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Post by Toz76 on Jul 28, 2022 5:08:33 GMT -5
*slow piano version of the classic "five guys" theme plays as the camera scans over a cityscape, passing the Statue of Liberty, Space Needle, Eiffel Tower, and somehow the Twin Towers*
*hard cut to Frank, sitting in a corner office in a tall tower, with a view of the river, the Sydney Opera House, and Caesar's Palace*
*Frank's office is full of assorted memorabilia, a few props from the iconic apartment set, and a framed picture of the solar flashlight. On Frank's desk is a nameplate, reading "Frank Lastname, Senior Development Partner at Waldtech"*
Frank: Sigh...
*Cut to a view of Frank's desk from his perspective, showing us a framed photo of Uncle Mark, a second photo of Frank with Rachelle and Rebecca on vacation somewhere, and a third photo of Frank with his old roommates (and Alberto) in the old apartment. Canned audience cheers as the camera focuses on the third photo*
*There is a knock on the door. Frank's secretary, played by popular celebrity cameo, enters*
Frank's Secretary: Frank, there's a package for you.
Frank: Just leave it on my desk, please.
*The receptionist deposits a small box on Frank's desk and leaves. The box is addressed to "Frank Lastname, Waldtech Building, 3977 Erdagovern Boulevard, Mystery City, SR". As soon as she's gone, Frank tries to open it.*
Frank: Gah, what sort of tape is this closed with, some kind of... erghhh.."
*There is a puff of smoke. When the smoke clears, Aunt Angie is standing on Frank's desk, despite being far too large to possibly fit in the box. Canned laughter and cheering*
Frank: Angie? I haven't seen you since...
Angie: There's no time! I need your help!
Frank: Oh great, this is a big dramatic "get the band back together" story, isn't it?
Angie: Shush! No breaking the fourth wall! There's no time! We have to save the old apartment building from being torn down.
Frank: Is that seriously what we're going with? Well, we've had thinner premises. Welcome back to the 3WSR show, everyone. Newly rebooted, with an improved budget, fewer random cutaways, and hopefully better scripts. Don't worry, though. It'll still be the same zany wackiness you know and love.
*The exclamation point from the classic intro falls onto Frank's head*
Frank (from the ground): See?
*Quickfire montage of the other main characters is shown as a rock-and-roll instrumental remix of the classic theme song plays. We see TGC driving a fancy car down a country road, Toz arguing with her evil twin in a forest, Eyes drinking a pina colada on a beach with Nessetarina, and Tug and Alberto dodging bullets in a warehouse. In each scene of the montage, Riley is ominously standing in the background, staring unblinkingly at the camera*
fade to black; the theme song starts. Cheerful, upbeat music begins followed by the singers.
They're five crazy friends
Back at it again
Put them together and what have you got?
3WSR and here's the plot!
Frank and Eyes,
who love burgers and fries
(Frank interjects)
"Well, at least it's not a corporate sponsor..."
Tug and Toz,
who prefer pasta sauce,
TGC,
who loves pickled pigs feet
(TGC interjects)
"Eww, no I dont, I dont even like pickles"
Five friends
whose adventures never seem to end.
For a good laugh don't look far,
Welcome to the world of 3...W...S...RRRRRRRRR!!!"
("The 3WSR Show" title appears on screen; Frank suddenly appears beside the title)
"Seriously? That's STILL our theme song?"
(Frank gets crushed as the exclamation point falls on top of him)
"I guess the changes make sense since we aren't all guys anymore, but still..." Frank says as the screen fades to black again.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 28, 2022 22:38:58 GMT -5
(CUT TO: Frank and Aunt Angie standing out in front of WaldTech)
”Normally this would be the part of the show where I question how you’re here because you’re in prison for those 17 crimes… but the apartment building thing is actually way more important so I’m willing to overlook this narrative oversight for now” (laugh track) Frank explained as he and Aunt Angie sat in the apartment. “Everyone left to do their own thing; but I ended up staying; after I got a position at WaldTech I was able to afford the apartment on my own. But after everyone left… it just feels so… empty.” Frank explained.
”we can worry about that later! Frank, you only have one month to save the apartment building before they kick the rest of us out and tear it down!” Aunt Angie explained.
But Frank looked around and sighed, “we ended up breaking up over a stupid argument tied to the Germany trip, you know? But all these years later… seems silly in retrospect.”
”I’m sure it was; and that’s why it’s time to get the gang back together.”
Frank looked at her and sighed, “I haven’t seen them in a long time; not sure if they’re willing to come back, you know?” Frank explained. Then, he walked down the hallway which showed pictures of him and the roommates in all sorts of adventures and events. And, in the first show of how much the budget improved, and in a first no one saw coming… Frank started SINGING?! And a Muppets song parody nonetheless.
Frank looked over the pictures, and then:
Is there more I could have said?
Now they're only pictures in my head.
That's why I’m feeling awfully grey
Sometimes even Frank’s have rainy days.
(To a picture of Eyes performing electric guitar) Remember when the stage caved in while you were rocking out?
Who'd have thought your songs and quips would be hard to live without?
(Looking at camera) If we could do it all again, just another chance to entertain
Would anybody watch or even care?
Or did something break we cant repair?
(To Tug, In his pirate getup from The Map) Your level head and common sense, it always gave me hope.
(To Toz, a picture of her with Riley while hanging out) They may have been cheap as hell, but I still loved your jokes
Is there more I could have said?
Now they're only pictures in my head.
(Frank becomes teary eyed looking at the pictures before looking at the pictures, as if talking to his friends)
Could we do it all again, make them laugh like we did then?
Can we reunite at last? Can we forgive our troubled past?
(Calms Himself before looking over the pictures one more time)
But I'm standing here instead.
Now they're only pictures in my head
(Frank returns to the living room, audience applauds)
”you know you missed TGC right?” Aunt Angie pointed out
“Well… we barely interacted- TGC was closer to Toz and Eyes than me and Tug” Frank shrugged (laugh track)
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Post by Eyes on Jul 28, 2022 23:14:59 GMT -5
Suddenly it all made sense to Frank. “Hey wait a minute, what’s the company that’s gonna tear down the apartment?”
“Brimstone Demolition, why?”
Frank ran over to an incredibly large filing cabinet and proceeded to take out a file that said “Aunt Angie Correspondence, 2020”.
“Well that’s the name of the company you told me I should back in 2020. You said it was the greatest financial decision of a lifetime!”
Aunt Angie took a step back. (Audience in shock)
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 30, 2022 22:41:07 GMT -5
“What’s going on here?! Why is this happening?!” Frank asked. “Are you suggesting that what’s happening here… I’m partially to blame for?!” Frank said in realization
Aunt Angie finally spoke when she said “Now look, Frank! As I said, none of this is important! You have to reunite the gang before…before…”
“What? What do I need to do?!” Frank asked. When suddenly… Aunt Angie had a seizure and collapsed! (Audience gasps). Frank frantically ran for a phone and called the paramedics.
(Cut to: outside; Aunt Angie on a gurney as she’s being loaded into an ambulance)
Frank stood alone on the street, thinking about what he had to do. “I have to reunite my friends as fast as possible. But what could possibly help me to find… that’s it!” Frank said in realization. He stepped forward towards the empty road, held out his hand and shouted “Taxi!!” And just like that… the same taxi from the episode in Lame Ass Falls appeared! (Applause from the audience)
Frank entered the cab and proceeded to buckle up.
“Where to, sir!?” The driver asked
“Before I do anything… is your hearing aid working today?” Frank asked (laugh track)
“You talking to me? YOU TALKING TO ME?! Nah, just pulling your leg, we’re good”. The driver said (laugh track)
“In that case… take me to my friend Toz, post haste!” Frank said
“Yes sir” and the cab suddenly took off for Toz’s location.
“I hope the others aren’t having problems” Frank thought to himself
………
At another location, a concert was about to start. “Wow, Eyes’ latest band! I can’t wait to see her perform!” A fan said excitedly
“Yeah! I’ve literally waited years to see Eyes perform in person! What heavy metal song do you think she’ll open with?” Said another
“No idea, but I hope it’s Iron Maiden!” The first said in excitement
And then, in that moment, the curtain began rising and the announcer declared, “ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and everyone else, it is with great pleasure and I get to introduce you to… Mr Jennings’ Super Wholesome Dixieland Jazz Yummy Yummy Fun Band!” And then the lights went on, revealing the band in question, including Eyes, on acoustic guitar and dressed like a typical Dixieland Jazz band member (laugh track)
The band subsequently began playing Baby Face as the two fans suddenly looked very confused. “Wh…what? WHAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!” The two of them shouted together (louder laugh track)
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Post by Toz76 on Jul 31, 2022 2:12:30 GMT -5
After about a minute, the stage lights suddenly flashed a brilliant red. The members on stage tore off their stereotypical costumes and began playing an Iron Maiden cover.
"Oh, I see, it was an ironic commentary on how musicians often sell out and make more mainstream-friendly music to appeal to the masses!" Said one metalhead in the audience.
"No, it's clearly a statement about how the band feels stifled by the expectations of metalheads and wants to branch out but is unable to!"
The bassist leaned over to Eyes and whispered in her ear. "Are either of them right?"
"Nah, I just thought it would be funny," Eyes shrugged. (laughtrack)
**********************
In the Space Needle, overlooking the Colorado River, with Mount Rushmore visible in the distance, Tiberius, the evil twin of Toz who was in like two episodes, was staring out the window, idling twirling an empty martini glass. A man in a suit ran up to him.
"What have you got for me, Derek?" Tiberius asked. He took a sip from the empty glass before realizing it was empty and casually tossing it aside. The sound of glass shattering came from offscreen. (laughtrack)
"This is the next billion-dollar idea. I'm sure you're familiar with Non-Fungible Tokens? Well, imagine an NFT you can have sex with! Instead of an NFT, it's just an FT, and the F stands for-"
"What have I told you, Derek? No crypto, no NFTs. I only buy stuff that actually exists." (laugh track) Tiberius sighed. "Get out of my sight before I throw you off the roof of this building."
Derek nodded and ran off.
Tiberius sighed. "It's so hard being a multi-millionaire. Oh, I wish someone could understand my pain!" (laughtrack)
"Tiberius!" Yelled a voice. Toz had entered the room and was marching angrily towards her twin. (canned cheers)
"Toz! My pathetic twin sister! I should have absorbed you in the womb!"
"Give back what you stole from me!" Toz demanded.
"Never! It was mine to begin with!"
"Was not!" Toz yelled.
"Was too!"
"Was not!"
"Was too!" (laughtrack)
Toz sighed. "You leave me no choice but to bring out my ultimate weapon."
Tiberius suddenly looked terrified. "You wouldn't dare."
"That's right... I'm telling on you!" (laughtrack)
"Fine, fine, I'll give it back!" Tiberius sighed. "It's under that table."
Toz ran to the table and retrieved the stolen item- which is revealed to be a massive box of legos.
"Ergh... how'd he steal this in the first place? It's like 300 pounds!" (laughtrack)
"I'm not helping you carry it!" Tiberius yelled.
"I hope you die!" Toz yelled back.
"Not if you die first!" Tiberius replied.
Toz turned to the camera. "Siblings, am I right?" (laughtrack)
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 31, 2022 15:52:03 GMT -5
Then, at that particular moment... the two of them heard an engine revving. Toz and Tiberius looked around and tried to make sense of what that noise was.
"Huh? Wait, is that a... car engine?" Tiberius said as the sound steadily got louder and louder.
"But... we're like 500 feet above the ground..." Toz also observed in confusion. Then it hit her, "wait, there's only one person I know capable of being in a car and said car ending up defying logic by appearing literally anywhere" Toz observed (laugh track)
"What? The Knight Bus from Harry Potter?" Tiberius sneered (laugh track)
"No... even better... a certain taxi" Toz said with a grin. Just then, exploding through a wall, screeching through the room and plowing through tables and chairs, the taxi then screeched to a halt, but not before ramming into Tiberius, sending him flying through the window and falling a la Wile E Coyote (laugh track)
"YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF MEEEEEEEE!!!!!" Tiberius screamed as he fell... and conveniently landed in some shrubs.
"Wha? Huh? Oh, so these are the "Softicus landicus" shrubs in this city that I've heard so much about!" Tiberius said gleefully (laugh track)
.........
Then, Frank emerged from the Taxi. "Toz! It's so great to see you!" Frank said joyously.
"Frank?! But, how did you..." Toz said in confusion
"Same taxi from the Lame Ass Falls adventure" Frank explained
"Oh, that one; a bit to Deus Ex Machina for me but whatever" Toz shrugged (laugh track)
They both awkwardly stared at each other for a bit before Frank sighed and began, "look, I know I should be telling you about the apartment thing, but... I've got to get this off my chest" Frank said"
"You mean that cockroach?" Toz said with a raised eyebrow
"No? What are you- GAH!" Frank screamed as he frantically began striking a cockroach that was on his shirt (laugh track)
"Ugh, well, at least the humor hasn't changed" Frank observed (softer laugh track)
"You were saying?" Toz asked.
"Look. I know at the time it was a big deal, but after all these years and thinking about it, I realize how stupid that argument was. So I just want to say... I am so sorry about what happened in Germany! I am so, so sorry Toz!" Frank said, not quite crying but clearly holding some emotions back.
Toz was taken aback; the five hadn't spoken since what happened in Germany... and that didn't mean the Christmas stuff. "So why now? After all these years then?" Toz asked.
"Because... because having you all in my life is way better than just having you all be just... just...pictures in my head" Frank admitted
(audience "awwws" as the instrumental for "Pictures in my Head" starts playing in the background)
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Post by Toz76 on Jul 31, 2022 17:47:41 GMT -5
"Wait, what apartment thing?" Toz asked, confused.
"Our old apartment is going to be torn down soon and we need to band together to save it!" Frank said.
"Oh, so we're just fully stealing the plot of The Muppets (2011)?" Toz asked.
"Yeah, I guess." Frank shrugged (laughtrack)
"That's fine by me. What's Disney gonna do, sue us?" (laughtrack)
"Now, we need to find Eyes, Tug, and TGC." Frank said.
"Tug might be hard to find, he's busy being an "accountant" or whatever he does for a living." (laughtrack) "And I haven't seen TGC in ages. But Eyes? I might know where to find her..."
The two of them got back into the cab, which drove off the edge of the Space Needle and plummeted nearly 600 feet to the ground, landing on top of Tiberius (laughtrack).
"Ouch, I hope my evil twin's stunt double is okay," Toz said (laughtrack)
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 31, 2022 18:36:36 GMT -5
The Taxi drove off and left flattened shrubs behind, and "Tiberius" sat up with a thumbs up and explained "Its all right! These shrubs are great at absorbing the impact of falling cars as well" he assured (laugh track)
As the taxi sped off towards Eyes, Toz and Frank sat there, catching up and thinking back to the good times they had.
"Got to tell you, when I think back to some of our adventures... and misadventures... doesn't it feel like there were times when things just go so weird its like how is this even happening to begin with?" Frank pointed out
"True, can't argue against that. I mean Lame Ass Falls... what was that whole thing with us flying through pink clouds?" Toz asked (laugh track)
"Actually I wasn't there. Pretty sure you all took LSD at some point though" Frank explained (laugh track)
"Nah, something was just in the water" Toz assured.
"Yea, LSD" Frank rebuttled (Laugh track). "So how did you end up getting home anyway?"
"I... don't know" Toz said at a loss.
"Though some misadventures definitely got weird. Remember that cruise from Godiva cruises and..."
"Oh God, please don't remind me of THAT!" Toz said with a shutter. (laugh track)
"By the way, do you still have those Shark Man powers? I know they made no sense but I don't recall you saying you lost them" Frank asked.
"Funny story actually, see, it was about 3 years ago and..." Toz began.
"Ok, we're here!" The Taxi said.
"Excellent! Thank you!" Frank said as Toz and Frank stepped out of the cab and took in their surroundings. They were taking in their surroundings; off in the distance they noticed a concert venue that was steadily filling up. Then they looked up at the sign, "TONIGHT: HEAVY METAL SUPERSTARS- THE EYES HAVE IT"
"I thought her band was The Diesels?" Toz said in confusion (laugh track)
"No, that was when she was Diesel 11" Frank pointed out. "At any rate, I'm pretty sure it was Infector. No wait, lineup change, they became reinfector" Frank remembered (laugh track)
"Then what was Mr. Jennings Super Wholesome Dixieland Jazz Yummy Yummy Fun Band?" Toz asked (laugh track)
"Nevermind that! We need to find Eyes!" Frank said as the two began heading towards the venue.
.........
Eyes was backstage with her band, The Eyes Have it, when she suddenly felt a strange chill come over her.
"What is it, Eyes?" His bassist asked. (Camera zooms out to reveal the guest stars of the episode, the lineup of The Eyes Have it: Erica Willis on backup guitar, Tyler Bowler on Electric bass, Sarah Jenson on drums, and Brian Regin on Keyboard. Audience applause)
"I don't know Tyler, but... but I feel as though somebody knows about a part of my past that I prefer not to remember" she shuttered (laugh track)
"But... that last show when we..." Erica began
"Honestly... when I did that, I felt as though I wasn't in control of my actions. Like, I was following someone else's script..." Eyes said before making eye contact with the camera (laugh track)
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Post by Eyes on Jul 31, 2022 20:26:10 GMT -5
Eyes didn’t head onstage. Instead she walked along the empty backstage and stared blankly at the walls. “It’s like there’s a part of me that hasn’t fully surfaced. Something I want to confront but can’t.”
Eyes suddenly saw an old picture. In it were five men, people she recognized from a past life long ago. “Well this isn’t it but this opens up a new can of worms. Damn… I miss those guys.”
Suddenly piano music started playing, but Eyes didn’t find it odd since she was used to the random timings of the theatrical life. Instead she just went along with it.
I hear the ticking of the clock
I walk in silence, my mind is pitch dark
I wonder where my friends are tonight
I’d call but it would just go to voicemail
Night after night it’s just the same old show
And it always ends when the crowd goes home
Alone
Turning her eyes towards the heavens:
Till now, I always got by on my own
I know I tried hard to forget you
And now, it chills me to the bone
I don’t wanna be all alone
When will the gang come back home?
You don’t know how long I had tried to forget the things we did
You don’t know how long I wanted to call you up and remember it
But the secrets are still my own
The memories come back to me know
When I’m alone
Suddenly lights hit her as everything faded away cinematically to reveal an audience of concert goers hopping around as she belted out the iconic note.
Somehow, I never expected this to be how it’d go
Toz, Tug, and Frank, how could I e’er forget you?
And now, it chills me to the bone
TGC leave the accordion alone!
“Crazy Train” needs to be played with trombone!
*Record scratch*
Suddenly bursting through the crowd was a car. The picture faded to black except for the figures that were now standing together. Toz and Frank emerged from the car. Toz and Eyes looked each other up and down and just kinda went, “You too?”
Frank was more practical. “Okay, all this time later and you still sound like a drowning cat. That’s enough of that for one season, stop blowing out the budget on song references that are pointless and let’s get down to business.”
*Eminem starts playing*
“No,” yells Frank, “I just mean we need to be takin’ care of business!”
*Bachmann-Turner Overdrive starts playing*
“Oh come on, man, can we just cut the music and do actual sitcom stuff? The show must go on!”
*Queen starts playing*
“Argh!”
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Aug 2, 2022 19:50:19 GMT -5
"Don't worry Eyes, bigger budget" Frank winked as Eyes practically lit up. "Really!? Then let's go to..."
"BUT that doesn't mean we're going to become some glorified commercial" Frank continued (laugh track)
"So why are you here?" Eyes asked.
"They're going to tear down the apartment building, and we need to save it!" Toz explained.
"What?! But doesn't Frank and some others still live there?" Eyes asked in confusion.
"Yes, but its a development thing and... look, there's no time for this!" Frank said. "The point is- we need to get back together if we're going to have any chance of saving our home!" he continued.
"But... its only your home now" Eyes said. Then again, she did feel something of a longing for the old place.
"It hasn't been the same without the rest of you admittedly" Frank explained.
"We need your help. Will you please come with us to help us save the apartment?" Toz asked.
Eyes looked over to the two friends, then looked back at her band, who were unsure of what to make of the situation.
"It's not The Eyes have it without Eyes" Erica pointed out.
"I've been with you through just about all your bands Eyes; I'd follow you where ever you go" Tyler pointed out.
Eyes did have a successful career now and was in a great band... and yet, was there something missing in her life? Something she hadn't thought about in a long time?
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Post by Toz76 on Aug 3, 2022 2:20:28 GMT -5
"I'm willing to help... but I am in the middle of a tour." Eyes said at last.
"Of course, we don't want to interfere with your job. You've done quite well for yourself." Frank said.
"Yeah, you've matured a lot since we were all living together... I guess we all have." Toz added.
"I hope that doesn't make the show less funny." Eyes said, frowning. (laughtrack)
"Now we just need to find Tug and Riley." Toz said.
"The fifth main character was TGC." Frank corrected. (laughtrack)
"Wait, the donkey was named Tug?" Eyes asked (laughtrack)
"Yeah, and the handsome dude who was always hanging around the donkey was named Alberto." Frank ad-libbed. (laughtrack)
There's a sudden hard cut to a desert. A pair of armed men are standing near a parked SUV, waiting.
"I don't like this... it feels like a trap." One man said.
"Calm down, Pierre, no one from le cartel knows we're here." The second man said.
"Hey, look, it's a wild burro!" Pierre said.
Camera pans to reveal a donkey casually wandering around.
"Huh, there's something you don't see every day."
Suddenly, the donkey turned to reveal it was wearing sunglasses.
"Gasp! It's le tres Alberto!" The second man shrieked. (audience cheers)
The donkey charged at the two gangsters, headbutting Pierre and sending him flying into a cactus (laughtrack). The second gangster fled in terror.
Alberto hee-hawed triumphantly, before turning his attention to the car. Shimmying out from under the car, covered in sand and wearing an impractically large cowboy hat, was Tug! (audience cheers)
"Good work, Alberto! The French Cartel will think twice before messing with us! Not bad for a couple accountants, huh?"
HEE-HAW!
"What do you mean you did all the work? It's not easy hiding under a car!" (laughtrack)
HEE-HAW!
"Why didn't I shoot them? We could barely afford the desert set, you think we have the budget for a gunfight?" (laughtrack)
HEE-HAW!
"Reboot? With a higher budget? You don't say! We must get back to undisclosed city right away!"
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Post by Eyes on Aug 7, 2022 6:50:29 GMT -5
Under the cover of night, Tug and Alberto slipped back into [GOOGLE CANNOT TRACK YOUR LOCATION; PLEASE TRY AGAIN]. They could sense the presence of the watchmen in their towers along the Great Wall. They could feel the capitalist rulers staring down at them from the Twin Towers. The two had warrants out for their deaths by both the police and numerous mob groups. So they entered this metropolitan area like any other person would: shawls around their necks and sunglasses on their face. Both of them even wore fake mustaches. (Audience laughs at Alberto)
"Think we'll pass like this?" asked Tug.
HEE-HAW!
"Well I agree you look dope but-"
HEE-HAW!
"No need to insult me like that. I DO have DRIP!" (Laughtrack)
Tug and Alberto were making their way towards...
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Aug 7, 2022 16:33:00 GMT -5
... the apartment. They had to see if the rumors were true. Could it really be so that they were going to tear down the apartment building? Even if it wasn't home anymore, he needed to go back. He felt like there was something... something that was just pulling him back towards the place.
"And no- that "something" is not a contractual obligation" Tug clarified (laugh track). As he and Alberto continued to sneak through the place, it suddenly dawned on him, "wait... police and mob want me dead? That's awfully dark for a light-hearted sitcom" (laugh track) "come to think of it... hey, wait a minute! What DO I do for a living? I'm supposed to be a world-famous traveling accountant but a lot of my actions were... GAH!" He said as he fell down a hole that appeared in the middle of absolutely nowhere.
(Uh oh! Looks like Tug fell down a plot hole) Alberto said in shock
............
With Eyes still doing her tour, Toz and Frank were in the taxi, speeding off towards TGC "I know this taxi taking us where ever we need to go regardless of obstacles is kinda deus ex machina but... par for the course for what we do" Frank shrugged to Toz (laugh track)
"Eh, not the craziest thing to happen" Toz pointed out.
"TGC sure has been quiet, huh? Haven't heard from him in years myself" Frank explained.
"Same, just a phone call here and there" Toz added.
"Well, he was closer to you than me, so it makes sense" Frank conceded.
"What do you think he's up to?" Toz asked.
.........
TGC in his fancy car finally came to a stop. As he turned off the engine and stepped out, he took note of where he was. He hadn't been here in a really long time, and now it was time to settle that unfinished business. He walked away from his car taking about two dozen steps before a smirk formed on his face. He kept walking towards the destination in question when suddenly... there was an explosion! Dramatically, and like something out of a movie, the fancy far behind him went up in a spectacular fireball; the hood and doors flew off and were jettisoned a good distance, while the frame itself lifted a few inches and settled back down again before it continued to burn. TGC just continued walking, because this is fiction and explosions behave differently in fiction, until he came to a stop, and realized "Wait, forgot the gift in my-" then turned around and suddenly looked shocked. "NOOOOOO!!!! MY FERARRI!" He screamed in terror, as if this was a freak accident.
(CUTAWAY: Frank)
"Ok, so you're all probably wondering what's going on here. Well, this was actually footage we shot for the movie that was mostly complete but we never finished. We have about 6 hours of film in the archive that was never edited, but a lot of it was too good not to waste. So remember that scene from the trailer? Yep, this is it in its bigger context. I'm actually not sure what we're going next since we filmed this bit before any other reboot season stuff (laugh track), but We're about to bring TGC back in and I hope you all enjoy what we are about to do here"
(Back to main action)
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Post by TGC on Aug 7, 2022 21:07:49 GMT -5
“Well, that sure is a way to pad the runtime” Toz said, glancing at her watch. *laugh track*
“Hey, like I said, we’ve got six and a half hours of unused footage, we’ve gotta make use of it somehow.” Frank said.
“I guess that’s fair. I mean, what else would we do with it, lock it in a vault and charge $20 for anyone to see it in person, without being allowed to record it? I mean, that would just be ridiculous, y’know?” Toz said, staring through the camera. “Anyways, it seems like this part of the trip is taking a while, what’s up with that?”
“I mean, that’s probably because… *Sigh* Look, TGC and I had our issues even before the Germany trip, and I was sorta hoping we could do this without him, but then Eyes was still on tour, and Tug’s busy with his extreme accounting, so I was just sorta stalling for time while I tried to think of someone else to get instead.” Frank said, ashamed.
“Frank, like it or not, he’s one of us, and you can’t just- Wait, what do you mean stalling?” Toz responded, puzzled.
Frank nodded his head, gesturing to look out the window. The camera pulls out, revealing that the taxi has been driving in circles in a culdesac for the entire scene. *Laugh track*
“What…? *Exasperated sigh*, anyways, like I was saying, TGC is one of us, he lived there too, he deserves to be involved with this.” Toz argued.
“You’re right.” Frank conceded. “This is more important than our old issues. Driver, set course for ‘The Foxhole’”
The area outside the taxi fades to black, what looks like white stars peppered amongst the expanse. A whirring sound starts, getting higher and higher pitched, the stars streaking backwards around the taxi, before the taxi finally jerks forward into hyperspace *laugh track*
*commercial break*
Cut to a quiet parking lot in a bad part of town, mostly void of cars. A taxi drops out of the sky right into a parking spot, crunching as it hits the ground *laugh track*
Toz and Frank get out of the wreck of the car, somehow completely unharmed. “Well that’s one way to make up for lost time…” Toz quipped *laugh track* “Wait, already made that joke, uhh… Say, what about the driver?”
“We don’t talk about the driver.” Frank responded sternly *laugh track* “Anyways, I think this is the place” he said, pointing to the neon sign on the nearby building that says ‘TGC is in here’ *laugh track*
“Are you sure?” Toz asked *laugh track*
Cut to inside the building, the camera pointing at the door. Frank and Toz walk through the door, Frank immediately averts his eyes to the ground. Toz seems completely unphased.
“Toz, I didn’t know this place was a… Gentleman’s lounge.” Frank whispered.
“…Frank, we’re on 3WSR Premium Prime Max+, you can say strip club.” Toz whispered back *laugh track*
“Whatever, I don’t go to these places, let’s just find TGC and get out of here” Frank responded, wishing he was wearing a hoodie so he could pull his hood up.
The scene cuts to the floor of one of the private rooms, before panning up, revealing TGC sitting in a chair, extremely relaxed, then panning to the three dancers in front of him, all of them in full fursuit *laugh track*
Toz pokes his head through the curtain, and then back out. “Don’t worry Frank, they’re fully clothed… I guess.” *laugh track* and with that, the two push the curtain aside and walk in.
TGC’s face instantly drops. He whispers something to the closest dancer, and the three of them walk out of the room, looking away from Frank and Toz. TGC puts on a fake smile.
“Well. Someone finally tried to track me down. You live with someone for multiple years, go on all kinds of wacky adventures, and then one day they just seemingly forget you exist. You know, any other day and I’d think you were actually here to, I dunno, apologize, try and reform a friendship, but no… You’re here about the apartment.” The bitterness radiates off those last two words.
“Look, I know the Germany trip was-“ “Germany trip?!” TGC says, quickly getting up from his chair. “I wasn’t even invited to the Germany trip, I just came into work one day and the studio was fucking empty, and from the way your little commentary went, I don’t think you even noticed I wasn’t there!”
TGC gets right in Frank’s face. “I don’t know why you even bothered to come here. I’m an influencer, millions on every platform you can think of, literal armies worth of people who’d do anything I ask them to. I’m an icon, a niche internet micro-celebrity, I built this place from nothing, what do you think you could possibly have to offer me?”
“A friend.” Frank responds simply. TGC pauses, turning around.
“TGC, I know we had-“ but before Frank could finish his sentence, TGC quickly turns around and hugs him.
“…I fucking missed you guys.” *audience ‘awwws’*
TGC pulls out of the hug. “Let’s save this fucking apartment.”
“Well, about that…” Toz responded “Our taxi’s kinda wrecked, so we need a new car.”
“Well if only I had a Ferrari.” TGC deadpanned. *laugh track*
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Post by Toz76 on Aug 8, 2022 0:54:10 GMT -5
"Well, if you're a "niche micro-influencer" now, could you "niche micro-influence" us a ride?" Toz said.
"That's not what I said, and that's not how internet fame works. I'm not like a real celebrity, I can't just magically summon a ride out of nowhere." TGC replied.
"What about an Oober?" Frank asked. "Spelled with two o's to get around copyright." (laughtrack)
"Um, excuse me, sorry for interrupting..." One of the guests of the strip club, wearing a shirt that said "Women fear me, fishmen want me" and booty shorts that said "deliveries in rear", peaked his head into the room. "Did I hear you say you needed a ride into town?"
"Not if you're busy, Clyde," TGC said.
"Oh, it's no trouble Daddy- I mean Master, I mean, Mister TGC. My Playota is parked out back." (laugh track).
"We'd very much appreciate a ride," TGC said. "Is there anything we can do to pay you back? Cover gas or anything?"
"You can step on me- I mean, um, it's nothing! Don't worry about it!" (laughtrack)
Frank looked at the camera with a mix of mild disdain and resignation about the direction this scene had gone. Toz, meanwhile, had a sudden diabolical gleam in her eye.
"All that power... imagine the possibilities!" (laughtrack)
"It's not all it's cracked up to be," TGC admitted. "I have plenty of stalkers, and people keep trying to cancel me for my hot takes."
"I'd take an army of stalkers for just a few sycophants... I can see it now... an empire in my name... my image on every street corner... all would bow before the empire of TOZ!"
"Let's get out of here before she goes completely off the deep end." TGC whispered to Frank.
***********
After a scene transition, the trio and Clyde were driving back into town. Frank was in the passenger seat so he could more easily monologue to the camera, and Toz and TGC were sharing the backseat.
As the car drove over the Tokyo Rainbow Bridge and the Pyramids started to come into view on the horizon, TGC and Toz began to speak.
"So, you're a girl now, huh?" TGC asked.
"Yeah. It's a vast improvement. You should try it sometime."
"I'm good, thanks."
There was a brief silence.
"Look, for what it's worth, I'm sorry for everything that went down between us. I definitely could have been a better friend. And I'm sorry most episodes treated you as an afterthought. I promise we'll try to do right by you in the reboot, and I'll fight for you behind the scenes if it comes to that."
"Thanks, Toz, that means a-"
"As we approach Tug's accounting firm, I have to wonder, does Tug even remember us? Has he moved too far up in the high-stakes world of accounting to care about-"
"Hey, Frank, do you mind?" TGC snapped. "Toz and I were having a moment. Can your monologue wait?" (laughtrack).
"Sorry, it's just... we're almost there and I know we need to film the monologue soon, so I figured I should just..."
"Whatever. The moment's gone now. Get on with your monologue."
Frank turned back to the camera. "As I was saying, is Tug too wrapped up in his accounting job to care about his old apartment? Or can he make time in his life... for friendship?"
"You know, my uncle was an accountant," Clyde said. "He was a real dick."
"Thanks for the words of encouragement, Clyde," Frank said with uncharacteristic sarcasm. (laughtrack)
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Aug 20, 2022 22:40:46 GMT -5
The gang pulled up outside of the building Frank, Toz and TGC stood on the sidewalk and looked at the sign on the building
“Sean Tugston, CPA. No case too extreme, we’d take a bullet for our clients” it read
“At least he’s honest about it” Frank pointed out (laugh track)
The three entered the office and… to their shock, found it ransacked! (Audience “oohs”)
“What the?! What on earth happened here?” Frank asked in shock.
“It’s… I can’t believe it!” Toz added
“I’ll be real here- I rarely interacted with Tug so I don’t have a strong emotional response to this” TGC admitted (laugh track)
“Not the time!” Frank said as he looked around the offices. Finally, he came to the office of the man himself, and opened the door. To his dismay, Tug wasn’t there. Perhaps the most level headed of the group, Frank sighed as he walked around the room and took in the dust-covered surroundings. Then. the surprise of a lifetime… a stamped but unsent letter on the desk… to Frank D. Trivman!
“It can’t be…” Frank said in amazement. Frank read the letter in his own voice, “Hey- if you’re reading this it means I’ve left town for a while. See, something important related to the business has come up and while I am sympathetic to the issue with the apartment, this is something that has to be done. Thank you for understanding and I hope to see you soon. -Tug”
Frank sighed as he came to the end of the letter. Tug more than the rest of them offered perhaps the only point of real sanity in the group. And now, he was off on some adventure.
………
Tug was in a vast, barren desert. There is nothing but sand in all directions. Dunes as far as the eye can see, and not a drop of water anywhere. Faint movement in the distance and the camera zooms in upon this figure. A closer look reveals this person to be Tug. He is riding Alberto, and wearing clothes akin to Lawrence of Arabia. It is clear that he has been traveling this desert for many days. He looks upon the map he has; for this world-class accountant has a mission that he must complete.
"It's here Alberto... I know it is!" he declares with excitement.
(Cut to: Frank sitting in a director’s chair)
“Yea, this is more footage from the incomplete movie. But Tug’s been awfully sick as of late so we gotta improvise for the time being” Frank confessed
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Nov 20, 2022 17:27:31 GMT -5
So now, Tug was off on some adventure, and we would occasionally cut to him as needed for the plot until the time came for him to return.
(CUT TO: back to the apartment; Toz, TGC and Frank now standing outside)
Heavy construction equipment now was being gathered outside the building, all under the direction of a well dressed man in a suit, with the kind of mustache and haircut that when you looked at him, you just knew he wasn't a good person.
"All right everyone, this is going to be a big job for Brimstone Demolition, and I want everything ready for when we start tearing things down in 3 weeks" he said as he looked on with pleasure at what he was doing.
"Not if we have anything to say about it!" A voice said. The suited man turned around and saw three individuals standing before him.
"Who are you and what do you think you are doing?!" He said in anger.
"We will NOT let you tear Greenfield Towers down!" Frank said as he pointed at the man.
"Who do you think you are anyway?" Toz added on.
"I'm glad you asked. I'm Irwin Evildoer of Brimstone Demolition. Tearing down buildings and crushing people's feelings since 1992!" He said with a sinister grin.
"Well at least its obvious he's not meant to be sympathetic" Frank quipped.
"... I don't get it" TGC shrugged (laugh track)
"And these are my children and business partners, my daughter Ima and my son Vincent" he said as two equally sinister looking but younger individuals
"Vincent Evildoer and... Ima Evildoer?" Frank asked with a raised eyebrow (laugh track)
"No you're not, you're a Trivman" Toz pointed out (laugh track)
"No, not I'm a Evildoer, she's a Evildoer!" Frank said (laugh track)
"Actually, Sheesa Evildoer is my mother, I'm Ima" Ima pointed out (laugh track)
"What kind of moron names their daughter Sheesa?" TGC asked.
"Uh... what was your mother's maiden name?" Toz asked.
"Edeeoat" Ima pointed out.
"Sheesa Edeeoat?" Frank asked in confusion
"Hey! Don't talk about Mom like that!" Vincent said in anger (laugh track)
"Yea, she comes from a long, proud line of Edeeoats!" Ima added (laugh track)
"Is that really anything to be proud of though?" Toz asked (laugh track)
"CAN WE CUT OUT THIS ABBOTT AND COSTELLO BULLCR*P AND DEFEND THE APARTMENT ALREADY!?" TGC said in frustration.
"Ha! But what can the three of you do? You are nothing! Gentlemen, why don't you... take out the trash" Irwin Evildoer grinned as six very big, well built construction workers suddenly stood before the three. Two had very big monkey wrenches, two had sledgehammers and two had cement saws.
But our three heroes could only grin. "What? You think that we don't have a few tricks of our own? Well you are in for quite the shock!" Toz said as she held her arms up and... transformed into Sharkman!" (delightful applause from the audience)
"Wait, you DO still have those powers?" Frank said in shock
"Oh yea; three years ago I met a guru who taught me the secrets to properly controlling my powers and now I can fight with the powers of a shark!" Toz said as she began hovering, in a callback to when she flew with the powers.
"That STILL doesn't make sense but whatever" Frank said with an eye roll (laugh track). "And now, MY surprise!" Frank said as he took a backpack, put it on, and suddenly, in a way that was *totally not* a ripoff of a marvel character, Frank was encased in a metal suit of armor that looked hi-tech. Frank looked ready to shoot something from his arm at the enemies.
"What the hell has Waldtech been up to?" TGC said in confusion.
"Now THAT doesn't make sense at all!" Toz said.
"Actually this makes perfect sense had we finished Season 2; I got this in what would have been episode 11" Frank explained.
"Well, what do I get?" TGC asked. The next thing he knew, he had a quiver of arrows and was holding a bow.
"Of all the characters I ended up parodying..." TGC muttered (laugh track)
"You think I am intimidated by THIS?!" Irwin Evildoer said with a laugh. "Well, you are wrong! See, while you guys were dramatically transforming, I made some calls in my Whatsapp groups and called in backup! Behold!" Irwin Evildoer said as a pair of cars pulled up. From those cars 6 people emerged, dressed in... baseball uniforms?
"Wait... what?" Frank asked in confusion.
"My friends from my college baseball days!" Vincent said with a grin.
"We are vengeance we are the night... we are BATMEN!" The lead said as he raised his baseball bat, followed by the others.
"Boo!" TGC said as he gave them a thumbs down.
"Oh yea, well two can play at that game! For I did the same thing while you weren't looking!" Toz said with a laugh.
Then two more cars pulled up, and from them, a further 6 individuals stepped out. And they looked like they were taken straight out of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
"Phasers to stun, everyone!" The lead said as the others drew and set to the proper setting.
"Hah! As if those props can do anything!" Vincent taunted.
The lead of the group raised her eyebrow and pointed her phaser at one of the baseball players, and to everyone's shock, it worked as if they really were in Star Trek!
Everyone's jaws dropped as Frank looked at Toz, "Toz, who are..."
"Trust me, it's better if you don't know" Toz cut Frank off with. (laugh track)
Then, at that moment 2 jeeps pulled up and 6 people stepped out, as if they had just gotten off the beach after a few hours.
"Woah, dudes. You messin' with my dude Evildoer's plans? Not cool bro, not cool" The lead said as they suddenly were wielding surfboards and boogie boards as clubs
"Knew it was worth staying in touch with my college buddies" Irwin grinned.
Just then, a limo pulled up on the trio's side, and out stepped Mr. Waldron and 5 other staffers from Waldtech.
"Mr. Waldron!" Frank said in amazement (audience applause)
"Nobody messes with my employees and gets away with it! We're here for you, Frank!" Mr. Waldron said as the six of them wielded assorted blunt objects.
"Mind if we join in!" An all too familiar voice boomed. The trio looked up to see that somehow a stage had been set up and on it was... The Eyes Have It!
"Eyes!?" Frank, TGC and Toz said in utter disbelief. (audience applause)
"Like hell I'm gonna miss this! All right everyone, once the action starts, we're playing Iron Maiden's The Trooper!" Eyes said as she readied her guitar. And the others readied their instruments
Then at that moment, 6 people with assorted bats and clubs walked in. They were in the costumes of a panda, a lion, a gorilla, a tiger, a wolf and a grizzly bear.
"No way! Are you guys..." TGC began excitedly.
"HELL NO!" The six said angrily (laugh track). "We're from the New Chicago, Oregon Mascot Society! And Mr. Evildoer is one of our most important sponsors!" The lion said as the others readied their weapons.
"Darn" TGC muttered.
Then, neighing was heard as 6 men rode in on horses and drew their weapons on the trio and their allies.
"What? Cliché Hollywood cowboys?" Frank asked in confusion
"Let's just say... my brother has some very weird hobbies" Irwin muttered.
"I don't judge what you do Irwin!" The lead cowboy shouted back.
Then at that point, things got even weirder. Six motorcycles pulled up and they were being ridden by... old ladies?!
"Who?" TGC asked in confusion
"Don't look at me; they aren't in my Whatsapp groups" Toz said.
"Angie told us everything; no way are we letting those guys mess with her nephew's home! Come on, Hell's Grannies!" The lead said as the six joined in
"I still don't get it" TGC said.
"I'm 90 percent sure its an obscure Monty Python reference" Frank explained (laugh track)
Then, a helicopter came in, and 6 people rappelled down from it. But they weren't wearing tactical gear; they were in formal wear a la James Bond. Frank was grinning, "I knew he got the message!"
"Thanks again for what you did in Germany, Frank! Glad I could repay the favor" and then, the six of them pulled out pistols to match the cowboys in that regard.
"Wha...how? How do you know German spies?!" Toz asked in utter disbelief.
"A lot happened off-screen in Germany" Frank quickly said (laugh track)
Then, a shock; one of the surfers was harpooned! Everyone looked to one side, and saw... an old timey sailor with a wooden leg.
"Who dares to interfere in my quest to find Moby Dick!?" He said in rage. Three men were standing behind him; one a short, stout man, another was smoking a pipe, and the other seemed to have a feeling that they really shouldn't be here.
"Captain, there's no point in this" he said, while the other two seemed to be more supportive of the captain.
"Silence! Nothing will get in my way!" The captain said once again. "Now, where is Ishmael?" He wondered.
"Ishmael? Wait... is that CAPTAIN AHAB!?" Frank said in utter disbelief, before dodging a harpoon that was thrown at him. "But, then who..."
"Starbuck, Stubb and Flask, his mates!" Eyes called out; being all too familiar with the book.
"Halt! Evildoers! And everyone else for that matter!" (laugh track)
"Great, NOW who?!" Frank said in utter disbelief. Then, a group of 12 knights appeared; 3 with spears, 3 with halberds, 3 with longswords and 3 with shields and swords. "Stand down now, and you will not have to face the wrath of the Knights of New Chicago!" He said as they took a formation.
"Knights, what a bunch of KNUCKLEHEADS!!" Frank fumed before winking (laugh track)
Then, across the way, a delivery truck appeared, unloaded a big crate, and after it dramatically fell apart, six people emerged from the enormous pile of packing peanuts (laugh track)
"Seriously, who are THEY?!" Frank said in disbelief at how wacky things were getting
.........
TEAM 3WSR:
Frank
Toz
TGC
Star Trek: 6
Waldtech: 6
Grannies: 6
Spies: 6
TEAM EVILDOER:
Baseball: 5
Surfers: 5
Mascots: 6
Cowboys: 6
NEUTRAL:
Ahab, Starbuck, Stubb and Flask
Knights (12)
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Dec 31, 2022 0:51:05 GMT -5
From the pile of packing peanuts, the six stepped forward and revealed themselves to be... ninjas?!
"Sorry we are late Mr. Evildoer; we didn't have enough money to pay for first class shipping" the lead said
"Quite all right; you're just in time, actually" Irwin said as the ninjas took up position.
"You know, ninjas never dressed like that! They only looked like that in Kabuki plays!" Frank pointed out
"Shut up, no one cares!" The lead ninja said.
Then, at that moment another van pulled up and from it came... pirates!
"We're friends of Tug! We're here to help!" The captain said as the six stood alongside the 3WSR crew.
"Pirates versus ninjas?! Wow, the internet is gonna go crazy over this" TGC began.
"Actually, its a very predictable outcome" Frank said as a Pirate shot his flintlock pistol and fell one of the ninjas.
"See" Frank pointed out.
The next thing everyone knew, a sewer cap came flying off the road, and from there 6 more people emerged, and they were wearing uniforms out of the United States Army circa World War I.
"Behold! My friends from the New Chicago, Oregon Historical society!" Ima Evildoer said as the six of them readied their weapons.
Then, another six emerged from the apartment building itself... dressed in arms and armor of the Ancient Roman Empire.
"We will not let you destroy this building!" The lead declared as the six took up a formation alongside the defenders.
"What the heck?! They get WWI soldiers and we get ROMANS?!" Frank pointed out.
"To be fair WE are up by 3 guys" The lead Roman pointed out.
"Eh, fair enough" Frank conceded
Then, at that particular moment, everyone heard movement from the nearby fountain, and six people began to emerge from it
"Oh great, who is it THIS time?!" Toz declared
TEAM 3WSR:
Frank
Toz
TGC
Star Trek: 6
Waldtech: 6
Grannies: 6
Spies: 6
Pirates: 6
Romans: 6
TEAM EVILDOER:
Baseball: 5
Surfers: 5
Mascots: 6
Cowboys: 6
Ninjas: 5
WWI soldiers: 6
NEUTRAL:
Ahab, Starbuck, Stubb and Flask
Knights (12)
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Post by Toz76 on Dec 31, 2022 2:05:16 GMT -5
It was: the suits from corporate!
"Hey, look, it's Robert Ivan Carlisle Hempstead Argyle Samhain-Smith, the guy who owns the network that airs our sitcom!" Toz said. "And he brought some of the most important shareholders!"
Robert marched over to the main characters. "All right, enough is enough! There's way too many extras on set. You know we gotta pay each of these guys union wages, plus their stunt doubles? This show was always going over budget, and this reboot is gonna go the same way! I'm pulling the plug!"
"But Mr Samhain-Smith, be reasonable! A classic slapstick climax to our first episode back is exactly what we need!" Frank protested.
TGC turned to Eyes, still on stage with the band, and mouthed a desperate "do something!". Eyes saw and turned to her band. "Alright, guys, it's up to us."
"Now, Frank, I know you're a smart guy, but you surely must realize that competition from streaming services has cut into our bud-"
"ONE TWO THREE FOUR!"
Eyes' band launched into the opening measures of "The Trooper", and the fight began!
A baseball player hit a pirate over the head with a bat. A spy tackled a surfer. A knight tussled with a WWI soldier. Chaos ensued as the band played. The producer and the shareholders dodged phaser blasts and shurikens as they raced for the edge of the set.
"Was that too meta?" Frank asked Toz, worriedly.
"Maybe," Toz said, "but who cares, we've got slapstick to do!"
Frank started towards the fight, but paused. "Wait, before we get involved, I need to tie my shoe." Frank crouched, and a pie that was thrown directly at his face flew harmlessly over him and hit Toz straight on. (laughtrack)
Toz sighed, wiping whipped cream from her face. "Is it too late to cancel the reboot?" She asked sarcastically. (laughtrack)
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Mar 3, 2023 18:58:27 GMT -5
"Yep! I've waited... years for this moment" Frank said (laugh track). Now then, let's see how you like THIS!" Frank said as he took to the skies and began firing beams from his hands.
"Hmmm... not funny enough. What I need is a power that can... ah hah!" Frank said in realization. So he shot a beam at a surfer who was... totally covered in wrapping paper! (laugh track)
"Ok, now THAT is funny" Frank grinned as he dodged a harpoon.
TGC meanwhile found himself surrounded by the six mascots.
"I don't know if I should be really scared or really excited" He said as he was aiming his bow (laugh track)
"Oh, afraid. Very, VERY afraid!" The Tiger said as the assembled group of a a panda, a lion, a gorilla, a tiger, a wolf and a grizzly bear charged at him from all sides.
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