Post by Toz76 on Jun 4, 2016 22:50:16 GMT -5
Prologue:
Foods and Humans have fought for dominance for centuries. Only foods are capable of speech, so Humans are viewed as unnatural. The fact that they are the number one predator of foods also contributes to their fearsome reputation (though this is a bit hypocritical, as many foods have been known to indulge in eating at so-called "Yum-bars").
Humans and foods, for the most part, evolved with one another. Foods evolved elaborate defense mechanisms to protect themselves from humans (like spikes on pineapples, toxic pesticide scares and judgement impairments from alcohol), while humans have found ways to innovate past these (like knives, organic produce and designated drivers).
To truly understand Food, one must understand its history. So I have prepared a timeline of Food History.
-8000 BC: Humans and Foods encounter each other in close quarters for the first time when farming becomes commonplace.
-5000 BC: Foods copy human culture, language, and customs. At this time, they are subservient to humans.
-3000 BC: Great food uprising. Beginning of true food culture. Fudia, first food nation, established.
-2500 BC: Fudia reaches height. At this time, Vegetables are the upper class, with Fruits being lower class. Other foods are eaten still. Great Food Pyramid at Gala built.
-1800 BC: Meats revolt, establish ancient Grease. In the next century, the Nuts form the Macaroonian people, Fruits establish Pearsia, and the cheeses found Babyloafia.
-1500 BC: Philip of Macaroon conquers Grease, Babyloafia, and Pearsia, creating the Macaroonian empire, the first to treat all foods equally. Cabbage established. Ancient Romaines form Republic.
-800 BC: The Romaines and the Cabbages go to war. Though Cannibal, the Cabbage general, uses Elephant Ears to great effect, they are soon conquered.
-400 BC: Romaine Republic conquers Macaroonian Empire, reestablishes Fudian class system.
-100 BC: Romaine Republic covers much of Europe, however it is internally crippled by bureaucracy.
-40 BC: Young revolutionary Julius Caesar Salad is assassinated, leaving a power vacuum and starting a civil war.
-37 BC: After conquering Fudia and unifying foodkind for the first time in nearly 1800 years, Orange Julius Caesar, the adoptive son of Caesar Salad, takes the title of Romaine Emperor. Romaine Empire established. All foods equal under the law, though only drinks can become emperor.
-453 AD: Romaine Empire falls. Food culture in disarray.
-652 AD: Many foods convert to Islam, due to the dietary restrictions.
-1099 AD: Great Kitchen, or the United Kitchen, is founded by Richard of Pork.
-1573 AD: Great Kitchen controls the food world. Food-Human war. Humans win.
-1783 AD: United Pantries of America declares independence from Great Kitchen. Following their example, Grease, Italian Soda, French Toast, Danishes, and Turkey follow suit.
-1867 AD: Apricot Airlines established, more than 30 years before first human flight.
-1901: Hamburgia established.
-1919-1933: World War Food. The war, between Hamburgia and Great Kitchen, ends with Great Kitchen victorious, but at a cost- Teriyaki has split into North and South Teriyaki, the Raspberries have migrated En Masse to Madagascar, and Quince is no longer commonly eaten.
1956: Yum-bars banned, many still exist in secret. Peach Skin is traded from Turkey, though it is considered barbaric.
-1999: Sothrenia and Africa are established as no-foods land. New Hamburgia almost declares war on the Wiggles for "Fruit Salad".
As you can see, food culture is complex. And the 9 foods who changed it forever in the summer of 2013- well, they get a whole thread!
Foods and Humans have fought for dominance for centuries. Only foods are capable of speech, so Humans are viewed as unnatural. The fact that they are the number one predator of foods also contributes to their fearsome reputation (though this is a bit hypocritical, as many foods have been known to indulge in eating at so-called "Yum-bars").
Humans and foods, for the most part, evolved with one another. Foods evolved elaborate defense mechanisms to protect themselves from humans (like spikes on pineapples, toxic pesticide scares and judgement impairments from alcohol), while humans have found ways to innovate past these (like knives, organic produce and designated drivers).
To truly understand Food, one must understand its history. So I have prepared a timeline of Food History.
-8000 BC: Humans and Foods encounter each other in close quarters for the first time when farming becomes commonplace.
-5000 BC: Foods copy human culture, language, and customs. At this time, they are subservient to humans.
-3000 BC: Great food uprising. Beginning of true food culture. Fudia, first food nation, established.
-2500 BC: Fudia reaches height. At this time, Vegetables are the upper class, with Fruits being lower class. Other foods are eaten still. Great Food Pyramid at Gala built.
-1800 BC: Meats revolt, establish ancient Grease. In the next century, the Nuts form the Macaroonian people, Fruits establish Pearsia, and the cheeses found Babyloafia.
-1500 BC: Philip of Macaroon conquers Grease, Babyloafia, and Pearsia, creating the Macaroonian empire, the first to treat all foods equally. Cabbage established. Ancient Romaines form Republic.
-800 BC: The Romaines and the Cabbages go to war. Though Cannibal, the Cabbage general, uses Elephant Ears to great effect, they are soon conquered.
-400 BC: Romaine Republic conquers Macaroonian Empire, reestablishes Fudian class system.
-100 BC: Romaine Republic covers much of Europe, however it is internally crippled by bureaucracy.
-40 BC: Young revolutionary Julius Caesar Salad is assassinated, leaving a power vacuum and starting a civil war.
-37 BC: After conquering Fudia and unifying foodkind for the first time in nearly 1800 years, Orange Julius Caesar, the adoptive son of Caesar Salad, takes the title of Romaine Emperor. Romaine Empire established. All foods equal under the law, though only drinks can become emperor.
-453 AD: Romaine Empire falls. Food culture in disarray.
-652 AD: Many foods convert to Islam, due to the dietary restrictions.
-1099 AD: Great Kitchen, or the United Kitchen, is founded by Richard of Pork.
-1573 AD: Great Kitchen controls the food world. Food-Human war. Humans win.
-1783 AD: United Pantries of America declares independence from Great Kitchen. Following their example, Grease, Italian Soda, French Toast, Danishes, and Turkey follow suit.
-1867 AD: Apricot Airlines established, more than 30 years before first human flight.
-1901: Hamburgia established.
-1919-1933: World War Food. The war, between Hamburgia and Great Kitchen, ends with Great Kitchen victorious, but at a cost- Teriyaki has split into North and South Teriyaki, the Raspberries have migrated En Masse to Madagascar, and Quince is no longer commonly eaten.
1956: Yum-bars banned, many still exist in secret. Peach Skin is traded from Turkey, though it is considered barbaric.
-1999: Sothrenia and Africa are established as no-foods land. New Hamburgia almost declares war on the Wiggles for "Fruit Salad".
As you can see, food culture is complex. And the 9 foods who changed it forever in the summer of 2013- well, they get a whole thread!