sombreros)
"No..." The exec began (laugh track)
(CUT TO: They are all dressed in chicken costumes)
"No... what is this, Sesame Street?" the exec said (laugh track)
(Cut to: they are all in black and white)
"Appropriate, but no... the budget for hair and makeup is small as is" the exec said (laugh track)
"I'll have you know I comb my own hair, thank you very much" Frank boasted
"Yea, we can tell" Toz sarcastically said (laugh track)
Frank and I ad-libbed that bit, it was based on a running joke behind the scenes about how much quicker Frank got through hair and makeup than the rest of us.
(CUT TO: They are wearing nothing but boxers)
"Perfect!" the exec said.
"We are NOT playing in our underwear!" Frank fumed (laugh track)
"Performing WITHOUT boxers? I don't know... the record company might not go for it, but if that's what you want to do-"
"NO!" *laughtrack*
The pervy exec was meant to be a recurring character, popping up in a bunch of other jobs, but the actor was busy filming for Law And Order SVU and could only make it to this one episode.
"Then what Gimmick do you want to do?" The exec said.
(CUT TO: The band is wearing multi colored jumpsuits)
"I'm Man In Blue!" Frank said
"I'm Man In Red" Toz said
"I'm Woman In Yellow" Riley said
"I'm Man In Green!" Tug said
"I'm Donkey in Orange" Alberto said in his native tongue
"That is the stupidest thing I've ever seen!" the exec said.
"You sure? I hear it works out great on that other show" Frank said (laugh track)
People often ask what this is a reference to. It’s another Thomas the Tank Engine reference. Thomas is the Man In Blue, James is the Man In Red, Percy is the Man In Green, Rebecca is the Woman In Yellow, et cetera. I fought the execs to not do the “donkey in orange” bit, because the orange engine Nia is also the only African character in the main cast and I thought it would come off as racist, but they wouldn’t listen.
Meanwhile, Diesel 11 was practicing his death metal vocals.
"You ready?"
"Yup. Go!"
"ACCORDION SOLO!" TGC screamed as suddenly he took over.
"You know that is getting old..." D-11 said (laugh track)
Then suddenly, TGC played an incredible cover of Crazy Train on accordian.
"Huh... maybe you are onto something after all" D-11 admitted (laugh track)
CUT TO: At the end of a long day, Frank, Toz, and Tug have come home.
"Man, what a day" Frank said as he went to the couch.
"I know, I think we might have a good deal here" Toz added.
"You know I can't really stick around since I am an accountant, right?" Tug said.
"Oh, we'll worry about that when it comes up" Frank said (laugh track)
"Say, Where's D-11 and TGC?" Frank asked. Then he tuned on the news.
"This just in, an accordion player and guitarist have gotten into a street fight" the newscaster said (laugh track)
"Oh no!" Frank said
"The two men, E-12 and DHU, were arrested for assault" (On tv: pictures of the two, but with different hair colors) (laugh track)
Those aren’t wigs, they actually dyed their hair for that gag. It was temporary dye, it came out in the shower, but I think there’s a couple shots in this episode and the next where TGC’s hair is noticeably lighter than usual.
"...as I was saying, where are they?" Frank asked.
They were actually not the ones who got into a streetfight. Instead, with Diesel 11 singing and playing guitar, TGC doing accordion, and a guy named Zach on drums, Megathread was better than ever.
The actor who plays Zach is a great dude. He’s actually the Special Effects Supervisor on a show I write for, Leaves, about a society of talking leaves. Check it out when you get a chance, new episodes coming soon.
Diesel 11 had really long hair, TGC had a baseball cap, and Zach looked like he just came back from the army. *laughtrack*
They were unique, and people had already started buying tickets for their shows.
So D-11 looked like a full blown rocker, Zach looked like a soldier, and TGC went a step further and dressed completely like a baseball player
Then, two more members were hired. David, who played second guitar and dressed like a construction worker, and Curtis, who played the base and dressed like a police officer.
David and Curtis were intended to be recurring characters, but… I’m probably not supposed to go into detail, but there was some backstage drama and the actor who plays Curtis was fired.
"Wait a minute... I've seen this somewhere before" D-11 said (laugh track)
Diesel 11 did decide to make some rules.
"Number 1: DRESS LIKE A ROCK STAR!!!" *laughtrack*
"How do we do that?" TGC asked.
(CUT TO: they are all dressed in nothing but boxers)
"This is how we dress up like a rock star?" TGC asked
"No, damn it!! That's it, I'm making my own record label and will produce our albums my self, not to mention managing it, since our manager is a ********."
It worked, as it turned out. MEGADEAD became a huge record label, and Megathread's first album became platinum within a week.
Until Megadeth sued for the obvious ripoff and they lost everything.
"Well, I quit." Zach said. *laughtrack*
Deciding to get his mind off of this, D-11 was surfing online when he found that another album was going platinum, and was rivaling sales to his.
"Huh, what is this? They do jazz, early rock and some other genres and have achieved nearly equal success" he said curiously.
So he watched their video performance of "Rock and Roll Music"
"Don't I know those guys?" A confused D-11 asked himself (laugh track)
Actually, Megadeth and Megathread had made a deal early on - they were actually getting ready to tour together.
Meanwhile, Frank's band...
Was in the middle of making a deal to perform at the MacArthur Bowl... The biggest stadium in town.
"Well so much for a city being established" Frank said (laugh track)
"Anyway, with a capacity of 120,000, it'll be s grand way to make a live debut" the manager said
"We accept" Frank said.
As for Megathread....
"How would you guys like to open your tour at the MacArthur Bowl?"
"Hell yea!" D-11 said.
And so it was set... Due to a computer error, in a week, both Megathread and Frank's band were scheduled to play the MacArthur Bowl on the same day.
"What? You didn't expect us to remain separate plots, didn't you?" Frank asked (laugh track)
David Wilbur and Dave Mustaine *laughtrack* sat down to talk about it.
"Do you wanna play with those creeps?"
"Eh, we've played with worse..." *laughtrack*
This cameo wasn’t as expensive as you might think. Mustaine was a big fan of Riley’s actor from their appearance in Morbius, and was star-struck when he heard he would get to meet them.
So it was settled, first would be Megadeth, followed by Frank's band, and finishing up with Megathread.
"Played with worse? You know that's not a very nice thing to say" Frank said to D-11, who happened to be there (audience "ooohhhhh" )
And because it's important to the plot, it turns out Megadeth had to cancel that night, because a couple members had caught the flu.
"Are you challenging me to a battle of the bands?" D-11 said.
"Um, well, sorta, YES!!"
"You're on!"
"Then it looks like the stage is set" Frank said.
"Are you kidding!? It'll be hours before we're ready!" A stagehand screamed. (laugh track)
"That's not what he meant you twit! It's a figure of speech!" D-11 fumed (laugh track)
As the rival bands began rehearsing, D-11 was giving interviews to the press.
"So why the accordion player in your band? What was your inspiration for covering Public Domain songs in heavy metal form?" Reporters asked.
"Why does everyone like THOSE!? Don't you want to ask about our megadeth covers?" D-11 asked. (laugh track)
"... no, not really" the reporters replied (louder laugh track)
"Alright, that's it!"
"What's it?" The confused reporters asked.
Suddenly, there was a massive explosion. The building began to fall.
"The hell?" The reporter asked.
Both bands were buried under the wreckage of the collapsing building.
"No no NO!!!!" D-11 screamed as the wreckage fell on him.
......
(Cut to, apartment, D-11 is cringing in his bed, moving erratically, talking to himself)
"No... no... the concert... tour... megathread" he said, before suddenly waking up.
The ending to this episode was shot last minute. We had originally filmed a scene where the two bands make up and perform together, doing a joint cover of Iron Maiden’s “Fear of the Dark”. Unfortunately, at the last minute Iron Maiden’s record manager rescinded permission for us to use the song, so we had to film this last minute ending instead, which is why it’s so much of a letdown. You can still see the original ending on the Season 1 DVD, though.
"Gah! What?! I'm in my room... what is going on?" D-11 said as he walked slowly into the apartment dining room where everyone was having breakfast.
"Morning D-11; what you want today?" Frank said from the griddle.
"What about the stadium... our bands?" D-11 asked.
"Stadium? Bands? What are you talking about?" A confused Tug asked.
"We're no musicians D-11... sounds like you had one heck of a dream last night" TGC said.
"So it was all a dream... we're not viral music superstars... and you don't play heavy metal on the accordion TGC?" D-11 asked (laugh track)
"Do you want me to?" TGC said as he picked up his accordion (laugh track)
"Well... this was a lazy resolution" D-11 deadpanned (laugh track, applause)
*Fade to black as TGC plays "Run To The Hills" on the accordion*
So yeah, that's episode 6. I'm pretty happy with it, I think it's one of our better episodes and you can really feel us starting to hit our stride, even if the "just a dream" ending really lets it down.
|
|
|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 21, 2022 16:53:20 GMT -5
*Cut to: Frank is sitting on a couch in a living room*
"Hi everybody! It's Frank from the 3WSR Show! Well, as you may have guessed, we are at the 6th episode, which also means the halfway point. I was delighted to hear about Toz having done commentary on an episode from the old show, and after watching it I'll keep in mind her points as far as any additional insight I can give. Unless you haven't watched Toz's commentary on this episode- then go ahead and watch it first, since otherwise some of these things won't make sense. Anyway, let's begin!"
*Title sequence: Frank reacts to: Episode 6: The One Where They Make A Band*
It was a glorious day in Apartment A483. Toz was modelling, TGC was gaming, Tug was training, Frank was reading, and Diesel 11 was blasting everyone's ears off with metal.
"D-11, turn that down, will you! You are making Tug's ear's bleed!" Frank pointed out. "And this is apartment 7C!" (laugh track)
"Legitimate writing error; don't know how it got past the editor so I was quick to correct it thankfully- we may be a sitcom but I will guarantee continuity!"
"Oh no, I just had a problem with the ketchup bottle and forgot to clean up" Tug explained (laugh track)
"What exactly is Toz modeling?" TGC asked
"It's a railway. I'm trying to recreate Awdry's layout. It's tough work, but worth it."
"Toz and I did indeed get our start on Thomas and Friends; she was a very good writer who liked to experiment with character development while I was focused on lore and consistency, tried a few scripts but they always felt lacking. Ultimately I left when the Seuss rhyming was the final straw for me"
"So far I've got as far as- OH MY GOD D11 SHUT THE F***ING MUSIC OFF!" *laugh track*
"But... Hangar 19!"
"Gotta avoid the copyright..." *laugh track*
"I'll show you loud annoying music!" And Toz started playing Blink-183 really loudly. "Copyright again." *laugh track*
"Eyes and Toz did really good work on the music for the show; the producer appreciated it to because it was less people he had to hire so it was more money saved. Their band actually did great work for the show and had a lot of potential. What? Why did The Cisgender Men break up and why is Eyes playing for The Eyes Have It now? Well, I'm sworn to secrecy, but I can say it involved 2 pounds of overcooked bacon, a monkey wrench, and A blue wool sweater. Ugh, that was one bad Tuesday afternoon"
Frank decided he could not take it anymore. "Going out for a bit!" He said as he went out the door and went to the elevator, he went to floor 3. Then Frank turned to the audience.
"Things can get really crazy around here sometimes. Though we are all friends around here, we do have individual interests that sometimes cause problems... but hey, always funny when it happens to someone else, right?" (laugh track)
The elevator door opens and Frank is on another floor. "Luckily, there is a relative in the building I like to visit. No, not Aunt Angie. It's my relative."
Frank goes to an apartment door and it opens.
Hiya hiya hiya!" The man says as he opens the door.
"Hi, Uncle Mark" Frank said.
"What are you doin?" He asked.
"Things are crazy upstairs, came over for a visit" Frank said.
"Come in; what have you been up to?" Uncle Mark asked.
"You would not believe half of it..." Frank began
"Right, so at the time I had just lost my Uncle Mark, who wasn't an Uncle by blood but he was super close to my dad since childhood so it was more of an honorary title if anything. Anyway, we needed supporting characters for the other apartments in the building so we based one of them on him. We decided not to make him look exactly like my Uncle because that would have been too weird. So instead we focused on his personality traits and some of the quirks he was known for. We had to stop filming a couple times because I got choked up towards the end; I think he would have appreciated this as a shoutout if he were still around"
Back upstairs, D-11 was still playing heavy metal... but to avoid royalties, it was heavy metal versions of Public Domain songs.
"LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN!!!! FALLING DOWN!!! FALLING DOWN!!! LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN!!! MY!! FAIR!!! LADYYYYYYY!!!" D-11 was singing loudly into the microphone (laugh track, applause)
"This was meant to to be a running gag, but we ended up not anticipating so many bands giving approval for their songs to be used; had to rewrite whole chunks of the episode just to accommodate that"
Toz gave up and left in protest, but set his speakers to blast "Sum 42" (friggin' copyright) at full volume with no way to shut it off without Toz's password.
"Maybe we should go as well..." TGC and Tug muttered. *laugh track*
*fade to black; the theme song starts. Cheerful, upbeat music begins followed by the singers. They're five crazy guys Who have most unusual lives But put them together and what have you got? 3WSR and here's the plot! Five guys, who love burgers and fries (Frank interjects) "Seriously? I hate corporate sponsors... Five friends whose adventures never seem to end. For a good laugh don't look far, Welcome to the world of 3...W...S...RRRRRRRRR!!!" ("The 3WSR Show" title appears on screen; Frank suddenly appears beside the title) "Come on writers, there's gotta be something we can do for a couch gag here" (Frank gets crushed by a giant question mark)
"That's NOT what I meant" Frank grumbles
"Maybe we can make a metal version of the theme song?"
"NO!!"
"The last thing we needed was for Eyes to have a legitimate reason to swear on the show. And Toz already told you about where our title came from so I won't have you sit through it twice."
*Cuts back to apartment, D-11 is still playing Heavy metal... sort of
"Should auld acquaintance be forgot And never brought to mind!!! Should auld acquaintance be forgot And days of Auld Lang Syne!!!" (Laugh track, applause)
"So what did you think guys?" D-11 said as he poked his head out of his room. He sees Tug with the red going down his ears.
"Oh come on! It couldn't have been THAT bad!" D-11 said (laugh track)
"No! It's ketchup!" Tug said (laugh track)
Diesel 11 decides he must take matters into his own hands. He rushes to the phone.
Some time later...
"Okay, Megadeth, Iron Maiden, Slayer, Queensryche, Judas Priest, and Anthrax said we could play their music because they actually love our show."
"Awesome!"
"Dammit man, if you're going to get a bunch of heavy metal bands to let him use their music, at least get Metallica!" *laugh track*
Soon, everyone but D11 had left in protest.
"I swear I did! But Lars was the one who picked up, so..." *laugh track*
So after visiting Uncle Mark for a while, Frank headed out of the building to get out for some time.
"Well, off to see what I can do around town... And hopefully not get confused by where I am" (laugh track)
"That fire was really heartbreaking because they were such beautiful models. We lost the Taj Mahal, Hagia Sophia and Tower Bridge models to that fire, and 8 others had smoke damage. I'm just glad Toz's crowdfunding campaign paid off otherwise we would have lost one of our most frequently used tools on the show."
So Frank went to a museum for a while.
As for D-11, he was with Toz and Tug at their favorite pub.
Diesel 11 had a large glass filled to the brim with pilsner, Toz had a very effective shot of vodka, and Tug had... milk. *laughtrack*
"It keeps my strength up better," he explained.
"You're f***ed," said Diesel 11 and Toz, the alcohol already affecting their brains. *laughtrack*
"Wait, I don't drink vodka, I'm mad at you for blasting that music, and I'm at the other table with Riley and Alberto!" Toz said.
"We were actually supposed to pan out this whole "angry at D-11" thing longer than what was seen, but two key actors got sick and we had to cut that and go on to the band plot a plot sooner. Well, goes to show what happens when you have a limited budget and that often means canceling and not adapting"
"Then who's...?"
"I am Tiberius O. Zeno. My friends call me Grammar Police. I have a job offer for you two." Toz's identical twin said
"Oh. Him." Toz grumbled.
Yes, that’s me playing Tiberius. He pops up in a couple other episodes, and we had plans for him in season 2, but those never really panned out. It was a fun challenge, playing two different characters on the same show.
Just then, Frank walked into the room.
"Well, since the museum thing is not going anywhere, might as well join in" he said to himself, then saw Toz and Tug. "Oh hey guys, how is it going?" Frank asked.
Meanwhile, D11 and TOZ were talking about a 'special job', but that fell through after TOZ said, "No, I won't pay you $1,000,000,000."
D11 was left alone at the table. He started humming.
Just then the bartender walked out of the back door. "Damn it! The stupid house band cancelled again. Now I don't have anyone to play."
"Say," said D11, "I know how to play guitar, would you like me to play?"
"Sure, that'd be great!"
"I can play drums!" Riley offered.
"When I found out about Riley's real ability to play drums, I was shocked. I was sure that was something only I could brag about when I was good at playing trumpet.
"No, we're supposed to be mad at him- oh, forget it. So much for that subplot." Toz muttered. *laugh track*
"Now we need a bassist and a vocalist." D11 said.
"Well Alberto can play the keyboard, long story, and I can sing... But ONLY rock... Not that Metal crap, most of it kills my voice, though I usually stick to drums..." replied Tug *laugh track*
"Well I"ll guess that makes me the bassist... Hey Frank, what can you play?" asked Toz
"I play a killer triangle..." responded Frank *laugh track*
"Ok, so you have no doubt heard the story by now of my 80 failed attempts to say this line. Let me just say that while it is true and makes for a good watch on YouTube, context needs to be addressed here. See, the five of us had lunch that day at this super awesome Mexican place famous for their triple bean burritos. By the end of lunch, I had had 5, Toz had 6, Eyes had 4, Tug had 5 and TGC had 7- it was true, you couldn't have just one! This meant all of us game back to the studio with really bad gas we just couldn't contain ourselves... no pun intended. And at some points we all together would pass gas almost musically- at one point I think we got out a couple bars of the 1812 Overture. But anyway, the first 15 takes was anyone of us letting out a loud one and I just lost it. We took 30 minutes to calm down and ensure everything was fully passed before we tried again. Then takes 16-25 was the guys messing with me; somebody would run up and tickle me before I could finish the line. After the 25th take the director told everyone to knock it off; apparently there was a bet involved or something, I don't know, was too busy laughing. Take 26 was almost perfect, but before I could get to the last word I found out that the burritos had gone right through me and ran off to the bathroom for 20 minutes. Take 27 I said the line perfectly, but it turns out the camera was out of focus and we had to go again. Takes 28-45 was me breaking down laughing from the absurdity of everything that had happened. Take 46 I did the line perfectly in an Adam West impression, but I couldn't explain why I did it that way so i was told to play it straight. Takes 47-62 were better, but it turns out my microphone had stopped working so we just kept doing it again and again until it started working, and here I am just laughing because by now I've reached a point where its like "should this just be the episode now? How hard is it to do this one line?" Take 63 the microphone garbled the line and it came out as "I a killer Tr e" and then when I realized it sounded like me saying "I a killer tree" I just brown down laughing again. Takes 63-73, all ruined cause I still had that on my mind. By Take 75 I had calmed down, and I said the line perfectly... but it turns out my voice had become raspy from all the talking and laughing. So after some more laughing I took an hour to drink something and calm down. Once my voice came back that brought us to take 76, and right as I was saying the line, one of the interns starting blasting "Who's on First" from Abbott and Costello on their phone while watching something. We could edit around it, but I could still hear it and it's one of my favorites. That's how takes 76-81 got ruined. Finally they stopped the intern and after I few more takes of me breaking down laughing from the the absurdity of how this day had gone... I finally nailed it on Take 85. Everyone has seen the edited version of the numerous attempts to just say the line, but I hope the full tapes get released one day because you had to be there just to really appreciate everything that happened"
"We could get TGC to play the Tambourine if he comes around..." chipped in Toz
"Alright! WE got our band! What should we call ourselves?" asked D-11
"How about the 'Fourth Wallers'?" asked Frank, who winked at the audience *laugh track*
"Nah, how about Megathread?" *laugh track*
Frank shook his head, "Wait a minute wait a minute! Triangle, where did that come from? I play trumpet, remember!" Frank said
(Flashback, pilot episode, laugh track)
"Do you guys have a trumpet on you?" Frank asked.
"No" One of the guys said.
"Goodbye" Frank said as he walked back the the audience (laugh track). "By the way, remember the last time we tried to make a band?" Frank said (laugh track)
"Yeah, but Megathread will be so much better!" *laughtrack*
"HELP HELP HELP!!!" Tug screamed, who was trapped in the base drum (laugh track, applause)
"Yea... in retrospect it wasn't as funny the second time; I think this only happened for the sake of the throwback"
"How did you get in there!?" Frank screamed
"You tell me! The same thing happened to you in the pilot!" Tug shouted (laugh track)
"you were saying?" Frank asked D-11
"I was saying... LET'S GO KICK SOME ASS!!" *starts into Holy Wars riff, audience applauses*
"Wait, I'm not ready!" Tug screamed (laugh track)
But Diesel 11 was already going into overdrive... and the audience was loving it.
But since we cannot be defined by heavy metal alone, let's cut to what Frank ended up doing. Upset by not being able to play trumpet in the band, Frank went back home to... well, practice. Then after a while, he went onto the streets and played out there. Playing an assortment of Jazz, swing, and early rock and roll music, Frank wound up getting a lot of attention on the streets, and thanks to smart phones, ended up going viral.
When D-11 went on break, he broke out a cold one and said "now that was an awesome first set guys"
"Easy for you to say" Tug grumbled (laugh track)
"Hey guys, check this out, new viral video" Riley said, watching from their smart phone.
"Huh...'Crazy Talented street musician rocks out early Rock and Roll on trumpet" D-11 said to himself... then read the number.
"3.7 MILLION VIEWS!?" He said in confusion (laugh track, applause)
"Hey... don't we know that guy?" Toz asked.
"Yea, its true Toz had taken an edible around that time. But as for me, I had eaten this chocolate brownie that, when I bit into it just made me feel really euphoric, like the universe was at peace and everything would be ok. I couldn't believe such a treat gave me a euphoric rush. Turns out nothing was in the brownie, it was just a really delicious brownie"
Just then, TGC ran in with an accordion "is it too late to join the band?" (laugh track)
"Um..."
"At first I fell for it and thought that was TGC playing accordion; but I was quick to apologize after learning about Doug's work on this episode; man, he's got a great side hustle.
Megathread was not doing bad either; their heavy metal song covers and originals were quickly becoming the talk of the town, and they were considered the second greatest band in *wherever the hell we live*, just after the Grateful Threads. *laugh track*
They had also become a viral hit, thanks to TGC. Megathread was shown playing a "Crazy Train" cover when suddenly... "ACCORDION SOLO!!!!!!!" TGC screamed as he crashed the stage... and started playing "Crazy Train" on the accordion. D-11 and the others on stage looked dumbfounded at this... while half the audience was confused and the other half laughing.
"Have to agree that this was really the first episode where TGC did something particularly meaningful and contributed to the main plot. I'd tell you why he wasn't around as much as us but the NDA doesn't expire for another 5 years"
After a good showing one day, Frank checked his smart phone.
"Huh? 'Crazy accordion guy crashes heavy metal concert and totally nails Crazy Train cover,' what is this?" Frank asked. "How did this get 4.4 million views?" He asked himself. Watching the video, Frank was confused, but he also could not help but laugh.
But back to "now," TGC was totally killing Crazy Train on the accordion, while everyone else was either laughing or confused, except for Tiberius Zeno, who was recording the video Frank had just been watching in the flash forward. "When this goes viral and I get the view money, I'll buy out WaldTech and become even richer! Revenge shall be mine! I can't wait for the ad money to pour in" Tiberius said devilishly.
(Cut to: he's standing outside his mailbox, looking at the check he received"
"32 DOLLARS AND 65 CENTS!?" He screamed in frustration (laugh track)
"I got like four million views! Money should be pouring in!"
Suddenly, it began raining hundred dollar bills.
"Yes!"
Suddenly, the studio audience rushed the set and began snatching the bills
"Cliff and Barbara on the writing team came up with this brilliant gem after a string of fourth wall gags that fell flat. Like Toz I consider this one of the best gags we did in the season."
"MONEY MONEY MONEY!!!" They all screamed.
"Wait, this is not..." Tiberius began.
Frank and Toz were off to the side having a drink.
"Should we tell them?" Frank asked.
"Nah, give it a minute... this episode is running kinda short as is" Toz pointed out (laugh track)
Anyways, Tug and Alberto soon walked up to the duo...
"Oh hey Tug, what's the matter?" asked Frank
"Well Frank, I was wondering if I could join you in the streets performing with Alberto, me and my buddy here are sick of D-11 not listening to our convictions when we joined, 'Megathread' or whatever..." replied Tug
"What were they?" asked Frank
"I don't sing metal and Alberto doesn't like to be treated like a work horse..."
"HEEHAW!" *laugh track*
"Huh, I'll be damned, there is a boom mic in this shot"
"Oh, alright... Hey Toz want to join our group with Riley?" asked Frank
"Eh... why not..." *laugh track*
And 'Frank with the Two Killer Dudes, One Fine Lady and Funky Animal' was born... *laugh track*
Back at 'Megathread' practice...
"Where the hell is the band?" shouted a confused D-11
"Don't worry I'm here!" shouted TGC as he ran out playing a cover of 'For Whom the Bell Tolls' on his accordion with D-11 slapping his face in defeat .....
"Guys look! We have over 20 million views on YouTube!" shouted Riley
"For what song?" asked the three dudes
"Well..." replied Riley as he turned the computer to show the title, 'Jazzy Donkey plays Soul on Keyboard' *laugh track*
"You know I'm not surprised..." mumbled Frank *laugh track*
"Well, animals are really popular online..." dead panned Toz
Just then, Alberto in a golden outfit walks by... *laugh track*
"Ace was fun to work with, and was rather intelligent for his species; it was surprising the kind of things he'd pull on set if you weren't paying attention. Marge... I'll be honest, Alberto was more Tug's thing, so I never really noticed we had a second donkey on set until one day I came and found the two of them... playing tick tack toe. What? You thought I was going to say something completely different? Get your mind out of the gutter! Sickos"
"You better share that with me buddy!" shouted Tug while chasing after the donkey *laugh track*
However, Diesel 11 knew that TGC was onto something, and so he found a record label to produce their song covers. Pretty soon they were makin' a killing.
"Can I just say that your heavy metal covers of public domain songs are absolutely brilliant! I'm saving a fortune since there are no royalties!" (laugh track)
"Always a pleasure... now when do I get to do my accordion solo?" TGC asked. (laugh track)
"And how about some actual metal covers?" D-11 asked. (laugh track)
While the boss made a phone call, D-11 checked the news on his phone to find out that a band called "Frank with the Two Killer Dudes, One Fine Lady and Funky Animal" had reached number 3 on the top 100 with their cover of "In The Mood"
"I don't believe it... Riley is a girl!?" D-11 burst out (laugh track)
"No wait, that's Tug," said TGC. "Don't know why he's dressed like Dee Snider though..." *laugh track*
Meanwhile...
"I object to being called a lady, and Riley objects to being called a "funky animal"." Tug said to Frank. *laugh track*
"You're just jealous of us "killer dudes", man." Toz said, and Alberto hee-hawed in agreement. *laugh track*
"This wasn't in the script; so I didn't know how to react here. Toz was great at improv throughout the season"
"Well why are you bringing this up with me? I didn't come up with the band name" Frank said.
"Well what would you have called us?" Tug asked.
"The Impressive, Daunting, Imperial, and Overly Talented Young Men, why?" Frank asked.
"That name would have totally gone viral!" Tug said, astonished (laugh track)
"Frank... do you realize that spells..." Toz began.
"Yes... idiotym, why?" Frank asked (laugh track)
"I'm actually quite renown in a number of circles for my knack for silly acronyms; this one was all mine. Missed an opportunity though, could've said "Idiot Young Men" too"
"Let's just call ourselves "rock band". Cynical self-reference is in now." Riley said.
So they did.
"Hello everyone, I just wanted to give you all a recap on how the bands are currently, as this episode seems to be about two bands. On one side, we have Megathread, a band consisting of D-11 on guitar and TGC on accordion. On the other side we have Rock Band, consisting of Frank on trumpet, Alberto on keyboard, and Tug, Toz and Riley on ... Well, instruments. (Laugh track). Thank you, we now return to the action"
"So in short, I want to stay away from percussion" Tug said.
"Fair enough. So what instruments do you want to play?" Frank asked Tug, Toz and Riley.
"I'll do drums." Riley said.
"Guitar." Said Toz.
"Glockenspiel!" Said Tug. *laugh track*
"In English, please" Frank asked.
"Well, didn't I play a tambourine in the pilot?" Tug asked (laugh track)
"Ah, whatever, I'll be the lead singer..." said Tug as the band got together and began jamming to a sick beat. Eventually, their playing on the street and on the internet, especially with the killer donkey, soon got the attention of big name music execs...
"I love your take on old rock and jazz, plus other genres. But you need a gimmick" the exec said.
"Like what?" The band collectively asked.
(CUT TO: They are all wearing sombreros)
"No..." The exec began (laugh track)
(CUT TO: They are all dressed in chicken costumes)
"No... what is this, Sesame Street?" the exec said (laugh track)
(Cut to: they are all in black and white)
"Appropriate, but no... the budget for hair and makeup is small as is" the exec said (laugh track)
"I'll have you know I comb my own hair, thank you very much" Frank boasted
"Yea, we can tell" Toz sarcastically said (laugh track)
"Yep, we did ad lib this line, but what you may not know is back in the day of when we were "five dudes" I really was considered the "ugliest" of us. No seriously- there was this style magazine, number one in the country, they did a survey on which sitcom lead they thought was the most attractive. It was Toz in first, Tug in second, Eyes in third, TGC in fourth and I was last. I mean I'm not overly hideous or anything but yea, not much you can do with this, right? *points to face* At any rate, I'm more about character than appearances, so it didn't affect me too much"
(CUT TO: They are wearing nothing but boxers)
"Perfect!" the exec said.
"We are NOT playing in our underwear!" Frank fumed (laugh track)
"Performing WITHOUT boxers? I don't know... the record company might not go for it, but if that's what you want to do-"
"NO!" *laugh track*
"Frankly I'm glad he didn't stick around; we didn't need the notoriety"
"Then what Gimmick do you want to do?" The exec said.
(CUT TO: The band is wearing multi colored jumpsuits)
"I'm Man In Blue!" Frank said
"I'm Man In Red" Toz said
"I'm Woman In Yellow" Riley said
"I'm Man In Green!" Tug said
"I'm Donkey in Orange" Alberto said in his native tongue
"That is the stupidest thing I've ever seen!" the exec said.
"You sure? I hear it works out great on that other show" Frank said (laugh track)
"(laughing) How did I miss that?! That bloody genius Toz, of course it was a Thomas reference! But Riley saying Woman here is certainly interesting considering what happens later on"
Meanwhile, Diesel 11 was practicing his death metal vocals.
"You ready?"
"Yup. Go!"
"ACCORDION SOLO!" TGC screamed as suddenly he took over.
"You know that is getting old..." D-11 said (laugh track)
Then suddenly, TGC played an incredible cover of Crazy Train on accordion.
"Huh... maybe you are onto something after all" D-11 admitted (laugh track)
CUT TO: At the end of a long day, Frank, Toz, and Tug have come home.
"Man, what a day" Frank said as he went to the couch.
"I know, I think we might have a good deal here" Toz added.
"You know I can't really stick around since I am an accountant, right?" Tug said.
"I insisted on that line when I realized we ran into a bit of a plot hole with the whole Tug being an accountant thing"
"Oh, we'll worry about that when it comes up" Frank said (laugh track)
"Say, Where's D-11 and TGC?" Frank asked. Then he tuned on the news.
"This just in, an accordion player and guitarist have gotten into a street fight" the newscaster said (laugh track)
"Oh no!" Frank said
"The two men, E-12 and DHU, were arrested for assault" (On tv: pictures of the two, but with different hair colors) (laugh track)
"I was not let in on this gag at all, so what you see there is my genuine reaction. I was still getting over the killer triangle thing though, so I played it straight here to be safe"
"...as I was saying, where are they?" Frank asked.
They were actually not the ones who got into a street fight. Instead, with Diesel 11 singing and playing guitar, TGC doing accordion, and a guy named Zach on drums, Megathread was better than ever.
"Mitchell, the guy who plays Zach- had this really crazy talent where he was able to stand on top of and balance himself on, get this, a basketball! I asked him if he had been in a circus before doing this show but he insisted that wasn't the case"
Diesel 11 had really long hair, TGC had a baseball cap, and Zach looked like he just came back from the army. *laugh track* They were unique, and people had already started buying tickets for their shows. So D-11 looked like a full blown rocker, Zach looked like a soldier, and TGC went a step further and dressed completely like a baseball player. Then, two more members were hired. David, who played second guitar and dressed like a construction worker, and Curtis, who played the base and dressed like a police officer.
"I still keep in touch with David because he's someone I can regularly talk WWII history with. But Curtis... f*ck that guy, still haven't forgiven him for the Zamboni incident. Yea, they used their real names for their characters to keep things simple, much to our relief"
"Wait a minute... I've seen this somewhere before" D-11 said (laugh track) Diesel 11 did decide to make some rules. "Number 1: DRESS LIKE A ROCK STAR!!!" *laugh track*
"How do we do that?" TGC asked.
(CUT TO: they are all dressed in nothing but boxers)
"This is how we dress up like a rock star?" TGC asked
"No, damn it!! That's it, I'm making my own record label and will produce our albums my self, not to mention managing it, since our manager is a ********." It worked, as it turned out. MEGADEAD became a huge record label, and Megathread's first album became platinum within a week. Until Megadeth sued for the obvious ripoff and they lost everything.
"Well, I quit." Zach said. *laugh track*
Deciding to get his mind off of this, D-11 was surfing online when he found that another album was going platinum, and was rivaling sales to his.
"Huh, what is this? They do jazz, early rock and some other genres and have achieved nearly equal success" he said curiously.
So he watched their video performance of "Rock and Roll Music"
"Don't I know those guys?" A confused D-11 asked himself (laugh track)
Actually, Megadeth and Megathread had made a deal early on - they were actually getting ready to tour together.
"I can't explain this one, actually. One of the major plot holes of this episode. I'm just glad the viewers interpreted the sudden change in plot as a gag itself rather than a flaw in writing"
Meanwhile, Frank's band was in the middle of making a deal to perform at the MacArthur Bowl... The biggest stadium in town.
"Well so much for a city being established" Frank said (laugh track)
"Anyway, with a capacity of 120,000, it'll be s grand way to make a live debut" the manager said
"We accept" Frank said.
As for Megathread....
"How would you guys like to open your tour at the MacArthur Bowl?"
"Hell yea!" D-11 said.
And so it was set... Due to a computer error, in a week, both Megathread and Frank's band were scheduled to play the MacArthur Bowl on the same day.
"What? You didn't expect us to remain separate plots, didn't you?" Frank asked (laugh track)
David Wilbur and Dave Mustaine *laugh track* sat down to talk about it.
"Do you wanna play with those creeps?"
"Eh, we've played with worse..." *laugh track*
"The irony is I never got to meet Mustaine myself; during the filming of his bit I actually talking with the writing crew about the Christmas episode because I was trying to defend certain things I wanted to be done. We came to an understanding and met in the middle. But by the time I returned Mustaine was gone."
So it was settled, first would be Megadeth, followed by Frank's band, and finishing up with Megathread.
"Played with worse? You know that's not a very nice thing to say" Frank said to D-11, who happened to be there (audience "ooohhhhh" )
And because it's important to the plot, it turns out Megadeth had to cancel that night, because a couple members had caught the flu.
"Are you challenging me to a battle of the bands?" D-11 said.
"Um, well, sorta, YES!!"
"You're on!"
"Then it looks like the stage is set" Frank said.
"Are you kidding!? It'll be hours before we're ready!" A stagehand screamed. (laugh track)
"That's not what he meant you twit! It's a figure of speech!" D-11 fumed (laugh track)
As the rival bands began rehearsing, D-11 was giving interviews to the press.
"So why the accordion player in your band? What was your inspiration for covering Public Domain songs in heavy metal form?" Reporters asked.
"Why does everyone like THOSE!? Don't you want to ask about our megadeth covers?" D-11 asked. (laugh track)
"... no, not really" the reporters replied (louder laugh track)
"Alright, that's it!"
"What's it?" The confused reporters asked.
Suddenly, there was a massive explosion. The building began to fall.
"The hell?" The reporter asked.
Both bands were buried under the wreckage of the collapsing building.
"No no NO!!!!" D-11 screamed as the wreckage fell on him. ......
(Cut to, apartment, D-11 is cringing in his bed, moving erratically, talking to himself)
"No... no... the concert... tour... megathread" he said, before suddenly waking up.
"I insisted on the Rock and Roll classic Johnny B. Goode, but nooooo, they had to go with Fear of the Dark. If we had just stuck to classic rock and roll we could have kept the way cooler ending! I mean seriously, its literally the 7th greatest song of all time, why not use that one?"
"Gah! What?! I'm in my room... what is going on?" D-11 said as he walked slowly into the apartment dining room where everyone was having breakfast.
"Morning D-11; what you want today?" Frank said from the griddle.
"What about the stadium... our bands?" D-11 asked.
"Stadium? Bands? What are you talking about?" A confused Tug asked.
"We're no musicians D-11... sounds like you had one heck of a dream last night" TGC said.
"So it was all a dream... we're not viral music superstars... and you don't play heavy metal on the accordion TGC?" D-11 asked (laugh track)
"Do you want me to?" TGC said as he picked up his accordion (laugh track)
"Well... this was a lazy resolution" D-11 deadpanned (laugh track, applause)
*Fade to black as TGC plays "Run To The Hills" on the accordion*
"Got to agree with my friend that this was one of the better episodes. Though to be fair I'd argue the dream ending was necessary to restore the status quo for the rest of the season. Can you imagine if we had to do the second half and there was still the lingering fact that we were famous musicians and nobody was acknowledging it? Think about it- how long has it been since my solar powered flashlight had been mentioned! Ah well, next is... dear Lord... episode seven. Well, till next time everyone!"
|
|
|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 21, 2022 18:56:06 GMT -5
Cut to: Frank is sitting on a couch in a living room
"Hi everybody! It's Frank from the 3WSR Show! I'll be honest with you- this episode was a real low point in the season so I don't want to spend more time on it than necessary. So let's get this over with"
*Title sequence: Frank reacts to: Episode 7- The Far Side*
TGC brought in the mail and set it on the coffee table.
"Some bills, give 'em all to Tug..." *laugh track* "Frank's "Random Trivia Weekly" is here... and a letter for D11."
"Did I hear my name?" D11 asked, walking in covered in chocolate with sprinkles.
"I take it the date went well?" TGC asked.
"Better than expected." D11 quipped. "I was not excepting the sprinkles, though." *laugh track*
"There was actually about 3 more minutes to this scene involving the date, but it ended up being cut due to being "too much" for prime time"
"There's a letter for you from someone named "D10" from "Lame Ass Falls, Michigan"." TGC said. "What kind of city name is that?"
"Well, the explorer who founded it had a donkey that broke its leg and fell off a waterfall..." D11 said. *laugh track*
Diesel 11 opened the letter. "Oh my gosh!" "What is it?"
"I think it is pronounced "LAE-MAESSE" in the local accent though" Frank said (laugh track)
"Not important, LOOK!" D-11 said.
"What is it?" asked Frank
"My uncle D4 just died!" D11 said.
"Oh no!"
"There's a funeral in Lame Ass Falls in a week... oh, but I can't afford a plane ticket!"
"The fact that we said this line makes me question the logic of the donkey joke that came a bit later"
"So, what are you going to do then?" Frank asked.
"I need to think about it" D-11 said.
"How long do you think you need?" Frank asked.
"Oh, about 45 seconds." D-11 said (laugh track)
"Cue fade to black in 5...4..." (Frank counts down the fade to black on his watch)
They're five crazy guys Who have most unusual lives But put them together and what have you got? 3WSR and here's the plot! Five guys, who love burgers and fries (Frank interjects) "Seriously? I hate corporate sponsors... Five friends whose adventures never seem to end. For a good laugh don't look far, Welcome to the world of 3...W...S...RRRRRRRRR!!!" ("The 3WSR Show" title appears on screen; Toz suddenly appears beside the title) "Bet you were expecting Frank, weren't you?" Toz said with a smirk
"Hey, I thought we changed the theme song!" "Uh..
"No we did not!" Frank said. "We paid the songwriter a good deal of money to write that you know" Frank pointed that out.
"But weren't you the..." D-11 began
"Back to the story" Frank interrupted
"Eyes told me she loved the theme song when I wrote it, so I don't understand why she suddenly became all "let's change it" once we started filming the season"
(Fade back to story, D-11 has finished thinking)
"I know what I'm going to do!" D-11 said.
"Phew, Good thing the couch gag ran long" Frank said as he wiped his forehead (laugh track)
*Cut to 3 Months Later, the group of 5 are riding on 5 donkeys, with Alberto carrying Tug* *laugh track*
"D-11, I don't think this was the cheapest, or fastest method of travel..." said Frank *laugh track*
"It's Lame Ass Falls. You can only get there by donkey. We need to sit on our asses and let them take us there." Toz reminded.
"This entire episode will be puns on the word "ass", won't it?" Tug moaned. *laugh track*
"Don't worry, all this poor writing will be explained in the season finale, and the second season won't suck as much." Frank commented.
"If only we remembered to do that"
"Will we get a new theme song too? I could have sworn we'd replace it by now" D-11 said, again.
"We're not replacing the theme song! Yet, anyway. You know how these things work, if you want to change the theme song, you do it by season, not episode" Frank pointed out.
"Well, how many do we have?" Tug asked.
"Ten" Toz said.
"Actually 12; the network ordered two more" Frank corrected.
"Focus!" D-11 fumed.
"Fine fine" Frank began, then went back to the scene.
"Man, how did we spend 3 months riding donkeys?" D-11 asked.
"Oh, we traveled through the Twilight zone, so due to space time dilation what felt like 3 months to was was actually 45 minutes in real time" Frank explained.
"That's not how it works..." Tug said in confusion
"Shut up!" Frank quickly replied (laugh track) then through a lampshade on Tug's head
"Yeah I was totally b*llsh*tting that explanation; my background is in chemistry, not physics"
"So anyway, where the hell are we now?" "I... have no earthly idea." *laugh track*
Then they saw the sign "Welcome to Lame Ass Falls; (Pronounced LAYE-MAESSE, you jerks)"
"See, told you!" Frank said (laugh track)
"Not the best gag, but it saved our rating fortunately"
The town appeared to be firmly stuck in the 60s... the 1860s.
"Is that a tumbleweed?" *laugh track*
"Maybe we're in one of those wild west town recreation resort towns" Tug suggested.
"Someone please remind me why we're here again?" Frank asked
"D11's uncle's funeral." TGC reminded.
Suddenly, a Ford Mustang barreled towards them, seemingly out of control!
Actually it was a mustang, the horse, owned by a guy named Ford, barreling right towards them, but it was still barreling out of control!
"The Ford Mustang turning into a mustang horse makes sense when the full script is considered; I'll get to that at the end"
"Gah! Get out of the way!" Frank said as he moved.
The group comically dispersed as the "Ford Mustang" barreled down the street and into a stable for... well, mustangs.
"I never thought that kind of mustang would appear in this town" Frank said (laugh track)
Just then, a tumbleweed rolled on by, and two men with Colt 45 took ten steps, shouted, "Draw!" and our 5 main characters plus Alberto and his buddies from Mexico, all comically jumped behind barrels, street posts, and signs *laugh track*
"I mean I've always wanted to be in a western, but that wasn't what I had in mind"
"This place is insane!" D-11 said.
"No kidding! I'm outta here!" Frank said as he held his hand up. "Taxi!"
Suddenly a yellow car appeared and Frank hopped in. "The apartment building Unspecified city, and step on it!" Frank said.
(Taxi speeds off back to apartment building, laugh track)
"Despite what the internet says- no, this was also not an improvised moment. It was scripted- for crying out lout a TAXI was involved!"
"So... We're doing the rest of this without Frank?" Tug asked, confused.
Suddenly, Toz buried himself in the sand. *laugh track*
"Correction. We're doing this without Frank and T-"
Suddenly, TGC was hit by the only car on the street. *laugh track*
"Um... just me and you then?" Tug asked.
"MILITARY INTELLIGENCE! TWO WORDS COMBINED THAT CAN'T MAKE SENSE!" D11 shrieked.
"Why, of all people to be stuck in a place literally called "Lame Ass" with, did I have to be stuck with HIM?" Tug moaned. "At least you're still here, Alberto- Alberto?"
*Cuts to a spa in France, where Alberto is sitting with his hooves around two women* *laugh track*
"ALBERTO!!!!" Tug fumed. "You're on your own D-11, I gotta get my donkey back!" Tug said as he took off.
"Yea, things got way incoherent here. But at least we had a good gag to follow it"
D-11 then set off to go to his uncle's funeral. He saw the building that said "parlor" and went inside. He was greeted by a cheerful looking man.
"Hello, welcome to Laffery's ice cream parlor; what can I get you?" The man asked (laugh track)
"Uh... I'm here for my uncle's funeral..." D-11 said in confusion.
"Oh no, this is the ice cream parlor; the funeral parlor is next door" the man said.
"Oh... sorry" D-11 said as he went next door, to a building that also said "parlor" on it.
"Hello, welcome to Smitty's massage parlor, how can I help you?" The man asked. (laugh track)
"What? No, isn't this the funeral parlor?" D-11 asked
"No, that's next door" the man said
"Oh, sorry" D-11 said as he went next door. The building said "funeral" on it. "Ok, now I got it" D-11 said to himself.
"Hello, welcome to John Funeral's grocery parlor, how can I help you?" The man said as he showed off the merchandise.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" D-11 fumed.
"In retrospect this was just silly"
"Well this going nowhere... wait a minute... I don't have an uncle!" *Everything stops, a loud WHAT?! is heard* "That's right, I don't have an uncle!" *Turns to audience* "The plot thickens." DUN DUN DUN!!
Suddenly, Toz pooped out of the sand, TGC lifted his broken body off the pavement, and Tug rode back in on Alberto.
"Seven episodes in and we've finally got a potentially interesting plot twist!" Toz yelled.
"Wait, where's Frank?" Tug asked.
Suddenly, the taxi came back, running over TGC again.
"Goddamnit!" *laugh track*
"I came as soon as I heard." Frank said.
"I said it less than a minute ago."
"It's one of the side affects of hammerspace abilities. I can use it to travel anywhere instantly and hear whatever I want."
"Great. Can it get me out of this sand? I'm stuck." Toz said. *laugh track*
"Sorry, that costs extra." "Damn it!" *laugh track*
"Kidding!" Frank said as he pulled his friend out.
"I ad-libbed the kidding part; that first line was cruel and out of character for me so I didn't run with it"
"Anyway, fill us in D-11; what do you mean you have no uncle?" Tug said.
"I mean what I mean, no more, no less. The only relation I have is Aunt Bess." "You mean Angie." "Hey, it wouldn't have rhymed otherwise!" *laugh track*
"Well what do we do now?" Tug asked.
"I say we figure out what is going on" D-11 said.
"Ok; you do that, while I go get some lunch" Frank says as he goes into the grocer (laugh track)
"Honestly!" *laugh track*
The group splits up.
Tug is walking through an alleyway when BAM! he is gone.
Toz is walking up an elevator (who knew he could do that?) when BAM! he is gone.
Frank is walking through the store when BAM! he is gone.
TGC is walking through a pond (don't ask me why) when BAM! he is gone.
Diesel 11 is in an old castle when KABOOM! the TNT explodes.
(Frank is seen walking out of the store rather angrily)
"And make your damn ceiling higher, before I get another headache!" Frank fumed (laugh track). He looks around and suddenly feels nervous. "I don't like what is going on" he says to himself. Then he motions his hand up "Taxi!"
Frank enters the taxi and closes the door. BAM! He is... well, in the taxi, but you get what is going on (laugh track)
"Alright, driver, I would like to-" "Are you talking to me? Are YOU talking to ME?"
"Yes, I am" Frank said
The man touched his ear for a bit. "Sorry about that; my hearing aid wasn't working." (laugh track) "Where to?"
"So the taxi driver, Leonard- initially had no lines. But then he went two fold with a Taxi Driver Reference and a one liner; everyone in the studio just broke down laughing and it took a good 10 minutes for everyone to calm down. The director loved this bit though, so Leonard's lines stayed and we ran with it"
"The apartment building in the unspecified city, and step on it!" Frank said (laugh track)
However, right then, a bus full of people fell from the sky and nearly squashed the cab. "THERE'S A F**KING BOMB IN THIS BUS!!!" "Da heck?" said Frank, as the bus tore around the bend.
"Get me back home before we also reference the crappy sequel!" Frank shouted, as the taxi took off (laugh track)
Suddenly a boat shot up through the air. "Goddamn it!" *laugh track*
"I wasn't informed of those events happening but I picked up on the references pretty quickly, so I just ran with it"
Anyway, the four other friends were ok. In fact, they couldn't be happier.
(Cheerful music plays in background as Toz, TGC, Tug and D-11 are shown being extremely cheerful as they fly through the clouds, laugh track)
"I feel so happy"
"I feel so carefree"
"I have no idea what's going on and I don't care" (laugh track, applause)
And so ends another episode, and we can all now-
WAIT! We never figured out why Diesel 11's uncle died when he doesn't have an uncle!
The four friends soon found out, when they returned home to find...
"AUNT ANGIE?!" "He he, fell for my little joke, did you?"
(D-11's voice suddenly speaks up as the screen freezes) But wait! I apologize for leaving you all in confusion and feel I should explain what happened. You see, it started during our flight through the clouds.
(tape rewinds to cloud flying scene) The cheerful music continues until...
"Wait! We can't fly!" One shouts. They suddenly all start falling from the sky
"GAAAAHHHH!" (laugh track)
And then they died. "Wait, where did you spring from?!" Oh, sorry, I'm am the EVIL NARRATOR. "Well get the f**k out of our show."
"Make me!" The evil sounding D-11 said
(Two gunshots are heard, followed by a thud)
The polite sounding D-11 returned. "Sorry about that. Anyway, we left off..."
"We were so carefree and now we're falling!!" the four screamed as they fell.
"What the hell was in that town's water?!" Toz said (laugh track)
"I was not there when these scenes were filmed so there isn't really anything I can say here"
"But anyway, we fell, we found our way home, and then got hit with the plot twist."
"Aunt Angie, why'd you do it?"
"Isn't it obvious? I did it because..." she began, but then Frank walked in.
"How did you guys get home before me?" Frank said (laugh track)
"Anyway, you were saying?" D-11 asked.
"Damn it, I lost my train of thought." "Oh god... hit it, boys!"
*Credits*
"Ok, now the moment you've all been waiting for. What was the deal with this episode? Well, there was a punchline meant to be revealed that what happened was that the five of us had at some point been exposed to LSD- and I mean actually exposed to LSD, not like the accusation that was a few episodes prior. The zany nature of this episode was going to be revealed to have been what would be called an "acid trip" and we would have learned a powerful lesson in how dangerous drugs were. But when we read through the script those parts felt really forced and when we thought about it, we were making light of a serious issue so we scrapped that premise. Though it seems we never got around to filming something new and this episode ultimately suffered from poor production. It wasn't a total loss though- it became a good lesson in how *not* to do an episode. Well, until next time everyone!"
|
|
|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 22, 2022 21:49:36 GMT -5
Cut to: Frank is sitting on a couch in a living room
"Hi everybody! It's Frank from the 3WSR Show! Can You believe this episode marks 2/3 of the series we've revisited? So this episode was interesting because it shows what happens when a couple of the most critical limiting factors of the show were removed. Anyway, let's begin!"
*Title sequence: Frank reacts to: Episode 8- no title*
Toz, Frank, Tug, Diesel 11, and TGC are sitting around in their apartment and addressing the camera. Diesel 11 speaks first. "Well, folks, I hope that you've been enjoying the 3WSR Show. However, our producer wants to work on something different and feels that we're old news. As such, this might be our last episode." Toz speaks up. "Which is why we'd like to go out with a bang. Tonight's episode is going to be very special, full of pop culture references, guest stars, and lots and lots of laughs!" Frank: "We hope that this episode will boost our ratings, and so it will only be the ending of Season 1, but if not, we'd just like to take the time and say..." ALL: "THANKS FOR WATCHING THE 3WSR SHOW!" Frank: Right, now roll the intro!
"So, the reason this part was so confusing was that we actually aired this episode as an April Fool's episode. But there was miscommunication with the background staff and because of that we ended up going in a couple contradictory directions in this beginning"
They're five crazy guys...
The pause button symbol flashed on the screen. Frank appears on screen
"Hold it! The last episode was not long enough and didn't have a plot! No wonder the ratings fell! And what do you mean "last episode," this is a twelve episode season!" Frank pointed out.
"Sorry," says a man, "the props have to go back now." "What?!" "Frank, if you don't interrupt, we'll get through this episode without more things disappearing," TGC points out. "But...!" "ROLL THE THEME TUNE!"
(Theme song plays in the background)
"Then I have every right to sue you..." Frank said
"What?!" The man said.
"Check the contract; it quite clearly states ten episodes this season, plus the two additional that were ordered; you pull the plug now you're not holding up your end of the deal"
"Uh... uh..." The man ran frantically away.
"Geez... wait, did Toz say guest stars!?" Frank said in a panic. (Runs off screen) "Cancel them! There's no room in the budget! (laugh track)
"Eyes had a lot of big ambitions for the show and frequently pitched a lot of great ideas that we ultimately couldn't do because of budget restraints. You should have heard his idea for the Pizza Parlor in the sky episode!"
"Um Frank..." *Frank stops running* "What?" "Well, the problem is... I accidently burned the contract..." "What? You... WHY YOU SON OF A ************* **** *********** **************************************** * *** ***** **********!!!" *laughtrack* *Jean Claude Van Damme bursts in* "Did someone call my name?"
"No! No! We can't afford you, please wait just off screen" Frank pointed out (laugh track)
(To audience) "the great thing about lawyers... They make a ton of copies" (holds giant stack of papers, laugh track)
"Anyway, on with the show!"
......
The group of friends (minus D-11) is sitting on the couch in the entertainment center playing games. Then, D-11 bursts in excitedly with a package.
"It's here! It's here!" He screamed excitedly.
"What's here D-11?" Toz asked.
"The thing! The thing I ordered six weeks ago it's finally here!" D-11 said excitedly.
"Could've used Amazon prime" TGC pointed out (laugh track)
"And there was our fulfilled obligation to one of the sponsors of the show"
"Who cares! It's here!" D-11 said as he began opening the package.
"Well, what is it?" Frank asked
"It's my new Die Hard box set!" *Bruce Willis crashes through the ceiling* "Damn it, why do I have to rent the apartment swarming with termites?!" "Don't worry about it," says Arnold Schwarzenegger, who appears suddenly. "Hasta la vista, bugs!" "No, no!!" cries Frank.
"My fear wasn't so much directed at their presence in the show as it was that Bruce Willis was there in general. Not sure if you heard but back then, he was notoriously difficult to work with and I had no intention of sharing the screen with an actor like that"
"We're not working with the Muppets budget here people! We can't afford guest stars!" Frank pointed out. (Laugh track)
"I was afraid we were losing the plot again and was trying to get us refocused at this point"
"What?! I'm out of here!" Bruce Willis said angrily. "He always was notoriously difficult to work with" D-11 pointed out (laugh track)
"But Frank, why do you care? It's not like you have to worry about the budget. We're not the writers, the producers, or the directors, etc." "Hmm, good point! Let's see if we can get Humphrey Bogart's ghost here!" *laugh track*
"So, I actually doubled as bookkeeper for the show to make more money since I really wasn't making that much as a TV actor. So I did, in fact, have good reason to be concerned about the budget with the show"
"So what happened that it took six weeks to ship?" Frank asked, focusing on the scene."
"The post office was delayed. They said something about a 'train barreling off the line at 250 into the building', but I bet they're just trying to make their building bigger." *laugh track*
"Well, I suppose that you are going to go watch your movies then?" Frank asked.
"You bet! I'm clearing my schedule for the next 8 hours!" D-11 said as he went to the TV with the DVD player and put some popcorn in the oven.
"And that was when we fulfilled our obligation to Orville Redenbacher"
"And if that is what you are going to do, I'm off to visit Uncle Mark" Frank said, as he went out the door.
"And if Frank's going out for a while, I'm off to visit Riley" Toz said as he left.
"And I've got work to do" Tug said as he left the apartment.
"And as for me..." TGC said as he suddenly clutched his stomach, "oh no, that burrito is coming back to haunt me" he said as he turned around and ran to the bathroom.
"Yes, that is a reference to the Mexican restaurant I mentioned back in Episode 6"
"Well, just you and me Alberto... Alberto?" D-11 asked.
Just outside the building in Alberto's special pen the landlord set up, PETA protesters formed a circle around Alberto.
"Show this animal love! No animal torture for human entertainment!" They called out.
"Says the organization that euthanizes 2/3 of the animals it rescues!" Frank called out off screen
(Audience: OHHHHH)
"Yea, not the biggest fan of PETA; only reason we weren't sued was because they knew they couldn't win against us when we only told the truth"
*Meanwhile, the PETA is watching this episode* "Those little bastards! That is it, we are suing this godawful show!!" *laugh track*
*fast forward*
"Mr. D'Levin, please take the stand..."
Suddenly, an announcer takes over
"A high profile case, for the future of America's number 4 rated sitcom"
(D-11 is on the stand)
"And I for one think that despite its faults, we have every right to speak our views even if not everyone agrees with them"
Announcer: "PETA is out for blood... which is appropriate considering what they do"
(PETA activist on the stand)
"We will not stand for this slander of our good name"
Lawyer: "We don't have to do anything; you brought this on yourself!"
Announcer: Coming soon, a story filled with action
(TGC walks away slowly from a fancy sports car, a smirk on his face, as it dramatically explodes behind him)
Announcer: A story filled with adventure
(Tug is sitting atop Alberto, wearing clothes akin to Lawrence of Arabia, as they march on across a desert)
"It's here Alberto... I know it is!"
Announcer: "A story filled with romance"
(D-11 enters a door, with chocolates and flowers)
"You've been waiting a long time for this, but here I am"
Announcer: "A story filled with fourth wall breaking and trope referencing... wait, what?"
Frank: Well duh! This is the 3WSR Show after all.
Announcer: Frank The Trivia Man, David D'Levin, Tozzie "Toz" Bare, Tug, and TGC in... 3WSR: The TV movie, coming soon to a channel near you
Toz: What the hell did you just call me?!
Announcer: Don't look at me, it's in the script"
"So we actually did film about 70 percent of this movie and we had all intentions of finishing it- but then TGC straight up disappeared, Tug pursued other opportunities, Eyes focused on her music and Toz went back to Washington for family reasons. It wasn't 3WSR without all of us so I refused to finish without them and walked off set. It was a good script though, I hope we get to it someday"
(Camera pans out to show D-11 on his couch, and that was a trailer on his DVD)
"Man, movies just keep getting worse every year" D-11 said to himself (laugh track). Then, he got to the main menu. "Oh, finally! Die Hard, here I come!"
But over with one of the other guys...
Toz was at Riley's. "Sorry, what the hell is this?!" "It's called a veggie burger." "Oh, a veggie burger? Funny, I would have put my money on sh*t." *laugh track*
"Yea, another jab at that terrible restaurant from Episode one. If you look at the food wrapper on the table you can even see we used the parody name again"
"Forget this; let's go get some real food!" Toz said. So they opened the refrigerator.
"Of course "real" here was meant ironically"
"Ok... I got a leftover Big Mike from McDaniels, a Mopper from Burger Queen, some Caco Loca soda, Skappy's peanut butter, Welsh's grape jelly, Pig's head ham, milk, eggs, orange juice..." (laugh track)
"Did you know the original list took about 2 minutes to go through? Toz kept having problems every time she reached the 80 second point though, so after 8 takes we just decided to slash the list length to make it easier"
"What's the orange juice brand?" Toz asked
"Tropicini" Riley replied (laugh track)
"Really? I prefer Fliridia's Natural" Toz said (laugh track)
Meanwhile, the crew were all confused. "Are you telling me you DIDN'T work out the legal agreements AGAIN?!" the director growled to the producer. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"
"B-but that's the job for the legal department anyway!" the producer said.
"Yes... the producer literally inserted himself here to save money on actors. This scene- yep, written by him too"
Back on set, Toz and Riley settled on ice cream sundaes. They were quite big, had several flavors and toppings.
"Mmm... great ice cream. What's the brand?" Toz asked.
"Bill and Jenny's" Riley replied (laugh track)
"Of course it is" Toz deadpanned.
"WHERE'S THAT LEGAL DEPARTMENT?!?!?!?!?!" *laugh track* "We're on it, sir!!"
*Some time later*
"Okay *pant* we did it. You can now use any brand name / song / band / movie / tv show / book possible." "Wait a second... Die Hard was in here before you did that..."
"That was like the one thing we had access to!" The lawyer pointed out (laugh track)
"So Die Hard was actually the fulfillment of our contractual obligation towards 20th Century Fox; yes, this was before the Disney Buyout. After that we just got an explosion of "advertising opportunities" so after the bottle episode there was surprisingly a noticeable jump in the budget we had to work with. We were blasted on Twitter for selling out though"
"So what are we doing with all these relabeled food items?" Toz called out.
"I don't know, but at least we don't have to listen to Tweeny Cone Pirates anymore." *laugh track*
So anyway Toz and Riley went on having their ice cream.
"So how do you like Bill and Jenny's ice cream?" Riley asked.
"Hey, we can use real brands now" Toz reminded him.
"What are you talking about? My neighbors Bill and Jenny made this ice cream from scratch, pretty good, huh?" Riley said (laugh track)
"Uh... er... okay?" *laugh track*
"True story actually- Riley was lactose intolerant but had gotten so caught up in the scene they forgot to explain this to us. After this day he was out for four days before his gut felt normal again. Only reason we didn't lose pace was because we filmed material that didn't involve them in the mean time"
Meanwhile... "Now I have a machine gun. Ho. Ho. Ho." "Davis, would you stop with that already? I've had enough listening to you spout that Die Hard crap!" "I will if you STOP CALLING ME DAVIS!!!" *laugh track*
"And anyway Aunt Angie, get the hell out of here, I'm watching my movies!" D-11 said, as he ate his popcorn.
*Smacks D11* "Ow!" "Don't speak to me like that, sonny!"
"And don't you call me Sonny! It's Die Hard, not The Godfather!" D-11 replied (laugh track)
D-11 opens a bust of Mozart, and pushes a button. Suddenly a spring platform pops up and propels Aunt Angie out of the apartment and all that is heard is her screaming.
"Best 2 grand spent, EVER!" D-11 said (laugh track), before going to his movie.
"Not going to lie- had no idea about that aspect of set design so I was shocked when it was explained to me when I was needed there again"
TGC calls out from the bathroom "So where do you think she'll end up?" he asked.
"Don't know, don't care. Oh, here comes my favorite part!" he said (laugh track)
(CUT TO: Aunt Angie pulls herself out of a bush)
"Now, where am I?" She asks herself, before seeing a sign "WELCOME TO PENNSYLTUCKY"
"I am in Pennsyltucky? How far did I fly?!" She said aloud (laugh track)
"You'll find that Pennsyltucky gets referenced a lot in the last third of the series. There's even about 6 billboards in the Christmas special at varying points when it comes up"
"Well you passed over the Patarctian Ocean, through Tranzylrussia, over Scotengirewales, and so knew your in the USA of R." *laugh track*
(CUT TO: D-11 in the living room)
"And that does it for the first movie... ok! Time for the sequel!" He said happily
"Ah, nothing like a good, normal, generic, family-friendly Christmas movie about terrorists taking over and airport with Bruce Willis inside..." *laugh track*
Meanwhile, Frank was at his Uncle Mark's apartment.
"It's been crazy these past few weeks. One time we ended up in area 51, and another time my friends flew through the clouds. No, I'm not kidding, they said they were flying and everything, like Peter Pan.
"Are you sure they did that?" Uncle Mark said.
"I know they wouldn't lie to me" Frank said (laugh track)
"Huh. Weird," said Uncle Mark
"I had calmed my emotions down by this point and it was easier to work with Jerry by that point"
Meanwhile, Tug was off to work, doing what he does best.
He was off doing his accounting job... Oh wait I'm sorry, I mean punching numbers... Yeah let's go with that...
"And in the right corner, the challenger, the underdog, Tug "The Tuggster" 'Last Name Cannot be Registered due to Legal Reasons'!" screamed the announcer
"And in the left corner, we have the undefeated, unstoppable, 'Numbers'! Mister Uno and Doctor Drei... Huh, weird boxing names, anyway, will this 2 v 1 matchup be a slaughterhouse or - oh wait, the challenger is receiving back up from... A Donkey? This is not the WWE folks, we swear we're not making this up!" *laugh track*
Meanwhile, PETA was at it again; they were breaking down the door!
"We won't let you harm that precious, innocent animal!" They screamed as they tried to force entry.
[weirdos] said Alberto (laugh track)
But Alberto had hatched a plan...
"I honestly couldn't explain any of that to you; I wasn't there that day."
Meanwhile, off the coast of Madicily, Aunt Angie was trying to get home. But we're not interested in that, so Frank was just leaving Uncle Mark's apartment, on his way to join up with Toz and Riley.
"Honestly the writers just didn't know what to do with "stranded Aunt Angie" so other than some seconds-long cutaways we didn't do much with her"
"Ah, it was great to see him again. Now then, wonder what my friends are up to?" Frank said as he left the building.
They were at the pool.
"Hey guys, what's up- why are you wearing a suit, Riley?"
"It's waterproof."
"But... that's a tuxedo!"
"It's comfortable." *laugh track*
"Also, why do the locker room doors say "Tusker" and "Cruncher" instead of male and female?"
"Nondiscrimination act. Here in the beautiful city of *loud splash*, they signed a law banning gender-separated bathrooms and locker rooms. Now they're separated by Tuskers and Crunchers." *laugh track*
"So, it's patching a loophole so to make it harder to figure out Riley's gender?"
"Yes." *laugh track*
"Weird development, but it made for a good gag so I didn't say anything"
"But we still refer to her as 'she'." "Sexist." *laugh track*
"Others referred to Riley as he, to put that out there"
"Geez, that's gonna lead to a lawsuit from some conservative and parent groups" Frank quipped as he showed up next to Riley and Toz.
"That wasn't a joke; we actually had 3 lawsuits from conservative groups deeming the non-gender conforming character "offensive" for a bunch of silly or illogical reasons... really refreshing when the judge straight up told them to "get with the times" and dismissed them with prejudice. Never heard from them since"
"Oh hey Frank; good to see you. What are you up to?" Toz asked.
"Figuring out what exactly the plot to this episode is" Frank pointed out (laugh track)
"Well, D-11 is binge watching movies, and tug's working and TGC is in the bathroom, so I guess that leaves the three of us to carry the episode" Toz explained. (laugh track)
"Agreed. So what are we up to?" Frank asked.
"Pool day" Toz replied.
"Sweet; I'll go change" Frank said. (Frank rapidly spins like a superhero and is suddenly in a bathing suit)
"So, one of my secret talents is that I actually am really good at spinning really fast while not losing my balance, so that really was me spinning there, and we just used some camera tricks and clever editing to pull it off"
Toz and Riley stare in disbelief
"He's definitely a Tusker." Riley whispered. *laugh track*
Suddenly, lighting struck the pool.
"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"You want to know who that screaming person is? It's actually Carl, one of the electricians. The five of us tried screaming for this take and none of us had a scream that sounded quite right. Carl heard all of this and asked if he could have a go... shockingly, he pulled it off. He had a nice bonus that week"
"Oh no! Are they all right? This might lead to a lawsuit!" Toz pointed out.
Just then, Frank's phone rang. "Hello? Yes? Oh, I see. Excellent! Yes, I'll tell them." Then Frank hung up.
"Who was that Frank?" Toz asked.
"The network, they offered their sincerest apologies and confirmed, this is in fact a 12 episode season. So we still got 4 episodes to go!" Frank said.
"Hooray!" Everyone cheered.
"Everyone was still confused at that point, so that was where we set the record straight"
But there was still the matter at hand.
"Should we help them?" Frank asked.
"But what if we get hit by lightning?" Riley asked.
"Please, everyone knows lightning never strikes the same place twice!" An old guy in the background said.
"... The Empire State Building gets hit at least 20 times a year" Frank pointed out (laugh track)
"I know; lightning never strikes twice, it strikes three times at least!" *laugh track*
So after that, they went to get some hot chocolate at Starrbucks.
"Yep, the misspelling is an intentional tribute to Ringo Starr, another Thomas reference"
"I'll have a double shot Carmel frigajigier, a two-slice macchiato fermateli, and a sugirela fouritono with extra cream."
"Those are made up words, aren't they?"
"Yes."
"I don't drink coffee and even I broke down laughing after that take"
"That'll be 12 dollars." *laugh track*
"For coffee?" Toz said in disbelief
"At least we're not at the movies... I mean seriously, 8 dollars for NACHOS!" Frank pointed out (laugh track)
"Yup, eight dollars for Native American Cheese Hot 'n' Old Sauce." "Huh?" "Well it was in all-caps, I thought was probably stood for something." *laugh track*
"No you fool! I was yelling, that's why it was in caps" Frank said.
"What are you talking about! We're talking verbally, not writing posts on some forum" Riley shot back (laugh track)
"Yea, I did not sleep well the night before so I was really out of it and saying weird things that day. You should've seen some of the things that didn't make the cut"
"So anyway, who wanted the coffee?" Frank asked.
"Not me." "Not me." "Oh well then... wait, wha...?!" *laugh track*
"You're paying for it then" Frank deadpanned as he put the coffee back on the counter.
As Toz and Riley began to figure out what was going on, realization dawned for Frank.
"Wait a minute, in the band episode there was a scene were we all appeared in just boxers, and there was no censor bar over... I knew it! Riley is a male!" Frank said to himself in amazement (laugh track)
"I was wearing a shirt too, because of my incredible sense of modesty." Riley replied.
"Oh... right."
"Also, why is it that women aren't allowed to go topless when men are!?"
"We should leave." Toz muttered. "Riley's about to start that rant again." *laugh track*
So they went...
"Well you see, I blame it on the American advertising industry's sexualization of breasts, a stigma which is not a thing in Europe. In fact, from what I hear there are some beaches in Spain where women are allowed to go topless, and no one has problems with..." Frank had begun.
"Shut up Frank! You'll only encourage Riley" Toz shot back before Frank could continue (laugh track)
"To be fair I wasn't wrong; though this was a bit tasteless of a scene considering our audience and in hindsight maybe I shouldn't have gone down that rabbit hole"
One rant and much shredded clothing later, the threesome decided to go out for lunch. Suddenly...
"Help! That man stole my purse!"
"Don't worry ma'am, we'll get it back for you! Come on guys, let's get that crook!" Toz said
"Right! Riley and Frank replied. So they ducked into a sporting goods store, with Frank coming out on a Scooter, Riley on roller skates and Toz on a skateboard. The crook was running, but the three friends were catching up.
"Wait, what happened to that three person tandem bike?" Toz asked, confused (laugh track)
"The funny thing is I was initially supposed to be on an apparatus that was essentially a wheelchair with fire extinguishers for propelling me. But when the insurance company found out about what they wanted me to do, they stopped us pretty quickly, which sucked. Joke was on them though- ended up using that wheelchair thing in another project I was involved with 6 months later"
Meanwhile, Diesel 11 was watching Die Hard with a Vengeance at the moment, when Tug and Aunt Angie burst in suddenly.
"Wait, what the?! How?! Tug, you're working and Aunt Angie, you're wherever you flew off to!" D-11 said in confusion.
"That was just a ruse. In fact, we got - on tape - you not watching Die Hard with a Vengeance. In fact, you were watching p- "KIDS!!" cried the producer.
"Oh, right. Well, you were watching something not appropriate for this rating". Tug said (laugh track)
"Uh...uh..." D-11 began.
"Wasn't there that day, so no insight I can offer. But it did have one of our more noticeable bloopers in the show. In the first shot you can see Tug is wearing his sweatshirt with a fully closed zipper. Then in the next shot before cutting back to me, Tug's sweatshirt suddenly not only has an open zipper, but its completely open and we can see the shirt underneath"
Back with Frank, Toz and Riley, they were on their various wheels, going after the bad guy.
"You can't get away! Your number is up!" Toz called out
"I'm not a number, I am a free man!" *laugh track*
"Probably a song reference, no idea"
"Not for long, let's see how much longer you last!" Riley called out as the three friends got closer. The robber was running out of energy as he began slowing down.
"Ugh...ugh...ugh... Why didn't I do more aerobics!?" He called out (laugh track)
Just then, D-11 realized what time it was.
"Oh my goodness, I'm late for my date!" He said as he bolted out the door. Aunt Angie and Tug look on in confusion.
(Scene change, outside a cafe)
D-11 runs up to a table, where a young woman his age is sitting.
"Sorry I kept you waiting; am I late?" D-11 asked.
"Gah!! Get away from me you sicko!" She said as she shrieked.
"Huh?" D-11 said, then he looked down (Reveals he is not wearing pants; only boxers, even though he is dressed from the waist up. Laugh track)
"GGAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" D-11 screamed, but no one could tell if it was embarrassment or fear.
Suddenly, the robber ran right into D11. Frank, Toz, and Riley caught up to him.
"Gotcha, buddy!"
"That was a surprise to the three of us; the original script said he would be stopped by crashing into a manure truck... in hindsight, should've realized what was going on"
Suddenly, a dark shadow loomed over them, intoning "Frank".
"Oh! It's Mr Waldron, the guy who bought my flashlight idea! Hello, sir!" Frank said.
"We need to talk." Waldron said in an uncharacteristically serious tone.
"about your lack of appearances since episode two?" Frank asked (laugh track)
"No! About your flashlight. We've got a problem." Mr. Waldron said.
"What is it?" Frank asked.
"People are complaining! They're saying they can't get it to work at night because it needs sunlight to operate! They can't get it to work in the dark, when it's actually needed!" Mr Waldron said.
"What? I didn't have that problem with the prototype!" Frank pointed out.
"You charge it in the daytime first!" Toz explained. "The beam from the flashlight will charge itself, but only if it has a "jump start", if you will. Put that in the instructions."
"Oh..."
Suddenly, another long-absent recurring character arrived. It was Elvira.
"Oh, hello there! Sorry we haven't called you recently, but there hasn't been much call for a marine biologist character, apparently" Frank said (laugh track)
"It's ok, I was busy anyway and..." She was interrupted as D-11 stood up again, recovering from his accident.
"Oh hey, have we met before?" D-11 asked.
"GAH!! Get away from me you creep!" Elvira said, noticing D-11 wasn't wearing pants.
Mr. Waldron turned to Frank again. "Look, we've decided your idea was stupid. We've decided not to use it after all." "What?!" "Oh hey, this means we can do fail videos again!" says Diesel 11 as he pushes Toz, Frank, and Riley out the window, revealing that they are actually at the top of the Berlin TV Tower inside the restaurant! *laugh track* "AHHHHHH!!" *laugh track* SPLAT! "Damn it, I forgot to take out the camera. We'll have to do that again." *laugh track*
Some weeks later, once Frank and Toz had left the hospital (Riley was some super-powered person who didn't get hurt at all), they decided to kill Diesel 11. *laugh track*
"What? No, that's completely stupid! I refuse to go down this route!" Frank said. With his good arm he pulled out a remote and pressed the rewind button (laugh track)
(Back to cafe)
Frank and Mr Waldron were talking.
"You said it was one of the best ideas you ever heard at the presentation, what gives?!" Frank said.
Just then, in came ANOTHER Mr Waldron (laugh track)
"Arthur, what have I told you about messing with my investments?!" Mr Waldron fumed.
"Gah!" He said as he ran away.
"Sorry, that was my twin. Anyway, I love your invention and we are retooling it to work" he said.
"Felt super bad for Elvira in this scene; we called her back only for her to do next to nothing. In hindsight she should've just been given a better opportunity in a later episode"
"Well that's a relief". Frank said as he was grabbed by D-11
"You're still not getting out of the fail video!" He said as he tossed Frank off the side of the building... Only for Frank to land on a net five feet below.
"Huh?" D-11 said, confused.
"Oh, it's a suicide net, we put it in to discourage people from jumping off the side of the building" someone nearby explained.
Then it snapped. "GAAAAHHH!!" "Wow, that's even funnier!" *laugh track*
Then, Frank landed on a flagpole that was outside the building, and scurried into the building through a window.
"So, the first thing we didn't actually do, hence why it happened off screen. We played a sound effect and I screamed. I was already on the flagpole you're about to see, then we filmed that part"
"This is so going to get a million... dang it! I wasn't recording again!" D-11 fumed (laugh track)
Just then, Elvira was seen talking to a pair of police officers, "That's him officers! That's the freak who's walking around here without pants!" She said (laugh track)
"uh oh"
"Look, officers, I'm dreadfully sorry. Let me go home and put on my pants." "No, no," said one of the men. "Don't. Instead, why don't you come over to my place, we can have a candlelit dinner, and..." *laugh track*
"What, no! Get away from me!" And Diesel 11 bolted out of the cafe.
"That's a genuine reaction from me and Riley; we had no idea what was going on at that point"
"Hey, stop! you're under arrest!" One officer called out as both gave chase. (laugh track)
And thus began the most infamous police chase in history!
"Well, that might be cool, but we a ready blew the budget with all the other stunts this episode, so ROLL CREDITS!" Toz yelled.
"Wait, one moment." Frank quickly pressed the "end of episode reset button". "Now he won't be in jail next episdoe."
"Episdoe? Is there a typo in your script?"
"Yes. That's how this whole fiasco got started."
"Hey! That's supposed to be my line!"
*credits roll over the cast fighting*
"Toz and Eyes ended up striking me over the head with a fire extinguisher so I don't have any recollection of this last sequence being filmed. Which is sad because it looked like we had a lot of fun that day. And that brings us to the end of episode 8, see you next time for our bottle episode!"
|
|
|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 23, 2022 17:12:30 GMT -5
Cut to: Frank is sitting on a couch in a living room
"Hi everybody! It's Frank from the 3WSR Show! And here we are, the famous "Bottle Episode" of our series. For such a low budget episode, its funny because it turned out to be one of our better ones. Guess its true what they say- less is more. Anyway, let's begin!"
*Title sequence: Frank reacts to: Episode 9- Ship in a Bottle*
It was a beautiful day in the apartment, and the gang were all sprawled on the couch watching "Tomas the Frank Engine".
"Could you open the window, Tug?" Toz asked.
"Sure thing-"
"NO!"
Suddenly, in marched the director.
"The cost of the last few episodes has been way over budget, and we still need to pay for the big season finale in a few episodes, so we're doing a bottle episode to save money."
"What's a "bottle episode"?" D11 asked.
"It's an episdoe designed to save as much money as possible. We're only going to use one set (the apartment), and you need to close the windows so we don't have to pay for the elaborate cityscape. Also, we can't afford the animal trainers for this episode, so no Alberto. Also, don't sing "Happy Birthday". Also, no elaborate new costumes or props, or copyrighted material of any kind."
"Yes, that mispronouncing of episode was intentional; a throwback to the gag from the last episode"
"But... how can we carry a story like that?"
"We understand your concern, so you can have one recurring character that isn't Alberto and one X-list celebrity to help you."
"Is an X-list celebrity like the most obscure celebrity possible?"
"No, it's a p- oh, we established we can't say that. An "adult film" star."
"Ooh, yay!" D11 yelled. *laugh track*
"I was strongly against the use of an X-list celebrity myself, because we have standards on this show. However, Milton, the actor playing Dick in this episode, he was actually trying to get a break away from that, ahem, style of filming, and wanted to use our show as a way to help launch a more legitimate career. So I withheld my objection and agreed to the scenario. However, I don't know how much we ended up helping Milton since his whole shtick was, well, you'll see"
*everyone glares at D11 as we fade to opening theme*
Welcome back my friends, to the... "WOAH!! Hold it!" says Frank. "What?" says Diesel 11. "Wrong theme song." "No it's not, we've switched it." "No we haven't." "Yes we have." "NO, we haven't." "YES, we have." *Argument erupts, the producer decides to skip the theme song and just go to the episode*
"This only happened because the episode was running a little long so we decided to nix the theme instead of cut content. Even so there were parts that definitely felt incoherent"
Frank comes out of the kitchen, wiping his hands with a smile on his face. "Like I said, we didn't change the theme song" Frank said.
D-11 is seen in the Kitchen garbage can, his legs sticking out, and waving very rapidly (laugh track)
"Now you are probably wondering how we fit Eyes into that garbage can; very simple, we made it a bit bigger than a normal can, then we had it bolted to the floor, and we told him to move in a very specific way to prevent him from hurting himself. Made for great slapstick if you ask me"
Just then, the doorbell rang, and in came Riley.
"Ah good, there you are." Toz said.
"I came as soon as I got the call; what's the matter?" Riley said.
"We're supposed to pick an X-list actor, and we can't decide..." "Oh yes we can," said Diesel 11, walking in (and pushing Frank out the window *laugh track*). "We'll go with Tori Black." "Who?" "Look her up on Mikipedio." *laugh track*
"But I want Dick Largoduro!" TGC interjected.
"Me being pushed out the window was my idea; I wanted no part of this scene"
"But... this random girl!" *laugh track*
"No." TGC said.
Frank, however, had his lower legs caught on the windowsill, and managed to pull himself up before falling out.
"Phew, that was close, I almost forced us to do an exterior shot" (laugh track)
"First of all, I object to bringing on an actress of such low quality to this show! We may be America's number 4 rated sitcom but we have standards!" Frank proclaimed (applause)
"I was forced to say that by the network"
"Oh come on, really Frank?" D-11 asked.
"Yes! Imagine the problems it would cause! Kids watch this for Pete's sake!" (laugh track)
"What are we even doing anyway?" Tug asked.
"Well, let me check my big book of bottle episodes for an idea" Toz said as he picked up an encyclopedia sized book (laugh track)
"That's a thing?" Frank asked.
"Of course; it's sold over seven... copies worldwide" Toz pointed out (laugh track)
"That is a real book by the way; I own two of those copies. See, one with Toz's autograph and the other for regular reading"
"Let me see... ah! Here it is. Top 10 Actors for a Bottle Episode." *laugh track*
"Not actors, plots! We need something to go on here!" Frank said. (laugh track)
"oh, sorry" Toz said, flipping through some pages.
"Ah, here we go. Top ten bottle episode plots. Let's see... power outage... group dare......1001 ways to kill a cat..." "Woah! Not going there!" *laugh track*
"Truth or dare, comedic misunderstanding, angst, Very Special Episodes, romance, character development, nudity, clip show..."
"Oh heck no. We got Dick Largoduro, we aren't doing a clip show." *laugh track*
"Actually, a power outage suddenly happening and our comedic mishaps that happen during it would make for a good plot" Frank pointed out.
"The first third of the episode we were given pretty free reign to do whatever; wasn't until a few scenes in when the script started"
"Besides, how would we get this Richard fellow to appear?" D-11 asked (laugh track)
"I don't care! Dick! Dick!" shouted Toz. "And here I thought you were the less profane one..." *laugh track*
"I guess Toz had a point- Dick is a legitimate name after all."
Meanwhile, we cut to a shot of the doors to the balcony, which are conveniently curtained so you can't see outside.
"You seriously scaled 10 floors to get into the apartment?" TGC asked from outside.
"One of the few bloopers in this part; I actually yelled "seven" off screen but they edited it out in post"
"Yep!" Mr Largoduro declared. "I had to climb up far scarier things while I was training for "A Sexy Rescue"." *laugh track*
Just then the power blew out! "Gah! I can't see a thing!" Tug called out.
"It must be that storm! The weather sure is poor today, isn't it?" Frank asked.
(Thunder is heard)
"What do we do now?" Tug asked.
"I don't know about you, but I'm going to go eat the ice cream before it melts" Frank said as he began making his way to the kitchen (laugh track)
"Hi guys!" "Holy sh*t, who the hell is that?!" "That's D*ck," said Toz, who had been censored just in case. *laugh track*
"You look way different with clothes on." Riley commented.
"I can take them off if it bothers you." Dick replied.
"NO NO NO!" Frank, Tug, and D11 yelled.
"YES YES YES!" Toz, TGC, and Riley yelled. *laugh track*
"I don't care if it's pitch black in here, leave your clothes on!" Frank said (laugh track)
"Things were going in a weird direction really fast so I found myself playing straight man quite a bit at the beginning"
"That's it!" said Diesel 11. "I'm going to get a real actor, like Lexxi Steele." "Phones don't work," said TGC, exiting the kitchen. "Oh goddamn it!!" *laugh track*
"Sweet! My favorite flavor!" Frank said, as he found one particular tub of ice cream and began eating from it (laugh track)
"Ben and Jerry's, Half Baked. Best of both worlds"
"So we gotta figure out this power situation guys; what do we do?" Toz asked.
"I am a real actor with several iconic roles!" Largoduro protested. "Ever seen "A New Toy"? How about "Crazy Mall Adventure"? How about "**** gets ********* and ************ by ********"? What about Moby-Dick?"
"You were in Moby Dick?" D11 asked.
"I was Captain Ahab. Sexy Captain Ahab." *laugh track*
"Wait... sexy Captain Ahab?" *explosion* "WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO MY FAVORITE BOOK?!" *Diesel 11 lunges at Dick and grabs his throat*
Or at least, he thought that was Dick; it was too dark to tell
(CUT TO: angle change reveals he is actually strangling a tall floor lamp; laugh track from audience)
"This is still the unscripted part of the show so that was Eyes being legitimately angry; told me afterwards how much she enjoys the book and wouldn't have it minced like that"
Meanwhile, Tug was entering the bathroom when he tripped over his bazooka *laugh track* and fell "Ow! What the? Hey guys, why is there a pipe in the bathroom?" He called out (laugh track)
"Is that a trick question?" A confused TGC asked (laugh track)
"How dare you mess up my favorite novel in favor of poor quality adult entertainment!" D-11 called out, still strangling the lamp (laugh track)
"Hey! You look up *888*!" *laugh track* "Da hell?! Are you using my computer?!"
"I did not get the reference here if I'm being honest"
Just then, Frank blew a whistle. Everyone reassembled in the living room around Frank... and the lantern he happened to find.
"Good thing I was a boy scout! Now then, the key thing is that we all remain calm until the power comes back, the key is that we all stay calm and do not freak out. Now then, why don't we all go to bed, since there isn't much else to do right now" Frank suggested.
"I had been waiting 8 episodes to finally do something with that whistle. Did you know that an earlier draft of one episode called for me to use that whistle to break a window? ultimately scrapped when we realized how absurd it was"
"What about me?" Dick asked.
"Go to your own place or something, I don't know!" Toz exclaimed.
"But, it's so stormy and I'm scared" Dick said.
"Ugh, fine, sleep on the couch for all I care. Anyway, come on, let's go" Frank said, as he turned off the lantern and everyone tried to make their way to their respective bedrooms.
"Well, it can't get much worse, right?" Frank asked.
(Title card: Five minutes later)
"THIS is where the scripted part of the show began"
It is pitch black, but everyone is heard screaming.
D-11 found what he thought was the door to his room. He walked forward, only for something big and heavy to fall forward. He landed on his back, and tried to make sense of what it was. "Well, its big, heavy, covered in fur, sounds like its growling and... OH MY GOOD HELP ME! I'M BEING ATTACKED BY A BEAR!!" He screamed as be began fighting back at the "bear" but with no success (laugh track)
Tug was trying to find the door to his room, and when he found the knob, he twisted it and suddenly found himself pelted by a torrent of raging water! "HELP! THE APARTMENT IS SINKING!!" He screamed (laugh track)
Toz was walking into his room, when he suddenly tripped, and found himself wrapped in something. He couldn't tell what it was, but he knew it was long and thin, and completely wrapped around him. "GAH!! HELP ME!! I'M BEING ATTACKED BY A SNAKE!!" He called out (laugh track)
TGC was trying to enter his room, when suddenly, his sleeve become stuck on something, and he was unable to move. "GAH!! HELP ME!! I'M BEING KIDNAPPED!!" He cried out (laugh track)
Riley was walking down the hall when he suddenly tripped, yet he never hit the ground. He was stuck, levitating in the air somehow. "GAH!! HELP ME!! I'M BEING ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!!" He screamed (Laugh track)
Frank was walking down what he thought was the hall, when suddenly, he fell forward and landed in something that no matter how hard he tried to stand up and get oriented, he couldn't. "GAH!! HELP ME!! I'M IN QUICK SAND!!" He screamed.
As for Dick, he was trying to get settled on the couch, when suddenly his arm became stuck in something and he couldn't get it out. "GAH!! HELP ME!! I'M BEING EATEN BY A MONSTER!!" He screamed (laugh track)
The cries for help went on for several minutes, until...
The landlord broke down the door. "WHAT THE F**K IS GOING ON HERE?!"
"Help, there's a bear in the apartment!" D-11 called out.
"A BEAR!?!? GAHH!!!" The Landlord screamed as he ran out of the apartment in terror (laugh track)
"He did that shot for free; luckily according to the internet that bit preserved our suspense of disbelief since by that time it was reaching a point where things were getting so absurd "why was nobody else in the building noticing it?"
Suddenly, the lights came back on. "What the... oh, coo-" Then they went out again. "Damn it."
The chaos went on for a great while until finally the lights came back on, where it was revealed:
D-11 had actually opened his closet which was full of winter coats and other heavy things which fell on him
Tug had somehow wandered into the shower
Toz had somehow tripped and was wrapped in a large amount of wires
TGC, when he raised his arm, somehow got it stuck on a pair of coat hangars
Riley, when he tripped, he somehow gained enough air that his shirt got caught on the ceiling fan, and he was hanging from it
Frank had somehow found himself in a giant pile of laundry
Dick's arms were stuck between the couch cushions (he still could not get them out)
(Thunderous laugh track, applause)
"About 4 percent of the budget went into that specially designed fan to be able to hold Riley's weight"
Toz untangled himself and went to help Riley. "Are you okay?" "I think so. Do you see my boxers anywhere?" *laugh track* "Um... no?" *laugh track* "How about my bra?" *laugh track* "Yeah... I'll get you down and you can find them yourself." *laugh track*
"Wait, Toz, why were you wearing a bra?"
"Shhhhhh!" *laugh track*
"This joke would work better if this were text instead of a TV sitcom." Toz observed. *laugh track*
"So, at the last possible second Riley and Toz switched lines to mess with the rest of us, but that gag was intended to be exactly what you think it was. Though Toz saying that last line doesn't make any sense now that I think about it"
"We tried." Riley sighed.
"So anyway, can you get me down please?" Riley asked.
"Ok; any ideas?" Toz asked.
"Not sure; hey, you want me to sing to you while we wait? In school I was described as having the best baritone of the choir" Riley said.
"That's a male singing range, I KNEW IT!!" Frank yelled from off screen (laugh track)
"Yeah, but her hair..." said Diesel 11. "Hey, I have long hair too, you know!" cried Toz. *laugh track*
"Fun fact- the original working title for this sitcom after we evolved from the original 3WSR premise was "Odd Man Out" and it was a reference to Toz's long, blond hair that "he" had at the time being so unique from the rest of us, who all had short brown or black hair at the time. We chucked that one because it accidentally gave the impression Toz was the main character and we just existed to support her"
"Of course, I quit the choir after I found out they were going to make me wear a dress." Riley continued.
"What!? But..." *laugh track*
"But anyway, can we figure out how I'm going to... gah!!" Riley said, as his/her shirt ripped and he/she fell. As he stood up, Toz came to a shocking realization.
"Wait a minute, you're completely flat... I KNEW IT!!" Toz said (laugh track)
"Did a bulletin board hit you, too?!" cried Diesel 11. *laugh track*
"You really have lost weight!"
"Eyes was supposed to be silent in this scene; but she was reminded of a book she loved as a kid and didn't want to throw away the opportunity"
"Oh my god stop teasing this already..." Frank moaned... but it was too late because there's an adult film star in the kitchen with the others and were focusing on that now.
"I thought he was trapped in the couch?" Frank asked (laugh track)
"And can someone get this bear off me?" D-11 asked.(laugh track)
"That's not a bear D-11; you just have a poorly organized closet and it all fell on you" Toz called out (laugh track)
(In walks a wet Tug)
"Oh dear, what happened to you?" Toz asked.
"I think he was screaming about the apartment sinking" Riley recalled (laugh track)
"Yeah, have you seen it yet? It's a deluge in there! We need to start building an ark so we can survive!" *laugh track*
"All you did was turn on the shower..." a confused Toz said (laugh track)
"Well it was a lot of water and... wow, I never realized this, but that's one of the best Adam's Apples I have ever seen Riley" Tug said (laugh track)
"Oh, thank you, I inherited it from my father" Riley said.
"I KNEW IT!!" Frank screamed again (laugh track)
"Total ad lib from me; the phrasing indicated we were "establishing" this point about Riley so I did my best to play along with it; just glad the others also improvised to save the take"
"He learned how to whittle from his father and made all sorts of biblical wood carvings. He also made Noah's Ark, Jesus's Birth, and a few other things."
"But... why do you have it with you?"
"So... anyways..." *laugh track
Toz went to help D-11 get out from under the enormous pile of junk, and Riley went to help Dick. "Geez man, what the heck are you even keeping in here?" A confused Toz asked (laugh track)
"What do you care?!" *laugh track*
"Well Dick, you got sure got yourself into a dickle- er, I mean a pickle," said Riley. *laugh track*
"Riley told me after the show they were trying to do a spoonerism gag; but she misunderstood how they worked and that's why the laugh wasn't as strong as she thought it would be"
"Oh ha ha, very funny. Let's see how you like being made fun of... darn it! Can't think of a pun on Riley" (laugh track)
D-11 finally is helped up from under all his stuff. "Man, I really gotta get rid of some stuff" he said, looking at his pile.
"What the?" Toz began, as he looked through everything, "You don't even use half of this stuff, why do you even have it?" He said, then he saw a kayak. "How did that even fit in there?!" (laugh track)
"Especially among my generator and jet engine collection!" *laugh track*
(Wide shot reveals pictures and cardboard cut outs of generators and jet engines, in keeping with the bottle episode theme)
Seriously?" Toz asked.
"I don't tell you who to live your life!" D-11 shot back (laugh track)
"Well, that does it for the power outage I guess; what should we do next?" Frank asked.
"How about we listen to some Merciful Fate?" said Diesel 11. "Gah!" cried Frank. "Why'd you say that? Now we'll have to pay royalties to King Diamond or something!" "Well actually I swapped the Y from an I." *laugh track*
"Hey I know" Riley said. "Let's bring out our toys from our childhood and see if they are worth anything" Riley suggested.
"Well I suppose the stuff that doesn't have any meaning we could let go of" Toz said.
"Great, let me go home" Riley said. "I'll get my GI Joes, my Hot wheels, my toy tools..."
"Wait a minute, those toys are all... I KNEW IT!!" Frank screamed (laugh track)
"But... didn't you have Barbies or something?" D11 asked.
"Are you kidding? I hated Barbies as a kid" Riley replied (laugh track)
D-11's mouth drops (laugh track, applause)
"Yeah, I don't like that American crap. Steffi for the win!" *laugh track*
"So, I had a hand in writing this part but the joke is not what you think it was. It was a satire of gender stereotypes and how toys had been defined by gender since the 80s. I'm still a bit iffy on if this scene is still funny, so I try not to talk about these jokes too deeply when I appear at the cons"
"Also, Barbie is so sexist and unrealistic." Riley continued. "And don't get me started on DC Super Heroes-"
"Wait... that's not public domain! THEY'LL SUE US! AHHHHHHH!"
Diesel 11 finished cleaning out his room. "Whelp, ima take out this trash now..." Toz pops his head out of the bag. "LET ME GO!!" *laugh track*
"Wait, did we just... Oh no!" Toz said, realizing he said brand names.
"Don't worry; they contributed to the budget for this episode; now that we fulfilled our contractual obligation we can go back to parody names" Frank explained (laugh track)
"Not a joke, we really did fulfill the obligations we had towards those brands. And thank goodness to, we didn't go over budget in this episode"
"Still, so it doesn't happen again, I'll just toss out this Trash now..." "DIESEL 11 IF YOU DARE!!"
"It's a bit tough to see from this angle, but underneath the trash bag Toz is in is one of those colorful square rolling things with wheels that public schools used back in the 90s, that's what enabled Eyes to roll so smoothly"
"Stop it!" Frank screamed, and suddenly, everyone tackled D-11, including Dick (laugh track)
"Get this dog pile off of me!" D11 screamed.
Then, Dick saw an opportunity here. "So, anyone want to..."
"NOOO!!!" Everyone screamed
"Play Twaster?" Dick finished (laugh track)
"You twat, no one plays Twaster anymore!" said TGC.
"Ok, Tug, Right foot green!" Toz said. (laugh track)
*cut to all seven of them playing a blatant "twister" ripoff*
"Okay, left nostril Cobalt blue!" Riley called.
Everyone groaned.
"I can't breathe. Tug is stepping on my face." Frank said.
"Toz, can you move? You're crushing me." TGC grumbled
"Sorry, Dick is pinning me here." Toz replied.
D11 said something, but no one could understand because he could barely breathe in the tangle of limbs.
"Hmm... how about we play Minipily instead?"
"This scene was supposed to be longer, but when we heard a loud crack from TGC we assumed the worst and stopped this scene. Nothing broke, but he did feel a lot lighter after that"
"How 'bout no?" *laugh track*
"We could always play fortress" Frank said. Just then, everyone grinned, and ran off, leaving a confused Dick behind.
Frank ran into his room... overturned his mattress, and armed himself with a Nirf Gun, hiding behind the mattress. (laugh track)
D-11 ran into his room... kicked over his desk, put a bandanna around his head, armed himself with a sling shot, and lie in wait.
"Oh crap, was that my laptop!?" D-11 realized, after kicking over the desk (laugh track)
"Only a half joke actually- Eyes really did bring her laptop to work that day and was using it on set earlier to "get in character" and she panicked because she couldn't remember if she removed it prior to filming."
Toz ran into the kitchen. Hiding under the kitchen table, he wore a colander on his helmet, armed himself with a rubber spatula and lie in wait (laugh track)
Tug ran into the bathroom, laid some improvised traps, then hid inside the bathtub. (laugh track)
TGC opened a cabinet in the hallway, crawled inside and hid. But he realized in his haste this was a cabinet that could not be opened from the inside. "Hey! Help me! I can't get out!" He screamed (laugh track)
Riley... went to get a bottle of water and sat on the couch. "I have no idea what is going on, but I think this is about to get interesting" they said as they heard what was going on. (laugh track)
(MONTAGE: Frank pokes his head out from his place, then D-11, then Tug, then Toz. Then the cabinet where TGC is)
"Seriously! Get me out of here! (laugh track)
*Fade to black. Applause. Credits*
*Frank punches credits
"Wait we can't end it here! There's no satisfactory conclusion!" Frank shouted.
"We shot this part onward about a week later when we realized we still had a plot that needed a conclusion"
"Got you!" D-11 called out as he fired from his sling shot.
"Gah!" Frank ducks as "OWWW!!!" is heard off screen.
"Oh...uh... sorry Dick!" D11 said (laugh track)
Dick marched over to D11 angrily. "You hurt me with that!"
"Sorry, but-"
"Looks like you need to be- punished." Dick said in a voice that seemed either menacing or seductive, no one could tell.
"Okay, stopping this right here." Riley said. *laugh track*
"Oh, right, sorry. I'm not used to this whole "being in front of a camera and not doing anything sexy" thing." Dick said sheepishly.
"Milton really wanted to break into the mainstream, that was more him talking than Dick was"
In the other room, Frank, Tug, Toz, and TGC were playing Hint.
"I suspect it was Mr Bright Turquoise, in the Crypt, with the Gauntlet!" Frank declared.
"I have evidence against it!" TGC yelled.
"Well, whatever!" *laugh track*
"I'd tell you what we are referencing here, but I'm sworn to secrecy"
Just then the front door was thrown open. "I'm back!!" cried a familiar voice.
"Oh no..." said Frank. *laugh track*
"Aunt Angie!" cried Diesel 11. "Welcome back! How was your trip?"
(Aunt Angie, offscreen, only her voice is heard)
"Wonderful, absolutely wonderful! I just came to tell you I was back! Gotta go unpack now, see you later!" She called out as she left.
"No idea why she was there; there weren't supposed to be any other characters present in the episode. I think the director just wanted a cheap laugh"
"We just had to give a cameo, didn't we?" Frank deadpanned at the camera (laugh track)
But all good things have to come to an end, and it was finally time for Dick to leave and this episode to end.
"I had a great time guys," said Dick. "Maybe I'll come visit you again."
"How about no?" said Riley. *laugh track*
"Sorry Dick, but your line of work conflicts with our morals. You're just going to have to find another job" Frank explained.
"Fine! See if I care!" And suddenly he ran for the window and jumped out.
"Why did you do that!?" Frank screamed, as Dick was yelling off-screen.
"This is how I came in!!" He pointed out (laugh track).
"Well, I think that about wraps up everything. Cue credits! (laugh track, applause, fade to black)
"The good news is Milton did get some good publicity from the episode and more mainstream work became available for him. He hasn't gotten anything major but he does live comfortably. Anyway, that concludes my commentary on episode nine and... wow, we are already 3/4 of the way through the series. I almost feel sad that we are coming up on the end of this series. But I have been enjoying this and I look forward to doing episode 10, the pirate episode. Till next time!"
|
|
|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 24, 2022 15:36:22 GMT -5
Cut to: Frank is sitting on a couch in a living room
"Hi everybody! It's Frank from the 3WSR Show! Not going to lie, really enjoyed doing this episode with everyone, it was quite the adventure. It was one of the few where Tug took the lead as far as artistic direction, and I think it payed off fabulously. Without further ado, here is episode 10!"
*Title sequence: Frank reacts to: Episode 10- The Map*
Our five friends are getting burgers and fries at the local burger joint, when suddenly... a brick lands near them!
"Hey, who throws a brick in the middle of a crowded restaurant?!" Frank fumed (laugh track)
"Maybe someone lost it?" TGC suggested (laugh track)
"Hey look, there's a note!" D-11 observed. And they read it. The friends were excited. "So this map leads to the legendary lost treasure of... what's the name?" A confused Toz asked.
"Hang on, I'm waiting for the title sequence to start so I can think of a parody name" Frank explained (Laugh track, fade to black)
"I actually didn't need to think of a parody name- I just wanted to be sure that the theme song got in before someone tried to mess with it again"
They're five crazy guys Who have most unusual lives But put them together and what have you got? 3WSR and here's the plot! Five guys, who love burgers and fries (Frank interjects) "Seriously? I hate corporate sponsors... Five friends whose adventures never seem to end. For a good laugh don't look far, Welcome to the world of 3...W...S...RRRRRRRRR!!!" ("The 3WSR Show" title appears on screen; Tug suddenly appears beside the title) "You know, I question the meaning of our title, what is a 3WSR?" (Fade to black, back to show)
The five friends looked at it.
"So what kind of treasure are we talking about here?" asked Diesel 11.
Frank looked at it. "It says that it leads to the... Wan Piece?" *laugh track*
"Fool's Gold Roger! The legendary Pirate... Accountant... You know that doesn't sound all that interesting..." replied Frank *laugh track*
"Where's the treasure? If he was an accountant I know he stored up some good payment from his clients..." questioned Tug, in full pirate gear, eye patch and everything, with Alberto, both carrying digging equipment *laugh track*
"Yes, this is exactly a parody of what you think it is. I didn't mind myself, but TGC did gripe at times over it"
"How long have you been wearing that?" A confused Frank asked (laugh track)
"Longer than you need to know!" shouted Tug *laugh track*
"That wasn't the original line actually, so my look on my face there is my genuine reaction"
"So I guess we're following the map then?" Frank asked.
"Darn right! Come on everybody, here we go!" Tug shouted
*Everyone piles on top of Alberto, Indiana Jones adventure type music starts, and the gang rides off. Frank comically falls off. Laugh track*
"Hey! Wait for me!" Frank called out. "Taxi!" Frank shouted, as a taxi appeared. "Follow that donkey!" Frank said as the cab began following it. (Laugh track, applause)
Unfortunately, a fork in the road appeared. Alberto & Co. went one way, while the taxi went another way.
"Gosh, that is one fast donkey!" said a totally unaware Frank. *laugh track*
"Wait a minute, how dumb do you think I am?!" Frank said angrily. (Laugh track) He took out a remote and pressed the rewind button until they were back at the fork in the road. They followed the donkey this time.
"So this gag was written specifically for me to use the remote again; after using it that one time in a prior episode the writers thought it actually played perfectly into my fourth wall awareness and they brought it back for occasional use. Not everyone agreed with this angle though"
"Man, this thing is awesome!" Frank said as he put the remote back in his pocket. (Laugh track) the chase continued for quite a bit, until Frank saw red, white, and blue!
He tried to stand to salute the flag but hit his head on the roof of the taxi.
"Ow!" he said. *laugh track*
It was not the flag, it was in fact a police car!
"All right," said the officer when he had pulled over the taxi, "I'll have to write you up for speeding."
"I don't think so," said Frank as he took out the remote.
"Aha!" said the officer. "You do know that thing is illegal in 49 states and 201 countries, right?" he said, taking it out of Frank's hand before the latter could rewind it. "Unfortunately, this is one of those countries and one of those states. This'll cost you a pretty penny!"
"Darn it," said Frank.
The others, meanwhile, were a lot farther ahead wondering where the hell Frank was.
The officer was apologizing to Frank; turns out he was mistaken with the remote; it was the Gildendorf brand that was illegal, not the Brennenbok brand that Frank was using.
"Lazy, sure, but the remote wasn't going anywhere"
"And how could we be speeding by following a DONKEY!?" Frank pointed out. (Laugh track)
"I'm so sorry, I never thought I would cause this much trouble on all my years working in... What city is this again?"
"Please...just...don't" Frank said, as the cab left to catch up with the others (laugh track)
Meanwhile, a crowd of angry PETA protestors surrounded our four heroes who were on Alberto
"Get off of that poor, innocent animal!" They screamed.
[jerks] Alberto said (laugh track)
"Yea, we had a lot of laughs at PETA's expense; nothing they can do about though, its all true"
Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Aunt Angie was cooking meatballs.
"Ah! Magnificent!" she said.
Suddenly the window flew open and Riley popped in. Aunt Angie hit him/her with the pan.
"OW!" cried Riley.
"That's what you get for scaring a little old lady!" cried Aunt Angie. *laugh track*
"What are you even doing here?" Aunt Angie asked, confused.
"You tell me, you wanted me to clean your windows!" Riley shot back (laugh track)
"Now Russel..." Aunt Angie began.
"Riley! It's Riley!" Riley shot back, offended.
"Fine, Rufus..." Aunt Angie said (Laugh track)
"Now look, Riker," *laugh track* "just clean my windows, okay?"
"OK, I will. BUT THE NAME IS RILEY!!"
"Really? That's a weird name. Okay, Really, clean the windows please."
"NOT REALLY! RILEY!!" *laugh track*
"That wasn't in the script that day; she genuinely forgot Riley's name and her hearing aid had stopped working. Riley was great at adaption though and managed to salvage the take. The cut you see here before the next bit if after we stopped and figured out the situation"
"I swear, I have not been this humiliated since my time at Brennanville High School..." Riley grumbled.
"But... isn't that an All-boys school?" Aunt Angie asked.
"Yes... but I don't see how that is important" Riley replied, confused.
"I KNEW IT!" Aunt Angie screamed (laugh track)
"You don't understand, I was put up to a dare from the other girls at my school that I couldn't enter that school and pass myself off as a boy... I ended up making $1,000 off of that bet..."
"Oh," said Aunt Angie. *laugh track*
"Then again, we were all drag queens, so technically..." *laugh track*
"I mean personally I think this one was pretty harmless, but it wouldn't surprise me if others thought otherwise"
But back on the donkey, the four guys had no idea Frank was behind them. Tug was ready for the adventure, Toz was trying to stop Alberto from eating his hair *laugh track*, Diesel 11 was listening to music, and TGC fell asleep and fell off himself. *laugh track*
Frank ended up finding TGC.
"What happened to you?" he asked.
*Snoring* *laugh track* Frank got TGC into the cab, and they rejoined the others not to long later. The group of five came to their first landmark on the map.
"Ok, it says to look for the "stone of blue, split in two" tug said.
"What does that mean?" Frank asked
"You tell me, you're the trivia man!" Tug said (laugh track)
"You're the trivia man, you're the trivia man, no in the whole wide world can do what you can! You're the trivia man, you're the-"
"All right, can it!" cried Frank to those working the music. *laugh track*
"That was actually one of the original working theme songs back in preproduction and it was such an annoying earworm- that was me being genuinely annoyed at the music people"
"So Frank, what is it?" tug asked
"Wait, I got it!" D11 screamed
"You do?!" The others asked, shocked. (laugh track)
"Yes! I know, without a doubt, this clue refers too George Esperanzo, a Chinese immigrant living in Chile who has a restaurant about to go bankrupt called 'George's Beans'."
"How the f**k do you know this?" asked TGC. *laugh track*
"Eyes forgot her original line at that point, so she just said the first thing that came to mind"
"Wait, what does that have to do with a stone of blue, split in two anyway?" Frank asked, confused.
"Uh... hey look, a hot dog cart!" D11 said before darting away frantically (laugh track)
"YES!" cried everyone, and they raced over to get hot dogs. *laugh track*
"Mmm! Delicious!" said Frank. *laugh track*
"Never had a better hot dog in my life!" said Toz. *laugh track*
"You should open up a restaurant!" said Diesel 11. *laugh track*
"This is literally padding; the episode was running short so we did this"
After enjoying lunch, the group got refocused
"So a stone of blue, split in two..," everyone repeated to themselves
But they couldn't figure it out so they all went home. The End.
"NO!" cried Frank. "We are not doing that!" *laugh track*
"I honestly don't remember why we did that gag"
So anyways, after some searching in the park, they finally found a massive blue stone that was broken into two pieces.
"Of course! The Gatterfitti Rock! I should have known..." Frank said in realization (laugh track)
Tug then held up the map, "Ok, now the next step is to..."
"HOLD THAT THOUGHT!" cried a man suddenly, jumping out before them. He was wearing a very spiffy suit and holding a briefcase.
"You fine gents have struck gold today," he said. "I've got something right here that I think you'll find very interesting!"
"Darn it," said Frank, "It's a salesman. We'll never get rid of him." *laugh track*
Suddenly, out jumped another well-dressed man. "Hello, can I talk to you about Rebekah Black, running for reelection as Governor of-"
He was cut off by another well-dressed man. "Hello, can you spare a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Jesus Christ?"
"Can I interest you in a vacuum cleaner?"
"Girl scout cookies?"
"Spare a nickel for African orphans?"
"They're multiplying!" Tug shrieked. *laugh track*
"This is just stupid," said Tug. "I'm gonna..."
"Hi, can I talk to you about the greatest anime series of all time, One Piece?"
TUG: OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!! *laugh track*
Frank took out his remote and pressed "delete" causing the salespeople to disappear (laugh track)
"Oh, thank goodness, we were almost out of extras" Frank said with relief (laugh track)
"We got inspiration for this scene from a really annoying traveling shampoo salesman that kept coming to our set. Don't know how he kept getting past security"
"Anyway" Tug continued, "Next, we have to go to..."
"JUST A MOMENT!!" cried a man.
"Oh no..." said Frank.
"You are in violation of Rule 185Ba - No remote controls allowed in this area!" and he grabbed the remote from Frank before he could do anything and removed the five friends (and Alberto) from the area.
"Nice going, Frank," said Toz. *laugh track*
[Where the hell are we?] said Alberto. *laugh track*
"Stop! Stop! STOP!!!! This is NOT in the script! Get these extras out of here!!!" Frank fumed. And he snatched his remote back from the extra. "And stop messing with my things!" Frank fumed, before turning to the audience. "We sincerely apologize for the interruptions of our main plot, and we shall return to it at the first moment of convenience. Thank you for your patience, and we now return to the 3WSR Show" (applause, fade to black)
"Ironically enough, this actually was in the script. Some people were annoyed with the remote but it wasn't going anywhere"
(Back in the park)
"You and I both know there is no such rule, now get out of here!" Frank said, forcing him to leave.
Tug looked at the map, "Now, as I was trying to say, the next place we need to go to is..."
"...Hell."
"I'm sorry, what?" *laugh track*
"Yep, Hell, England."
"...oh." *laugh track*
"Aw, man... I thought we would go to Michigan or California" D11 said (laugh track) Everyone stares at him.
"I'm serious! There's really towns called Hell, Michigan and Hell, California! Gaggle it if you don't believe me!" (laugh track)
Frank stared at him. "I know you wanted to have geese as a kid but..." *laugh track*
"We actually didn't have any permissions for this episode so we were forced to go back to using gag names"
"Stupid f**king copyrights," said Diesel 11. "Next season we're getting a bigger budget." *laugh track*
"Hey, check out this new viral video on MeTub!" TGC said
"Hold on, I'm checking my Twuttir account" Tug said
"Hey, can someone explain snipchut to me?" Frank asked.
"And I need to check my Drumblr... dang it now you've got me doing it!" D11 fumed (laugh track)
"ALL RIGHT ENOUGH!" cried the producer. "I GET THE PICTURE! NEXT SEASON WE'LL GET THE PERMISSION TO DO THIS STUFF!"
"Finally!" said Diesel 11. *laugh track*
"Now please return to what you were doing," said the director.
"Yea, the producer included himself in another attempt to save money on extras"
So, deciding it would actually work out better, "England" was replaced with "Michigan."
"All right, we're off to Hell... Michigan, that is!" Tug said (laugh track)
"I say we go to Helsinki," said Toz. *laugh track*
"Um... no." *laugh track*
(CUT TO: Travel montage)
the five and Alberto are seen crammed in a cab, riding a bus, on a motor boat, on a ferry, in a helicopter, on an airplane, before finally arriving in Hell, Michigan by hovercraft.
"Wow, I can't believe we started this journey in a cab, but then the driver had a heart attack so we had to take the bus, but then the bus broke down so we had to take a motor boat across the river to catch a ferry to the helicopter landing so we could get to the airport, but then the plane crashed and we had to buy this hovercraft to get here because the salesman was all out of cars!" Frank exclaimed (laugh track, applause)
"This was actually Toz's idea; I only put a voice to it. Great way to lampshade travel montages though"
And then the hovercraft sank. "So we sailed down Lake Michigan on a a genuine Pirate Ship! Avast me hearties! Yohohoho!" shouted Tug as he and Alberto, still in pirate getup, had swords and shovels drawn... "Sail onwards lads! Roger's treasure awaits! that Ponegylp... I mean Gafferitti Stone means we're so close!'
"That's right Tug... not to be confused with the Gatterfitti rock we saw in the park" Frank pointed out (laugh track)
"Tug kept messing up Gatterfitti so we played this off as the second stone we were looking for"
"Who named these things?" D11 asked.
Meanwhile, Riley was washing Aunt Angie's windows when a wasp landing on him / her.
"Oh sh*t!" he / she cried, and trying to get it away from him / her, ended up crashing right through Aunt Angie's window.
"Holy sh*t, what the f**k did you do!" cried Aunt Angie when she found a young woman / man lying sprawled out on her kitchen floor with glass all around them. *laugh track*
"ow...ow...ow..." Riley kept repeating.
"Oh dear; come on, let me help you up..." Aunt Angie said as Riley stood up and began brushing the dust off.
"Well, the cuts aren't as bad as I thought at least. Though there are pretty severe tears all over my clothes and... you gotta be kidding me! Even my boxers have cuts in them!? How sharp was that glass?" Riley asked.
"Boxers? I KNEW IT!!" Aunt Angie screamed (laugh track)
"Hey, don't make a sweat about it, I had to borrow these boxers from my brother because my panties are in the laundry."
"...oh." *laugh track*
"along with my boxers" Riley added (laugh track)
"and they say I'm the annoying one" Aunt Angie sighed (laugh track)
"Aunt Angie's actress really didn't find the Riley jokes funny so that was her real frustration there. Personally though, this particular one I didn't think was that bad"
"Hey!" said Riley. "Just for that, you owe me extra!"
"Wrong, you owe me extra for breaking the window!"
"...oh yeah." *laugh track*
Back with Tug and the others, they found the next clue.
"Search for something very green; try the park, it is quite clean"
"Wait, so we aren't looking for a Gorilla stone or whatever it is called?" D11 asked, confused (laugh track)
"Yeah, why are we trying to find a sandwich in a dumpster from last Wednesday?" asked Toz. *laugh track*
"Wow, you already figured it out?" said Frank in amazement.
"They don't call me Tozlock Holmes for nothing," replied Toz. *laugh track, applause*
"Total Ad lib from Toz; not creatively her best but I enjoyed it"
"Don't be ridiculous, why would that be the clue?" Tug asked.
"Well why are you wearing pirate get-up that's inspired more by Treasure Island than by real pirates?" TGC shot back
"Ok, maybe we're looking at this the wrong way. Tug, any ideas?" Frank asked.
"I don't know why we kept cutting to Aunt Angie and Riley, they were only supposed to have that initial scene and that was it. If I had to guess, they were padding the episode"
Meanwhile, Riley and Aunt Angie's argument had resulted in fisticuffs.
"How dare you hit an old woman like me!"
"How dare you hit a person whose gender is unknown as of yet!" *laugh track*
"Oh please, you're completely flat up there and have no curves whatsoever; it's pretty obvious what gender you are!" Aunt Angie said (laugh track)
"You call these no curves?!"
"...woah." *laugh track*
"Yep, I was right, no curves" Aunt Angie deadpanned
"Well you don't have to be so blunt about it!!" Riley said, embarrassed. (laugh track)
"Just what the heck are you anyway?" Aunt Angie asked.
"shut up!" and the fight resumed
"How dare you mock me for my small breast size!"
"How dare you insinuate that I don't know what you are!"
"Do you have any idea how embarrassing these breasts are? They give people the wrong idea!" Riley shouted (laugh track)
"Please, those aren't even breasts! Ugh, why do you have to be so confusing!?" Aunt Angie screamed.
"I have no explanation for this one; I think Riley was just messing with Aunt Angie's actress at this point since this part wasn't scripted"
Meanwhile, Tug lead the others to the next clue. "Here it is lads, the next stop on our journey!" Tug shouted. "The treasure it located down this river, and since this is a pretty big ship, we'll have to downsize in order to traverse the river..." said Tug
"So? What now?" asked Frank
"I know a place..." replied Tug
The scene changes to a boat shack with a sign outside reading, 'Tel's Rafts'...
"So... Why are we here?" asks Toz
"Meta-joke..." answered Tug *laugh track*
"I don't know what the reference was, but Tug enjoyed it and that's enough for me"
"In hindsight, maybe we should have kept the hovercraft" TGC observed
"How did a pirate ship get in Lake Michigan anyway?" Frank asked (laugh track)
Tug threw a lampshade on his head (laugh track)
And Diesel 11 took it off. "It was built there, duh."
"Oh. Yeah. Of course. That's... pretty obvious actually..." *laugh track*
"Ok ok, fair enough. But on the bright side I brought us closer to the desired running time with that gag"
So Tug began leading them to the next location... but then, it happened
"GAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" TGC screamed.
"Wh-what is that?!' TGC screamed. There, in the distance, where the treasure was supposed to be, looming over the spot was something so terrifyingly large, that describing it in words is impossible.
"AAAAHHH!!!" D11 screamed.
"AAAAHHH!!!" Toz screamed
"AAAHHHH!!!" Tug screamed.
*Frank misses cue (laugh track)
"Huh? Oh, sorry. Aaahhhh..." (half-hearted effort, laugh track)
"That reminds me of a song," says Diesel 11.
TGC: "OH NO NO NO GOD NO PLEASE NO HELP ME"
DIESEL 11: "Holy sh*t that was the exact song!" *laugh track*
"Ok, as long as we don't say the title or band we should be fine" Frank concluded.
"It's...it's...IT'S... rather anticlimactic..." Frank said, at first shocked, then unimpressed.
No one laughed except Frank who gave an embarrassed chuckle. *laugh track*
"Well you gotta admit it is unimpressive" Frank pointed out.
"So this was actually a mistake a rookie editor made; there were a few different takes we did where we tried different things since we weren't entirely sure what we wanted the punchline to be. But the editor never figured this out so it kinda went all over the place at this point"
"I suppose so" D11 admitted. "After all, why should we get worked up over a bear eating chips in the mountains."
"Wait what?" *laugh track*
"That's the anticlimax?" Tug asked.
"Why would I be scared of that?" TGC asked (laugh track)
"Because the chips are made of people!"
"Yes, Soylent Green reference. No, it went over most viewers heads"
"OH SH*T! RUN FOR YOUR F**KING LIVES!!" *laugh track*
"Ugh, the swearing again. Why?"
So they all ran to the hills.
And so after a good deal of running they came to...
"Look, it's the X!" Tug said, amazed. (laugh track)
"But then what was..." A confused Frank began.
"It must have been a red herring. The treasure is buried right here!" Toz screamed.
"Come on boys, let's go!" Tug screamed excitedly.
"Yea, we had been filming about 15 hours at that point and we only had 2 half hour breaks at that point so everyone was excited... to be done and just go home"
"You know, pirates never actually buried treasure!" Frank pointed out
"SHUT UP!" The others screamed (laugh track)
"Damn you, Robert Louis Stevenson; giving people those wrong ideas about pirates" Frank grumbled (laugh track)
"To be fair if people would look past the popular ideas and see the historical truth, its a way more interesting story to tell"
"STOP RUINING MY CHILDHOOD!!" cried Tug, hitting Frank over the head with an oar, knocking him out cold.
"Whoops..." *laugh track*
Before a sandbag randomly fell on his head and knocked him out cold too (laugh track)
"NO! I don't want a concussion!!" And D11 ran out of the area (laugh track)
"Guess it's up to me and the donkey to carry the rest of the episode" Toz observed (laugh track)
(End of dream sequence; camera cuts to Tug and Alberto)
"I actually don't remember why we did this; in retrospect I took a lot of blows to the head, didn't I? But yea, totally scrambled my memory, and we reshot this part"
But it was actually D-11 who was hit over the head with the oar as the donkey pinned the insane man...
"That's what he gets for putting words in my mouth... Anyway, Roger, your treasure that's not actually buried but is located in this cave, come to me!" shouted Tug as he and Alberto ran into the cave and found the chest...
"HEEHAW!" yelled Alberto
"You're right! That must be where it is!" replied Tug as he and Alberto opened the chest while the others came in, minus D-11 who was still imbedded into the ground... *laughtrack*
"So... what was in it?" asked Frank
"It's..."
"Yes"
It's..."
"IT'S..."
"YES?"
"A coupon to Chinjao's Wan Piece, a Chinese Restaurant who ran the Fool's Gold Roger Pirate Hunt Adventure Special Event... 20 years ago..." replied Tug, as the others just stared stone blank... *LAUGHTRACK*
"So... what to we do now?" asked Toz glumly
"Anyone for Chinese?"
*Scene changes to the Group plus Alberto, all now in pirate garments, eating bowls of noodles, with the cooks eyeing Alberto every so often... *laugh track*
"You honored folks, I never thought anyone would find that hidden giveaway, frankly, I forgot about it, but because of your efforts, I award you with free food from my restaurant chain for life!" said Mr. Chinjao as he was honestly surprised and celebrating our heroes' achievement
"Great... And I don't even like Chinese food..." mumbled Tug *laugh track*
"Now THIS part I remember. This is actually a real restaurant we used as part of a larger initiative from the network to promote local businesses. Good stuff too- even with the pandemic they still had plenty of customers. Between you and me though- their dumplings were a bit flavorless, but those eggrolls, man, they were awesome"
"HEEHAW!"
"You said it best buddy..."
*ROLL CREDITS*
*AFTER CREDITS ARE OVER*
TUG: And that's how we became kings of the wanton! *laugh track, applause*
"The episode was a perfect fit for Tug since it played on both his love of pirates and of his favorite anime. My only real regret with this one is that we could've been a bit more coherent and honestly- we didn't need Aunt Angie and Riley, they didn't even have a real subplot, it was almost like a Tom and Jerry cartoon was interspliced with a Pirate adventure. At any rate, hope to see you all soon, cause next time we're talking about the Christmas special!"
|
|
|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 24, 2022 19:15:06 GMT -5
Cut to: Frank is sitting on a couch in a living room
"Hi everybody! It's Frank from the 3WSR Show! So this episode was really special for us because we did actually get to shoot some parts of this episode in Germany. Regretfully it also lead to an argument that drove a wedge between us for a good long while, but I'll get to that later. Anyway, let's check out the Christmas special!"
*Title sequence: Frank reacts to: Episode 11- The Christmas Special*
Snow is falling outside the apartment building where the five friends live. They are seen decorating the apartment for Christmas.
"Man, I sure do love this time of the year; with our families living so far away, it's a shame we couldn't make it to go see them" Tug explained as he hanged some Garland.
"Yea; with Aunt Angie off to visit her sister in Pennsyltucky, it's just going to be the five of us" D11 pointed out as he hanged some ornaments.
"What about your Uncle Mark Frank; he lives in the building too" Toz asked as he hanged some Christmas pictures on the walls.
"He's Jewish; he Celebrates Hanukkah" Frank explained as he baked some Christmas cookies.
"It sure was nice of Alberto to volunteer at the local Church for the Nativity scene" Tug said as he was untangling the Christmas lights.
"So right off the bat you'll notice we wrote Aunt Angie out of the episode. That was entirely intentional; her actress actually had a fall and was in a lot of pain, so we wrote her out of the show until she felt up to doing the part again. So sad too, she was so sweet behind the scenes"
(CUT TO: A life size Nativity scene outside a church; Alberto stands alongside a fake Camel and Ox)
[So, you volunteered for this to?] Alberto asked. (laugh track)
(CUT TO: Fade to black, title sequence. The five friends are wearing festive Christmas sweaters)
We wish you a merry Christmas
We Wish you a Merry Christmas
We Wish you a Merry Christmas
From us at 3WSR!
("The 3WSR Christmas Special" logo appears)
"Wait, that's our holiday theme song?" Frank asked.
"I only had five minutes!" D11 shot back (laugh track)
"Yea, we kept it simple, sue us. We really didn't want to do anything to crazy since it wasn't the main focus of the show"
(Fade to black; Shows Aunt Angie in an airplane on a phone)
"Yes, we just landed at the airport, all is well; see you in three weeks" she said
(CUT TO: Apartment, D11 on the phone)
"All right, understood. Goodbye Aunt Angie" D11 said as he hung up.
"Once she was over her initial pain, we filmed a brief scene where she got to sit down for the take, made it a lot easier for her. But you can tell from her face she's not in the best shape"
"Hey guys, I'm putting the trains up. Who do you want, Timmy the Tiny Engine with his coaches Andy and Clarence, or Gaston and the express coaches?" Frank asked (laugh track)
"No, do Jimmy and the red coaches" Toz said (laugh track)
"Yes, this is a Thomas reference; one of the more direct ones"
Just then the telephone rang. Diesel 11 went and picked it up.
"Hello? ... Oh, I see... Right, I understand." He hung up the phone. "Hey guys... who wants to celebrate a German Christmas this year?"
"Oh great, now what?" Said Toz.
"Well, that depends, what do we have to do?" Frank asked
"Well my grandmother twisted her leg, so I need to go to Germany to help her and stuff like that. You guys can go to exploring and stuff, and we can celebrate a good old Frieberger Christmas together."
"Why not?" said Frank. "It'll be interesting."
"Ooh, maybe we can watch some German dubbed anime," said Tug to Alberto.
"Eh, alright," said Toz, "we're not doing much here anyway."
"Nope, I'm staying here," said TGC. "Any time without Diesel 11 is time well spent!" *laugh track*
"Wait a minute! Alberto is at the church! Who is that?" A confused Frank asked.
(A mule is seen running out of the apartment, laugh track)
"A mix up behind the scenes meant that we had a mule we needed to shoot a scene with, so we got it out of the way pretty early on. If you ask me, it worked"
Just then, Frank thought it over "wait a minute- so we just spent all this time decorating the apartment for nothing?" He asked, hurt.
"Ah well," said Diesel 11, "we should have known, considering our previous Christmases..."
FLASHBACK SEQUENCE NOW COMMENCES *laugh track*
(D11 is seen running outside the apartment building on fire)
"Help! Help! Help!" D-11 screamed.
"This why no one roasts chestnuts over an open fire anymore!!" Frank screamed, running behind him with a bucket of water
(Scene change)
"Mmmph!!! Mmmph!!! Mmmph!!" (Tug is shown wrapped in lights like a mummy, laugh track)
(Scene change)
"I'm telling you it's oh tannenbaum!"
"And I'm telling you it's oh Christmas tree!"
"Tannenbaum!"
"Christmas tree!" (TGC and Toz start fighting, laugh track)
(End flashback)
"And that was just last year" Frank pointed out (laugh track)
"Don't worry, Eyes was in no real danger; she was only on fire for 45 seconds. Was it voluntary. Yeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhh..."
"So TGC is out; how about the rest of you?" D11 asked.
"Ok, let me just... No wait, can't. My passport expired last week" Frank said, looking at his.
"Mine's full of bullet holes from my last trip to Mexico" Tug said, holding his
"And I never got one" Toz shrugged.
"Are you telling me I gotta go alone?!" D11 said, shocked.
"Depending on what the plot calls for, maybe" Frank explained (laugh track)
"So you guys want to go, but can't go, is what you are telling me" D11 said.
"Pretty much" everyone but TGC said together
"So there was actually supposed to be a whole plot at this point involving solving the issue... but Eyes decided to reference her role on another series instead in a total deus ex machina"
"Okay, well I know some people in the government, I think I work things out f-"
"Wait, you know people in the government?" said a skeptical TGC.
"I'm a trillionaire and the richest man in the world... ever wondered why the media seems to love the Arnold Grumph guy? Here's the culprit."
"That joke did NOT age well, much to our chagrin"
*Stares from the others, laugh track from the audience, some for the political reference and others from the 3WSR Easter egg*
"What? You're an out of work guitarist!" Frank pointed out (laugh track)
"I think he's got the story universes mixed up" Toz added (laugh track)
"No, it's one of his pointless plot twists, this time it turns out that he's been a trillionaire or whatever and he just hangs out with us for a reason as of yet unknown," said Tug. "You dick." *laugh track*
"Don't be ridiculous; if he were a multi-trillionaire he has no reason to live with four friends in an apartment" Frank pointed out (laugh track)
"Since that wasn't what was in the script, I had to point out the obvious in order to save the suspense of disbelief"
"All right! All right! I confess, it's not my money, it's my parents' money. They gave me two million to make my own way in the world and the rest is tied up until I prove myself" D11 confessed.
"Well at least that's reasonable" Tug pointed out.
"But what does that have to do with the government?" Frank asked
"See, I used my small loan of two million dollars" *laugh track* "to buy over the media and some politicians, and in doing so, along with speculating in stocks I've ended up a trillionaire."
"Something still doesn't add up here but what the hell, at least we don't have to pay for our plane ticket thanks to Mr. Big here," said Toz. *laugh track*
"So you bought corporations worth hundreds of millions for two million..." Frank began
"Honestly I say we put this aside and just focus on the Christmas episode" Toz said (laugh track)
"We basically gave up at that point and just accepted what happened and moved on"
"Well then what are we waiting for, let's get packing!" D-11 declared.
(Montage of the four of them packing clothes and getting ready)
*Montage of them messing up badly* *laugh track*
"Well now that that's over," began Diesel 11, surveying the damage. *laugh track*
"Well come on guys lets go go go!" D11 began as they began leaving.
(Montage of the four of them, each carrying three or four suitcases, going down the stairs; only to tumble and fall in an avalanche, laugh track)
"The sad part is we did this fall with the suitcases 23 times because the first 22 times the director was not "satisfied" with the take. Ugh, what was he even looking for?!"
"Isn't this a lot for three days?" A confused Frank asked (laugh track)
"I stuffed TGC into this suitcase, my extensive stuffed animal collection in here, my violin in here, and in here some bottled water just in case the German tap water is bad." Toz explained. *laugh track*
"You did bring a change of clothes, right?" Frank asked.
"I knew I was forgetting something!" *laugh track*
So Toz ran up, left his stuffed animal collection behind and Brought enough clothes for the trip.
The cab came, and they basically had a puzzle to solve.
"Ok, now if we put this here and that there..."
"Even German bottled water is sh*t," said Diesel 11. *laugh track*
"Focus!" Frank shouted. And so, after a lot of arranging...
"Eyes actually missed a cue and said her line at the wrong moment, hence why that conversation comes across as incoherent"
"Got it" Frank said as he sat down.
"Why am I upside down?" Toz asked (laugh track)
"Why am I on the roof?" D11 asked (laugh track)
"Get me out!!" TGC yelled from that suitcase (laugh track)
"Cut!" yelled the Director as he broke the Fourth Wall and came onto the set.
"What?" asked Diesel 11.
"Okay, there's a few things we need to set straight here..."
"And that is?" A confused Frank asked
"Well just for starters, TGC either needs to get out of the bag, or we need to call in some paramedics." *laugh track*
"Okay, and...?"
"You're only going for THREE DAYS, you don't need that much stuff" he said.
(CUT TO: TGC runs frantically away as the others sit in car with stuff in trunk)
"Ok, carry on" the director said
"Honestly the director was jealous of all the times the producer interrupted the show so he did this so he could have his chance to shine in the episode; in fact you'll see him again later"
The taxi comes to the airport and the friends checked in their bags and showed the tickets. The lady behind the desk looked at D11, then looked at a poster, she was horrified.
"Oh no! It's you! Security!" She screamed.
(11 TSA agents tackle D11)
"What the ****?!" D11 screamed.
"Darren Issac Elias Samuel Elliot Listmann the 11th, you are under arrest!" The lead said.
"Who?!" A confused D11 screamed.
(Cut to: shows wanted poster, picture looks eerily identical to D11, except for a beard/mustache combo. Laugh track)
"You've got the wrong guy!!" Tug screamed.
"Good thing TGC isn't here, he'd be laughing hysterically now" Frank pointed out.
"This was a reference to yet another role Eyes did fairly early on in her career. It was something about engineering if memory serves right. As for the TGC bit- Eyes and TGC were having something of a dispute at this time so I tried to make a subtle jab at their spat. I don't think this made things any better between them though"
Finally things were cleared up and they passed through the airport well. Then came security.
"Oh god, this'll take forever," Toz bemoaned. "Who even brings a bomb to an airport in this day and age anyway?"
Security suddenly appeared next to Toz. "Excuse me sir, would you step over here for a moment...?"
"...crap." *laugh track*
And so, after a quick scene change in order to save money since they could not afford a full airport set, the four friends are now sitting outside the gate.
"Man that was a close call" Tug noted. (Laugh track)
"Now we wait" D11 noted.
"Your attention please" the announcement began "due to inclement weather, Flight 6354 to Germany has been cancelled" it said.
"WHAT?!" The four friends screamed
(Laugh track, fade to black, commercial break)
*Commercial end*
"There was supposed to be a whole "stranded in the airport" sequence, but we ran out of money and couldn't build the whole set. Which is unfortunate because that "Invasion of the Mannequins" dream Toz was supposed to have was actually going to be a pretty awesome scene with a dash of satire"
"Darn," said Frank.
"Crap," said Tug.
"Sh*t," said Toz.
"F**king c***s," said Diesel 11. *laugh track*
"Whoops, sorry I misspoke," said the announcer. "I meant to say Flight 6355 to Germany is cancelled. Flight 6354 is still on."
"Oh," said Frank.
"Ah," said Toz.
"Phew," said Tug.
"F**king c***s," said Diesel 11. *laugh track*
"Wait, that doesn't make any sense; if they are both going to Germany how can one be cancelled and the other not?" Frank pointed out.
"And why do you keep saying "freaking crops?" Toz asked (laugh track)
"Do I really have to spell "F*cking c*nts" out for you? Use your ears, you f*cking c*nt!" *laugh track*
"That anger you see on my face was real; by now I was getting really frustrated with the swearing and I almost had a meltdown on set. For God's sake we were better than that, we didn't need to resort to swearing to get laughs!"
"Okay, geez, I'm sorry!" Toz then whispered to Tug, "Do not mess with Diesel today, he is in a bad mood!" *laugh track* #Cars2Reference
"PG man, PG!" Frank said.
Then came the boarding call.
"Well, let's go" D11 said as they stood up
(CUT TO: plane interior, the friends are in economy class seating)
"Multi-trillionaire my butt; if he's so rich why couldn't we get first class?" Tug grumbled (laugh track)
"You heard him, it's his parents money" Frank pointed out.
"I already explained about that, but yes I did order first class... for myself! HA YOU POOR SUCKERS I'LL SEE YOUR ASSES LATER!!"
"Well damn," said Toz.
Diesel 11 moved forward but was stopped by the flight attendant.
"Sorry sir, you can't come in here," said she.
...long story short Diesel 11 ends up with le vol de luxe while the other are cramped in economy.
"That bastard," said Tug. *laugh track*
"Wait," said Frank, "where's Alberto?"
"He insisted on staying behind to volunteer at the Church" Tug explained.
"Oh" Frank replied.
Meanwhile in first class, karma came back to haunt D11
Economy was lightly booked. So Frank Toz and Tug actually had a nice amount of room.
In the fully booked first class, D11 found himself in close proximity to three loud, crying babies, seating in front of out of tune singers who kept singing Christmas carols and the person sitting next to him was some old lady who would not stop talking to him about her grandkids.
Luckily Die Hard was on the screens so the gunshots drowned out the noise. CUZ F**K KARMA AMIRIGHT?? *laugh track*
"As a matter of fact, no. And soon, D11 became filled with regret..." The narrator said.
D11 ran back to economy "I'm so sorry my friends! I shouldn't have treated you like that!" He said. And the four friends enjoyed their flight together.
When they landed in Germany and disembarked hours later...
They were all wishing Diesel 11 had stayed in first class. *laugh track*
"There was actually a whole sequence scripted involving us cheering up the children on the flight to begin kindling our Christmas spirit, but that didn't work out because this plane set was actually a rented set and we only had it for 2 hours. Given how hard kids are to work with, we ended up scrapping that sequence too"
"Ok, what do we do first?" Frank asked
"You go sightseeing while I visit my grandma."
"Okay,"
(CUT TO: montage of them seeing various sights around Germany; Frank, Tug and Toz "oh" and "ah" in front of a green screen as they "see" the Brandenburg Gates, Cologne Cathedral and Neuschwanstein Castle)
"This was green screened because we actually couldn't get permission to film live at those locations. A lot of the other Germany shots we filmed on location though thanks to Eyes' connections"
Just then, the director crashed the set, looking rather furious.
"No! No! Cut! Cut!" He screamed as the green screen reappeared.
"What's wrong Dennis?" Tug asked
"This is all wrong, what the heck is going on? This is supposed to be the CHRISTMAS special, but this is turning into some generic main cast vacation episode! I mean seriously, you haven't done anything that looked remotely Christmas-like since the apartment!" He fumed.
"Well, D11 suggested the idea and we're only following the script..." Toz began
"Well it's not working. Scrap this plot, we're going back to the apartment, just write this off as a dream or something, this is a CHRISTMAS special people!!" He screamed as he walked away.
"Now wait just a minute!" D11 said, walking up to Dennis.
"What do you want?" Dennis asked.
"Please don't scrap this; you see...""This is a different Christmas special to all the generic ones other sitcoms use."
"I still don't like this, we're doing something else."
"Stop!" Diesel 11 suddenly shouted. "Walk not past that door! I, Diesel 11, son of Diesel 10, challenge thee, Dennis, son of The Menace, to a duel, today at noon!"
*Audience gasps*
"It's 4:30 pm!" The director pointed out.
"Oh..." D-11 replied (laugh track)
"Reset!" The director shouted (end scene, fade to black)
......
The gang (minus D11) is in the apartment.
"And THAT is why we didn't accompany D11 to Germany" Frank explained to the others (laugh track)
"Ah well, his grandmother needs him, so he's where he needs to be" tug replied (audience awes)
"Dammit!" cried Diesel 11 as he grabbed the director, forced a gun into his hand and told him, "IT IS ON."
*Audience gasps again*
"Ok, fine, we'll go back! But for goodness sake don't forget about the Christmas part!" The director said
"We basically did this to acknowledge the fact that we were going in an unusual direction for a Christmas special but assured the audience "its ok, there will be a great payoff, just stay with us" ......
Back in Germany, Diesel 11 got sidetracked and went to a Scorpions concert.
Everyone: WAIT WHAT?!
"That's it, it's up to us!" Frank said as Toz Tug and he went somewhere that was actually relevant.
"Yea, another padding gag" .......
Going to a historical society, the three went and witnesses a recreation of one of the most incredible events in history- the Christmas truce of 1914.
"Amazing, isn't it? In Christmas 1914, in the early months of World War I, the British and German armies laid down their arms and celebrated Christmas together" Frank noted.
"Yea; a moment of true humanity in an era of utter darkness" tug added as they watched the recreation unfold before them.
Meanwhile, back in America, Riley was celebrating Christmas with her / his folks. Unfortunately they did not get along very well. Her / his parents thought if Riley as a "problem child", and Riley thought of them as two old stick in the muds that should keep up with the times better.
But we'll deal with that sub plot later, because there is more important things to do now-
D11 came to his grandmother's house...
...and met his grandpa outside.
"Na entlich!" he said. "Du hattest fruher kommen konnen."
"Mench, ich konte es nicht helfen."
"Na gud, in mit ihnen!"
"Großvater, gibt es Burger unter der Treppe?"
"Enkel, es gibt Ziegen in der Wäsche und das Waschbecken braucht einen Mantel"
"Braucht Großmutter etwas Käse für ihre Blumen?"
"Keine Zeit für das, erhalten die Decken, also können die Hunde zu Hause bleiben"
"Oh for heaven's sake please do this episode in English! We have no idea what you are saying!" Frank yelled off screen. (laugh track)
"Neither... do I..." a confused D11 replied. (laugh track)
"Genuine confusion from Eyes in that part; grammatically the lines were coherent but substance wise they made no logical sense so she was genuinely asking "wait, what am I saying?"
"I mean seriously, when did I call him "Großvater"?" *laugh track*
"Because that's the German word for grandfather!" Frank replied, holding a English-German dictionary.
"Yeah, but I call him 'Opi' and my grandmother 'Omi'!"
"...oh." *laugh track*
"Back to scene!" The director called out.
"Opi, how is Omi doing?" D11 asked
"It's only her foot."
"I know that, I mean how is she doing?"
"You mean the foot."
"Yes, the foot."
"When did the foot become a she then?"
"When did it?"
"That's what I'd like to know."
"Then let's figure it out."
"Right."
*laugh track*
"Yep, German humor at its finest"
"It's so upsetting; Christmas always was her favorite time of the year, then this happens" he said.
"I know... Wait, what was that about a goat?" D11 asked, confused (laugh track)
But now it's time to return to The Merry Not So Merry Xmas Adventures of Riley.
"Now listen dear," said Riley's mother, "about your gender..."
"We think it's time for you to stop being so ambiguous. You need to show the world who you really are in order to succeed" she said.
"I have a good job and friends! What more do you want from me?" Riley asked.
"Just tell everyone who you really are. After all, growing up you loved your GI Joes, your toy tools and hot wheels, you developed a wonderful baritone singing voice, and you went to Brennanville High school." His father told him.
"I knew it!" A random voice screamed.
"Is that typical?" Riley's father asked.
"Wait, what are you getting at?" Riley's mother said. "Riley always loved playing with her beloved Steffi dolls, loved dressing up and playing mom, but then she developed a gruff speaking voice, and went to the Agricola College, an all girls university."
"I knew it!" A random voice screamed.
"Is that typical?" Riley's mother asked.
"Make this about Christmas or I'm scrapping the subplot!" The director screamed.
"Uh...uh... I mean, remember when you were growing up? Your 4th Christmas, you were so thrilled when you got that hot wheels firehouse set. And then years later with your first GI Joe. And I'll never forget that one Christmas when you got so angry because Aunt Margaret sent you a My Little Pony, so you threw it across the room and broke a picture frame. And don't even get me started on when you destroyed that Bratz doll you once got." Riley's Dad replied.
"Better..." the director said to himself
"But I f**king hate Bratz, they're so stupid. No, Steffi is the way to go."
"And remember that time you got overalls? You poured gasoline on them and lit them on fire. The next year you got a dress and was so happy with it." Said her mom.
"And yet when you received panties for Christmas, you took scissors and cut them up! And then when you got boxers that year you could not thank me enough" said his Dad. "And remember when you refused to play those CDs your uncle sent" he added
"Well, yes of course. I HATE boy bands!" Riley said "they're all the same damn thing and sing the exact same kinds of songs!" Riley fumed
"Still, my idol will always be Kim Deal."
"Why, I remember your first Christmas. You looked so cute in your blue pajamas when you opened your first present" Riley's Dad said, looking at a picture on the wall
"But that was because you forced her into them. When we were shopping she picked out pink pajamas."
"Of course I also chose to play with hot wheels, GI joes and toy tools of my own free will so who cares?" Riley pointed out.
Since this was getting nowhere, back to the main plot.
"I honestly don't know why this scene was even filmed. I mean, I get what they were trying to do, but I could tell from Riley's face that they felt somewhat attacked in this scene. While I do admit i made some contributions to this scene... I think I ultimately hurt their feelings. When I find out who wrote this scene..."
......
"So what can I do to help?" D11 asked.
"Stay out of the way."
"Wait what?"
Meanwhile, the rest of the gang...Were inspired by watching The Christmas Truce recreation, and headed over to D11's grandparents house to help them celebrate it.
But because Germany is a Germanic nation, in keeping with the Christmas theme, suddenly there was a visitor.
Emerging from the chimney, it was a horned demon... The Krampus!
"I'm here for you D11... You've been a naughty boy!" He declared.
"No! No!" D11 screamed as the Krampus came ever closer.
"Wait what? That's not how I celebrate Christmas in Germany!" said Diesel 11.
"You don't?" said Frank.
"No! The Weihnachtsman (Santa) comes on Christmas Eve, and then we spend the 25th and the 26th with friends and family. At least that's what we do here in Saxony."
"Oh."
"What about me?! It took me five HOURS to get this make up and prosthetics on!" The Krampus actor fumed.
"We'll figure it out later; but for now, back on track" the director said.
"This was filmed with the intention of surprising Eyes but Eyes went in a completely different direction from what we expected. The Krampus actor was really pissed off because the time investment was five hours he wasn't getting back. But we all made up by the end so it worked out for everyone"
Back in the scene, the friends decided to help make the house more Christmasy
"So... Are Christmas trees also a thing in Germany?" Frank asked, not sure where to start
"Yes, they originated in Germany 'far as I know."
"Well, then what are we waiting for, let's get started!" Frank said, as he began reaching into hammerspace.
A few minutes later, Frank was surrounded by a bunch of Christmas stuff.
"Ok, got Ornaments, candy canes, tree lights, garland, a Christmas tree base, a star topper, a wreath... But where did I put that Christmas tree?" Frank asked, confused. (Laugh track)
"Just keep the Nativity set off screen though, apparently the network said its "not appropriate" anymore" Tug said with a shrug.
"I don't see the problem with it but whatever" Frank conceded, before just staring coldly at the network heads in the audience. (Laugh track)
"This was around the time it felt like society was "attacking Christmas" and everyone was all "happy Holidays" and all sorts of stuff... honestly, just say Merry Christmas if you want to, I'm not offended"
"Not appropriate? Hell, I'm an atheist and even I think something's wrong with that," said Toz. *laugh track*
And so, they started decorating the house to bring Christmas to life. While D11 called Aunt Angie to make sure she got to her Sister's house ok.
"Oh yes, the car ride was wonderful and it is great to see my sister again. I'll be back in three weeks. Merry Christmas"
"Merry Christmas; enjoy Pennsyltucky Aunt Angie" D11 said as he hung up.
"So is Aunt Angie and her sister on the same side of your family as your... Wait, are these you maternal or paternal grandparents?" A confused Frank asked.
"Mom's side."
"Aha."
"We basically ignored the episode 7 development about how Eyes' only relative was Aunt Angie"
"Now that that's cleared up... Anyone want to get some authentic German beer?" Tug asked (laugh track)
"I think even in Germany we're too young" Toz deadpanned (laugh track)
"You know, I could have sworn we were in Germany the whole time... I could see the Brandenburg Gate from my bedroom." Toz added, putting up a menorah behind the nativity scene *laugh track*
"Not the "what city do we live in" gag again!" Everyone moaned.
"True, it drove us crazy... but you can't deny those models looked incredible. We were actually accused at a couple times of filming at those locations without permits"
Meanwhile, back at the apartment, TGC was just sort of sitting there when the doorbell rang.
"Riley? What are you doing here?"
"Trying to get away from my family. They're arguing over my gender again."
"...wouldn't they be the most likely people to know?"
"They didn't get an X-ray before I was born, then the power went out so no one could see me, and the only person who ever changed my diapers was a mute nurse who died long ago. And that's assuming I'm not trans!"
"... are you?"
"Maybe."
"...why are you like this?"
"Why not?"
"That was probably Riley's revenge at the writer who wrote that earlier scene"
"Ok, let's keep score" Frank said in a cutaway, now in a referee outfit, standing in front of a chalkboard
"In support of the Riley is a boy argument, we have:
Sings with a baritone voice Went to Brennanville High School (All boy's school) Played with GI Joes, toy tools and hot wheels as a kid Hates Barbie, Bratz and My Little Pony Wears Boxers Is "completely flat and has no curves" Described himself as a drag queen once Hates boy bands
"And in support of the Riley is a girl argument we have:
Played with Steffi dolls and dressed up and played mommy as a kid Went to Agricola College, an all girls University Wore pink pajamas at one point Kim Deal is her idol Loved the dress she got for Christmas
"Yea... it looks like Riley is a boy is winning by a long shot" Frank said, tallying the score
"Except there are variations of boxers for girls, plenty of girls hate MLP, plenty of girls hate boy bands, etc." Toz popped in. "I think only Riley can definitively say."
"Hey, this is my cutaway!" Frank said.
"There's only one way to be sure. TGC, you must seduce Riley!" D11 said, wandering into the cutaway.
"Wait, what?" TGC asked, also wandering in.
"You know what, if you're going to take over my cutaway, I'll just leave." Frank snapped, throwing off his referee hat and stopping out.
"Hey, no one seduces my friends but me!" Toz yelled.
"Did someone say anime?"
"No, Tug." *laugh track*
*end cutaway
"So, I filmed this cutaway because I wanted to acknowledge to the audience that we did respect continuity and these weren't just a string of one-off gags. Good thing Toz "saved" the scene otherwise the fans would've probably become adamant Riley was male"
Soon the house was decorated for Christmas and everyone was feeling good about themselves.
"I sure hope that his grandparents will like it" Frank said. Just then, D11's grandfather came in and gasped, with a smile on his face
"Hindenburg Wiener schnitzel guten nacht Deutschland, Zeppelin Von Krieg panzer sauerkraut!" He said joyously.
"What did he say?" Frank asked, confused
"I mean I thought that first scene was gibberish, but this just took the cake"
(In the writing staff room)
"What the f*** is this nonsense?!" The lead writer asked
"None of us speak German sir! We...kinda improvised with German sounding words and hoped for the best..." One explained.
......
"I'd tea Maltese but it's pretty much gibberis," said Diesel 11.
"Yea, Eyes had about 4 German lagers by that take and wasn't in the best shape. We had to wait until next day to resume filming, as you can see by the change in the take"
"Ok, then let's celebrate Christmas! Anyone know the words to Stille Nacht?" Frank asked
"Nein" D11 replied (laugh track)
"And then we sang Silent Night in German; a really nice scene if I say so myself" (Not transplanting the lyrics for length)
"That was fun! Now let's sing oh Christmas Tree!" Toz said.
"I'm telling you it's Oh Tannenbaum!" Tug replied.
"Wait, I thought that argument was between Toz and TGC" Frank pointed out (laugh track)
"In hindsight I should've just stayed silent; I only ad-libbed to acknowledge continuity"
Omi was feeling much better with the Christmas celebration, and everyone was having a great time.
"David, you have outdone yourself thanks to your friends" Omi said
"Your parents would be so proud of you" Opi said
"Wait, D11's parents are alive here, right?" Toz whispered
"Well, he said back in episode seven he only had Aunt Angie but now I don't know anymore" Frank whispered (laugh track)
"Hey, I wasn't wrong"
Just then, from the chimney... The Krampus appeared!
"Ahhh!!!!" Everyone screamed.
"I said that's not how we celebrate Christmas here!" D11 fumed (laugh track)
"It took him five hours to get into makeup man, we gotta use it!" The director said off screen.
D11 grumbled before returning to the scene.
"I've come for you D11, you've been a very naughty boy!" The Krampus said, slowly approaching him
(Dramatic music, fade to black, commercial break)
*Frank's voice
"Oh come on!! Why do tv shows always put them in at the worst moments?!" (Laugh track)
"I improvised that line; always hated when TV shows cut to commercial at the worst possible moments. Truth be told early on I planned to make a sign and at various points straight up stand in front of the camera and say "put commercials here" because I just found the random cutting so annoying. Director wouldn't let me though, such a shame"
"Now, I have come for you!" The Krampus said as it began approaching D11... but everyone else stopped him.
"Get out of here!" The said (Slapstick fighting ensues, laugh track; ends with Krampus in trash can outside the house)
"I need a new agent" The Krampus actor said in his normal voice (laugh track)
"Don't worry, he was fine. In fact he has a starring role in another sitcom now"
Back inside, everything was wrapping up nicely when suddenly the door burst open.
"This is the Bundeskriminalamt!! Sean Tugston, you are under arrest!" They declared.
"Wait, that's your name?" A confused D11 asked.
"Says the guy who goes by a number!" Tug shot back (laugh track)
"Wait, the who?" Frank asked, confused.
"German Federal Investigation Bureau, German equivalent to FBI I think" D11 explained.
"Seriously, Sean Tugston? The writers couldn't be more creative?" Frank asked (laugh track)
"I'm promised one phone call!' shouted Tug as he was dragged offscreen until the next episode, to never reveal how he got out of Federal German Prison... *Laugh track*
"Felt really bad for Tug; this was the only time he did anything particularly meaningful in the episode and it was him getting arrested"
"Ahem..." coughed Frank as the Voice Over Narrator realized that was for hi... Oh right sorry! *laugh track*
Anyway, to wrap this all up, the guys had a wonderful Christmas. And a couple days later, they returned to America and their apartment to begin preparing for a most important event.
"Can you believe it guys, the first season finale!" Tug said, as he began putting on a tuxedo (laugh track)
"We've come so far! I can't believe we've made it to 12 episodes!" D-11 said as he was putting on a tuxedo
"Yea, in spite of your annoying aunt!" TGC said as he put on a tuxedo (laugh track)
"Just be glad that the season finale takes place during the three week period she's in Pennsyltucky, so she won't be around for the finale" Toz said, as he put on a tuxedo
"It's so exciting... I hear this one's going to be inspired by an episode of Friends!" Frank said, emerging in a Penguin costume (laugh track)
Everyone stared. "What? There was only enough room in the budget for four tuxedos" Frank pointed out (laugh track)
Just then, Riley came in, wearing a Tuxedo "Am I too late guys?" Riley asked.
"I knew it!" Frank screamed (laugh track)
"Yeah, I had to steal your tuxedo to get out of wearing the dress." Riley admitted. *laugh track*
"in retrospect I think Wardrobe was just having a laugh at my expense; me and Riley don't even have the same body type, why would they use "my" tuxedo? Yes- this whole part wasn't scripted, because we wanted to convey our real feeling here, so we just had general directions on what to do here"
"What happened to the dress?" asked Tug
"Where do you think it went?' replied Riley
Alberto soon walks in on the scene wearing the dress *laugh track*
"Yep, that was Marge in this shot too. Ace was just off screen, and recording his "lines" for use so no one would get suspicious"
"But I thought you were out of your drag queen phase?" Frank asked (Laugh track)
"Save it for the show Frank; we're not finding out Riley's gender today" Toz pointed out (laugh track)
"Hey, do you think we will finally find out what city we are in?" Tug asked.
"Please, PLEASE no more, next thing you know..." Frank looks out the window to see the Great Wall of China, the Empire State Building and the Hanging Gardens of Babylon "I give up" Frank said (Laugh track, applause)
"I won't lie- it was a really bittersweet feeling that day. We acknowledged that the end of season 1 was coming up, and soon we would be making the movie. But things didn't go as planned, and I'll explain what happened next time. Join me for the season finale next time; the last episode of The 3WSR Show"
|
|
|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 27, 2022 21:45:38 GMT -5
Cut to: Frank is sitting on a couch in a living room
"Hi everybody! It's Frank from the 3WSR Show! Well, its been a great journey, but now we've come to the end, and what a journey it was. This trip down memory lane has both made me feel good, and reopened a couple old wounds. But it truly has been a delight to look back on this show with the rest of you. I'd rather not end this commentary on a downer so I'm going to get the sad stuff out of the way at the beginning. You're all probably wondering what happened that caused us to "break up" and the 3WSR show to be cancelled. Well, it all started at the end of filming the Germany stuff. We had a week off so we decided to see stuff in Germany. Eyes took lead and insisted on showing us around Saxony, since he had family and connections here. However, Toz wanted to go to Bavaria and I wanted to go to Hamburg. I don't remember what Toz wanted, but I wanted to go to Hamburg because I saw this as my only chance to go see something that has been on my bucket list for over 10 years- this awesome place called Miniatur Wunderland. I mean, its said to be the world's largest model train layout, but its also so much more than that. I wanted to see it so badly and I insisted on going there. Eventually the producer just said we could all do what we wanted to do and we went our separate ways. I really enjoyed Miniatur Wunderland, but when we all got back... yea, it was clear that there was some anger stirring up among us at this point. Yea yea, its cliché, "we couldn't get each other to agree on doing something together" and all that... we held out through this episode, but the movie was the breaking point. We only filmed about 70 percent of the movie before we just straight up broke up. It's really sad, because I really enjoyed working with the four of them on this. I do sometimes wonder if it was worth it... but enough of this, let's get to it! That's right, lets go to the Season 1 finale!"
*Title sequence: Frank reacts to: Episode 12- The One That's Like a Friends Episode*
Toz, Frank, TGC, and Riley are sitting around in a coffee shop when Diesel and Tug run in.
"You'll never guess what just happened!" said Diesel 11. "Someone stole Tug's wallet!"
"This is why I have a purse," said Riley. *laugh track*
"Aw man, that sucks," said Frank. "Those tickets to the Mets game were in there."
"Well one good thing will come of this," said Tug.
"What's that?"
"Alberto and I are gonna find that creep and when we do..."
"Ima deck 'I'm!" said Alberto in donkey talk outside the coffee shop. *laugh track*
"So the funny part about this scene is that while I am a fairly laid-back Mets fan, Tug is actually a Yankees fan so he was somewhat bitter about this scene. Couple that with the Germany stuff and he was fuming, as were all of us to some extent."
(The six friends are standing around a fountain and sitting in a couch that randomly appeared)
"How'd that get here?" said Frank.
So no one told you that life would be this way...
"Wait what?"
"Sweet!" said TGC.
Your job's a joke, you're broke; your love life's DOA
It's like you're always stuck in second gear...
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year... but
I'll be there for you! (When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you!
"I prefer Bon Jovi's." ~Tug.
I'll be there for you...
"And were gonna be suuuuuueeeeeed!" said Frank before D11 pushed him in the fountain.
"So the theme music was added in post so I had no idea what was going on when we were filming this that day. The four of them and Riley were dancing and splashing in the fountain while Alberto was kinda swaying his head in the background. I was literally told to just stand close to the fountain and say "And we're gonna be sued" in a sing-songy kind of way, which I did... but no one told me about Eyes shoving me into the fountain. Have you ever had water go up your nose? Trust me, it's doesn't feel good"
(Cuts back to apartment; Frank is on the phone, looking very nervous)
"Yes, we do sincerely apologize. No, court wing be necessary. In all future reruns we'll just play the regular theme song, we promise" Frank explained. "Yes, yes, thank you for understanding, goodbye" and Frank hung up the phone.
"Why are we cursed with such a small budget?" Frank grumbled (laugh track)
"This was filmed to pad out the episode when we realized we were running a bit short. It worked though since it capped off the running gag throughout this season"
Then, the rest of the guys came in. "So, any luck finding the wallet?" Frank asked
"Nope, just 103 dollars and 32 cents worth of pennies in the air vent" Toz said "What?" Frank said. (laugh track) "The mice need money to buy food from the rat market!" TGC explained. ... Everyone stares at TGC "It's a pun." "I have never heard a pun so bad that I don't get it." Toz said (bigger laugh track)
"I never saw Friends so I was really out of it this scene trying to understand what was happening"
"Anyways, we need to sell some stuff, all in favor of selling Frank's PS4 and Diesel 11's metal albums that are so loud when he puts on headphones I can still hear them GOD DAMMIT" TGC said, raising his hand, a cabinet door flying open with another guy raising his hand out of it." (laugh track)
"Ok, first off, if we are gonna sell a console, maybe we should sell one of your famicoms that you never use, second, WHO THE HELL IS THAT?" Frank said
"That's just they guy in the cabinet, you see, when this place was being built a guy fell asleep in the cabinet and it was built around him and the company didn't want to tear the cabinets down so they just left him there, and now I feed him every day." TGC said. (Laugh track) "TGC, you've got it wrong, I am the cabinet, and the cabinet is me, we are one" The cabinet said. (Big laugh track)
"Don't know why that guy wasn't introduced until the last episode; in retrospect we could've done a lot of fun stuff if he was introduced earlier"
TGC's phone rings, TGC picks it up. "TGC the cheese god here. Oooh, I'll see you there sweety" (audience ooooooOOOOOOOOH), everyone stares.
"****, I don't have a recovery one liner" TGC said, running out the door. (Laugh track)
"In truth, TGC just forgot his line so he improvised the running away"
(Scene cuts to TGC talking to the X-list celebrity from the bottle episode, Dick Largoduro)
"Not sure why this six seconds of them chatting while music plays over them made the final cut; didn't add anything to the plot"
Meanwhile, Toz, having never seen Friends, was instead trying to definitively figure out where they lived.
"Remember that one episode where we got that letter from D11's folks? It had our address on it, so I need to hunt that letter down!"
And next to him was a confused Frank
"How have we gone a whole season and not known about they guy in the cabinet?" He pointed out (laugh track)
"And more importantly I was confused about why were doing this plot because I could've sworn earlier in the season we established our city as New Chicago, Oregon"
"Who cares, I'm going out on a date!" D-11 said as he went to get ready (laugh track)
"And I presume you are going to go meet Riley after going to search for that letter?" Frank asked.
"Why yes, how did you know?" Toz asked.
"Just a hunch" Frank replied (laugh track). "So wait... that leaves me and Tug?" Frank asked.
"I'm gonna go play on my PS4 before TGC sells it, I probably have a 1 day time limit on this thing" Frank said (Laugh Track)
"I only went along with it for this moment because I didn't feel like getting into an argument by outright contradicting TGC that day"
"And I still don't have my wallet, I oughta check with my boss, he probably has trackers on my wallet anyways, company policy" Tug said
"Where the hell do you work?" Frank said (Laugh track)
"Frank... I want to make an HMIYM reference but this is a friends episode so I will seem like an idiot Do I have an excusion on this one reference?" Tug whispered to Frank
"Eh sure"
"Ok, say that last thing again"
"Where the hell do you work?" Frank said.
"You're supposed to laugh again, start over." Tug said (Laugh track)
"Where the hell do you work?" Frank said. (Laugh track)
"Please." Tug said (Laugh track)
"Yea, this was just padding. We didn't think this was a particularly funny bit but we needed the extra time"
(Scene cuts to Toz at Riley's door)
"I don't know why I didn't think to get Riley to help in the first place" Toz said, knocking on the door. (camera pans into the window of Riley's bedroom, over to the bed, showing just Riley laying in bed at first, with it then panning further to TGC) (audience oooooOOOOOOOOOH!!!)
"I heard that, audience." Toz said. (laugh track) "What is going on?"
"The I heard that audience was a total ad-lib on Toz's part. I was kinda pissed because I was planning on doing a similar gag later on"
"Don't say a thing" Riley whispered. "Don't blink, blink and you're dead, they are fast, faster than you can imagine-" "shut up!" Riley Yell Whispered (whisper laugh track)
"Riley, I have the spare key, I'm giving you 10 seconds." Toz said
"Oh my god I have to get dressed" Riley whispered "What should I do?" "Hide!" "Yeno****!"
"I heard the beep, you're on 5"
"I actually wasn't in the studio that day so I don't know too much about what was going on with this scene"
(TGC runs into the big drawer in the TV stand)
"Ok, I'm dressed and hiding, you're hiding, and he is almost at one, we're good- wait, your clothes!" "Yeah I'm not wearing them, and it's going to be really bad if he decides to look in here" "No, they are on the floor, Toz is gonna notice!"
"Zero. Alright, what the hell is- dammit, the lock is stuck!"
"Throw the clothes behind the TV stand, this thing doesn't have a backboard!" TGC yell whispered.
(Riley throws the clothes)
"Got it!" Toz said, running up the stairs to Riley's room, and slamming the door open.
"What the hell are you doing here?!" Riley said.
"I was gonna get you to help me find a letter or something, but now I know you were having sex with someone!"
"No, I was-"
"It's Diesel 11, isn't it, he had a date today. Diesel 11, come out here right now or your metal albums will look like Frank's old N64 you threw out the window, and whatever the equivalent of the Super Mario 64 cartridge is, it wont survive!" (Laugh track)
"For the record- that was a fake prop N64 that was destroyed that day. Seriously, they don't make them anymore, why would we senselessly destroy them?"
(Nobody says anything for 3 seconds)
"This is gonna be so satisfying!" Toz said, walking out of the room and going back to the apartment.
"That was a near thing!" Riley said, Toz long gone "I've had worse." TGC said.
(Scene cuts to... Toz running through the streets of *town*, angry as ****.)
Riley stood, gathering themself. Ever since TGC had first approached them last episode, the two had carried out a secret affair. Why they were keeping it a secret was anyone's guess, TGC had insisted. Riley, for their part, while very very modest, had no problem with people knowing they were in a relationship with someone. Better than the constant gender questioning.
"Should we continue?" Riley asked nervously.
"First off, stop the inner monologue, everyone can hear it and it's super cliché." TGC said. *laugh track* "And better not, Toz might come back."
Riley nodded.
*****
D11 was crying in his martini over another date gone sour when Toz arrived, pissed as ****.
"In hindsight, I don't know why we made Eyes such a hopeless romantic with the constant dates; its such a cliched character trope it almost seems lazy to use these days"
"Alright Diesel, you have this coming!"
"Oh sh*t, that's not Lena's brother is it?" *laugh track*
"I thought you were dating Nessie?" said Frank off-screen.
"We're taking a break in our relationship."
"Oh." *laugh track*
*Scene cuts briefly to Frank
"For the record... I am NOT selling my PS4, and anyone caught messing with any of my things is going to have hell to pay" Frank pointed out (laugh track)
"It was clear that subplot wasn't going anywhere so I ended it before it was just forgotten"
*Back to the apartment with Toz and D11
"We're not in a bloody apartment!"
*Back to the bar with Toz and Diesel
After a good deal of clarification from the writing staff, we return to the apartment, where Toz and D-11 actually were. D-11's martini had come from the mini-bar they kept near the kitchen.
"I straight up don't know what was going on here; was this supposed to be funny?"
So anyway, now we return to the scene, where a depressed D-11 is crying over a martini in the living room, and Toz angrily confronts him, while Frank is off in his room
"YOU ****ING SLEPT WITH RILEY?!"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"DON'T PLAY LIKE THE DUMBASS YOU ARE, YOU WERE THERE AND NOW YOUR METAL **** IS GONNA BE LIKE THAT ****ING N64"
"And I thought Eyes swearing was bad; then Toz started and I began losing my mind over it; we don't need to swear for cheap laughs!"
Toz walks into Diesel 11's room and comes out with a box of metal albums, Toz digs through the box, finds one that looks kind of fancy and he thinks is kind of valuable, smashes it on the kitchen counter, and throws it across the room and out the window, then picks the box up, goes out onto the balcony, Diesel 11 yelling while all this is happening, and throws the whole box down the 7 floors.
"TOZ. HOW COULD I HAVE ****ED RILEY AND THEN COME HERE WITHOUT YOU NOTICING." Diesel 11 said
"Oh, good point." Toz said (Laugh track)
Just then the two realized they weren't in their apartment. An old man walked in in astonishment. "What are you doing here?" Then he saw the record. "YOU SMASHED MY BUDDY DEFRANCO RECORD! POLICE!!"
"Oh sh*t," said Toz.
"Continuity be damned, but it made for a good gag, I'll admit. That old man is Toz's uncle btw; he was in the studio that day and we decided to give him a walk on cameo as a birthday gift. Shockingly he was approached to be the spokesperson of a major brownie and cake mix brand after that appearance"
Meanwhile Frank walked into the living room of the apartment and was confused. "That's odd... I could've sworn I heard bickering and smashing vinyl" Frank said to himself (Laugh track)
In the apartment next door, the police were handcuffing the two friends. "That was my favorite album, so rare too!" said the man.
"Er... sorry?" *laugh track*
"I love clarinet music! It means so much to me, why I remember when I was a little boy growing up in this fine city of Greehawaden, it was all the rage." The old man began.
"No way... this city is called Greehawaden?!" Toz and D11 said in confusion (laugh track, applause)
"No it's not, this guy immigrated from Mexico ten years ago and had never been to this city before." One of the cops said.
"Well, so much for that." Frank said. *laugh track*
"In hindsight that would've made more sense if Toz or Eyes said it; but me saying it played into my fourth wall awareness so the gag did work"
So they carted them off to jail to await trail. Meanwhile, Riley and TGC were watching some movies. "It's so nice to finally get some time to spend with you; we never really got any extended interaction until today" TGC pointed out
"Yea, a quiet night with you, how can this be better" Riley said.
"But... Are you sure we're doing this right?" TGC asked.
"Of course... What do you think Natflex and Chill means?" Riley asked
(They are sitting next to each other on the couch; surrounded by plenty of ice cream, frozen yogurt and sorbet containers; laugh track)
"We're streaming online movies and eating cold foods, or "chilled" if you will" Riley pointed out.
"Best night ever!" TGC shouted (laugh track, applause)
......
"Well, I'm pretty sure that's what it means"
At jail, Toz and D11 were sitting in a cell. "Nobody knows the trouble I've been, nobody knows my sorrow..." They sang together.
Just then a policeman came in. "You've got someone who wants to see you," he said.
"I hope they come with bail money," said Diesel 11. Then Aunt Angie walked in. "Wait a minute- who are you? Aunt Angie is not supposed to come back from Pennsyltucky for another five days..." D11 said suspiciously
"Long story short, they kicked me out of the country. But anyways, I wanted to say HA YOU POOR SUCKERS!!" *laugh track*
Aunt Angie kept gloating at them until an officer came up to her.
"Angelina Donarillo?" The officer asked
"Yes?" She replied
"You're under arrest" he said.
"What?!" (Audience "ooohs")
"You have 17 outstanding warrants against you, you're going into solitary!" He said as he brought her to a solitary cell
(Sound of a heavy door closing)
"What did your aunt do?" A confused Toz asked
"No idea... But suddenly she's a lot more interesting" a shocked D11 replied (laugh track)
"Eyes was actually not let in on the twist with Aunt Angie so that's her genuine reaction in this part"
Meanwhile, Tug and Alberto were on an Exciting Adventure! But if I tell you what it is I'll have to kill you. *laugh track*
"Toz was trying to break into the radio commercial business at the time as a side hustle so this was her practicing her radio voice with the voice over narration in the transition"
Meanwhile, Frank had been playing Poker with Uncle Mark.
"Dang it, you beat me again" Frank said as he gave up some chips.
"Well, at least we're not playing with real money" Uncle Mark said as he took his chips.
"How is the air conditioner business going by the way?" Frank asked
"Slowing down now that it's colder, but the aluminum air conditioner covers are selling well" he replied.
"Say, it's dinner time; want to go out tonight?" Frank asked.
"Why not? I know a great buffet place you'll love." Uncle Mark said as they went to leave.
"Sweet; I love it when you show me a new restaurant Uncle Mark" Frank said as they went to leave.
"It was coming up on a year since my Uncle Mark had passed so this was my tribute to him in the final episode"
Meanwhile, back in jail, Aunt Angie, Diesel 11 and Toz stayed in jail for days and days and days and days and days. In the end they went insane but we'll get to that later, anyway, back to TGC and Riley, who were sick from the ice cream.
"I honestly don't know what the editor was thinking with these quick cutaways where nothing happened; it was unlike our previous episodes and it was something the fans complained at length about on social media"
"Oooh, I think I had too much there..."
"Yeahhhhh I'm gonna go home and see the destroyed metal albums, then drink, and then sleep." TGC said, getting up and slowly walking out the window. (Laugh Track)
"What the hell?!"
"I love being somewhere with only 2 floors!" TGC said, outside. (Bigger laugh track)
(Scene cuts to TGC arriving back at the apartment)
"Where have you been, TGC?" Frank said.
"YoufilthycasualrealgamersmodWiiUProControllerstouseonotherconsolesbecausePS4controllersare****nowwheresthebeerineedtogetdrunk" TGC muttered.
"What?"
"WHERE IS THE ****ING BEER" (Laugh track)
"It's in the fridge... So much for drinking responsibly." Frank said. (Laugh track)
"I actually couldn't make out what TGC was saying there so I just stuck with the script and hoped that things would stay coherent"
"If you ate as much ice cream as I did you wouldn't be drinking responsibly, oh wait, you are too ****ing normal to be considered human..." TGC said (laugh track)
"I just decided to stay silent since this was a sitcom, not a drama"
Meanwhile, Diesel 11 thought he heard a beer open.
"Oh god!!" *laugh track*
"Oh yeah, I forgot, you've been sober for a while, this can't be good," said Toz. *laugh track*
"I can't take it! I gotta get out of here!" D11 screamed as he started charging at the cell door repeatedly, trying to knock it down (laugh track)
"And what are you trying to accomplish there?" A confused Toz asked (laugh track)
"That's it Davis, show them what you are made of!" Aunt Angie screamed from Solitary. Though the door would not budge. (laugh track)
"Yea, I wasn't there that day either. Compared to other episodes I wasn't needed as much.
Meanwhile, Riley had gone to bed, when she opened her eyes and "AHH! WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" There stood Tug. Riley pulled the blanket over themself and reached for the pepper spray. "What are you doing in here?"
"Sh... I'm on a secret mission."
"If that secret mission involves trying to get a look at my genitals, you can give up right now."
"Um, well... it's the season finale, we need to reveal something, so I just figured..."
"Get out! I don't want you here!" Riley shrieked, getting Tug and Alberto in the face with the pepper spray.
"My beautiful face!" Tug yelled, collapsing.
Riley put on some sweatpants and a thick coat and dragged man and donkey back to their apartment. A tired Frank greeted them at the door.
"Hi, I brought this annoying wild ass of yours... and also Alberto." *laugh track*
"Tug was really pissed after this scene because what he got in the script and what actually happened were two different things. Supposedly the only reason the slapstick fight didn't happen was because the coordinator for the fight wasn't there that week so we ended up changing the scene"
"Why are you so tired?" Riley asked.
"Well..." (flashback to earlier)
Frank enters the police station. "Yea, it'll be just a moment Uncle Mark!" Frank yells towards the car. Then he walks up to the desk
(A few minutes later)
The cell door to Toz and a very tired D11 opens.
"Friend of yours came to bail you out; you got lucky you know"
They meet Frank on the way out. "How did you afford to pay our bail?" Toz asked.
"Remember my solar powered flashlight? It's a national sensation- I'm making 40 grand a week after taxes" Frank explained.
Toz and D11 are shocked by this revelation (Laugh track)
"What about me?" Aunt Angie called out.
"Sorry, no can do. No idea what the 17 warrants were for and Frankly I don't care!" Frank replied (laugh track)
So as Frank, Toz and D11 leave Aunt Angie behind, Toz and D11 went off to do whatever and Frank and Uncle Mark went to the buffet
(end flashback)
"But why are you tired?" Riley asked.
"I think there was tryptophan in the buffet food" Frank replied
"I fought to have this line changed because that's actually not how it works, but they didn't listen and I still ended up saying it"
Meanwhile, TGC had passed out on the kitchen table. Toz entered the apartment. All was still. Not a creature was stirring, not even a narwhal. Toz stared deeply at TGC. Something smelled familiar... then he realized... Riley's perfume...
--------
"Well you should go to sleep," said Riley.
"I think I will... and by the way, I think you should stop wearing that perfume, it really doesn't suit you" Frank replied.
"Yea, I know, but it was a gift from my mom and she'll be pissed if I don't use it. I mean what was she thinking? I hate perfume and make up and I don't need them" Riley replied.
"Wait... I knew it!!" Frank shouted, suddenly fully awake.
"But then again, all the straight guys go crazy over it."
"Total ad-lib; Riley was just messing with me in that instance"
"I knew it!" cried Diesel 11 off screen. *laugh track*
(Scene cuts to Toz and TGC.)
"..............WHAT THE **** TGC!" Toz said (laugh track)
"ohhEYtozwhyyyyisntthemettledestroydiwaslooknforwrdtathat"
"IT ****ING WAS YOU YOU ARE ABOUT TO GET YOUR HEAD BASHED THROUGH A WINDOW"
"youtrynto****infitemem8il****ilfiteyou"
TGC walks into his room and comes out with a foam sword (Laugh track)
"Really glad I wasn't in these scenes; TGC's rapid gibberish was too much for me when I already was lost on the whole episode premise anyway"
Riley heard the fighting from the main room and ran to investigate. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's going on?"
"You know what's going on!" Toz yelled.
"Relax, relax, I'm sure there's a non-violent way to solve this." Riley said quickly.
"Like. What." Toz said through gritted teeth.
Riley thought fast, but not fast enough, and blurted out the first thing that came to their mind.
"Well, we could have a threesome."
"I was seething at this point because we were stooping to a level that I never wanted to go to. So that line you're about to see me say- that was me scene crashing because we didn't need to do "that kind of thing" for laughs, we're better than that!"
Toz and TGC stared at Riley with that universal WTF look.
"What."
"I don't think we're allowed to say that. We do air during primetime, you know." Frank said.
"Go away Frank, you're ruining the moment." Tug said.
"I'm here too!" D11 yelled.
"Yeah, you get to the bar and stuff."
"Oh right, I'm totally in need of a hangover." And Diesel 11 ran off. *laugh track* So D11 ran to the bar... where he met a cute girl and hate an impromptu date, but we're not interested in that.
Back at the apartment. "Well the three way is out of the question, so what do we do?" Riley asked.
"Not sure, I think I want to... hey, hold on" Toz said as he looked on a table. it was the envelope he was looking for.
"Wait, the letter from several weeks ago... which has our address. I CAN FINALLY REVEAL THE NAME OF THIS CITY!" He screamed joyously
(A heavenly light shines around Toz as the "Hallelujah chorus" begins playing)
"And now, the moment we've all been waiting for!" Toz screamed joyously.
"Will this revelation also explain why we're seeing monuments from all over the world and no longer exist in the same city because that's really been bothering me" Frank cut him off (laugh track)
"We live in... the Cincinnati Hall of Miniatures!"
"Wait, you mean..."
*camera zooms out to reveal that the city was just a large model railroad set* *gasps*
"This isn't actually the city we lived in; this was just a laugh and an excuse to show a "behind the scenes" shot of our model room. As you can see they did a great job cleaning up after the fire"
"What!?"
*Bang!*
"Okay, so Nessie and are a thing again."
"Diesel 11?" asked Frank as his friend staggered into the room.
"Yeah, I met her at the bar, we ended up having sex on the pool table, it's all good." *laugh track*
"Are those... sirens?" asked Toz. *laugh track*
"I'm going to bed, night!" *SLAM!*
"Could I borrow that?" Toz asked, grabbing the foam sword and charging into D11's room with a yell. *laugh track*
"Dude needs to chill out." Tug said.
Suddenly D11 and Toz were sword fighting! Kinda... well, toz was using a foam sword and D11 was using an unusually large carrot (laugh track)
"Where did you even get that?!" Frank asked, confused.
"Really glad the slapstick swordfight happened because at this point I was just lost since tow or three things were happening at the same time in this scene"
"Anyway, seems the role I had this week wasn't very much, come on Alberto, let's go to that high stakes Poker/Boxing/ and Limbo Contest with extra Conga Lines and Mini-bars we always g to off-screen..." said Tug
"HEEHAW!" replied the donkey as Tug pulled the reins of his animal companion off the set, probably for the rest of the episode...
"Its true, other than the Tug's secret mission thing he didn't do too many meaningful things in the episode so that was him bowing out before he got tied up in the sexual stuff"
Anyway, D11 and Toz continued their fight, until there was a dramatic moment... Toz pushed D11 out the window!
(Cut to: Dramatic "slow motion fall as Toz looks on in shock at what he has done and D11 looks in fear" moment)
Frank suddenly looks out the window "Good thing the landlord was holding the annual Trampoline, soft mattress and huge piles of hay convention today!" Frank said (laugh track)
(Cut to, D11 falls towards an area covered in trampolines, soft mattresses and giant bales of hay)
"Phew, it's not as bad as I thought" D11 said mid fall (laugh track)
Then he missed the trampoline, hit the ground and blacked out. *audience gasps*
"Threw me for a loop; I was told he was going to land on a mattress"
When he came to, he was in the hospital and his spine was broken in seven places. Then the police showed up to arrest him for public indecency and sex with a minor ("she said she looked young!").
"Now that TGC's getting developed, we need a new butt monkey." Frank explained.
"Apparently it was important that we had one"
"How about a butt taco?" asked Riley. They all looked at herm in bewilderment.
"What?"
"It's a web comic..."
"I don't get the reference to be honest"
As they all stood there outside D11's hospital room, suddenly a doctor came up to Riley. "Ah, Riley, good thing you happened to stop by today, I have the results of the bloodwork from your last check up" the doctor explained.
"And?" Riley asked.
"Well, in short... you have epididymitis and you unfortunately tested positive for Prostate cancer, you do carry the gene" the doctor said.
"Wait a minute, the only gender that can get those are... I knew it!" Frank exclaimed.
"...not only that, but ovarian cancer as well."
"Wait a minute, that makes you... I knew it!" said Diesel 11, who fell back again in pain. *laugh track*
"Well, better call my andrologist and my gynecologist." Riley said, walking off.
"TGC, GIVE US THE ANSWERS!" Tug yelled.
"I promised not to tell." TGC said.
"I could be trans!" Riley yelled back.
"Honestly we did this purely to give the audience one last WTF moment before the episode ended. The one means that was surefire to determine Riley's gender and we pulled out the rug from under them
"Sick bastard motherf***ing c***sucker c*** s***" *laugh track*
"Okay, that's enough D11," said Tug, "get some more morphine in your veins." *laugh track*
"Ugh, more swearing..."
"Hey, wait a second, we've fallen out of the seventh floor window before and we always walked away; why is this suddenly a problem now?" Frank asked (laugh track)
"Wait a minute... you're right! I've survived worse than this before! Hell I fell from the ROOF in the pilot!" D11 declared (laugh track) Just then, D11, stood up, smiled, and proceeded to do backflips, cartwheels, and all sorts of other crazy gymnastic moves. "It's a miracle! I'm not injured!" He said as he kept doing those amazing moves. (laugh track)
"That was Eyes' stunt double, Tyler. Hence why she still had the bandages around her head in this particular moment"
Then he twisted his ankle and fell into the arms of the policemen who arrested him.
"Right, let's go."
"Wait no no no!"
Meanwhile, in solitary, "Those stupid punks think they can leave me by myself," said Aunt Angie, fuming, "why I oughta..."
"Visitor for you," said the guard, and in walked D11.
"Davis?" Aunt Angie said.
"Don't call me that!" D11 fumed (laugh track(
"Have you come to bail me out?" Aunt Angie asked.
"No... you can't put a price on family, but I'm not paying a 10 million dollar bail" D11 replied (laugh track)
"You can't just leave me here!" Aunt Angie said.
"Sorry Aunt Angie, there's nothing I can do" D11 said as he was brought to a cell, when the lieutenant came up to him.
"Let him go boys; DA dropped the charges" he explained.
"WHAT?!" The officers and D11 gasped.
"What? it was the season finale, of course we weren't going to end on a cliffhanger; we had no way of knowing what would happen after the movie"
"Yea... turns out the female was lying about her age and she was older than she really was, and a bunch of other questionably legal nonsense that we're better off letting him go so we don't get a lawsuit" he explained. (laugh track)
D11 went to go before asking the question that was on everyone's minds "Aunt Angie... what are those warrants for?" D11 asked.
"6 for homicide, 3 for arson, 4 for burglary, 4 for car theft" the officer replied
(D11 leaves the station with his jaw dropped from the shock of the revelation)
"Hey, uh y'might wanna let that old lady out too, apparently she was framed and there's gonna be hell to pay if you don't let her go."
"Oh, uh, right away," said the guard, and he unlocked the door, letting Aunt Angie out.
Then as she left, he turned to the other man and found that there was no one else there!
"He he," said Aunt Angie to herself, "good thing I know ventriloquism!" *laugh track*
"Of course Aunt Angie would have "The last laugh" in the episode before the final bow"
But did she do it? Or didn't she? Her time in solitary had messed with her mind, and she had no idea anymore.
"And now to go... say... where do I live?" Aunt Angie asked herself, confused. (laugh track, applause, fade to black)
(Return to the apartment; the five main friends and Alberto are in the dining room having pizza)
"Man, it's been one hell of a ride, right guys?" Frank asked.
"You bet; next month it'll be 3 years of sharing an apartment" Tug added
"What do you think the next year is going to be like?" TGC asked.
"That was meant to be a means to drop foreshadowing for what was to come... but we ended up going in a slightly different direction"
"Who knows; but one thing's for sure- we'll face all our problems together and come out on top" D11 declared.
"And maybe We'll get some more prominent female characters on this show; whatever happened to that marine biologist anyway?" Frank asked (laugh track)
"Well... I have a date tonight, so maybe I'll get a girlfriend next season!" D11 said (laugh track)
"After all the failed dates?" Toz asked (laugh track)
"You can't stop me forever!" D11 said back.
"Heehaw!" Alberto said
"He's right you know" Tug said (laugh track)
"This wasn't really the "episode" at this point, so we still credit Aunt Angie with the last laugh of the episode"
(End scene, fade to black; now the camera is zoomed out to show the apartment set and studio audience. The audience is giving a standing ovation)
"Ladies and gentlemen, the cast of The 3WSR Show!" The announcer begins.
"Toz!" He shouts as Toz walks out on stage, just in front of the apartment set. He's wearing a tuxedo.
"D11!" He shouts as D11 walks out on stage, just in front of the apartment set. He's wearing a tuxedo.
"TGC!" He shouts as TGC walks out on stage, just in front of the apartment set. He's wearing a tuxedo.
"Tug!" He shouts as Tug walks out on stage, just in front of the apartment set. He's wearing a tuxedo.
"Frank!" He shouts as Frank walks out on stage, just in front of the apartment set. He's wearing a tuxedo.
"We found another tuxedo!" Frank declares as the audience cheers.
"This was a really bittersweet moment; I had no way of knowing this would be the last time we'd all be together like this"
"And now our supporting characters!" The Announcer says as the cheering and standing ovation continues.
"Alberto the donkey!" He shouts as Alberto walks out on stage with his animal trainer, wearing the dress from earlier.
"Riley!" He shouts as Riley walks out on stage, wearing a tuxedo.
"Uncle Mark!" He shouts as Uncle Mark comes out on stage, wearing a tuxedo.
"Mr. Waldren!" He shouts as Mr. Waldren comes out on stage, wearing a tuxedo.
"And Aunt Angie!" He shouts as Aunt Angie comes out on stage, wearing... well, something appropriate for her age.
The supporting character leave as the announcer proceeds
"Our Director, Dennis Bellman!" The announcer says as the spotlight briefly shines on the director
"Our Producer Ronald Dummis!" The announcer says as the spotlight briefly shines on the producer.
"The Cameramen, Jake, Jacob, Jarvis and James!" He says as the spotlight briefly shines on them.
"And everyone else, too camera shy to come out right now, we thank you too!" The announcer finishes up as the spotlights go back to the five friends. Then the music started as the five main characters stood there and waved to the crowd as the clapping and cheering continued.
"That was their genuine reactions here; we didn't anticipate such a standing ovation here"
They're five crazy guys Who have most unusual lives
But put them together and what have you got? 3WSR and here's the plot!
Five guys, who love burgers and fries
(Frank interjects; the audience says the line with him) "Seriously? I hate corporate sponsors...
Five friends whose adventures never seem to end!
For a good laugh don't look far, Welcome to the world of 3...W...S...RRRRRRRRR!!!"
(Frank says the last line with the help of the audience)
"Seriously? That's our theme song?" Frank said, before taking a couple whipped cream pies from TGC and Toz
"Where were you keeping those?" Frank said, confused (audience laughs)
"Aunt Angie may have had the last laugh of the episode, but I had the last laugh of Season 1, so I have that going for me. Fun fact- I didn't know I was getting pied but I seriously was more focused on figuring out where those pies came from"
"It's been a great season everyone! You've been an awesome audience, good night everyone! See you next season!" Tug says as the credits begin rolling, and the five main characters are joined by the supporting characters again.
(POST CREDITS SCENE)
Ronald Dummis is in his office when D11 pops in.
"Oh Mr. Dummis?" He began.
"Yes?" Ronald asked.
"You and I need to have a long, long chat about season 2's budget" D11 said as he sat down
(end episode)
"We actually were set to have a bigger episode during season 2. But of course the movie happened and, well, we broke up. I hope we reunite someday, because taken as a whole, this was so fun to work on. Did you know the sets still exist btw? Really popular for tours at the studio. Maybe one day. Well, this has been fun, but all good things must come to an end. Farewell everyone, it's been a pleasure to revisit the 3WSR show with all of you"
|
|
|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 27, 2022 22:55:51 GMT -5
Frank Reveals: Eyes' Bands
"Now, a lot of you were asking about the "7 bands that broke up in four years" reference to Eyes' music career. Well, it's true. Eyes' music career went all over the place back when she was still trying to figure out her work. Well, she's probably going to hate me for this, but for you, the fans, I'll tell you. Here is Eyes illustrious music career.
1) The Diesels
Lineup: Eyes on lead guitar and vocals, Henry Bocobsen on backup guitar, Tyler Bowler on electric bass, and Johnny Paxton on drums.
Genre: Heavy metal
This was Eyes' first band; they released an album during their run. Mostly covers, but they did 6 original songs. Ended up playing 22 concerts as well
Fate: Broke up after Three months when there was a creative dispute over what kind of metal they should specialize in
2) Seasons in the Abyss
Lineup: Eyes on lead guitar and vocals, Nolan Dale on backup guitar, Tyler Bowler on Electric bass, and Vernon Conrad on drums
Genre: Heavy metal
Tyler stood by Eyes and they made a new band just one week after the his last one. They had 2 original songs on their one album and did 10 concerts together
Fate: Threats of a lawsuit from Slayer caused the band to breakup after only 2 months
3) Infector
Lineup: Eyes on lead guitar and vocals, Howard Drilk on backup guitar, Tyler Bowler on Electric bass, Bill Salin on drums and Calvin Zilmer on Keyboard
Genre: Heavy metal
Eyes was determined to make her mark on heavy metal and once again had a band rounded up in a couple weeks. And they actually did pretty good, getting an album out with 8 original songs and doing 60 concerts
Fate: After 6 months did a name change to reflect the change in line up
4) Reinfector
Lineup: Eyes on lead guitar and vocals, Erica Willis on backup guitar, Tyler Bowler on Electric bass, Johnny Paxton on drums and Carrie Hilton on Keyboard
Genre: Heavy metal
Not a very creative name change, but they got another album out and did another 6 original songs as well and another 60 concerts
Fate: Broke up over a dispute with the record label over royalties from international sales
5) Mr. Jennings Super Wholesome Dixieland Jazz Yummy Yummy Fun Band
Lineup: Eyes on lead acoustic guitar, Simon Jones on banjo, Derrick Smith on upright bass, Casey Klein on Trumpet, Colin Roe on Trombone, Tom Dunder on clarinet and Kevin Clint on drums
Genre: Dixieland Jazz
Desperate for work and needing to make money, Eyes reluctantly joined this band to make ends meet and figure out his next move. She ended up contributing to three albums and ironically was with this band longer than the others.
Fate: Left after 10 months to go back to doing what she loved. Despite having made more money with this band than the others, she wasn't artistically satisfied and prefers not to think about when she was in this band
6) The Diseasels
Lineup: Eyes on lead guitar, Henry Bocobsen on backup guitar, Tyler Bowler on Electric bass, Bill Salin on drums, Carrie Hilton on Keyboard and Clavin Zilmer on Backup keyboard
Genre: heavy metal
Making a grand return to the heavy metal scene, Eyes decided to add a unique sound to her music with the use of 2 keyboards in her music. Although they mostly did covers, their different sound caught the attention of a lot in the community. Played 80 concerts and Eyes treated the album release as a "rebirth" of her career
Fate: After 8 months experienced a name change to reflect a new direction the band was going in.
7) Hangar 18
Lineup: Eyes on lead guitar, Henry Bocobsen on backup guitar, Tyler Bowler on Electric bass, Bill Salin on drums, Carrie Hilton on Keyboard and Clavin Zilmer on Backup keyboard
Genre: heavy metal
Retheming themselves to an "air force" gimmick, Hangar 18 marked their transition from covers to original songs. Their first album had 12 original songs on it, and Eyes was finally feeling like she was hitting her stride.
Fate: The band broke up after nine months over disagreements with creative directions, and this time there were some particularly damaging fractures in the relationships
8) The Cisgender Men
Lineup: Eyes on lead guitar and vocals, Toz on vocals
Genre: varied
Before joining the cast of the 3WSR show, Eyes met Toz and they bonded over the fact that neither of them could really hit their stride when it came to music. Came together to turn their frustration into art.
Fate: Stuck together until about 1 year after the sitcom had ended
9) The Eyes Have It
Lineup: Eyes on lead guitar and vocals, Erica Willis on backup guitar, Tyler Bowler on Electric bass, Sarah Jenson on drums, and Brian Regin on Keyboard
Genre: Heavy metal
Eyes' current band; currently on tour and experiencing a fair amount of success. Rumored to really be hoping this one doesn't break up any time soon
|
|
|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Nov 20, 2022 22:48:18 GMT -5
Cut to: Frank is sitting on a couch in a living room
"Hi everybody! It's Frank from the 3WSR Show! Surprised to still see me here? Well, honestly, so am I. I originally had no intention of doing Season 2 because it was just... awful. Curious about why it went straight to DVD? Well, tonight you're about to find out. You already know the reason why this season just fell apart; with our infighting and break up. Hell, some of the episodes weren't even finished. Well, I'm gonna do what I can to shed insight on what was going on here. So, without further ado, let's get through Season 2 of The 3WSR Show. But to make this more tolerable...
*Frank is seen reaching for a bottle of Grey Goose and a bottle of Tropicana*
"To be clear... I'm only having one screwdriver"
*Title sequence: Frank reacts to: The People vs. Angelina Donarillo*
Toz, Frank, Tug, TGC, Alberto and Riley are sitting on a couch in a studio. Frank addresses the audience.
"Hey guys, welcome to Season 2 of The 3WSR Show! This season we've got a lot of great stuff. But first off, we have some updates and other stuff to remind you what happened last season."
Toz continues. "So TGC and Riley are having an affair, and I'm pissed off at them and everyone else. Tug and Alberto are looking to get more screen time. Frank wants to know what city we live in. EVERYONE wants to know what gender Riley is. And Diesel 11... well he ended up changing his name between S1 and S2 to '1,000 Eyes'. Don't ask me why."
It's true; Eyes changed her name in between seasons. Apparently she was reinventing her image as a heavy metal musician at the time and wanted to distance herself from some of her more awkward and unrefined works. There were also rumors it had something to do with a trademark dispute but I can't confirm that. The city line was weird though; could've sworn by this point we had established the city was New Chicago, Oregon
Tug: "I'm just calling him MIs."
The fact it was pronounced "Miss" at the time is purely coincidental
Toz: "If you've noticed, he isn't here right now. Let's see what he's up to, shall we?"
A screen appears, and on it, a drunken Diesel 11 1,000 Eyes and a sexy drunken blonde are having sex.
Eyes: "Wow that was amazi-"
I fought tooth and nail to not have this bit in the episode. But for whatever reason they just had to go this route. Eyes told me in confidence a few years later that she regretted how this bit turned out
Frank: "Okay! Let's not go there!" *laugh track* "BTW, I actually made a slight mistake in the season finale, D- I mean Eyes has a girlfriend named Nessie, as I believe you've all just seen in the nude." *laugh track*
Toz: "The f**ker."
Riley: "Chill."
Surprisingly Nessie's actress wasn't that bad a person. Thing is, she was coming out of a rough patch in her career and still trying to figure out what worked and what didn't. She eventually moved onto better things; but she said she doesn't regret doing this show.
Just then Eyes bounds in. "Sorry I'm late. We've worked it out so that we have a bigger budget this season, so every episode has its own theme song!"
Frank: "Wait, what?"
Genuine reaction; wasn't told about that at all. Eyes had more creative control this season and wanted to experiment with this; we ended up not running with it long because it turned out the licensing rights were just not worth negotiating for every episode
Frank: "And we're not getting sued for that?"
Everyone But Frank: "So welcome to Season 2 of The 3WSR Show! Sit back, grab some vodka, and enjoy!"
TGC looks up from his Gameboy. "Sorry, did I miss something?" *laugh track*
TGC couldn't say his original lines with a straight face and we were tired of the retakes, so we reworked the scene so he just did this gag at the end
"But to make it absolutely clear, our iconic theme song will now be played over the credits, because we know how much you, the fans, still love it" Frank declared
(Thunderous applause from the audience)
"Now on with the show!" Toz said
Season 2: Episode 1- The people vs. Angelina Donarillo
Aunt Angie was just minding her own business when suddenly... her apartment was swarming with SWAT!
"Angelina Donarillo, you are under arrest!"
"What?! Why?" She said, shocked.
"Come on, did you honestly think everyone just forgot? You have 17 outstanding warrants against you! Also, an 18th for escaping from jail" the officer pointed out.
"All right, you can take me away, but not until I finish these meatballs" she said (laugh track)
We honestly didn't know how to start the next season; so the writers rewatched the last episode and looked for the best hook to use. Aunt Angie's shocking developments turned out to have the most potential so they ran with them
(Cut to- the five friends in the apartment; the phone rings)
"Hello? Yes, MIs lives here. Ok, I'll tell him" Frank said. "Hey D... uh, MIs, your aunt is intertwined in the American Legal System" Frank called out. (laugh track)
"Tell she's on her own!" MIs shot back (laugh track)
Aunt Angie told him he'd be her next victim if he didn't get his ass over there.
"Well damn. Alright, I'm coming, just give me an hour to work off this hangover."
"That's not gonna happen if you keep drinking that whiskey," said Frank. *laugh track*
"Point taken," said Eyes as he took another swig. *laugh track*
So there was actually confusion during the first draft of the episode over what Eyes and Aunt Angie's relationship was. The writers could've sworn that Eyes couldn't stand her so they wrote initially in such a way that Eyes was turning her back on Angie. But even Eyes felt the premise was too cruel, so the script was reworked to make it that Eyes was not as cold to her
Back at the Aunt Angie's, she had been taken to the police station, was processed, and now was in jail awaiting trial.
"When do I get my lawyer?" She asked.
"The office of the Public Defender will send you an attorney in due time; don't know how that'll help though, the case against you is rather solid" the officer informed as she was locked in the cell.
"I was framed! You can't..." Aunt Angie began
"Oh, shut up! We've heard it all before" the officer interjected (laugh track)
Meanwhile, Tug was at home alone when Riley knocked on the door. Their iconic hair, eerily similar to Toz's, was hidden under a wet towel, and their clothes were also soaked. So was the suitcase they had at their side.
"Um, my house kind of flooded. Can I stay here with you?"
"Sure, I guess, if you don't mind sleeping on the couch and little to no privacy."
"I'll manage." Riley said through gritted teeth.
"How did your house flood anyway?"
"Long story short, TGC is never using my shower, or anything else belonging to me, again."
The irony is it wasn't water that destroyed his apartment; it was fire. During the downtime between seasons another fire broke out in the studio; shocking it happened twice, I know. Anyway, we lost Riley's apartment and the coffee shop that was slated to appear; another set based on a bookstore suffered too much smoke damage and was deemed unusable. The workaround worked out pretty well though since it gave Riley's actor more screen time
Riley walked in and angrily yanked the towel off their head, revealing something surprising.
"You cut your hair! Now you look more masculine."
"Especially since you have a five o'clock shadow... I knew it!" Frank yelled.
"Look, I'm wet, my boobs hurt, and I've had a miserable day, so shut up." Riley snapped in a rare moment of anger, marching into the bathroom.
"Did he say boobs?"
"But the five o'clock shadow..."
That line is especially confusing when you consider the fact that previously it was established that Riley was "Completely flat and has no curves"
"Wait, Frank, the narrator said I was home alone..."
"Wait, we have a narrator?"
"Yeah, and it's a big name actor. The budget beef-up is working well."
Hey guys.
"Whoa!" *laugh track*
"Look, all five of us are home now, let's get that right. Except MIs is about to leave" Frank explained.
MIs emerged, wearing a suit. "Ok guys, going to see Aunt Angie in jail; not that there's anything I can do but whatever" he said as he went to leave.
"Good luck" Frank said as he went to read a book.
"You guys aren't coming with me?" MIs asked.
"No!" Everyone said at once. (laugh track)
It was better this way anyway; the interview room set was too small and the writers felt that having us all there would've made it too hard to write for everyone
"Fine" MIs sighed as he left and went down the stairs.
Eyes arrived at the jail and saw Aunt Angie.
"Wow, I didn't think I'd ever see you dressed up that nicely," she said.
"What can I say, madam," said MIs in a posh British accent.
She improvised that bit; the quick cut is because one of the new camera guys, Lawrence, started laughing hysterically at the sudden random gag and it thankfully saved the take
"So, the legal system will keep him busy for a while, you can take his room." Frank said.
"Well, Toz and TGC just climbed out of the window in shame, so that's also open." Tug said. *laugh track*
"I... I'll just take D11's room." Riley stuttered. They were very nervous around people they didn't know well, and they hadn't really interacted with Frank and Tug much.
That was a weird set up considering there were definitely a couple times where Riley, Toz and I had to carry an episode; hell, we did that 3 person bike scene together
"Did you have to say that out loud, narrator?"
I didn't say that, that was your internal monologue.
"This joke won't work verbally."
Cut it from the script.
"Hang on, this is a rough draft with writing on it? Where's the real script!?"
One of the interns was fired for this screw up; but test audiences loved the absurdity so it stayed
379,452 viewer faceplams later...
"Ah yes, here we are" and the scene proceeded.
"Not interact much? I see you all the time when I go see Mr. Waldren at Waldtech, and there were all those times when it was up to you, me and Toz and to salvage an episode!" Frank pointed out (laugh track)
Ad lib and genuine reaction for me, for the reasons I just explained
Suddenly an older man walked in.
"Oh, hello Jacob; what's up?" Frank asked.
"I'm here to remove this woman from the apartment. Your lease clearly stipulates that this is a five person apartment, and bringing her in here would violate the rules." Jacob informed.
"So?" Riley asked.
"Read my lips, I am the landlord, and I say YOU. CAN'T. LIVE. HERE." He fumed.
"So?" They said again.
"You leave now or I call the police" he said.
"Isn't this from season 1, episode 3?" Frank asked. "We had the exact same conversation about Aunt Angie. Same dialogue and everything!"
"Still. She has to go... that's a girl, right?"
"I don't think so..." *laugh track*
We didn't know what to do for this scene so we did this meta-gag to fill in the space. In hindsight, we should've given the writers more time to work on individual episodes
"And even if it was, what does that say about you? Huh? Are you sexist? Is that it? If you don't leave right now ima lawsuit your ass," said Toz.
"Uh, uh," the landlord stuttered.
"Look, I'll consider him a guest for the time being, but your lease quite clearly states this is a five person apartment, remember that" Jacob said as he went to leave.
"seriously, what's there to get all worked up about? I mean, it's just until your place is back in order, right?" Frank asked Riley
"'Course," said Toz bitterly, "you could just sleep in TGC's room, considering that the two of you are f***ing each other anyway." *laugh track*
"After he flooded my house and insulted my haircut? I'm not going to sleep in there." Riley snapped.
Toz suddenly beamed. "Excellent! I'm glad to hear it. You can have my room, I'll take the couch. Have you met our alien yet?" *laugh track*
I could've sworn the alien wasn't in the picture anymore; after all he hadn't been seen in half a season
The phone rang. Frank picked it up.
"THAT'S RIGHT!" cried 1,000 Eyes on the other end. "NO ONE SLEEPS IN MY ROOM BUT ME (and my girlfriend)!!" *laugh track*
"How in the name of all that is wonderful..." Frank started. *laugh track*
I really got confused there; not because of the gag, but because the script said something else was supposed to happen at this moment. Also there was a bit of overlap so we had to reorder some lines in post to make the scene flow better
"Well, doesn't matter; good luck with your Aunt MIs" Frank answered.
"Thanks" And MIs hung up (cut to- MIs and Aunt Angie are sitting at a table with the Public Defender)
"So do you think you can get Aunt Angie off the hook?" MIs asked
"I may have only passed the Bar Exam seven months ago, but I feel confident in my abilities" The Public defender assured. (laugh track)
MIs and Aunt Angie face palmed, then asked "Well what about the prosecutor?"
"Oh, he's been in the business 24 years and hasn't lost a single case, why?" The Public Defender asked.
"We're screwed" Aunt Angie replied (laugh track)
"No, YOU'RE screwed! I have no obligation to you!" MIs stated
"Sit down." Aunt Angie replied sternly
"Yes ma'am." MIs said
I think the writers were trying to make commentary on our legal system in this episode; but it was such a niche topic it didn't resonate with the audience
"Anyway..." the Public defender replied. "I think we may have a shot at sentence leniency, but that's about it" The Public defender said.
"So you're saying I'm going to prison either way?" Aunt Angie asked.
"Afraid so" The Public Defender replied.
(bum bum BUUUMMM!!!)
"But if we were able to figure out who framed me?" asked Aunt Angie.
"Hey yeah, didn't Tug and Frank open a detective agency once?" MIs pondered.
"Wrong story universe" Frank whispered off screen
"Oh, sorry" MIs replied back (laugh track)
Eyes got mixed up with another show that Tug and I did after season 1 but before we started filming the movie. It was a 16 episode "buddy" cop deal where we played private detectives who took on cases the police couldn't solve. We would've gone another season but after one of the supporting cast died of a heart attack and other was killed in a car crash, I didn't have the heart to continue working on it, so we walked after the season was over.
"So what can we do?" Aunt Angie asked.
"Guess the only thing we can do is try and figure out what really happened and set the record straight" The Public Defender said.
"Yea... right... what really happened" Aunt Angie said, laughing nervously.
MIs immediately saw this. "Aunt Angie, I swear if you actually committed any of these crimes I'm walking out that door right now" he said, even sterner than Aunt Angie had been previously
"For god's sake, Davis, if you dare walk out on your aunt...!!"
"Alright! Alright! I'll stay!" *laugh track*
"Well, what can we do then?" Aunt Angie asked.
"We'll try and build our own case, see what happened in them, and figure out a defense to each of them. If we can prove you had a solid alibi, you just may have a chance" the Public Defender said.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" MIs asked.
"Nothing I can think of" the Public Defender began.
"Goodbye" and MIs went to leave. (laugh track)
"I told my sister that that little sh*t she had wouldn't turn out to be anything else but a goddamn motherf**king prick," said Aunt Angie.
"Hey! My girlfriend is currently childless, thank you very much!" *laugh track*
Believe it or not, this scene was harder to shoot than you think. Angie's actress had never talked like that and she had trouble getting through this scene because she couldn't get the "energy" right for the scene. We finally nailed it on the 23rd take, and after that she was apologizing profusely to Eyes because of how rude she had been
(CUT TO: Days later, the trial)
The five friends are sitting in the courtroom, WAAAAAYYYY in the back.
"Shouldn't we be closer to the front?" Tug asked.
"Nah, don't worry about it, Aunt Angie doesn't care" Eyes replied (laugh track)
"Why are we even here anyway?" Toz asked.
"I don't trust the media so I want the facts first hand" Frank said.
I initially wanted to single out Fox News but the network didn't want to risk a slander suit so I was forced against my will to say the media as a whole
Aunt Angie was lead out in cuffs to the defense table, sitting with her public defender. The District attorney presenting the case sat down on the other table.
"I call as my first witness... עסן דרעק מאָטהערפוקקערס."
"Who the f**k?!" *laugh track*
"We're not up to that! The judge isn't even here" the public defender whispered.
"Oh... uh... I withdraw" Aunt Angie said.
"All rise for the honorable Judge Albert Thompson" the bailiff said. Everyone stood as the judge came out and took his seat.
"Angelina Donarillo, you have been charged with 17 counts, including various arson, murder, burglary and auto theft charges; how do you plead?" the judge asked.
"Guilty" she replied.
"WHAT?!" The five friends said in shock (laugh track)
"YEAH MOTHERF**KERS! GUILTY!!" And she pulled out a machine gun and began firing.
*laugh track and WHOA! from audience*
(dream swirl, cut to: Frank wakes up)
"h-huh?!" What happened?" He asked. (laugh track)
"Aunt Angie is about to plea" Eyes replied.
"Oh" Frank said.
"How do you plea?" the judge asked.
"Guilty" Aunt Angie replied.
"WHAT?!" The five friends gasped
"Pardon?" The judge asked.
"I plead guilty, because I did not do those crimes, I am innocent" Aunt Angie replied (laugh track)
I honestly don't have an explanation for this one; I think that dream sequence was only shot to pad the runtime
"But that's an illogical contradiction..."
"AND 3WSR HAS A BOARD TITLED THAT WHAT'S YOUR POINT??" *laugh track*
I'm just as confused as you are
The public defender whispered something into her ear.
"What? Oh, sorry, I meant NOT guilty" Aunt Angie corrected herself.
"Now that this is settled, let the prosecutor make his opening statements" The judge said.
The district attorney stood up, "Ladies and gentlemen, before stands a terrible human being who has committed numerous crimes. I plan to make an example out of her, and make her pay for what she has done. In addition..."
"It would complete my revenge..."
The district attorney removed his hat to reveal...
"Toz!?"
"No, I'm his brother, Tiberius O. Zeno! From the episode with the bands!"
"Wasn't that all just a dream, though?"
"Maybe, I dunno, but I'm a real person, and I'm here to destroy my brother's life by arresting this woman he cares about!"
"Dude, no one likes Aunt Angie."
To be clear, we loved the actress; she was as sweet as they come
"Oh." Zeno thought. "Lawsuit withdrawn, your honor."
"Acquitted on all charges!" Yelled the judge. *gavel* *laugh track*
Aunt Angie leaped out of the chair and shook the judge's hand. "Thank you, Your Honor!"
Then she turned around, found MIs, grabbed his ear and yelled something into it which he never heard because it instantly went deaf. *laugh track*
"So," said Toz elsewhere, "now what?"
The real district attorney came out and said "no, no, you're not getting off that easily; the charges stay your honor!" The district attorney called out.
"Oh, I uh...Ok" the judge said.
"Darn it!" Aunt Angie fumed.
So, we initially ended it there but it turned out the episode was running short and the ending as a whole felt really unsatisfying. So we ended up doing a lot more with the courtroom angle
And so, some time passed. The opening statements were made, and then the district attorney presented the first piece of evidence.
"... in this particular case with the Grand Theft auto charge, we happened to find surveillance video of the incident. And when we enhance, who do we see..."
In the screen shot in the car, was someone who looked like a younger Aunt Angie.
"I object! That is not me!" Aunt Angie screamed, looking nervous.
"You're right!" said a man. "It isn't you! I have the proof!"
So he showed the proof, Aunt Angie got acquitted, ~fin~. *laugh track*
I think we only did this gag to pad run time too; man, this episode's script was not really inspired, was it? Then again Derrick was dealing with crippling depression at the time so he wasn't at his best with this one, so I can't really fault him for what happened
"Out of order!" The judge fumed; striking that from the record (laugh track)
And the prosecutor went through each of the 17 cases, with murder, arson, burglary, and grand theft auto.
Eventually, Aunt Angie was put on the stand to answer for everything.
"Ma'am, is it true you did not like any of these people?"
"Well...yes" Aunt Angie said.
"And is it also true you wished they were dead?"
"Well...yes"
"And do you know that it was your wrench that was found at one of the crime scenes, covered in blood, and was eventually linked to all the murders?"
"I guess"
"And this crowbar of yours... linked to all the burglaries. Of the people you, again, did not like, correct?"
"well...yes"
"So then... how could you NOT have done it?" The attorney asked.
"I... was in Spokane Washington!" Aunt Angie said.
"You never went to Spokane!" Eyes called out
"Whose side are you on?!" Aunt Angie fumed (laugh track)
Honestly I was confused at this point; what side was Eyes on, really? Things kept going back and forth and I just couldn't figure out what side he was truly on
"The evidence against you is insurmountable. Plead guilty and you'll get a more lenient sentence." Aunt Angie's lawyer advised.
"Okay. I confess. I did all these things. Why? To make my boy Eyes happy. He is in love with a woman named Nessetarina who loves violence. I wanted to show him how to win her heart, but I needed practice first."
Mrs. Donnarillo, the court finds you... guilty on all charges!"
"Well good! I'm happy! I did murder those people, and you're next on my list!"
"Wait, wha-" but before he could finish his skull was smashed in with a hammer and Aunt Angie began slaughtering the court, crying out, "I AM NOT A HUMAN BEING, I AM A DERANGED PSYCHOPATH!!"
Aunt Angie shot out of bed. "Woah, what a crazy dream," she said. Then he turned over and fell back asleep... and woke up again in the court room.
Yet another padding gag; now you're probably wondering why the sudden change in direction, but I'll get to that shortly
"Ms. Donarillo, if you fall asleep one more time, I will hold you in contempt!" The judge warned.
"Well this whole thing is just going on and on, what do you expect? Why can't you be more like judge Judy?" Aunt Angie said (laugh track)
The case continued, she was on the stand.
"So... why did you do all these terrible things?" The attorney asked.
"But I didn't!" Aunt Angie said.
"There's no use denying it! The evidence against you is solid!" The district attorney pointed out.
"That still doesn't mean I did it!" Aunt Angie said (laugh track)
"IT DOES!" said the judge. "NOW SUCK IT UP AND-"
"Your honor..." *laugh track*
(The Judge Music video plays)
"Man I love out bigger budget!" Eyes declared. (laugh track)
God, what a mess. I think Guinness actually considered us for the world record for most padding gags in a single episode of a sitcom
And so, the attorney wrapped up his case.
"In short, Ms. Donarillo did not like these people; so she stole their cars, burglarized their houses, burned their houses, then killed them. The prosecution rests."
And so, the public defender went up to speak.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the evidence may be strong and undeniable, but consider this..." the public defender began.
everyone began listening.
The Public defender then began speaking "Four score and seven years ago..." (laugh track)
(CUT TO: Everyone in the gallery looked confused) (Laugh track)
"I mean, *clears throat* We, the United States of America... I mean, Thou shalt not have... I mean, oh say can you... aw, f*ck it!" *laugh track*
So, the truth of this scene is that Roland here completely improvised the moment. So after that initial confusion, around "thou shalt" everyone in the studio began cracking up and we all just lost it after the F bomb. It worked out good for him though; ended up getting a starring role in a sitcom about garbage men later that year
(CUT TO: a few days later; the jury is deliberating)
"Man, this has got to be one of the strangest trials I've ever been too" Eyes said.
"Yea... we kept falling asleep so many times I wasn't sure what was a dream and what was the trial" Frank said (laugh track)
Ah, lampshade hanging; basically a hobby at this point
"Well, it's almost over now" Tug assured.
"Does this trial feel like it was rushed?" TGC asked.
"Of course, it's a sitcom" Frank pointed out (laugh track)
The jury came out...
"We the jury find Angelina Donarillo... guilty of all charges, and recommend she be sentenced to life in prison" the lead said.
"NOOOO!!!!!" She said in a dramatic slow motion scream.
"Does the accused have anything left to say?" The judge asked.
"NOOOO!!!!!" Angie said (laugh track)
"So, you don't have anything to s-"
"NOOOO!!!!!"
"Oh, well then what is it you want to-"
"NOOOO!!!!" (laugh track)
"Hold on!" said the judge. "I'm still in charge here, and while I'm still in charge, I get to make the decisions. And I say, f*ck the jury, you're not guilty, I WANNA GO HOME AND HAVE SOME GIVE A GUY A F*CKING BREAK FOR CHRIST SAKE!"
So the friends and Aunt Angie found themselves outside.
"Wow..." said Toz.
"Is that even legal?" asked MIs.
"I doubt it," said Frank, "but I'll take anything to get out of there!" *laugh track*
(Cut to, the boys are back at home)
"I can't believe Aunt Angie was sent to prison so easily!" Frank said in shock (laugh track)
"I know! I still think the animal cage was a bit much though" Eyes said (laugh track)
"So... what happens to Aunt Angie now?" TGC asked
(The phone rings)
"Hello?" Eyes asked.
"Hello Davis"
"Aunt Angie?!" Eyes asked. (laugh track)
"Well, I do get a phone call, right? Well, I just wanted to let you know I'm having a wonderful time in prison; the dormitories are splendid!" Aunt Angie said.
"Wait, what?" Eyes asked, confused. "Aren't you in a big, bleak building with bars and cells?"
"Goodness no! It's like a home away from home here" Aunt Angie said.
Frank palmed his head. "Oh great, she's in Camp Cupcake!" (laugh track)
The punchline was lost on the audience because nobody got the reference
"Well," said MIs, "all's well that ends well."
"So," said Toz. "Now what?"
There was a moment of silence....
"Oh yeah, I have a date with Nessie!" said MIs. "Catch you guys around!"
"Oh for f*cks sake..." said Toz.
*laugh track; roll credits*
Credits are interrupted
"HOOOLLLLD IT! This episode is not nearly long enough! Let's explore a totally unrelated subplot to stretch it out. Say Tug, how is Alberto?" Frank asked.
We literally wrote this scene last minute; and get this, even with all the padding the episode was STILL 4 minutes short
(laugh track)
"Oh um... he's in the Poker World Championships right now..." replied Tug
"Wait... WHAT??!!!" shouted everyone else *laugh track*
Well if it's not long enough, might as well see what MIs and Nessie are-
Toz: NO. *laugh track*
So they settled on a typical Riley joke for the moment.
"Hey, has anyone seen my Lacoste polo shirts?" Riley asked.
"Wait a minute, they only make polo shirts for men... I KNEW IT!" Frank said. (laugh track)
I was groaning on the inside with this one; the gag had been played to death at this point and I genuinely felt there wasn't anymore to do with it.
"Alright, this is getting nowhere," said TGC, "just end the fricking episode."
*RESUME CREDITS*
Now to get to the answer: Why did we write out Aunt Angie here? Sadly, we learned just prior to filming that she had developed pancreatic cancer and she needed to focus on her treatment. So we gave her a send off so it wouldn't feel so awkward. It was unfortunate to see her go, but it was for the best. Thankfully she beat it and she still does small roles here and there. Well, I did it, I got through this episode... and (holds up cup) as you can see, I only did drink one screwdriver. Well, that's all for now everyone; lets hope next episode is palatable, at least
|
|
|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Nov 21, 2022 22:08:51 GMT -5
*Cut to: Frank is sitting on a couch in a living room*
"Hi everybody! It's Frank from the 3WSR Show! Well, I managed to get through the first episode of season 2, which brings us to the next one. I'll be honest here- this episode actually wasn't that bad, so I think I can get through this without a screwdriver. Still though, there's a reason this episode isn't considered that good either. Let's get started."
*Title sequence: Frank reacts to: Five Friends and One Crazy Afternoon*
Season 2, Episode 2: Five friends and One Crazy Afternoon
"It is often said that life has a way of throwing curveballs at you, and in this city... well, we learned to live with that because something weird happens every day" Frank said in a voice over.
We then see the five friends sitting at a table and laughing with each other. Eyes has a bucket stuck on his head and is missing his pants. Tug is bald and his shirt is ripped. Toz's hair is dyed green and he is covered in toilet paper. TGC is completely covered in red paint and his hair is standing up (i.e. static electricity). And Frank is covered in garbage and has a black eye.
"You're probably wondering how this happened? Well, it all started a few hours ago, it was a typical morning...
The writers decided to break out a type of plot that does tend to be used in other shows; where you start at the end and you show how we got to that moment. In hindsight it had potential; but I think we didn't flesh it out that well
(Cut to title sequence)
They're-
"Woah Frank, hold up, that's our ending theme now, this episode gets the following opening..."
(Slayer's Seasons In The Abyss plays)
"Yea... this isn't working out... after this we're going back to the original theme" Frank said
Eyes' creative control was still there; but truth be told it was the network who eventually decided against the whole changing theme songs thing. Too much of the budget was going to licensing and not enough to other aspects so they straight up told us to cut it out.
(Thunderous applause from audience)
(CUT TO: Apartment, dining room)
"Morning everyone" Eyes said as he sat at the table with Tug, Toz and TGC.
"Ok, who wants what?" Frank called out from the kitchen, preparing the griddle.
"Make this quick Frank! I'm visiting Aunt Angie in prison today and my bus leaves in two hours... on second thought take as long as you want" Eyes said (laugh track)
I think by this point we straightened out what Eyes' attitude towards Aunt Angie; but it took a couple takes to get this scene right. We had gotten news that morning that Angie's actress wasn't responding to the chemo at first and it was affecting all of us. We were able to pull through though.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Tug answered it.
A lady donkey stood there. "Hee-haw!"
"Alberto's here, yes. I'll go get him."
Tug brought Alberto in, and the other Donkey promptly kicked him in the face and stormed out in a huff after yelling something about "child support".
This was an Easter egg for the die hard fans; it is the only time Alberto and Marge appeared on screen together in the show. But since this episode was straight to DVD it never got the audience it should have
"What was that!?" Tug asked.
"Heehaw!" Alberto screamed
"What do you mean you made a mistake after drinking too much?!" Tug screamed (laugh track)
Fun fact: we were going to have an episode later on about Alberto's "past life" but for obvious reasons they never materialized
Some time later, everyone was out the door.
"Well, I'd better get to the bus stop; hopefully the bus already left" Eyes said (laugh track)
"And I'm off to the barber shop; I'm thinking about getting highlights for my hair" Toz said
"Me too, I could use a trim" Tug said.
"And I'm off to start my new job... I'm a house painter!" TGC said as he left
"And I'm off too... oh, no one cares' Frank sighed as he locked the door and left (laugh track)
My plot wasn't going to be that interesting anyway; and due to the way things developed it turned out to not be a problem anyway
Eyes arrived at the bus stop. Luckily for him, it had already left.
"Yay!" he said. "Now I can sit here and b*tch about buses leaving and stuff! And I can't believe I won't be visiting Aunt Angie in prison today" he said, failing at faking sadness (laugh track)
Just then, around that time, a janitor was carrying a bucket full of water, when he slipped.
"Gah! Look out!" He called as the bucket flew through the air.
Fortunately all the water fell out... but as for the bucket itself, it landed right on Eye's head.
Took about 8 takes to get this scene right; first few times things looked too fake and another time that guy in the back missed his cue and the bucket didn't go where it was supposed to go. When you see Eyes have bruises on his forehead in a couple later episodes, now you know where they are from
"Gah! Hey, who turned out the lights?! Get this thing off me!" He called out, but the bucket would not budge (laugh track)
And on a side note, it also splashed onto his eyes. *laugh track*
"GET THIS THING OFF ME!!" He screamed, but people just took out their smart phones and began recording (laugh track)
"Help me! Help me! Help... GAAAHHHH!!!!" Eyes was trying to get oriented... but ended up walking towards and falling down a flight of stairs (laugh track)
I think this was a satire of modern phone culture; and how people just pull out their phones and start recording the moment something interesting happens
Meanwhile at the barber shop, Toz was looking at all the hairstyles. "Hmm... these don't look half bad..."
"Excuse me sir, you're looking at an *adult magazine*."
"Oh sh*t!" *laugh track*
We relaxed our rules on swearing for this season; but some words were still off limits and some contexts we still needed to avoid
So after a while, Toz could not come to a decision. "You know what? Why don't we do something about the color? I could go for a change.
*One hour later
Toz was eager to see his new hair color.
"Well sir, I hope you like the choice you made" the barber said.
"Yes, I think a smart, clean color will suit me nicely" Toz said. The barber suddenly looked nervous. "What?" Toz asked.
"D-did you say smart and clean. I thought you said..." and he took the coverings off Toz's hair "...dark green"
"GAAAHHHH!!!" Toz screamed as he saw himself in the mirror (laugh track)
Now I wasn't there that day, but I do have secondhand accounts from the people who were there that this was a genuine reaction on Toz's part. Supposedly something else was going to be done to the hair but that was a lie to misdirect Toz. Not to mention, it turned out Toz had actually forgotten to put a wig on before doing this scene so that was her really freaking out because she realized that she had dyed her hair even though she hadn't intended to. Can't confirm that though
"Oh well, it's not that bad... WAIT DID YOU SHAVE THE BACK OF MY HEAD?!"
"Um... yes..."
Toz lunged.
Originally there was going to be a whole slapstick fight sequence, but Toz felt a crack in his spine about 10 seconds into it and cut the take out of fear she broke something. Turns out it was nothing, but we ended up not refilming the scene because the barber had a family emergency and never returned to set
Tug, who was also there for a haircut, was startled by this... and so was his barber, who dropped the razor, which fell on Tug's head, and he ended up bald.
"So, did you take a little off the top?" Tug asked.
"Well..." the barber said nervously, showing Tug the mirror.
"GAAAAHHH!!" He screamed (laugh track)
Tug on the other hand, did remember to put on the bald cap and fake hair, so thankfully he was ok that day.
Meanwhile, TGC's day wasn't going much better.
He was tired, hungry, and his boobs hurt.
"Hey!" said Riley. "That was my line from a few eps back!"
"Shoot," said TGC, "you're right."
*camera pan reveals Riley and TGC in bed together doing, erm, you know what*
Again, fought tooth and nail to not do this scene. Part of this was Eyes' increased creative control, and another part was not having this part of the script finished on time and needed something to fill the gap.
"Wait, why are you in my bed? And why am I naked? GET OUT!"
TGC left in despair.
"Why did Riley kick me out? I thought we were a thing." So we went to his accordion back at the apartment, began to play, and got kicked out by the landlord. *laugh track*
Then he shook his head.
"WHAT AM I DOING!? I'VE GOT TO GET TO MY NEW JOB!" He screamed. He frantically ran to his new house painting job.
This script was written by four people instead of the usual 1-2, so there were some continuity issues that appeared in the episode. Luckily this one was an easy fix
"Mr. Halleck! Mr. Halleck! I'm sorry I'm late! But there was a... GAHH!!" He tripped, fell into the scaffolding, and some cans of paint fell on him. He was covered from buffer to boi... uh, head to toe in bright red paint. (laugh track)
Yep, another Thomas the Tank Engine reference; first one in a while too
Suddenly Riley came running in. "My poor TGC! How could I have been so cruel!" She runs to hug him, but trips herself and lands in the paint and on top of TGC. *laugh track*
"Ow... I landed on my nuts" Riley said, his voice sounding slightly higher after landing on TGC.
"I KNEW IT! CONCLUSIVE PROOF!" Frank screamed off screen (laugh track)
On second thought, I'll have that screwdriver now. *Frank grabs the bottle of grey goose and tropicana again*. God, I hated doing this. I don't remember if Riley really hurt themselves in that way but that's not important. The Riley gag was only funny for so long and then this happened. Later found out what really happened; turns out the director for this episode, Logan was one of those hyper-conservative, anti-LGBT+ bigots who literally took the job on this show just to, ahem "correct one of the biggest issues it had." Well, we found out about 2 weeks after this and were furious. Didn't matter though; he was fired soon after when it was revealed he had some other shady behavior going on; I can't disclose due to ongoing litigation though.
"Can we move on before we have to resort to low brow humor again?" TGC said.
And indeed, we do.
Eyes was wandering around the city, unable to see anything because of the bucket on his head.
"Help me! For the love of God help me!" He screamed. But people were too busy laughing or filming him on smart phones to pay any heed (laugh track)
To be honest I don't think anyone was laughing at the "phone satire" I think they were just laughing at Eyes' misfortune
Then, some jerks ran up to him. "Hey, you know what will make this even funnier? Let's pants him!" they said (laugh track)
They themselves were pantsed.
There was supposed to be another scene that showed how this happened; but we straight up forgot to film it
-----
Toz, meanwhile was drowning his sorrows... in Sprite, because alcohol is dangerous. THIS EPISODE SPONSORED BY ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
*Takes sip of screwdriver*. Well, that aged horribly, didn't it?
Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He whirled around to see the bartender.
"Hi, I'm Gracine Wallace, I'm the bartender here. I have to ask, what's with your hair?"
And a new recurring character was born.
Completely regret not using her more; she had a lot of potential and had we not stopped filming, I'm sure we would have
"I had a mix up with the barber, I was going for a change in hair color and, well, now I'm green haired" Toz said
Just then, a scream was heard in the back "don't serve the battered fish! They're six weeks past their expiration date!" A voice boomed
Toz looked down at his plate of fish and chips... and suddenly felt uncomfortable. (laugh track)
"GAAAHHH!!!" He screamed, running for the bathroom.
He got to the stall in time... but the toilet paper dispenser looked really weird.
We bought the most poorly rated toilet paper dispenser we could find on Amazon for this gag; think it only had 1.2 star review
"What the... how do you use this thing?! In fact, where is it from?!" He yelled.
"Japan!" The manager replied (laugh track)
Not a joke; was really made by a Japanese company
A few minutes later, after some business, and fighting with the dispenser... an annoyed Toz emerged from the bathroom covered in toilet paper.
"Wh...what happened?" Gracine asked
"Lame sitcom plot." Toz explained. (laugh track)
"Here, let me get the toilet paper off of you... oh, it's soggy. How did that happen?"
"The bidet malfunctioned. Why would you install a bidet at a bar?" Toz asked.
"Because they're hygienic."
"Does this look hygienic to you?"
"...no, I supposed not." (laugh track)
Man, I wish I was there that day; I'm sure there's at least a couple funny behind the scenes stories Toz or Eyes can share though
Just then Eyes burst in.
"A shot of vodka on the double," he said.
"Um... we're kinda busy right now..." said Graciene.
"Do I look like I give a f*ck?"
"Wait what the hell happened to you?" asked Toz.
"SHUT UP AND GIMME SOME VODKA I NEED TO GET SOME ALCOHOL INTO MY SYSTEM OR I'M GONNA F***ING MURDER YOU!"
"May I have some ID first though?"
"HERE'S YOUR F***ING ID B*TCH"
How Eyes pulled off those movements while wearing the bucket on her head is still beyond me
~Ad break!~
"OUT!!" The bouncer screamed, and he chucked Eyes out of the bar for his rudeness.
"At least you're not like that guy" Gracine said, pointing out the window to the "strange bucket headed man" that just was tossed out
Eyes was struggling to get up, when suddenly A belt loop on his pants got stuck on a bit of fence.
"What the? Ahhggh!! I'm being mugged, help me!" He screamed. He was thrashing about until at last... his pants ripped off, remaining on the fence as he walked on (laugh track)
"Those pants... ripped a lot easier than they should have" Gracine pointed out.
"Eh, he got them at an outlet store" Toz shrugged, (laugh track)
In hindsight that was a stupid premise; losing pants is such lowbrow humor and we could have done so much better with another kind of gag here
Meanwhile, cops were getting reports of a "Pants-less, bucket headed lunatic annoying the citizens" and ordered to keep a look out. And when a pair of officers found him...
"Oy! You're under arrest!" One screamed as he pulled out and fired a taser (Laugh track)
"I'LL F***ING ARREST YOU!"
There was actually more to this scene; but the film was messed up due to an accident involving a cigarette lighter and this was all we were able to salvage
~Ad break!~
We cut back to our five crazy friends, just as they were at the beginning of the episode.
"No more random episodes! Let's get this over with!" Toz snapped.
"Shush, you're the one who always takes the longest in the bathroom, it's your fault we're not onto Season 3 yet!" snapped Eyes.
Eh, half-joke actually. Toz did take a lot of time in the bathroom some days; but she was still a regular at that good burrito place I mentioned previously so I can't fault her for that
"Wait, what about Frank, and the rest of what happened?" TGC asked.
"Ugh, fine, we'll do it in montage form" Frank said.
It wasn't originally supposed to happen that way but the complicated behind the scenes stuff got in the way and we did this to just get the episode over with
A quick series of scenes reveals what happened to the rest of the guys. After being made bald, tug got into a fight with the barber, causing his shirt to get ripped and he was thrown out of the barber shop (laugh track)
TGC, soon after the red paint, ran away crying, embarrassed. But he passed through a science store along the way and had some trouble with a Tesla ball, causing his hair to stand on end. (laugh track)
And Frank, you ask? Well... he went to the hardware store to get some tools, and some jerk thinks its a good idea to throw a wrench... so Frank took it straight to the eye (laugh track)... and he stumbled back, into a trash can.
That Black eye scene is one of the few times in this episode I ever wore a form of makeup; I don't believe in portraying myself as anything other than how "I actually am" so other than combing my hair I don't use any of the stuff that other actors, even male ones, use for certain things
(back to present)
"To be honest... I don't think green is your color" Eyes said to toz (laugh track)
"You can't even see me through that bucket!" Toz pointed out (laugh track)
Inside joke; 3 days before this Toz wore this ugly green sweater to the set and Eyes was the only one brazen enough to point it out. I didn't say anything because I don't judge other people's choices
"Yeah, I'm gonna die it black now. It will fit with the edgier tone my character will take this season." Toz explained.
That and Toz was working on another project around the same time that required her to have black hair for her character. I think she was going to play a punk or an emo, but I can't recall because that pilot was never picked up
"Summer?" TGC asked, confused. (Laugh track)
"Say, Eyes... how are you going to get that bucket off?" Frank asked.
"Eh, I figure I'll wait till the end of the episode; when it will just come off next episode for no apparent reason and we act like it never happened" he said (laugh track)
Lampshade hanging was a pretty normal thing for all of us; though I wish we filmed that rube-goldberg gag I proposed for getting it off. It was going to involve maracas and a toilet plunger too
"Makes sense to me" Frank shrugged.
"Boy, we sure did have one crazy afternoon, didn't we?" TGC said
Yeah, let's hope it happens... NEVER BEFORE! NEVER AGAIN!"
And they all start singing Muppet songs and laugh like crazies. End of story.
Well, we finally got through this. While it wasn't terrible, I will say I'm glad this episode only went to DVD. Had we properly filmed more of it I'm sure it would have been a more regarded episode, but what happened happened and there's no changing it. Still, I am glad we got to use a plot that was better than some of the other things I've seen over the years. Until next time!
|
|
|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Nov 21, 2022 22:26:33 GMT -5
*Cut to: Frank is sitting on a couch in a living room*
"Hi everybody! It's Frank from the 3WSR Show! Now you're probably expecting me to do a commentary on season 2 episode three here. I'm sorry to say but that is actually not going to happen. I've tried watching it a few times and even with two screwdrivers I just can't do it. Well, I don't want to leave you all with nothing so I'll at least explain why this episode is such a mess.
Honestly, it was doomed to fail from the start. For starters, there were 5 writers on it, so it was already going in more than one direction, and there was almost no communication going on between them. This lead to a lot of contradiction and backtracking... and at one point Eyes got furious and threatened to walk. Coupled with the fact we only filmed about 1/3 of the episode you know this was just going to fail spectacularly. So what you saw on the DVD wasn't even a finished product. It didn't help that the five of us were on the brink of our breakup and weren't thinking straight. So on behalf of the five of us, I sincerely apologize for the mess that was this episode... that apparently was so disorganized it didn't even have a title
|
|
|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Nov 21, 2022 22:50:53 GMT -5
*Cut to: Frank is sitting on a couch in a living room*
"Hi everybody! It's Frank from the 3WSR Show! The following episode marks what is basically the halfway point of season 2, and as such That means we are almost done. So it looks like the next episode is... oh, that one. Ugh... *Picks up grey goose and tropicana once again* Ok, lets get this over with"
*Title sequence: Frank reacts to: Stripped of our Dignity*
Episode 4: Stripped Of Our Dignity
Toz burst through the door.
"Five tickets for a two-week Caribbean Cruise aboard the USS Godiva!"
The others cheered.
Me being a ship buff, I was tempted to correct Toz and point out its actually SS, but I bit my tongue so I wouldn't sound like a jerk
Toz turned to the camera and winked. "This episode sponsored by Godiva Cruise Lines! Expose yourself to new situations and feel the wind in your hair with Godiva Cruises! Now with cruises to Alaska and Japan!" *canned groans*
"What? We've got to make money somehow, why not with some clever product placement? Now, let's get packing!"
Truth be told I'm partial to Royal Caribbean myself; Loyal to Royal! Fun fact actually: we actually rented out a recently retired cruise ship for this episode; wasn't as expensive as you think though; she was in pretty good shape so we actually didn't need to do much. We actually spent more on the extras than the set.
"What do we where?" asked Frank.
"A Godiva Line Cruise to the Caribbean!" Toz shouted.
"Hi, I'm Steve Dingle, CEO of Godiva Cruise lines. I just wanted to thank you boys personally for sponsoring us." Steve said, emerging from the bathroom.
"What is he doing here?" Frank whispered.
"Our new line of nudist cruises will revolutionize-"
"I'm sorry, nude cruises? We air during prime time." Frank pointed out.
You have no idea how much I fought against this episode being made; but I was overruled. So we ended up compromising, as you'll see later on
"This is also a total ratings grab." Toz exclaimed. "I don't know if you've checked the Internet lately, but there's been some... interesting fanart, and this episode is an attempt to appeal to that crowd."
I've actually seen a good deal of that fan art... lets just say, there's a good reason most of the artists took a lot of it down in embarrassment years later
"Is this why Riley isn't going?"
"That, and they think sponsored episodes are a sign that the show is selling the [BLEEP] out." *laugh track*
"They're right, you know." Tug whispered. *laugh track*
Truth be told Riley wasn't in this episode because they sprained their ankle two days before and it was too painful to stand on it; ended up throwing a lot of the production schedule off with their absence
"Well I'm all for nudist cruises... SO LONG AS I'M NOT IN THE NUDE!!" Eyes shouted. "F*ck this, Nessie and I are gonna go to the mountains."
"Whatever," said Toz.
This was one of the few times Eyes and I agreed on the creative direction; we both weren't fond of this idea
"Now, Eyes," Steve Dingle said, "being naked is very healthy and can help you overcome body image issues and insecurity."
"Sure, but not on national tv!" *laugh track*
"What if we stage all the shots so your, ahem, "naughty bits" are censored by scenery?"
"GOOD DAY SIR!" *laugh track*
"We'll blur-"
"I SAID GOOD DAY, SIR!"
Toz sighed. "Eh, the four of us can totally carry the episode. Let's go please the sponsors!"
What they didn't know was that Eyes and Nessie's trip to the mountains was going to be interspliced between Toz, Frank, Tug, and TGC's tri-
"Sorry guys, I got work," said Tug, who quietly excused himself.
"NO NO NO NO NO!!" cried Toz.
"Oh well," said Frank. "Looks like it's just us three."
"Yeah," said TGC. "Maybe we'll we're nude Toz and and I can..."
"OH GOD NO!!"
Honestly the innuendo TGC was about to say was in really poor taste so I ad libbed the interjection there.
Eyes drove to Nessie's apartment.
"You all packed?" Eyes asked.
"Oh, goodness no." Nessie said. "You barely need to pack anything for a Godiva Nudist Cruise."
"Oh god... they got you too!" *laugh track*
Eyes looked across the street and saw a poster for Godiva Lines. He looked at the ground and a crumpled newspaper article about Godiva blew past. He looked up and a plane flew by, skywriting the word "Godiva".
"It's all Godiva... everyone is naked.. help..."
And Eyes must scream.
Supposedly this was a genuine reaction from Eyes because the trip to the mountains genuinely was in the script at this point in time.
Meanwhile, the others were boarding the ship. They'd somehow forced Tug to come due to an obscure clause in his contract.
Actually, Tug was able to get out of the commitment that he had to another show to be here for this one; though he later confided in me he wished he stuck with the commitment
"There are 11 decks. Your rooms are on deck seven. Lido and pool are deck nine, bars on 2, 3, 7, and 10, restaurants at 2 and 3. Remember, stay clothed on the decks until we reach open water."
"Listen," said Eyes, "I thought we'd take a trip to the mountains."
"Nope, Godiva's the way to go!"
"We'd have a nice meal at a fancy restaurant."
"Godiva serves 10 star meals prepared by famous chefs from around the world."
"We could have sweet, passionate sex every night."
"I could have that with the playboys on the Godiva."
"And you could sleep in every morning."
"I'M THERE!!"
Eyes was a bit surprised, until he saw the pamphlet. "WAKE UP BRIGHT AND EARLY AT 4 O'CLOCK EVERY MORNING AND CATCH A BEAUTIFUL SUNRISE!"
Toz didn't know what hit him.
"Playboys? PLAYBOYS? This is non-sexual nudity, not some brothel barge!"
I would have preferred no nudity at all; but Toz's creative control peaked with this episode. Whether that is good or bad is debatable
"We can't have one of your leads bail on us." Steve said. "I'll send my crack team of kidnappers, the Product Placers, to get him on board. You lot enjoy the cruise."
Meanwhile, Eyes and Nessie were in the convertible, doing 60 on a 25 road.
Actually, they were doing 25 on a 60 road. Some slow idiot was crawling along in front of them.
"Screw this." Nessie said, pressing a button on the dash.
Suddenly, the duo were teleported to a rave on the Godiva. Synths blared and lights flashed.
"GAH! MY CLOTHES!" Eyes screamed.
So, what happened was the mountain subplot was cut because there was another show filming in the same lot at the time and the production schedule prioritized their use to do what they needed to do. While we could have gone back and filmed the material another time, we broke up about 6 weeks later and we had shifted focus to the movie. Man, this got sadder than I expected *takes sip of screwdriver*
"Go Godiva Cruises! Go Godiva Cruises!" The crowd...
******
@b÷U;Y$£/G*O&D^I'V!A
******
...chanted in perfect unison.
Not gonna lie... that creeped me out at the time
"Oh god... product placement... nudist zombies... dubstep..." *laugh track*
Eyes curled up in the fetal position in the corner of the room and recited metal lyrics to himself.
Sometimes I wonder if we limited Eyes character potential by making her all about heavy metal; but hindsight is 20/20 and I hope if we ever get back together she'll be given more depth
Meanwhile, the other four were in the water. Toz had fallen over thanks to see sickness, and TGC jumping in after him did not work, so Tug and Frank had to help as well.
"What's 'see sickness' though?" asked Frank.
"It's when you look too hard at something," said Tug.
"No, it's when Eyes messes up a post," said TGC.
It was funny in the initial script read; but when we acted it out we learned that it didn't translate well as a verbal gag
"No, it's when nudity is taken to the next level," said Toz.
"What do you mean?"
"LOOK!"
Several travelers were skinning themselves by a statue near the bow, cutting off chunks of skin with a long knife.
"Whoa, too gory for primetime." Frank said.
We actually hired people who made amateur horror movies to create the fake bodies that were used in this bit; can't stand CGI myself and wanted to avoid it wherever possible
"You're naked." Tug pointed out.
"Sure, but it's blurred out... right?"
The irony wasn't lost on me
Toz and TGC approached the people skinning themselves.
"Excuse me, why are you cutting your flesh off?"
"GODIVA CRUISES: SO FUN YOU'LL JUMP OUT OF YOUR SKIN WITH EXCITEMENT" they intoned in unison.
"Toz... something is very wrong here." TGC whispered.
"No, it's perfect... everything is great... that's why Godiva has a 96% on Yelp and is award-winning three years in a row... hey, they have a volleyball court on deck 11!" Toz yelled, grabbing TGC and dragging him away.
I heard a rumor that someone spiked Toz's water with a mixture of LSD, PCP and Psilocyn to explain why she was just so out of it this episode... but we were never able to confirm that. I sincerely hope its false though; one of those hallucinogens is one thing, but all three... what a d*ck move if the rumor is true
Frank and Tug conversed.
"Whatever's wrong with this ship, it's clearly corrupted Toz. We need to save him before he starts trying to lop off body parts." Frank said.
"But how?" Tug asked.
Meanwhile, Nessie had decided to do something.
Namely, kick Eyes in the crotch.
"YEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelped Eyes.
"Man the hell up dumbass!" she shouted. "How do we get out of this situation?"
"LEAVE ME ALONE MY BALLS HURT!!!"
Nessie gave him another kick for good measure.
Nessie's actress despised this episodes' plot with an absolute passion and almost refused to do the episode. She only relented after getting a 35% raise for this episode
Meanwhile Frank had woken up... in his apartment of all places.
"Ugh... hey, where is everybody? And why the heck are some of my clothes missing?!" Frank fumed as he looked through the drawer. Then he remembered.
"Oh yea, that's right... nude cruise. No way am I participating in that lowbrow stuff. But if I'm here, then... oh no!" Frank screamed.
This premise was introduced in the third draft; and it was a great way to get me out of that stupid nude cruise plot ......
Frank and Tug were conversing, then went about making a plan. Just then, someone dived into the pool, splashing Frank.
"Frank, are you ok?" Tug asked.
"Yea, I'm fine-fine-fi-fi-fi-fi-fineeee...." Frank said as suddenly an exploding sound was heard within him, smoke started coming out of Frank's ears, nose and mouth, he leaned forward and his arm fell off. (laugh track, applause)
Filming this scene wasn't as hard as you think; that is me in the first couple cuts, but then as I begin leaning forward its right about... there where the animatronic prop takes my place and begins smoking and falling apart. Luckily there was enough distractions going on that people didn't notice how crudely made the face was.
"Oh my goodness... Frank is a robot?!" Tug said, shocked. (laugh track)
......
"Now you're probably wondering why that little stunt happened? Well, article 6, section 3 of my contract explicitly states that I am not supposed to appear nude at any point while on screen. I can wear a bathing suit, towel or appear in underwear, but I must always be clothed. Any way, we needed a subplot anyway, so..." Frank said as he left the apartment.
half-gag actually; that really was a clause in my contract; I intend to keep it if the show ever comes back
(Cut to: Frank at an animal shelter)
Frank entered the shelter and came up to the volunteer.
"Ah, good morning Frank; how's it going?"
"Going well Alan; the guys are off on a cruise and I'm alone for the week. I've been considering adopting a pet for a while and thought I'd'take a look around" Frank said.
"Ah, glad you decided to come to the shelter Frank. But wait, don't you guys have a donkey... that we haven't seen around for a while?" (laugh track)
"Alberto? We did... but he's currently tied up in the United States Legal System" Frank explained.
"What? Did he commit an awful crime?" Alan asked, shocked.
"No, he's in the immigration courts; apparently his visa expired" Frank explained.
Actually, Alberto's trainer was becoming increasingly frustrated with the inconsistent scheduling and behind the scenes politics and gave us an ultimatum to film only during certain hours; major reason why Alberto's appearances were cut back since we ended up not filming a lot of his planned material
"Oh, what a shame. Well, let me show you the puppies" Alan said as he took Frank in the back.
*This part of the show brought to you by The Northeastern Animal League; remember, adopt, don't shop
Still stand by that message today
...
Alberto was in immigration court, fighting to remain in America... and spreading awareness of our broken immigration court system
"Mr. Alberto, I will ask you again- why did you stay after you visa expired" the judge asked.
"Hee-haw, hee-haw!" Alberto replied.
"Speak up sir, you're making an *ss out of yourself" The judge said (laugh track)
Not sure how I feel about this cutaway; feels like we shoehorned it in for the sake of a cheap pun *sips screwdriver* ......
Back on the cruise The ship hit an iceberg and started sinking.
"Well, that was abrupt." Tug said sarcastically.
The four remaining leads got onto a lifeboat and made it to a deserted island.
There would have been more scenes on the ship; but supposedly there was a behind the scenes plot to remove Nessie from the show and the one behind it decided to expedite the process
"We're finally free of the product placement!" Eyes yelled.
"Sure, but we're stranded on a deserted island with no where to go."
"What about that Starbocks Coffee?" Toz said. "Try that heir delicious new "pumpkin unicorn surprise latte"."
"Oh god... Toz has gone full corporate! Run!" Eyes yelled.
Oh, and Nessie drowned on the sinking ship. *laughter and cheers*
As much as I hate to admit it; it was true that Nessie was not well received by a significant chunk of our audience. The actress wasn't the problem; it was more like her character just didn't have any super memorable characteristics and some felt she just wasn't contributing what she should have
"Nessie! No!!! My poor, sweet Nessie! I'll never forget you!!!" Eyes screamed dramatically.
"Oh great, now Eyes has gone full overacting" Tug muttered (laugh track)
"We can't just stick around and do nothing! We gotta survive! What do we have to work with?" TGC asked.
"Well, we got a radio, a flare gun, a jet pack... hey, a book of matches!" TGC said (laugh track)
"Great! We can start a fire!" Tug said joyously.
If Tug looks like he's faking his delight there, you're not imagining things; he was running out of patience for this plot and wanted out too
"What will we do for food?" Eyes asked.
"Please don't squeeze the... I'm loving it!... you'll wonder where the yellow went... With a name like Smuckers, it has to be..." Toz kept going on and on. (laugh track)
You have no idea how expensive that single line was
Luckily for Eyes though, Nessie wasn't dead. The dead woman was actually Priscela von Idontgiveashit, and Nessie had actually ended up surviving.
Which Toz found out all too soon when she ran up and kicked him in the nuts for being an idiot.
The plot against Nessie was uncovered; but there were still continuity problems so we had no choice but to go with the next scene to address it
Meanwhile, Frank was looking through all the puppies that were available at the animal shelter.
"One of you will be coming home with me today... the question is who" Frank said as he interacted with them.
......
Well, turns out both Eyes and Toz were wrong and right.
Nessie did survive, but she was not on the island; toz was so delusional at this point that he was seeing things that weren't there. So where was Nessie, you ask?
(Cut to: Nessie floating on a piece of deck; no land is in sight, the current dragged her away)
"Eyes! Where are you Eyes!?" She screamed. But she was surrounded by nothing but debris, and was being carried by the current into the great vastness of the Atlantic Ocean.
(Cut to: A mourning Eyes)
"Oh where are you my beloved Nessie! If only we had gone to the mountains!" He screamed.
And that was how a compromise was reached that saved the plot and Nessie
"Snap out of it Eyes! If we're going to live through this we need to pull ourselves together!" Tug screamed
Tug, tired of this crap, alone, went to the beach and to his amazement saw a rescue ship come landing on the beach...
"Are you the man called 'Tug'?" Asked the Navy Seal
"Why yes I am..." answered Tug "Then please, come with us, the United States Court System needs you on the defense team to determine the fate of the future of animal immigration..." answered the Seal
"Wait, how did you find me?" asked Tug
"The Donkey said he put a tracker imbedded into you so you wouldn't 'have a repeat of Morocco'..." replied the Seal
"Alright, I rather be in a subplot than here! Sail away Me Hearties! Crap, wrong episode... I mean lets go pass the bar!" shouted Tug as Seal Team Generic left the others behind since they had rescued their target...
Tug would later mention to me privately that he couldn't stand the direction the show was going and was considering walking away. I managed to convince him that it was worth staying for the movie, but it only worked for about 6 weeks before he pursued other interests
.........
"...and this little guy is Wendell" the volunteer said as Frank held him.
"He's a sweet dog, but I don't think he's the right fit for me" Frank explained.
"Fair enough; how about this one?" The volunteer said when suddenly...
"We interrupt your animal adoption to bring you an update on United States vs Alberto the Donkey!" The tv said in a breaking news report (laugh track)
"Oh look, a convenient segway" Frank said as he looked at the tv. (Laugh track)
I kind of feel frustrated with this episode because there were 2 subplots and neither of them went anywhere; it so frustrating that about 30 percent of the episode was never filmed *sips screwdriver*
"Beloved local Alberto the Donkey is fighting for his right to remain in the United States, and though everything looks stacked against him, we have received word he may be getting new legal counsel for his case...Godiva Cruises! That's right! Godiva is donating a dollar from every ticket purchased to help Alberto win his case. So buy those tickets now, folks!"
At least we managed to find a way to bring all the plots together, I guess? Still, this episode wasn't the best
*we cut to a raft in the ocean. Two figures are on it*
"I can't believe how well my plan is going! My dumb twin has turned into a corporate pawn! It'll cripple their show for sure!" Tiberius Zeno, Toz's double from that one season one episode, said.
The other figure was wearing a "Gulf Of Delaware National Park" hoodie that obscured his face, thick gloves that obscured his arms, and long pants that obscured his legs. He had no skin showing whatsoever.
"Yes, eet weel be en eeexcellent victorrrrrie." *canned laughter*
"Can you stop the horrible French accent, Mysterious Figure?"
"Mi identitee must rrrrremain le mysterrrrrious until the season finalee. Therrrrreforrrre, I rrrrrroll my r's and thrrrrrow in rrrrrrandom Frrrrrrrench worrrrrrds." *laughtrack*
"Fine. Why are you so interested in destroying the sitcom anyway?"
"I hawe my reasons." *laughtrack*
"Now you're doing a crappy Russian accent!"
"I think eets wery wery good, ja?" *laughtrack*
*Tiberius growls in frustration as we cut to commercials*
I wasn't there for filming that day, so honestly I can't give any insight to this scene; maybe Toz can if she does commentary though
BUYGODIVABUYGODIVAMOTHERFUCKERBUYGODIVABUYGODIVABUYGODIVAMOTHERFUCKERBUYGODIVABUYGODIVABUYGODIVAMOTHERFUCKERBUYGODIVABUYGODIVABUYGODIVAMOTHERFUCKERBUYGODIVABUYGODIVABUYGODIVAMOTHERFUCKERBUYGODIVABUYGODIVABUYGODIVAMOTHERFUCKERBUYGODIVABUYGODIVABUYGODIVAMOTHERFUCKERBUYGODIVABUYGODIVABUYGODIVAMOTHERFUCKERBUYGODIVA
I don't get it either
Just then... corporate lawyers to the rescue.
"Wait, what?" The Godiva cruise people said.
"Hi, we're representatives from Godiva Chocolate, and your name infringes on our trademark, so we are taking you to court" the lawyer said (audience ooohs)
"Run George they're onto us!" The CEO said as he suddenly put on a propeller helmet and tried to fly away (laugh track)
"Actually, our name is a reference to Lady Godiva, who rode naked through the streets once or something! It was supposed to foreshadow the whole nude cruise thing. Also, in this universe, real brands don't exist! You're just Modiva Chocolate!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *laugh track*
I think there was meant to be a comical chase sequence at this point, but it just so happens the stuntmen were on strike around this time. Also, as is about to be indicated, that last line was weird since it was established we could use real brands at this point
"Wait, I thought we had a bigger budget this season?" TGC asked (laugh track)
So, Eyes and TGC went to work building a raft to sail off the island, when one of them brought up, "what should we do about Toz? He's completely out of his mind"
"We could eat him"
"That's dark and disturbing" TGC said, but then both their stomachs growled, and they looked at Toz. (Audience oohs)
The first draft actually called for a cannibalism scene; but it was shot down by everyone, even Toz
"Actually..." TGC thought to himself, "Toz is skinnier and gayer than Eyes, so if I have to cannibalize one and leave the other alive..."
Suddenly, TGC jumped on Eyes. *laugh track*
Not in the script; to this day have no idea why TGC did that
Now we cut to somewhere else, where...
Off in the distance, a ship was passing by the island. The SS Deus Ex Machina passed by the island and the observant crew noticed our heroes in danger.
"Goodness! We must save them at once!" The captain ordered!" As they adjusted course.
"A ship! A ship! We're saved!" TGC screamed joyously.
"Ship? I ship TGCxRiley!" Toz screamed (laugh track)
Totally regret this scene; we only filmed it for the sake of a weak visual gag and a bad pun *sips screwdriver*
But alas, it was all a dream, as the three found out when they woke up.
"Guess we're not getting out of this mess that easily" Toz said.
"Shall we start a new life on this island then?" Eyes asked.
"Yes. But to do that, we need... a SURVIVAL MONTAGE!!"
*We see TGC and Eyes building a hut, until TGC drops a log on Eyes* *laugh track*
*Toz is spear-fishing when a shark jumps out at him* *laugh track*
*TGC is waiting below a tree as Eyes gathers coconuts, until Eyes drops them on him* *laugh track*
*Toz has captured the shark, and is taunting it by jumping over it as it feebly snaps at him* *laugh track*
"What? We were going to jump the shark sooner or later." *laugh track*
OK, I have to confess, this was actually a funny gag. Fun fact by the way- we originally were going to use brown foam balls for the coconuts but they didn't look convincing enough, so we ended up modeling some out of plastic for this scene
As they cut up the shark, Toz was curious as to what would happen if he wrapped himself in the hide of the shark.
Suddenly, in a non-sequitur no one saw coming, the shark hide bonded itself to Toz, giving him incredible Super Powers!
He was now... Shark Man!
Later on in the season the powers were going to show up in 2 more episodes; I wish we had filmed them
"I'll go find help guys!" Toz said as he suddenly took off and flew.
"Wait, that doesn't even make sense!" Eyes pointed out (laugh track)
Suddenly, as he flew, Toz realized.
"What am I doing? All this product placement has ruined everything! I must use my powers to set this right."
Suddenly, our heroes were in the living room, eating generic popcorn and watching a generic sci-fi movie.
And that is the true deus ex machina of the episode
"Well, that was weird." Frank said.
"What an anticlimax!" Tug said. "Dammit Toz, what have you done! Disliking that post! God! I thought you were better than Eyes in this department! What a f*cking disappointment! I'm gone!"
I don't understand it either
"Aren't you helping Alberto or something?" Frank asked, confused.
"Wha... oh crud, you're right! He's still tied up in the United States Legal System!" Tug shouted as he bolted out the door.
"Should we even bother with this sub plot?" Frank asked
"Na, it'll probably resolve itself by next episode" Toz shrugged (laugh track)
I hated ending episodes like that; but we couldn't film the court stuff because we had broken up by then; as you can see in this scene, TGC and Tug had already walked at this point
"So what's left then?" Toz said as he pulled off an amazing feat of strength.
"Looks like you still have super powers" Frank observed.
"Yea... say, where's Nessie?" Eyes asked.
(Cut to: Nessie, lost at sea)
"Come on fishies; bite the bait, bite the bait" she said as she fished for her next meal.
(Cut to: apartment)
"Business trip?" Frank asked.
"Business trip" everyone said in agreement (laugh track)
"Well, how are we going to tie up all these loose ends?" Frank asked.
"Simple! Just end the episode like nothing's wrong. It's not like we have strong continuity." *laugh track*
"But-"
*credits*
FINALLY, we're done! *drinks what's left of the screwdriver* Well, I'm glad I managed to get through this; wonder what insight the others would have on this? Regardless, I hope you finally understand why this episode is one I prefer to forget about.
Only one more episode to do commentary on; and another to at least share a few words about. Till next time everyone; hope you are enjoying this revisit at least more than I am
|
|
|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Dec 6, 2022 23:57:29 GMT -5
*Cut to: Frank is sitting on a couch in a living room*
"Hi everybody! It's Frank from the 3WSR Show! Well, we finally made it to the last episode that was filmed in full for season 2 of the show. Not going to lie, this episode was fairly decent so I think for the first time in a while I won't be needing a screwdriver this time around. Well, let's not waste any time and get right into it
*Title sequence: Frank reacts to: Token Love Interests*
Frank walked into the kitchen to make himself some breakfast. "Ah, that was a nice rest. Good morning, Eyes."
"No time to chat. Nessie and I have a date."
"Oh, fair enough." Frank said, pouring himself some cereal.
Funnily enough I'm actually more of a bacon and eggs guy myself; thing is we of course had sponsorship this episode so I ended up pouring a bowl of Cheerios. More like blandos if you ask me...
Tug ran into the kitchen. "No time to chat, I've got a double date with Alberto and his girlfriend." He said, before running off set.
"Oh, that's a shame- wait, Alberto's girlfriend? Ah well, best not to think about it. I wonder if Toz and TGC are still around."
It was going to be another scene involving Alberto and Marge; sadly we lost marge after some shooting later this week- her trainer had a family emergency and ended up having to leave the state. Marge ended up temporarily living in a sanctuary until she returned, but by then the show was no longer filming.
Walking into the dining room, Frank saw a note on the table.
"Going out to get lucky with the guy in 5C. See y'all later." ~Toz
"Well, that rules out Toz- wait, what's this on the back?"
"Out with Riley. Be back later." -TGC
That's my genuine reaction actually; they didn't tell me what was going to be on the notes
Frank sighed. "Looks like another boring day." Turning to the camera, he elaborated. "Being the only guy without a date in this apartment sucks, but it's a position I've found myself in on more than one occasion. I may be this sitcom's "straight man", but I'm also probably the most socially awkward, and girls never seem to take also interest in me. Which is fine. I'm fine. Totally."
Frank opened the apartment door to check for packages, and as he did, he saw the most beautiful woman in the world walk by. She was about his height, with blonde hair and piercing green eyes, wearing a simple pink sweater and jeans. Frank was struck dumb.
I was hesitant to do this kind of episode because I was worried it would make me come across as shallow. Truth be told the kind of girl I'm into is someone who is as "beautiful" on the inside as she is on the outside; in other words if its a bad personality, major "turn off" as some would say. I ended up going along with this because they said after the antics the others were up to they wanted a romance plot that looked somewhat normal by comparison. Well, we see how that turned out.
She knocked on an apartment door on the far side of the hall and it opened.
"Hi," the girl said, "I'm Rebecca. Are you Rachelle Khan?"
"I am. I assume you're here because of the ad I put out for a roommate?"
"Yep." Rebecca said.
"Come on in."
Frank watched all this through the peephole.
"I need to ask this Rebecca out... but how?"
Well, we could go the default Eyes approach and have her see Frank, fall instantly in love with him, and get married in five minutes, but let's not and say we did.
Mistake on the editor's part; that pop up text was a hand written note on the script that was meant to be an in-joke among the five of us. We were laughing hysterically for a good 2 minutes or so at the table read; but forgot to cross out the note for the editors in post so they wouldn't get confused.
Tug met his date at the corner of the Fifth Street. She was the most beautiful ass he'd ever seen. No really, she was a donkey. And Alberto's girlfriend was a human. Friggin' deal.
This ten second cutaway confused us since it didn't really contribute anything to the plot. Then I remembered that we ended up not filming about 90 percent of this subplot because of the breakup.
Meanwhile, Frank was thinking about what to do. He was pacing about his apartment.
(Cut to black; the theme song starts)
They're five crazy guys Who have most unusual lives
But put them together and what have you got? 3WSR and here's the plot!
Five guys, who love burgers and fries
(Frank interjects)
"Seriously? I hate corporate sponsors...
Five friends whose adventures never seem to end.
For a good laugh don't look far, Welcome to the world of 3...W...S...RRRRRRRRR!!!"
("The 3WSR Show" title appears on screen; Frank suddenly appears beside the title)
"By Popular demand; our original theme song is back!" Frank declared
(Thunderous applause from the audience; fade to black)
(Cut to: apartment, Frank is pacing)
"So if I want to ask her out, what should I do? I could cut straight to the chase... but that would go against my principles" Frank thought.
(flashback)
" I refuse to stoop to the level of a sitcom that resorts to hiring attractive female actress who boast no talent, and only bring in the viewers because they look nice" Frank said, standing in a "triumphant" pose
(End flashback)
Ah, continuity, the force that can't be broken no matter how hard you try
"Hmm... I suppose I could spend some time getting to know her; no harm in introducing myself by welcoming a new neighbor to the apartment" Frank said as he continued to think
(End scene; fade to black)
TGC parked his car outside of Riley's house.
"Riley! Handsome- I mean beautiful- I mean, um..."
Riley threw open the door.
"TGC! Check out what I found!"
A Golden Retriever bounded out to TGC. *awwwws*
"I call them Alex."
"Them?"
"Yeah, I'm raising my dog without gender."
"Riley."
"Yeah?"
"It's a fricking dog."
*laugh track*
"And?"
"No one treats dogs differently based on gender. If you must do this, just use "it". It's an animal, it won't care."
"Oh, hush. Come here, Alex! Who's a good dog! You are!"
I wasn't there that day so I'm not really sure what the deal with this scene is; I think it was meant to set up something that was ultimately never filmed but I lost that script years ago; I hope its still in my storage unit though.
"I thought you invited me here because we were going to have sex." *laugh track*
*Frank is seen reaching off screen but ultimately stops himself. "No Frank, you can do this"
******
"Let's see, cookies are baked, conversation starters memorized, time to go introduce myself!" Frank said cheerfully.
And so, Frank went to his neighbors' door.
Fun fact- I actually baked those. I was known for baking stuff and bringing it in for the break room. Really helped with morale among us. I think because I never acted like a celebrity people found it easy to approach me. Seriously though, don't think I am one anyway because I'm not that big a deal. You know how many followers are on my official Facebook page? Not even 5K. Sounds like a lot sure, but then compare that to Toz's 600K and Eyes' 800K and its like, wow. Then again they also have music careers so it kind of makes sense. I also refuse to do interviews with most entertainment news outlets so it creates this idea that I'm somewhat reclusive... which as an introvert is somewhat true. But more importantly, really happy for them; they did really good with themselves after the show ended and I hope they will consider the proposed revival
*Ding dong
The door opens and there was the new neighbor. "Hi, can I help you?" She asked. Frank decided to just keep calm and not let his nerves get the better of him. "Hi, my name's Frank. I heard that there was a new neighbor moving in on this floor, and thought I'd stop by and say hello" Frank said.
"That was nice of you; I'd love to talk, but I'm still moving in, and..." Suddenly there was a loud thud.
"Oh no! Terribly sorry, I've got to go!" She said, closing the door frantically (laugh track)
"Dang it... nice guys really do finish last" Frank sighed as he sadly went back to his apartment (laugh track).
I refused to do a Barney Stinson or Howard Wolowitz shtick for this and "come out swinging" I believe is the term; I decided if I was going to do it I was going to do it like a normal guy.
(From behind closed apartment door)
"Be careful with that! Yes, that big heavy thing I brought with me, don't drop it! (laugh track)
"Why do you need a telescope this big anyway?" Rachelle (the person Rebecca is moving in with) asked.
I think this scene was shot later; my script said that the last line was intentionally vague as a joke to leave it up to the audience to wonder what it was; but I think it was changed because they genuinely wanted focus on Rebecca and Rachelle in this scene
"I'm studying astronomy at the local university. This telescope can detect exoplanets, it's so powerful. So don't drop it!"
Rachelle rolled her eyes at Rebecca.
"By the way, some guy just stopped by with cookies. About my height, brown hair, named Frank- ring a bell?"
"Sounds like one of those crazies across the hall. Frank is nice, he works for a start-up selling self-charging flashlights. His roommates are insane though. Fair warning."
Rebecca nodded. "I'll have to stop by later and thank him for the cookies."
Fun fact- she really did like the cookies. I meant for Rachelle to have them also but I found out later much to my embarrassment she actually has Celiac Disease so gluten was a no-go for her. She held nothing against me though, thankfully.
Back in his apartment, Frank was on the phone with Mr. Waldren.
"Yes, I would love to do an infomercial for the solar-powered flashlight... no, we are not going Head-On with it!" (Laugh track)
"Oh, fine. So about a slogan..."
"I'm NOT using that one" Frank said sternly
"But every great product has a slogan affiliated with it" Mr. Waldren pointed out.
"Yes, but can't we be more mature than "Bright Light, All Night All Right, Charge in the Day, and when the sun sets play?" (Laugh track)
I swear this was funnier in the initial stages of writing the episode; but yea, the fact it wasn't seen as funny in the reviews tells me everything i need to know about that line
Suddenly, Toz walked in. "I smell cookies."
"Yeah, I made some for the new girl across the hall. As a welcoming present."
"That's not something you'd normally do- you're in love, aren't you." *laugh track*
"No, I..."
"I'm calling the others." *laugh track*
*cut to: Frank sitting bewildered on the sofa as the other four bombard him with questions about the mystery woman* *laugh track*
"Look, I don't know!" Frank said as he finally got a word in edge wise.
After production ended some of the writers came to me and explained that part of the reason for this episode was that they felt bad that I was always depicted as a "loser" so they wanted me to be uplifted for once. It was a nice gesture, but as we'll see soon enough, they still had to get in a ton of jokes at my expense for some reason
"So what will you do then?" Toz asked.
"Talk to her, get to know her. I'm not one to rush relationships, so seeing if it will work out would probably be the best" Frank said.
"Why not just ask her to be your girlfriend? Seems around here everyone rushes into relationships" (everyone stares at Eyes, laugh track)
"What?" Eyes asked, confused.
"No way! One of "those" characters is enough" Frank said (laugh track)
I think I ad libbed that, but I can't be certain. Either way I wanted it to be clear I wasn't going to do it like the Eyes/Nessie thing. To be clear that wasn't Eyes' fault BTW- Terry was hired straight out of college and was still getting his feet wet in his career so his writing wasn't quite refined yet. Had he more experience, I think Eyes and Nessie could have worked out brilliantly if I'm being honest.
So in the end, Frank and the others found the conversation was getting no where and called it a night.
......
The next day, Frank decided to try and go talk to her again. So, he proceeded to make his way to her apartment
(Montage over cheerful music begins)
Frank walks over to the door and is about to knock, when suddenly the landlord's voice is heard "watch out! Water pipe burst!"
"Huh?" Frank says (Frank washed away by plume of water, laugh track)
If you look at when the camera cuts right about there, that's my stunt double. I normally do my own stunts but in this case they decided it wasn't worth the risk
(A little later: soaking wet Frank walks towards the door again)
Frank goes over to the door and is about to knock... when the floor gives out from underneath him and he plummets to the next floor.
"Oh dear, seems the water damage was worse than anticipated" the landlord said, concerned.
(A little later; frank is wet and covered in bruises)
Frank walked around the hole, and went to knock at the door... but a piece of the ceiling collapsed and crushed Frank
"Say nothing and I'll waive your rent for the next six months" the landlord said, panicking (laugh track), Frank sighed.
There was actually almost a real accident that day; luckily I moved into just the right spot at the right time and was spared the worst injuries; just a couple scrapes
A dry, and cleaned up Frank, now with bandages on his head, went to the door and rang the bell... only to fall through a trap door (laugh track)
"Hey! Our new burglary system works!" Rachelle shouted (laugh track)
Genuine reaction on my part; they did not tell me about the trap door; I thought what was supposed to happen was Rachelle was going to open the door and I would stand in just the right spot for the door to open into me and "Knock me out;" don't worry though, the fall was only 10 feet
Some time later, Frank cautiously steps around the obstacles... only to be suddenly run over by a bunch of charging football players
"What did I tell you about practicing in my hallway?! GET OUT!" The Landlord fumed (laugh track)
We literally went to the local university and paid each of their players 100 bucks for the day just to do this bit; you'd be surprised what college students will do for money these days. I knew a guy who donated platelets on the regular just for some extra cash
Some time later, Frank came back, and finally rang the doorbell.
"Oh, hello Frank" Rachelle said as she opened the door.
"Hey; I'm so sorry to bother you; but I just wanted to ask what your new roommate's name is; seems that in my haste a few days ago I forgot to properly introduce" Fra k explained.
"Oh, Rebecca? Don't worry about it; I'm sure she'll properly introduce herself when she gets back"
"Back?"
"Yes, she's at college now; ill let her know you stopped by" Rachelle said as she closed the door.
"Oh, I give up" Frank sighed sadly. "GAAHH!!" He screamed as he fell down the trap door again (laugh track)
Another genuine reaction; they never seemed to tell me when they would pull the trap door. Sometimes I wonder if they misunderstood "falling in love" as a premise
"Hmmm... I hope my lower neighbor doesn't mind the trapdoor" Rachelle thought; realizing she may not have thought the security system through.
The lower neighbor was named Sarah, and she was not happy!
"Hey! I don't appreciate you falling through my ceiling like this!"
"Sorry..." Frank said. "It's the people above you." And Frank explained about Rebecca.
"Well, why didn't you say so? I know just what to do!"
And she went on to explain her idea. "Could work... say, I do have one question though" Frank asked
"Yes?" Asked Sarah.
"Are you a new supporting character?" (Laugh track)
"Maybe..." *laugh track*
She was a nice person; hope she's doing well, we all lost touch with her after production stopped.
*cut to: Two Hours Later*
"Time to put our convoluted Rube Goldberg Machine Of Love into action!" *laugh track*
"Awesome! So what does it do?" Frank asked.
"Well, first you sit on this chair, which causes the rope to snap, letting the car go down the ramp, hitting the loose block, sending it towards the ruler, which causes it to fall, which dislodges the pan, which swings out and hits the button, that turns on the oven, which boils the water, which heats up the pot, that causes the balloon to inflate and pop, the force of which dislodges the fire ax, which cuts the rope, thus freeing the..."
Frank was hit on the head with an anvil (Laugh track, applause)
"How the heck does this help me?!" Frank asked.
"It's not ready yet! I've got about 37 more parts to install; now help me with the rubber chickens and the pottery wheel!" Sarah said (Laugh track)
More jokes at my expense... to be fair season 1 had a lot of jokes at Eyes' expense so I think this was just a way of evening things out
Two hours later, Frank stood outside Rebecca's door.
"You do realize I could have walked here, right?" He asked.
"Sure, but I had all these springs and hamster wheels lying around..." *laugh track*
Frank took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Rebecca opened it.
"Oh, hello there. Frank, right?" Rebecca asked.
"Yes, that's me. How are you enjoying the new apartment?" Frank asked.
"It's very nice; good people around here too" she replied.
"Glad to hear it. So, about moving day... I trust your "big heavy thing" wasn't damaged too bad?" (Laugh track)
"No, it was fine, thanks for asking."
Frank knew it was now or never. "Um, Rebecca, so I was wondering; since you're new to the city, I was wondering if you'd like to hang out sometime? Since it's a pretty big place with a lot to see, I thought it would really help out to show you some good spots that aren't too far from here" Frank offered.
"Sure; that sounds nice. My roommate hasn't been around much due to picking up overtime, so it would be nice to get to know the area" she replied.
"Great; tomorrow is Saturday, so..."
"Drop by here at noon; then we'll get going" she said.
"Sounds good to me" Frank replied.
"Ok; see you later"
"Good night" Frank said, then Rebecca closed the door
"I did it... I actually did it" Frank thought to himself. But his moment was short lived. "GAH!" Frank screamed as he fell down the trap door. (Laugh track)
After this fall I actually went on a tirade for about 2 minutes about how the gag wouldn't be seen as funny at this point and that they have to give me warning because it was reaching a point where I was afraid I'd break a leg. Which ironically is supposed to be good luck for an actor but that's not the point. Anyway, after that they said they'd let me know from now on
"Huh; another scream; oh well" Rebecca shrugged as she went back to the tv (laugh track)
Back in the apartment, the other four were talking to Sarah.
"You know, even though we live in a big urban apartment, we don't seem to know our neighbors that well." Tug observed.
"Maybe a future episode should explore that." TGC suggested.
"What do you mean "episode"?" Sarah asked. *laugh track*
Sarah didn't understand that meta awareness was part of the show's humor and got confused whenever we talked like this
But they were interrupted by Frank running in screaming joyfully. *laugh track*
"What happened Frank?" Tug asked.
"I finally talked to my neighbor without something overly ridiculous happening!" Frank said joyously
"But... you keep falling down their trap door" Toz pointed out
There's a deleted scene where I give the director a cold stare after this is said; in the grand scheme of things I guess its good it was cut
"Eh, I got used to it. Besides, we fall from the seventh floor regularly anyway and barely get hurt" Frank pointed out (laugh track)
Ad lib; actually I was more annoyed than "used to it" and seriously considered walking for a while after this scene
"Huh?" Sarah asked, confused.
"Oh yea, you'd be surprised; the bushes the landlord plants around here are surprisingly soft and are fantastic at breaking falls" Eyes pointed out (laugh track)
"And what do you mean we don't really know our neighbors? I regularly visit Uncle Mark on the fourth floor" Frank pointed out
In retrospect this line actually does make a lot of sense; since we didn't really interact with the neighbors beyond Uncle Mark
(Though yea, we should meet our members at some point)
"Well regardless, I'm off to bed" Frank said as he went to his room
(Scene change, next morning)
Frank is at the griddle making pancakes while everyone else is at the dining room table.
"So what are we doing?" Tug asked
"How the hell should I know? I thought we'd cut to me hanging out with Rebecca" Frank said (laugh track)
"No way... Frank said hell!" Eyes said, shocked
Yep, this scene was meant to be a "mid season surprise" to take the viewers off guard since I was notorious for never swearing. You should have seen the memes
Suddenly, an alarm went off. Toz and Tug spontaneously sprouted hazmat suits, and a gate appeared over the door. *laugh track*
"Protocol 69 initiated! Frank's pure, innocent mouth has been contaminated by foul language!" *laugh track* "He must be treated and then quarantined for 24 hours!"
"But I have to get to Rebecca's!"
"TOO BAD!"
Wait a minute...69? Oh haha, very funny Cliff. And you said you were above cheap laughs
Meanwhile, Rebecca was talking to her roommate Rachelle.
"Hey Rebecca, sorry I was gone all of yesterday, I was helping out at the mosque. I can show you around the city today if you want! You can see the Eiffel Tower, the Statue Of Liberty, the Great Wall Of China..." *laugh track*
"I'd love to, but Frank from the other apartment already offered."
"Well, he is the most stable of the five, I suppose." Rachelle looked over in their direction with a concerned look.
Not the most unusual compliment I've ever received, surprisingly enough. I'd tell you about the others but its not really relevant to this
"He's not coming until noon though, so until then, I have a mystery to solve." Rebecca donned a deerstalker cap and a novelty plastic pipe. *laugh track*
Rachelle rolled her eyes. "Oh, I see. You're as crazy as they are." *laugh track*
"Now, miss Khan, I keep hearing screams from the apartment below us, as though someone is either being tortured or falling from a great height." *laugh track* "I must get to the bottom of this mystery!"
(Cut to: Rebecca; on the sixth floor)
"So your name is Travis?" She asked the man at 6A
"That's correct" he began
"And... you're a bus driver?"
"Indeed"
"Not a lot of potential here" she muttered (laugh track) then she went to 6D
"Hey babe; what's your name?" Dominic said in a really jerk-like manner
"Somehow I think you'll be around a bit even though no one like you" (laugh track) she groaned as she went to 6B... but Sarah wasn't home. So she went to 6C
I think we created him to be the "*sshole" of the building but given the change in cultural tastes, I doubt he would be returning. Ugh, why does everything become offensive not even 10 years later
"Hi, I'm Ashley, and this is Bethany, Carrie, Donna and Elaine; we're living together to save money while we attend college"
"That's... not what I asked" a confused Rebecca replied (laugh track)
I think they were trying to introduce supporting characters, but it came across as really shoehorned and didn't work. That's what the next episode was for.
......
But the time had come for the plot to move forward, so...
Frank emerged from the apartment, and closed the door. "I feel really bad for having to do this, but clearly its the only way to ensure their safety."
*Toz and tug are seen tied to chairs with chains and ropes... hanging upside down from the ceiling, toz has a lemon in his mouth, and tug has a bar of soap in his mouth, and they are suspended over... a pile of their week old laundry from gym day (laugh track)
No, they aren't actually on the ceiling despite the constant internet rumors that say otherwise; we couldn't risk them getting concussions if something broke. Instead, what you see is they used duct tape to adhere dirty clothes to the ceiling then flipped the camera after setting up Toz and Tug on the floor. the illusion was kind of ruined though since Toz had long hair at the time and you can tell from how its falling where the gravity actually is
[How the heck did Frank pull this off!?] Toz said through his muffled mouth
[You tell me, you're the one who turned away for a moment!] Tug replied
[How can we understand each other?]
[ Not sure about you; but I'm good at reading subtitles backwards ] (laugh track)
Actually one of my favorite meta jokes; it was initially meant for me in a season 1 episode but I relented and Tug ended up with this one
*Cut to: Frank and Rebecca meeting outside the building.
"... and these are the shrubs around the building; softicus landicus... they are renown for their ability to cushion people's falls from heights as great as 300 feet" Frank explained.
"Are you sure that's accurate?" Rebecca asked.
"Oh my God! I'm late for work!" Someone screamed as they leaped from the tenth floor... and landed safely in the bushes. (laugh track)
"Morning Frank" he said as he brushed himself off
"Oh, morning Ronald; late for the University again?" Frank asked.
"Indeed; sorry I can't talk, but I am not missing the last express bus" he said as he dashed off.
"Who's he?" Rebecca asked.
"Ronald; professor at a local university... there's some good folks in our building, and others not so much. You'll see in due time" Frank explained as they left to go look around town.
Admittedly this doesn't feel as shoehorned, but we definitely should have held off on the introductions until the next episode
From behind a bush, Eyes and TGC popped out.
"We have to make sure Frank's date goes well!" Eyes yelled.
"I have to steal Frank's date with my White Face Troublesome Truck!" TGC yelled.
"Why you little!" And the two engaged in PHYSICAL COMEDY! (laugh track)
So they proceeded to engage in some slapstick comedy a la the three stooges... that doesn't translate well into a written post *laugh track
Hands down, some of the best slapstick of the show and... wait, where did the rubber chicken come from?
......
Frank and Rebecca proceeded to walk down the street, with Frank showing her what was within reasonable walking distance of the apartment.
"... and over here we have the best bagel shop... and just two doors down is a really great pizza parlor. Oh, and over there is the high school, but you wouldn't have much need to go there. So what brings you here anyway?" Frank asked.
"I'm studying at University; majoring in astronomy" Rebecca said.
"Would that be Wendleton University?" Frank asked.
"Why yes; familiar with it?" Rebecca asked.
"Ronald works there... man, if he was your professor, what are the odds, right?"
"Maybe... what does he teach anyway?" Rebecca asked.
"I... don't know" Frank said, confused *laugh track
In hindsight, because he wasn't an established character, the joke wasn't as funny as it could have been
Frank and Rebecca proceeded to have a very nice afternoon around town. Frank was not one for bars and clubs, but much to his relief he found that Rebecca did enjoy museums as well, so they did enjoy seeing a couple around town.
When time came for dinner, they weren't quite sure what they wanted.
"I feel like a burger, but then again I could go for something like a steak" Frank began.
"I'm not sure what I want; we could go somewhere that has a little of everything" Rebecca proposed.
They stood there for a moment and thought.
"Cheesecake Factory?"
"Cheesecake factory" Rebecca agreed (laugh track), and they proceeded to head over to the branch in the city. For the first time in a while, Frank actually didn't feel so down. He was getting to know his neighbor and was out and about. It was a really nice day.
We almost shot inside the actual location for this scene; but we didn't fill out the permits properly so we ended up nixing the scene all together
"You look rather happy Frank; enjoying yourself?" Rebecca asked.
"Oh, yes. See... I often feel like I live the kind of life where ridiculous things happen so often, its almost as if I solely exist for the purpose of... I don't know, people getting amusement from the situations I find myself in (laugh track). Just this once, it feels great to finally have a nice night and not have to worry about..."
"Hey, look out!" Someone shouted. Frank and Rebecca turned around. To their horror, a bunch of large pipes were rolling towards them. They began running for their lives.
"Where did those pipes even come from?!" Rebecca shouted.
"Honestly, in a city where there are landmarks from all over the world and shrubs that can cushion massive falls, I've come to accept that anything can happen around here without reasonable explanation" Frank stated (laugh track)
I was originally going to say "Who cares? Run!" but at this point I was kind of at my limit with jokes being made at my expense when my character was just meant to be happy so I ad libbed that to point out the ridiculousness of the situation
The two ran frantically down the street until they reached a point where they could turn into an alley to avoid the pipes. "In here!" Rebecca shouted. Frank tried to follow, but found himself stuck in the sidewalk.
"Huh?" Frank looked up to see a sign, "Warning: Quick drying cement" (laugh track). Then Frank looked up to see the pipes rolling towards him
"Frank!!" Rebecca shouted.
"Why do these things ALWAYS happen to me?!" Frank said as he practically began crying and the pipes came ever closer.
As the pipes got closer, Frank suddenly realized.
"Hang on, those are just normal-sized drinking straws and really forced perspective!" *laugh track*
"Well duh, this is a closed set." Rebecca pointed out. "That's not even real cement." *laugh track*
Frank stepped out and the two continued on their merry way.
If you ask me, this was funnier than the initial idea of a Buster Keaton-esque gag of me standing in one place while the pipe harmlessly rolled over me because I happened to be right where a hole in the pipe was
They enjoyed a nice meal at the Cheesecake Factory, and in typical Cheesecake Factory fashion they enjoyed plentiful portions and had leftovers to take home.
They made their way back to the apartment, each with a bag of leftovers.
"Man that was good; we should hang out again sometime" Frank said.
"I agree. But are you sure you were fine with paying the bill?" Rebecca asked.
"I was told that if a male and female share a meal, it's only polite for the male to pay the check" Frank said, blushing in embarrassment (laugh track)
"Why the heck did you say that out loud you idiot! You really are the socially awkward one!" Frank's inner voice shouted *laugh track
Genuine tip I read online... don't know how accurate it is these days though
And in that moment, Frank realized he probably picked the wrong response...
"Yeah but I hear it's the female's job to take the male back to her place and show him a good time," said Rebecca.
"Um wait wha-"
She ad libbed that; told me after that she was curious how I would have reacted to that idea
*laugh track*
"Just kidding; what kind of girl do you think I am anyway?" Rebecca said s they entered the first floor of the building.
"A... a very nice girl who I'd like to hang out with again if you had a good time today" Frank replied
(Audience "awws" at that moment)
Rebecca smiled. "You know what? That sounds nice. How about a movie next weekend?"
"Sure. I'll call you to set it up."
"Alright." By now the duo had reached their floor. They waved goodbye as they entered their rooms... and Frank was immediately jumped by his roommates *laugh track*
At this point I was just rolling with the punches. And if it feels like something is missing from this episode; yea, all the subplot stuff wasn't filmed because of the breakup
"Hey, what the?!" Frank said as they forced him into the couch.
"You've got a lot to answer for Frank" Tug said as he brandished a pipe. "What? We've got a leak under the sink" *laugh track. Tug then hiccupped and bubbles came out of his mouth *laugh track)
When you see me crack a smile there; they didn't tell me that Tug had a visual gag in store and I couldn't help but chuckle there
"Where have you been all day?" Toz followed up with
"Is she your new girlfriend?" Eyes asked.
"Why the Cheesecake Factory?" TGC asked.
"Did you really have to tie us up like that?"
"Is Sarah a new main character?" Toz asked (laugh track)
"Don't be ridiculous! If she were a new main character she would have been introduced in the season premiere!" Frank pointed out *laugh track
"Eh, true" Toz agreed
Hey, I don't write the rules, that's just how it works
CUT TO: Sarah in her apartment
"Hmm... I don't know why but I think I'll slap Frank next time I see him" *laugh track
Fun fact- in what would have been episode 8 she would have slapped me; a "brick gag" if you will
Lights went out. Frank was puzzled, when with a "shush", he was led... somewhere. A dark passageway, he assumed. Where it led he had no idea.
Finally they stopped and lights came on. They were in... the prison, and there was Aunt Angie.
"WHAT?" cried Frank. "I thought it was next week's episode we tackle this problem!"
"You guessed wrong," said TGC. "We're doing a high-scale breakout cuz that fuck-up Eyes ain't here this week."
"What does Eyes have to do with it?"
EVERYTHING!
Bam! Sudden episode ending.
Yea I was really confused by this scene, especially since the next episode had nothing to do with this ending. If you're curious about why the camera only looks at Aunt Angie from a specific angle, its because that is a body double; the actress wasn't there for the reasons I discussed earlier.
The 3WSR Show is brought you by the following sponsors: Order of the Stick, Diesel 11 Enterprises, Cannibal Corner, Tuggington Bakeries, ProBoards.com, The Guys Cast Productions, Seattle, The Bronze Mage, Hans Gruber, Anton LaVey, El Goonish Shive, Sofia Petrillo, TOZ, Sarah & Friends, Thomas the Tank Engine, A. W. Dry, Internet, Boredom, Frank's Trivia Land, and Sleep Deprivation.
And from viewers like you.
Thank you!
I actually grew up watching PBS shows like Dragon Tales, Cyberchase and a few others so I was able to really appreciate this reference. Well, that does it, the last full episode complete. And what do you know, I didn't have to make a screwdriver! Speaking of which I'd better check the bottle, I know it was full when we started season 2 but I'd better check that.... *Frank looks taken aback when he realizes his bottle of Grey Goose is empty* Good Lord... just how bad was season 2? Ah well, at least there isn't much left. Join me next time when I share some comments on the last episode that had material filmed for it. Till then!
|
|
|
Post by frankthetriviaman on Dec 7, 2022 0:03:41 GMT -5
*Cut to: Frank is sitting on a couch in a living room*
"Hi everybody! It's Frank from the 3WSR Show! Now you're probably expecting me to do a commentary on The Petition, right? Well, that's not going to happen. Not only did we not finish filming the episode, but honestly there just isn't anything there worth commenting on. I will say this though.
This was the episode that would have finally made the world feel alive. We were going to establish a large, varied supporting cast and really explore the world around our apartment and not just be defined by things from our point of view. But... yea, the break up. I was actually the last one to jump ship before production was canned. We managed to film some scenes with just me and there was talk of using "Fake Shemps" for the others, but ultimately my heart just wasn't in it anymore. I walked when I couldn't stand the idea of doing this without the others, and went on to do a couple other projects before coming back for this one.
So, what's next for the 3WSR Show? Well, there is talk about having the others do commentary on the episodes, and Toz has already expressed interest and given commentary on the band episode, so we may see more of that. Furthermore, we are currently in talks about reviving the show, so here's hoping they pull through.
This brings us to the end of the road. Thank you all for joining me on this journey, and I hope that if the revival goes through, you'll join us on our zany adventures once again
|
|