Post by Toz76 on Sept 19, 2023 4:23:46 GMT -5
Immortality takes a toll on folks at the best of times, but Mister Marvelous was probably handling it worse than anyone.
The problem with living forever is that you rapidly get bored. Sure, there are billions of galaxies with billions of worlds within, but at a certain point they all look the same. And nothing interesting ever happens on them. Fiction can be a fun escape, until you've read so much that you can predict the ending by the end of the first chapter. The turn to hedonism is obvious, but even taking lethal doses of every psychedelic at once gets boring after the 500th time. From there, the option is usually either to turn towards intellectual pursuits, to try and understand the universe on a fundamental level, or to turn to wanton violence and destruction. But there are people out there, like Teacher and Ouranos and Cantus, who don't really like it when you do that. So Mister Marvelous has just been spinning his wheels in the hedonism phase for several billion years, trying and struggling to find something to entertain him.
Today, he decided to entertain himself by showing up to Drivantial's dimension unanounced. Drivantial didn't bother hiding his pocket dimension as closely as those on their level of power usually did, so it was pretty easy for Marvelous to unfold reality in the right places and slip through a crack in the fifth dimension to find Drivantial.
Drivantial had decorated his dimension to resemble an apartment on Virgo Prime, the very first planet in the universe to evolve humanoid life. He was bustling around a small kitchen, making something roughly analogous to an earth omelet. Other than the blatant "Grim Reaper" vibes that Drivantial gave off, it was a very cosy, domestic setting. The light of binary suns streaming through the window was entirely handcrafted by Drivantial, of course, but sometimes, on the rare occasions that ennui hadn't entirely consumed him, he could almost convince himself it was real.
Mister Marvelous popped into the kitchen, dressed in a purple velvet suit and donning a monocle, attempting to capture a "quirky railroad baron who moonlights as a gameshow host" vibe. He just looked silly.
Drivantial whirled in shock when Marvelous appeared, dropping his omelet-like thing on the floor.
"Damn it! You cannot show up in someone's dimension unannounced! These spaces are private!"
Marvelous laughed. "Worried I'd catch you jerking it?"
"We both transcended physical desire billions of years ago," Drivantial said, not amused. "You are lucky I did not attack you. I believed Mark had finally come to finish me off."
"Well, he is good at death. Probably better at it than you."
Drivantial sneered. "He is merely 'good at' death. I am death." He gathered up the fallen omelet and began carefully reconstructing it molecule by molecule.
"Listen, Driviantial-"
"Incorrect pronunciation."
"Shut up. I was thinking, you and I haven't hung out in, what, a few thousand years?"
"I saw you a mere seven years ago when Teacher and I stopped you from rearranging the Scarketis Nebula into the shape of a Laniakean member."
"That doesn't count, you two just ruined my fun and then left. Dicks. I thought you hated Teacher."
"I do not hate anything in this universe, save of course for Sol. Teacher and I are diametrically opposed, him governing life and I death, but we are as two sides of the same coin. You, meanwhile, are an unpaired dyad, a dangerously unopposed force of madness that lacks a counterbalancing force of order."
"Hey now, I think my madness makes me cool." Mister Marvelous created a top hat for himself, so he could remove it and take a dramatic bow.
"Please get out of my dimension," Drivantial said. "I am not afraid to summon the titans."
"You'd wake them up for this?" Marvelous laughed.
"How many times has a titan awoken just to stop you from destroying a civilization for your amusement?" Drivantial asked.
Mister Marvelous laughed. "A mere fourteen thousand, seven hundred and twelve times. And it's usually just Sol or Mel, they're barely titans."
"They are no less Titans than Saxum or Vepo. They all created this beautiful universe to float in the body of Abaddon and the mind of Toz, to stave off the Idea Devourer as long as possible. They are worthy of your respect."
"All I'm saying is, maybe Nox shouldn't have stopped with banishing Prometheus, you know?" Mister Marvelous said, laughing as if he'd said something hilarious. If you are a being with absolute control over the universe, this might be a decent joke. Are you that sort of being?
Drivantial sighed. "This conversation is frivolous and I tire of it. Toz above, please get Mister Marvelous out of here." Ordinarily, when one invokes a higher power in speech, they have no way of knowing whether that power exists or is listening, but when Drivantial invoked Toz, he knew full well that she was actively controlling every aspect of this conversation. One does not become a master over the entire universe without learning just how powerless everything is beneath the might of the author.
"Hey now, I just came here to challenge you to a friendly game!" Mister Marvelous said. "Want to play darts?"
"That is a clever joke, I admit" Drivantial said, getting as close to a smile as he was capable. "Of course there is no point in beings like us playing darts, for we can simply manipulate the fabric of space to ensure perfect trajectories for each dart. I admit the concept amuses me, and I thank you for bringing mirth into my eternity for a brief moment. Now leave."
"No, I'm serious. I mean, when you get to our level, we never leave anything to chance. Other than our interactions with each other and the odd Titan or Cubus, we never just do stuff without letting our status as gods get in the way."
"We have transcended the body. We no longer rely on it. We keep it around more or less out of habit. Some of the old ones do not even do that. To return to it and its limitations would be, to use an inadequate metaphor, like cutting off a limb."
Mister Marvelous pouted. "Come on... I'm so bored! Can we at least go prank the new guy? Replace his matter with antimatter or something?"
"Bright Turquoise is a valued member of the all-powerful being community. He may only have a few hundred years under his belt, but I think he's done admirably."
"Oh, please. He's obsessed with his homeworld. You know, Earth? The one with all the plants? That guy's gonna flame out and turn into a Failed One within a few millenia, you just watch."
"I expect big things to come from that planet soon. The God of Destruction has already made his way there, and at least two titans have had their eyes on it for thousands of years."
"The Titans just like focusing on random planets for a while until the residents wipe themselves out. You know this."
"This planet isn't random. It is the one where The Plot is occuring. A version of this planet is where she lives." Drivantial made a gesture vaguely upward to refer to "she".
"Okay, and? Not my problem." Mister Marvelous was remarkably blase about the weight of this statement.
"Bright Turquoise may prove far more important than any of us when it comes to the fate of this universe." Drivantial said.
"Oh, please. Just because he's from the planet where The Plot is doesn't mean he's that important."
"It absolutely does." Drivantial said. "Teacher chose wisely in training that one."
"Wait, TEACHER gave Bright Turquoise his powers?"
"Is this not common knowledge? I ran into True Defender a few years back and even it knew."
"Damn!" Marvelous stomped his foot. "This is why I actually need to talk to people."
"Why does this perturb you so?"
"It's not right that Teacher gets to influence The Plot but we don't."
"Then go influence the plot. Complicate things further."
"I will, thanks. I'll find another earthling and give that one great power. A girl one. And she'll be the anti-Bright Turquoise."
"I was being sarcastic. Please do not get involved. You will only make things worse."
"Too late." Mister Marvelous clapped his hands, and the window of Drivantial's apartment was replaced with a massive dartboard. Covering each space on the dartboard were a million tiny faces: every living earth woman.
"I'm gonna choose her at random," Marvelous explained. "I'm just going to throw the dart with my normal, flesh-and-blood arm. I'm not going to manipulate the air currents, or the trajectory, I'm just going to let true, pure randomness guide my hand."
"You are a fool." Drivantial sighed. "Even if you temporarily cease your mastery over all reality, you must still contend with Toz. The dart will land where she wishes it to land, much as she has dictated every part of this conversation and every choice anyone in this universe has ever made or ever will."
"Ugh, I fucking hate metafiction," Marvelous said, and he through the dart.
The dart sailed through the air and hit a dark-haired woman right in the pupil of her piercing blue eye. Marvelous removed the photograph and inspected it.
Drivantial watched, arms crossed."This result was inevitable. Toz wanted you to choose her."
"Shut up." Marvelous examined the image. "Hmmm... named Anna, recently left her husband... ooh, she's a Vizier of a place called the Deszeld Empire... and the emperor is..." Marvelous chuckled. "Oh, Toz, excellent choice. She'll make a perfect champion."
Marvelous climbed out of the pocket dimension through the same hole he used to get in, and began cutting his way across the universe towards Earth. Maybe he could find other ways to entertain himself while he was there, force some earthlings to fight for his amusement or something.
This was going to be the most fun he'd had in billions of years.
_____________________________________
It's been a while since the last time I pressed the "create thread" button and just started typing some nonsense. This was actually supposed to be about the feeling of futility that people my age feel, living with the near-certain belief that humanity isn't going to make it through the century. This would be represented by a woman living through a terrible evening, while above her Mister Marvelous and Drivantial (he's from the old canon, trust me on this) play darts to determine what bad thing happens to her next. Unfortunately, I started actually thinking about what would happen if someone as powerful as Mister Marvelous actually tried to play darts, because he can just control reality to make the darts go where he wants. And even if he doesn't, he knows about the writers, and he knows that Toz ultimately controls where the darts land... but you've read the story already, you get it.
Anyway, this story did not end up being what I wanted it to be, but I took the opportunity to cram as many references to the cosmic-level beings of 3WSR into this as possible. This includes the Titans, which Tug was setting up right at the very end of the old canon. I don't think this story is canon to TozWSR/BBB because I don't know if I'll include the Titans at all, not to mention that there's nary a hint of fourth-wall breaking in those stories. But some version of this does happen. At the very least, Anna in the Deszeld Empire goes on to become...
The problem with living forever is that you rapidly get bored. Sure, there are billions of galaxies with billions of worlds within, but at a certain point they all look the same. And nothing interesting ever happens on them. Fiction can be a fun escape, until you've read so much that you can predict the ending by the end of the first chapter. The turn to hedonism is obvious, but even taking lethal doses of every psychedelic at once gets boring after the 500th time. From there, the option is usually either to turn towards intellectual pursuits, to try and understand the universe on a fundamental level, or to turn to wanton violence and destruction. But there are people out there, like Teacher and Ouranos and Cantus, who don't really like it when you do that. So Mister Marvelous has just been spinning his wheels in the hedonism phase for several billion years, trying and struggling to find something to entertain him.
Today, he decided to entertain himself by showing up to Drivantial's dimension unanounced. Drivantial didn't bother hiding his pocket dimension as closely as those on their level of power usually did, so it was pretty easy for Marvelous to unfold reality in the right places and slip through a crack in the fifth dimension to find Drivantial.
Drivantial had decorated his dimension to resemble an apartment on Virgo Prime, the very first planet in the universe to evolve humanoid life. He was bustling around a small kitchen, making something roughly analogous to an earth omelet. Other than the blatant "Grim Reaper" vibes that Drivantial gave off, it was a very cosy, domestic setting. The light of binary suns streaming through the window was entirely handcrafted by Drivantial, of course, but sometimes, on the rare occasions that ennui hadn't entirely consumed him, he could almost convince himself it was real.
Mister Marvelous popped into the kitchen, dressed in a purple velvet suit and donning a monocle, attempting to capture a "quirky railroad baron who moonlights as a gameshow host" vibe. He just looked silly.
Drivantial whirled in shock when Marvelous appeared, dropping his omelet-like thing on the floor.
"Damn it! You cannot show up in someone's dimension unannounced! These spaces are private!"
Marvelous laughed. "Worried I'd catch you jerking it?"
"We both transcended physical desire billions of years ago," Drivantial said, not amused. "You are lucky I did not attack you. I believed Mark had finally come to finish me off."
"Well, he is good at death. Probably better at it than you."
Drivantial sneered. "He is merely 'good at' death. I am death." He gathered up the fallen omelet and began carefully reconstructing it molecule by molecule.
"Listen, Driviantial-"
"Incorrect pronunciation."
"Shut up. I was thinking, you and I haven't hung out in, what, a few thousand years?"
"I saw you a mere seven years ago when Teacher and I stopped you from rearranging the Scarketis Nebula into the shape of a Laniakean member."
"That doesn't count, you two just ruined my fun and then left. Dicks. I thought you hated Teacher."
"I do not hate anything in this universe, save of course for Sol. Teacher and I are diametrically opposed, him governing life and I death, but we are as two sides of the same coin. You, meanwhile, are an unpaired dyad, a dangerously unopposed force of madness that lacks a counterbalancing force of order."
"Hey now, I think my madness makes me cool." Mister Marvelous created a top hat for himself, so he could remove it and take a dramatic bow.
"Please get out of my dimension," Drivantial said. "I am not afraid to summon the titans."
"You'd wake them up for this?" Marvelous laughed.
"How many times has a titan awoken just to stop you from destroying a civilization for your amusement?" Drivantial asked.
Mister Marvelous laughed. "A mere fourteen thousand, seven hundred and twelve times. And it's usually just Sol or Mel, they're barely titans."
"They are no less Titans than Saxum or Vepo. They all created this beautiful universe to float in the body of Abaddon and the mind of Toz, to stave off the Idea Devourer as long as possible. They are worthy of your respect."
"All I'm saying is, maybe Nox shouldn't have stopped with banishing Prometheus, you know?" Mister Marvelous said, laughing as if he'd said something hilarious. If you are a being with absolute control over the universe, this might be a decent joke. Are you that sort of being?
Drivantial sighed. "This conversation is frivolous and I tire of it. Toz above, please get Mister Marvelous out of here." Ordinarily, when one invokes a higher power in speech, they have no way of knowing whether that power exists or is listening, but when Drivantial invoked Toz, he knew full well that she was actively controlling every aspect of this conversation. One does not become a master over the entire universe without learning just how powerless everything is beneath the might of the author.
"Hey now, I just came here to challenge you to a friendly game!" Mister Marvelous said. "Want to play darts?"
"That is a clever joke, I admit" Drivantial said, getting as close to a smile as he was capable. "Of course there is no point in beings like us playing darts, for we can simply manipulate the fabric of space to ensure perfect trajectories for each dart. I admit the concept amuses me, and I thank you for bringing mirth into my eternity for a brief moment. Now leave."
"No, I'm serious. I mean, when you get to our level, we never leave anything to chance. Other than our interactions with each other and the odd Titan or Cubus, we never just do stuff without letting our status as gods get in the way."
"We have transcended the body. We no longer rely on it. We keep it around more or less out of habit. Some of the old ones do not even do that. To return to it and its limitations would be, to use an inadequate metaphor, like cutting off a limb."
Mister Marvelous pouted. "Come on... I'm so bored! Can we at least go prank the new guy? Replace his matter with antimatter or something?"
"Bright Turquoise is a valued member of the all-powerful being community. He may only have a few hundred years under his belt, but I think he's done admirably."
"Oh, please. He's obsessed with his homeworld. You know, Earth? The one with all the plants? That guy's gonna flame out and turn into a Failed One within a few millenia, you just watch."
"I expect big things to come from that planet soon. The God of Destruction has already made his way there, and at least two titans have had their eyes on it for thousands of years."
"The Titans just like focusing on random planets for a while until the residents wipe themselves out. You know this."
"This planet isn't random. It is the one where The Plot is occuring. A version of this planet is where she lives." Drivantial made a gesture vaguely upward to refer to "she".
"Okay, and? Not my problem." Mister Marvelous was remarkably blase about the weight of this statement.
"Bright Turquoise may prove far more important than any of us when it comes to the fate of this universe." Drivantial said.
"Oh, please. Just because he's from the planet where The Plot is doesn't mean he's that important."
"It absolutely does." Drivantial said. "Teacher chose wisely in training that one."
"Wait, TEACHER gave Bright Turquoise his powers?"
"Is this not common knowledge? I ran into True Defender a few years back and even it knew."
"Damn!" Marvelous stomped his foot. "This is why I actually need to talk to people."
"Why does this perturb you so?"
"It's not right that Teacher gets to influence The Plot but we don't."
"Then go influence the plot. Complicate things further."
"I will, thanks. I'll find another earthling and give that one great power. A girl one. And she'll be the anti-Bright Turquoise."
"I was being sarcastic. Please do not get involved. You will only make things worse."
"Too late." Mister Marvelous clapped his hands, and the window of Drivantial's apartment was replaced with a massive dartboard. Covering each space on the dartboard were a million tiny faces: every living earth woman.
"I'm gonna choose her at random," Marvelous explained. "I'm just going to throw the dart with my normal, flesh-and-blood arm. I'm not going to manipulate the air currents, or the trajectory, I'm just going to let true, pure randomness guide my hand."
"You are a fool." Drivantial sighed. "Even if you temporarily cease your mastery over all reality, you must still contend with Toz. The dart will land where she wishes it to land, much as she has dictated every part of this conversation and every choice anyone in this universe has ever made or ever will."
"Ugh, I fucking hate metafiction," Marvelous said, and he through the dart.
The dart sailed through the air and hit a dark-haired woman right in the pupil of her piercing blue eye. Marvelous removed the photograph and inspected it.
Drivantial watched, arms crossed."This result was inevitable. Toz wanted you to choose her."
"Shut up." Marvelous examined the image. "Hmmm... named Anna, recently left her husband... ooh, she's a Vizier of a place called the Deszeld Empire... and the emperor is..." Marvelous chuckled. "Oh, Toz, excellent choice. She'll make a perfect champion."
Marvelous climbed out of the pocket dimension through the same hole he used to get in, and began cutting his way across the universe towards Earth. Maybe he could find other ways to entertain himself while he was there, force some earthlings to fight for his amusement or something.
This was going to be the most fun he'd had in billions of years.
_____________________________________
It's been a while since the last time I pressed the "create thread" button and just started typing some nonsense. This was actually supposed to be about the feeling of futility that people my age feel, living with the near-certain belief that humanity isn't going to make it through the century. This would be represented by a woman living through a terrible evening, while above her Mister Marvelous and Drivantial (he's from the old canon, trust me on this) play darts to determine what bad thing happens to her next. Unfortunately, I started actually thinking about what would happen if someone as powerful as Mister Marvelous actually tried to play darts, because he can just control reality to make the darts go where he wants. And even if he doesn't, he knows about the writers, and he knows that Toz ultimately controls where the darts land... but you've read the story already, you get it.
Anyway, this story did not end up being what I wanted it to be, but I took the opportunity to cram as many references to the cosmic-level beings of 3WSR into this as possible. This includes the Titans, which Tug was setting up right at the very end of the old canon. I don't think this story is canon to TozWSR/BBB because I don't know if I'll include the Titans at all, not to mention that there's nary a hint of fourth-wall breaking in those stories. But some version of this does happen. At the very least, Anna in the Deszeld Empire goes on to become...
{YOU'VE BEEN SCHNOZZED, BOYO!}Vados, or at least the Tozerverse version of her (still need to decide what she's called in my canon, might just be "the Vizier").