Post by Toz76 on Sept 9, 2017 0:18:19 GMT -5
In the early ninieties, a Dutch noble had an affair with a woman in the Irish royal family. The noble died, but not before getting the woman pregnant with triplets. Fearing an international incident, the woman fled to Albania with only a trusted mute nurse to have the children.
The first two kids were horribly deformed, vaguely reptilian, and stillborn. The third child was perfectly healthy, but as soon as the birthmark on their forehead became visible, the nurse knew what had happened. This child was an abomination. She fled with the he child, and the two lived in isolation in a nunnery for seven years. The nurse, who died soon after the child became toilet-trained, was the only one that ever saw the child's genitals. Living in an all-female environment, the child never knew any men and referred to themselves as female... until they were sent to the Vatican to be exorcised. They refused to believe that such a demon could possess an innocent young girl, and they were of course too prudish to check, so they refered to the child as a male.
But a couple of months after their arrival, radical atheists raided the Vatican and kidnapped the child. As we all know, all atheists secretly worship satan, and these atheists were planning to unleash the demon inside the child into the world. Pursued by the Popesquad, they eventually swapped the child with an innocent boy at a Chinese orphanage, and a few months later, the child, now known as Adam, was adopted by a redneck family in Louisiana.
The rednecks were as redneck as redneck can be. They were extremely backwards on sex ed, so Adam still knew nothing about the differences between male and female. But they did know a few things that their adopted family didn't: namely, that being racist towards the black next-door neighbors, the Cavanaughs, was just wrong. One day, an argument between them and their family broke out, and the father, in his rage, yanked their pants down, revealing their naughty buts for the first time. Suddenly, Riley, the oldest son of the black family next door, leapt over the fence, gun in hand, to protect the only Robertson that had ever been nice to him. When the dust cleared, only one person hadn't been shot: Adam. They fled, and hitchhiked their way to Massachusetts, where they searched for a family to take them in. They were eventually found by a gay couple who took them in without question. Not wanting to carry the name of the Robertsons anymore, the child took a new name: that of their hero, Riley Cavanaugh.
Riley's new family were until recently the only surviving people who had seen them naked. They were extremely supportive and introduced Riley to the concept of being genderqueer, a label they eagerly embraced. However, their androgyny got them in trouble at their school. In one case, someone they thought was a friend took a picture of their junk and brought a printout to school, where they showed a dozen friends.
Suddenly, a student walked into the school and shot every single person who had seen the picture. Though they were all standing around Riley mocking them, Riley was unhurt, with one eyewitness claiming a bullet had turned 180 degrees to avoid them. The photograph vanished, and all devices it was stored on were suddenly irreparably corrupted. The shooter claimed he had been possessed by the antichrist to shoot those people, but this was ignored in court, largely because he was a practicing Buddhist. After that, Riley was homeschooled.
Riley lost their virginity to a young woman named Sharon while in college. The very next day, Sharon, Riley, and a couple friends were in a car, and Sharon was joking about Riley's nether regions. An infuriated Riley burst into tears and demanded the girls let out of the car. They pulled to the curb, let Riley out, and were t-boned at the next intersection by a truck driver who later claimed he had been overcome by a sudden urge to run them over in his guilty plea. Riley later dated a man named Todd, who was a heroin addict. He told his friends about their first time the next day as they were getting high. An autopsy report revealed that the needles were contaminated with an extremely-fast acting form of HIV, but the overdose killed them long before the virus did.
After this, Riley stopped dating and moved to a large ocean town in the Midwest, where they got a job as a secretary at a wacky inventions firm. It was there they met a group of five obnoxious guys, including their future boyfriend and the only other person to see them naked and live, TGC. The death by genetically modified salmonella of everyone at the nude beach they once visited is still under investigation.
The first two kids were horribly deformed, vaguely reptilian, and stillborn. The third child was perfectly healthy, but as soon as the birthmark on their forehead became visible, the nurse knew what had happened. This child was an abomination. She fled with the he child, and the two lived in isolation in a nunnery for seven years. The nurse, who died soon after the child became toilet-trained, was the only one that ever saw the child's genitals. Living in an all-female environment, the child never knew any men and referred to themselves as female... until they were sent to the Vatican to be exorcised. They refused to believe that such a demon could possess an innocent young girl, and they were of course too prudish to check, so they refered to the child as a male.
But a couple of months after their arrival, radical atheists raided the Vatican and kidnapped the child. As we all know, all atheists secretly worship satan, and these atheists were planning to unleash the demon inside the child into the world. Pursued by the Popesquad, they eventually swapped the child with an innocent boy at a Chinese orphanage, and a few months later, the child, now known as Adam, was adopted by a redneck family in Louisiana.
The rednecks were as redneck as redneck can be. They were extremely backwards on sex ed, so Adam still knew nothing about the differences between male and female. But they did know a few things that their adopted family didn't: namely, that being racist towards the black next-door neighbors, the Cavanaughs, was just wrong. One day, an argument between them and their family broke out, and the father, in his rage, yanked their pants down, revealing their naughty buts for the first time. Suddenly, Riley, the oldest son of the black family next door, leapt over the fence, gun in hand, to protect the only Robertson that had ever been nice to him. When the dust cleared, only one person hadn't been shot: Adam. They fled, and hitchhiked their way to Massachusetts, where they searched for a family to take them in. They were eventually found by a gay couple who took them in without question. Not wanting to carry the name of the Robertsons anymore, the child took a new name: that of their hero, Riley Cavanaugh.
Riley's new family were until recently the only surviving people who had seen them naked. They were extremely supportive and introduced Riley to the concept of being genderqueer, a label they eagerly embraced. However, their androgyny got them in trouble at their school. In one case, someone they thought was a friend took a picture of their junk and brought a printout to school, where they showed a dozen friends.
Suddenly, a student walked into the school and shot every single person who had seen the picture. Though they were all standing around Riley mocking them, Riley was unhurt, with one eyewitness claiming a bullet had turned 180 degrees to avoid them. The photograph vanished, and all devices it was stored on were suddenly irreparably corrupted. The shooter claimed he had been possessed by the antichrist to shoot those people, but this was ignored in court, largely because he was a practicing Buddhist. After that, Riley was homeschooled.
Riley lost their virginity to a young woman named Sharon while in college. The very next day, Sharon, Riley, and a couple friends were in a car, and Sharon was joking about Riley's nether regions. An infuriated Riley burst into tears and demanded the girls let out of the car. They pulled to the curb, let Riley out, and were t-boned at the next intersection by a truck driver who later claimed he had been overcome by a sudden urge to run them over in his guilty plea. Riley later dated a man named Todd, who was a heroin addict. He told his friends about their first time the next day as they were getting high. An autopsy report revealed that the needles were contaminated with an extremely-fast acting form of HIV, but the overdose killed them long before the virus did.
After this, Riley stopped dating and moved to a large ocean town in the Midwest, where they got a job as a secretary at a wacky inventions firm. It was there they met a group of five obnoxious guys, including their future boyfriend and the only other person to see them naked and live, TGC. The death by genetically modified salmonella of everyone at the nude beach they once visited is still under investigation.