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Post by Toz76 on Mar 6, 2023 17:42:33 GMT -5
But TGC reacted quickly. He produced a raccoon mask from nowhere and put it on. "I'm just another mascot fan... y'know, a "mascot fan"... you guys wanna beat off somewhere else, I mean beat off, I mean beat it?"
Meanwhile, Toz was trying not to get killed by a loose sword. "Christ on a bike, this sucks. If only some brave hero would swoop in and save me."
Suddenly, all the enemy combatants around Toz started getting knocked out one by one. Toz watched as a black-clad mysterious assailant beat up the opponents a few at a time.
"Damn, good thing that stunt double is wearing a face-concealing helmet." Toz quipped.
Once all of the gang's enemies except the leaders were beat up, the helmeted figure removed his helmet to reveal... Tug? (audience cheers)
"Tug! I thought you were busy! Where'd you learn to fight like that?"
"It's an accountant thing... you wouldn't understand" Tug said
Suddenly, Eyes came stumbling past, with a black eye.
"Where's that helmet-wearing jerk who punched me! I'm gonna give him what for!" (laughtrack)
Toz glared at Tug, who simply shrugged. "I couldn't resist"
On the other side of the battlefield, Frank approached Irwin, Vincent, and Ima.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Apr 29, 2023 16:00:36 GMT -5
The three of sort of huddled together as Frank landed and the face on his helmet opened in an even more obvious rip off of the Marvel character in question.
"This isn't the end! You can't stop me from tearing down this building!" Irwin Evildoer proclaimed.
"Oh, but I can! You see, I enlisted the help of someone who is guaranteed to be your downfall" Frank pointed out
"Wait, you don't mean..." Irwin began.
"That's right. I HIRED A LAWYER!" Frank proclaimed (applause)
Just then, a well dressed man appeared, "Your fate is sealed, Irwin, for I have discovered many a problem with your actions... improperly filed permits, failure to notify the tenants, not following proper procedures, and most interestingly, you never purchased this building to begin with" the lawyer explained.
Irwin began trembling, "This isn't the last you'll see of the Evildoers! We will be back!" Irwin proclaimed, determined to become a recurring villain. Irwin, Ima and Vincent subsequently ran for their limo and it drove off into the sunset pass the Empire state building, Space Needle and Independence Hall (laugh track)
"And don't come back! At least until we need you again!" Frank added (laugh track). "Anyway, who is the owner of this building anyway?" Frank asked.
"Its a Mr. The Landlord" The lawyer explained.
"Ok ok, we may call Jacob "Jacob the Landlord" but that's no reason to joke like that" Frank pointed out.
"Not a joke, see" the lawyer said as he showed a document proving the building belonged to "Jacob DeLahndelourde" (laugh track)
Then, in that precise moment, Jacob came in, emerging from a taxi. "What the?! I went on vacation for 3 weeks and THIS happens? Why are there so many weirdly dressed people knocked out in front of my building?!" He said.
"Jacob, I can explain" Frank said as he began taking his outfit off.
Meanwhile, Eyes and Toz were talking.
"You know, I was thinking" Eyes began. "Maybe, its time I take a break from my metal bands for a while. I mean sure, I love metal, but lately, I feel like I'm putting myself into a hole, you know? I feel like people only see me for heavy metal music when I'm so much more than that. I feel like I need to discover who I am again. Maybe I like DIY, or swimming, or, I don't know, collecting laserdiscs? Who am I? So, maybe its time I figure out if there is more to me than what people originally saw" Eyes said
"Welcome back, Eyes" Toz said as the two embraced in friendship ("Aww" from the audience)
And as Frank kept explaining everything to Jacob, TGC and Tug were standing together awkwardly, having had very little screen time together in Season 1 they weren't sure of their dynamic. "Wait... didn't you have a thing that was going to keep you occupied for a while?" TGC asked.
"Oh no! You're right! I've got to get back to that! Come on Alberto! We have to keep looking for the Ledger of Lysostaphanes!" He screamed, followed by an off-screen "hee haw!" and Tug running off screen
Bringing the focus back to Frank, "... and in conclusion, we saved the building from being torn down by an unscrupulous land developer who may or may not appear again" Frank finished, now back in "Frank Clothes"
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Post by Toz76 on Apr 30, 2023 19:18:35 GMT -5
"Well, Frank, how can I ever repay you and your friends for what you've done for me?" Jacob asked.
Frank thought for a moment. "Actually, there is one thing..."
Hard cut to the five main characters back in the apartment. The furniture is a little newer than it was in the original seasons, but the set has been pretty faithfully recreated.
"Wow, it's so crazy that we're all back here." Eyes said.
"Doesn't it feel a bit... too crazy?" TGC asked. "Doesn't it just feel like a soulless retread? Doesn't it feel like we're all treading water, and we can never truly grow too far beyond this status quo?"
Eyes laughed affectionately. "Oh, TGC..." She continues laughing affectionately as she stands up, walks over to TGC, and covers his mouth with a thick strip of duct tape (canned laughter)
"The good news is I talked Jacob into letting us stay here for reduced rent, so we won't have to worry too much about money," Frank said.
"That's great," Tug said, "because buying all these tailored suits is really expensive..." (laughtrack)
"I can't help but feel like something is missing, though," Toz said.
"You mean Alberto? He's signing autographs outside," Tug said (laughtrack)
"No, not Alberto... someone else." Toz said.
"Mmpph mrrhmy?" TGC said through the duct tape. (laughtrack)
"Well, if you can't remember them, they probably aren't important," Frank said.
"An excellent point," Toz said. "Anyone want to order pizza?"
"Double pineapple on mine?" Eyes asked.
"Thanks for reminding me why I hate you..." Tug said.
"What? It's a totally normal pizza topping!" Eyes said.
A massive fight breaks out between the friends as the credits roll.
Suddenly, as the credits near their end, hard cut to a back alley behind the Golden Gate Bridge, close to the Eiffel Tower. A hooded figure is walking through the rain at a brisk pace.
The figure meets up with Ima Evildoer at the end of the alleyway.
"Is this the man you're looking for?"
A brief flash of green-dyed hair can be seen beneath the hood as the figure grabs the photograph. Cut to the figure's perspective, showing pictures of TGC taken during the fight scene from earlier in the episode.
"That's him..." the figure growled. "That's the man I'm going to murder." The figure grabs the photographs and begins to walk away.
"Wait..." Ima calls after the retreating figure. "I know we have a common enemy, but why do you hate him so much?"
As the green-haired figure turns back to Ima, the light reveals their face for the first time. It's Riley.
"Because," Riley says to the camera, "TGC broke my heart."
END OF EPISODE ONE
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Jun 15, 2023 21:02:56 GMT -5
EPISODE TWO: The Road Trip Episode
"Wow, I can't believe we're finally pulling this off!" Eyes said as she walked around their RV; an unusually large RV that seemed to be structured like one of those double compartment city buses; the ones so long they have a "hinge" in the middle so they can make turns.
"Hey, why do we have such a big RV anyway? Pretty sure there are six person RV's that are smaller than this" TGC pointed out.
"Well, we did look at those... but can you imagine the five of us sharing one shower?" Frank said with a raised eyebrow. The others got lost in thought for a second before collectively having a "Oh yea" moment (laugh track). "At least this one has two showers and toilets; oh, also, it sleeps ten in case we have any friends that end up joining us midway through if the plot calls for it" Frank explained
"I sure am glad that you took a break from your search for that Ledger, Tug" Toz said.
"Eh, it'll happen someday. For now I need to take a break, and this is exactly what the doc... accountant ordered" Tug declared (laugh track)
"There's one thing I don't understand though" TGC said.
"What's that?" Frank asked
"If we live in New Chicago, Oregon... why did we drive straight to Augusta, Maine before even attempting anything resembling a road trip?" TGC said (camera zooms out, the five are revealed to be filming on location in Augusta, outside the Maine State Museum, applause)
"Ah, well, the first was that we wanted to do a "Portland to Portland" Joke at some point, early on" Frank said
"We could've started in Portland, Oregon with the same joke" TGC deadpanned (laugh track)
"And the other was that we have to start on the East coast, otherwise our opening song won't make sense" Frank said.
"Opening song? What, not the theme song?" TGC said. Frank grins as he looks to the camera
(CUT TO: a shot of the RV driving through Augusta, banjo music starts playing, then a cut to the inside of the RV. As the opening credits flash on screen, we see Tug driving the RV, TGC sitting at the table of the dinette and looking out the window, Eyes on her phone sitting on the sofa, Toz sitting on a bed while looking over some maps, and Frank sitting shotgun, playing a banjo, while singing a parody of yet another muppet song. Of course, he is singing alone at the moment)
Movin' right along in search of good times and good news
With good friends you can't lose
This could become a habit!
Opportunity knocks once let's reach out and grab it Together we'll nab it
We'll hitchhike, bus or yellow cab it!
(Wait, no we won't) Movin' right along
Footloose and fancy-free
Getting there is half the fun, come share it with me
Moving right along, doog-a-doon doog-a-doon We'll learn to share the load
We don't need a map to keep this show on the road
(Cut to: Toz looks up from her maps and raises an eyebrow, laugh track)
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Post by Toz76 on Jun 15, 2023 21:26:42 GMT -5
"Man, I love the Muppets." Toz smiled wistfully.
"So what's the game plan? Portland to Portland?" Tug asked.
Frank nodded. "We're going to see the sights of the American heartland, pass through the Twin Cities and Chicago, and stop for a photo in front of Mount Rushmore."
"Mount Rushmore is across the street from our apartment," TGC pointed out. (laughtrack)
"Different Mount Rushmore." (laughtrack)
"That sounds like a great plan," Tug said. "There's just one small problem."
"What's the issue?" Frank asked.
"While you were singing I stopped paying attention and now we're stuck in traffic in Times Square."
(Cut to: an exterior shot of the RV in the middle of Times Square, surrounded by a sea of stopped cars, huge laugh track)
"Oh no... it's going to take us days to get out of New York... and we were supposed to be in Ohio by now..." Frank moaned.
"Why would we want to be in Ohio?" TGC asked. (laugh track)
"Wait, why not make New York a part of our road trip?" Eyes suggested.
"No, I made a plan and we're sticking to it." Frank said firmly.
"Besides, basically every show and movie is set in New York. It's kind of overrated." Toz said.
"Overrated?" Frank said. "Overrated!? This is the greatest city in the world!"
"Then why are you in such a hurry to leave?" TGC asked.
Frank's tone suddenly changed. "Because... my nemesis drove me out years ago. The only man with greater trivia knowledge than me... Trivia Dan!" (dramatic musical sting) "We used to compete in trivia contests around the city, until he betrayed me and forced me to move to New Chicago or wherever we live now."
"Cool backstory, but we're getting sidetracked," Toz said. "Let's focus on the road trip."
"Awww, I wanna see Frank defeat his trivia nemesis!" Eyes pouted.
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Jun 15, 2023 21:45:10 GMT -5
Frank sighed and said, "Well, there was actually some stuff I wanted us to do in New England anyway so we're going to have to backtrack... all right, guess we'll have to make the most of it; for the fans" Frank said, accepting what happened.
"For the fans!" the other four said together.
(CUT TO: montage of the four of them out and about, first at Times Square, then at Central Park, then on a New York City Subway Car, getting hot dogs at a hot dog cart, getting slices of pizza at a true NYC pizza place, Standing on the deck of the USS Intrepid admiring the planes, before finally going to the Metropolitan Museum of Modern Art)
"So what do we do after this?" Toz asked.
"Hey if we wait until tomorrow I can get a sweet deal on Broadway tickets! You guys have got to see Peter Pan Goes Wrong, it's hilarious!" Frank said.
"Uh, Frank aren't you getting a bit too eager with the whole New York City thing?" Eyes asked,
Frank ran over and whispered in her ear, "We're contractually obligated to show off as much as we can in each city we stop in because their respective tourism boards helped fund the episode, work with me!" Frank muttered (laugh track)
"Seriously?" Eyes said in disbelief.
"Hey, can we take the ferry to the statue of Liberty? Oh, and let's go to the top of the Empire state building!" Toz said, totally going along with it. "This better not be a glorified half hour commercial" Toz added under her breath to the producer (laugh track)
"Actually... this is one of those hour long specials" Tug pointed out (laugh track)
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Post by Toz76 on Jun 15, 2023 21:56:35 GMT -5
"Right after that big season premiere? We're really frontloading this season," Toz said.
"Gotta give the viewers what they want," Frank said.
"Is this what they want?" TGC asked, looking at the camera (laughtrack).
(Cut to: the gang back in the RV, driving away from New York)
"Alright, back to New England to cover the cities we missed," Frank said. "Let's be quick, though, we're falling behind schedule as it is."
"Where to?" Eyes asked, leaning back on the sofa. "Boston? Providence? New Haven?"
"Actually... this gas station in rural Maine." Tug said. "Because the detour to New York used a lot of gas..." (laughtrack)
"Ooh, very Stephen King," Eyes said approvingly. "Wanna go look for some pet cemeteries while Tug fuels up?"
"This isn't a horror episode, Eyes, it's a road trip episode." Frank said sternly. "Stay on theme."
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Jun 15, 2023 22:30:31 GMT -5
Thus, the gang made their way back to Maine, refueled at the gas station, and proceeded to travel around Maine
(Montage of the gangโs RV driving by Acadia National Park, then the Portland Museum of Art, and then them having fun on the Maine Narrow gauge railroad)
โOnward, to New Hampshire!โ Tug said as they passed the โwelcome to New Hampshireโ sign
โLetโs hope the laws are more reasonable here than in Maine; I canโt believe we were almost arrested for parking in front of Dunkin Donuts when we made that stop in South Berwick!โ Frank said in disbelief (laugh track)
(Another montage, of the gang having fun at Santaโs Village and Hampton Beach, before we see Frank getting scolded by a police officer while the others look onโ
โOfficer, I swear, the phone had bad reception, she just misheard my name when we booked this hotel for the night; gotta break from the RV every now and then you knowโ Frank pointed out
โThat still doesnโt change the fact that itโs illegal to book a hotel under a fake nameโ the officer pointed out (laugh track)
โBut I didnโt use a fake name!โ Frank insisted
โUgh, fine. Weโll let you off with a warning this time. But donโt cause any troubleโ the officer said before leaving
โTruth be told we originally had a gag in mind about the law that makes it illegal to have a picnic in a cemetery, but we have standards on the 3WSR Show and we wonโt film in a cemetery for a cheap gagโ Frank explained (applause)
(Cut to: the RV entering Vermont)
The gang is seen walking up to an entrance. โSorry to make you do this, guys. But I figured we should pay our respectsโ Frank said, holding some flowers as they entered the cemetery, or ratherโฆ
โThe Ben & Jerryโs Flavor Graveyard?โ Tug said with a raised eyebrow (laugh track, applause)
Frank is seen going to some headstones and placing down a couple flowers, as the others looked over the flavor head stones
โEthan Almond? Fossil Fuel?โ Eyes said, looking over their short poems
โTurtle soup? Devilโs food chocolate?โ Tug said in observation
โSugar plum? Chocolate comfort?โ TGC, said, noticing how some of the flavors were strange even by Ben & Jerryโs standards
โPeanut butter and jelly? Cool Britannia?โ Toz said, before looking up and seeing Frank still going around and laying flowers. Confused by everything, she suddenly realized, โoh, I get it now! This must be our attempt at โsurreal humor;โ man, donโt do that oftenโ Toz noticed (laugh track)
โIs it working?โ Frank whispered before going back into โgrievingโ mode
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Post by Toz76 on Jun 16, 2023 15:56:17 GMT -5
"I'm getting kinda bored," TGC said. "Can we get back to the RV? I want to be in Boston by tonight."
"Hang on, I've got 18 more flavors to pay respects to," Frank said.
"Aren't you the one who said we were in a hurry?" Toz asked.
"HEY! You can't film here! This is a cemetery!"
(Cut to: a furious Ben and Jerry's employee marching towards them)
"Okay, okay, jeez! Get the cameras out of here..." Frank pushes the cameras away as we fade to commercial
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Jun 20, 2023 17:15:38 GMT -5
*Jump cut*
As the previous image of cemeteries is replaced by static-y black, a new one pops up. Eyes is sitting in a production chair with her aviator shades on and a big floppy hat shading her face.
"It was at this point that I realized that this episode was going nowhere and we needed to spice it up."
INTERVIEWER: "And uhhhhh... how did you spice it up?"
*Jump cut*
As thunder and lightning shake the sky, rain falls down upon the land, and our heroes are in grave danger.
EYES: "I may have, er... rewritten the script just a little bit..."
The RV starts hydroplaning, jumps a bigass rock, flips three times, and lands with a splash in raging water.
"Damn it!" yells Toz. "I told you you were taking that curve too fast!"
Eyes quietly shoves the script under a pillow.
"Well gang," says Frank, "looks like we've reached Lake Superior."
"Man," says TGC, "I think I'm wetter than a dog in July."
*Eyes starts strumming "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" on her guitar*
"Anything's better than 'Sleeping Sun' by Nightwish," says Frank, "let me tell you-"
"Hold on guys," says Toz, "we're in the middle of the world's largest freshwater lake. What do we do now?"
"Eh, I'm sure Tug has a plan," says Eyes.
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Post by Toz76 on Jun 21, 2023 1:56:56 GMT -5
"We drown like those billionaires visiting the titanic..." (canned laughter)
"Thanks Tug, very encouraging," Toz said.
"Wait, no no no! We had so much more stuff to do before we got this far west! Rewind!" Frank protested.
"We've already backtracked once this episode, Frank, and I'd really like to get home to my model trains." Toz replied.
"Yeah, and I'd like to get home to have sex with my partner and live a full life because I'm not a loser," Eyes chimed in.
"Model trains are almost as satisfying... almost." (canned laughter)
"Listen, if you want to go anywhere, we need to get the RV out of the lake..." Tug said. "Any ideas?"
(CUT TO: The outside of the RV. All five friends are sitting on top of it, with TGC at the front with the megaphone while the others use oars built from driftwood to paddle the RV to shore)
"Row! And row! And row!"
"TGC... why don't you swap places with one of us?" Eyes asked.
"Sorry, I wore out my right arm in a workplace injury, I physically can't use an oar."
"I'll tear off your other arm if you don't stop being such a lazy--"
"Hey look, land!"
(The RV rolls to shore on a beach somewhere in rural Ontario. The gang heads inside the waterlogged RV and surveys the damage)
"You know, if we'd just stuck to the plan, none of this would have happened," Frank said sternly.
"My flannels... they're all ruined!" Toz collapsed to the ground, clutching a bunch of wet shirts and sobbing uncontrollably (canned laughter)
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Jul 9, 2023 11:12:48 GMT -5
"Ok, now we have to get back on track; we have a lot of contractual obligations to fulfill and..." Frank began.
"Hey! What do you think you lot are doing, eh? You trying to migrate to Canada illegally?" A voice said, and to their horror, the gang realized they were surrounded by Mounties.
"I'm so sorry! This was an accident, honest! We'll leave right away" Frank said, as the five piled into the RV, and for about 60 seconds, a comical chase ensued until the RV makes its way to Upstate New York, where the gang is seen admiring Niagara Falls, and then enjoying old planes at the Old Rhinebeck Aerodrome, before making their way to Connecticut, where we see them admire Yale University and The Mark Twain House and Museum, interspersed by brief moments of them running away from Mounties.
Finally, they come to New Haven, where they are seen enjoying a meal outside Louie's Lunch
"Wow, so this is where the Hamburger was invented" TGC asked
"Can't believe they predate sliced bread" Toz said
"And burger buns" Tug noted, holding the sandwich; a beef patty between sliced bread (laugh track)
"Still, only cheese spread, tomato and onion as topping options? No ketchup is pretty stupid" Eyes observed.
"Shhh!!" Frank said, not wanting them to offend the shop owners. "Phew, that was close, we almost offended the Louie's superfans" Frank said, as he went to walk, only to trip and knock down a motorcycle, which started a domino effect of knocking down other motorcycles, until 20 had fallen over (laugh track)
Then, a bunch of tough looking, bearded guys in leather showed up. "You the punk who knocked over our rides?" The lead said, angrily.
"Uh... sorry" Frank said meekly, as the others clearly began making moves to beat Frank up.
"Do we have weapons of any kind?!" TGC said in shock.
"Uh... I have Silly String!" Eyes said as she pulled some cans out.
"Hey! Silly String is illegal in Connecticut!" A New Haven Police Officer said as he began running up to them.
"Let's split!" the five said together
(CUT TO: The RV is being pursued by Canadian mounties, bikers, and Connecticut Police, laugh track)
The RV is seen entering Rhode Island... and then quickly leaving Rhode Island pursued by Rhode Island police (laugh track)
"How was I supposed to know taking sand from Easton's beach is illegal?!" Eyes said, holding a small vial of sand (laugh track)
"Look, it was complete accident that I splashed pickle juice onto that trolley, I had no way of know THAT was illegal too!" Frank said (laugh track)
Finally, they got to Massachusetts. After seeing Fenway Park, the USS Constitution and the Science Museum, the crew ended up in Boston, Massachusetts. After making sure there were no bikers or Mounties around, they settled in a park, when suddenly.
"Hello, Frank!" A voice said, Frank looked over and trembled, "Gah! Trivia Dan!" Frank said in shock. (Dramatic music sting)
"What do you want? I already said I won't cause you any problems anymore" Frank pointed out.
"I want to duel you... TO THE DEATH!" Trivia Dan said, drawing a sword, and throwing Frank one.
"Uh... I am NOT a murderer" Frank said defiantly.
"Ah, but we are in Boston, Massachusetts, and today is Sunday. A duel to the death is perfectly legal, as long as the governor is present" Trivia Dan smirked. Frank raised an eyebrow, prompting Dan to point over, and lo and behold, the Governor of Massachusetts was giving a speech about a hundred yards away
"Oh, crap" Frank muttered (laugh track)
"Now, HAVE AT THEE!" Trivia Dan said as he charged and the two began sword fighting. Frank had a slight edge, then Dan, then Frank again, until, with a swift strike, Frank chopped off Dan's left arm!
"Now go away, my worthy adversary. I will not fight any longer" Frank said.
"Tis but a scratch!" Dan said (laugh track; the rest of the gang looks on confused)
"A SCRATCH!? Your arm is off!" Frank pointed out
"No it isn't!" (laugh track)
"Well, what's that then?" Frank asked while pointing at the arm.
"I've had worse" Dan shrugged (laugh track)
"You lie!" Frank said
"Come at me you pansy!" Dan said as he proceeded to charge and the fight continued. And then, Frank chopped off Dan's right arm! Only, Dan now resorted to kicking Frank.
"You are indeed brave, Dan, but the fight is mine!" Frank said
"Oh, had enough, eh?" Dan said, now taunting Frank. (Laugh track)
"Look, you stupid b*stard! You've got no arms left!" Frank said angrily.
"Yes I have" Dan said
"LOOK!" Frank yelled
"Just a flesh wound" (laugh track) Dan said, before resorting to kicking Frank
"This seems REALLY familiar" Toz observed
"Chicken! Chicken!" Dan taunted
"Look, I'll have your leg next" Frank warned, before Dan went for more kicks. Frank sighed before cutting off Dan's left leg.
"Right, I'll do you for that!" Trivia Dan said (laugh track)
"What are you going to do, BLEED ON ME?!" Frank said sarcastically (laugh track)
"I'M INVINCIBLE!" Dan declared
"You're a loony" Frank muttered as Trivia Dan, now only having a right leg, basically resorted to sort of jumping into and bumping into Frank.
"Ok, now I KNOW I've seen this somewhere before" Tug observed
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Post by Toz76 on Jul 10, 2023 5:11:44 GMT -5
"Um, guys... the Governer just left." Toz said.
"But we're not done referencing Monty Python!" Frank protested.
Just then, the Massachusetts police ran up. "Hey, no dueling without the governor present! You're in big trouble now!"
"He attacked me and chopped my arms and leg off!" Trivia Dan said.
"Aw *bleep* it's the pigs, let's run!" TGC yelled.
(Cut to: Terry Gilliam-style animation of the gang running from the police) (canned laughter, applause)
Before long, the gang was back in the RV, heading along the highway.
"Okay, so the bad news is we're wanted in several states, but the good news is we already did New York, so we can skip it and head to Pennsylvania." Frank said.
Soon, the group had stopped in Pittsburgh for the night. They rented a cheap motel.
"We'll do the touristy stuff tomorrow, but tonight we need a break." Frank said. "I'm taking a bubble bath."
"The rest of us are gonna go on walks before the sun sets," Toz said. "Enjoy your bath, Frank, you need it after that duel."
(Cut to: Toz walking beside a river. A salmon leaps out of the river directly into her hands.)
"Oh my god! This is just like Pike Place!" (laughtrack)
"Stop right there! It's illegal to catch a fish with your bare hands in Pennsylvania!"
Toz glared at the camera. "Great. At least we've gotten the silly law portion out of the way."
(Cut to: TGC at a motorcycle dealership)
"I miss the open road... how much for this Harley?"
"Stop right there! It's illegal to purchase a vehicle on Sunday in Pennsylvania!"
"It's still Sunday?" (laughtrack)
(Cut to: Tug at a bar, laughing and talking with a donkey)
"I'm so glad Alberto introduced us back on the Madrid job... you're a fun gal, Penny."
"HEE-HAW!" (laughtrack)
"Wanna head back to your place and see where the night takes us?" (laughtrack) "We can take the trolley."
"Stop right there! It's illegal to take your donkey on a trolley car in Pittsburgh!" (canned laughter)
"How dare you! Penny is her own woman!" (laughtrack)
(Cut to: Eyes walking into a gun shop)
"Could I purchase a pistol, please?"
"Why?" the woman behind the counter asked.
"I want to discharge it at a wedding."
"It's illegal to discharge a pistol at a wedding in Pennsylvania."
"Shouldn't that be illegal in every state?" Eyes asked.
"Are you kidding me? The second amendment means that it's your right as an American to fire a gun at any wedding in any state EXCEPT Pennsylvania." (laughtrack)
Eyes rolled her eyes and looked at the camera. "Look, someone had to break a law, and it's not like Frank's going to be able to do it while he's taking a bath."
(Cut to: Frank in the bath, absolutely covered in bubbles to an absurd degree, so that only his face is visible)
"What can I say? The no-nudity clause is thorough." (canned laughter)
Frank procured a rubber ducky from hammerspace. "At least I've still got you, Ernest M. McSorebeak."
Music began to play from nowhere as Frank began to sing a childhood classic.
"Rubber ducky, you're the one..."
(Cut to: a police van outside the motel)
"We've got audio confirmation! Someone is singing in the bathtub!"
"What a sicko! Doesn't he know that's illegal in Pennsylvania? Let's break down the door and arrest him!" (canned laughter, applause)
(Cut to: Tug, Toz, Frank, and TGC in a jail cell together, waiting for Eyes to bail them out. Frank is still absolutely covered in bubbles)
"What are you in for?" TGC asked.
Tug sighed. "My only crime was loving too much..." (laughtrack, applause, fade to commercial)
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Sept 4, 2023 17:38:08 GMT -5
Eyes came to bail them out, while an officer updated them on the situation
"Well, it looks like you lot are lucky. The district attorney is declining to prosecute on the grounds that... "I have better things to do than prosecuting fish catching and bathtub singing, now let guys go and focus on the real criminals" he said as he read the paper (laugh track)
"Well that's a relief" Frank said they all went to leave.
"However..." the officer continued, "We may have to extradite you to New York, on the grounds that you committed crimes there"
"What did we do THIS time!?" Toz said in disbelief.
The gang looked at the video of them in an elevator, and then them meeting on the street, "You talked in an elevator, and you greeted each other by putting your thumbs against your nose and wiggling your fingers" (laugh track)
"What is up with these messed up laws?!" Tug said, shocked.
"And we're not even out of the Northeast yet" Frank pointed out.
"Let's go!" TGC declared as the gang bolted to the RV and took off. The gang are then seen enjoying the Andy Warhol Museum, and the Pittsburgh Zoo and Aquarium, before taking off for Philadephia. They enjoy the sights of Independence Hall, the Philadelphia Zoo, Franklin Square, and the Please Touch museum, and the Museum of the American Revolution, before getting some Ice cream at the Franklin Fountain.
(Cut to: The gang at the base of the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art)
"All right, studio wants us to recreate that famous scene from the movie with the boxer so... let's do it!" Frank said as the five began doing so (Rocky music starts playing)
(Cut to, montage of them running up the steps, then them getting to the top)
The five reach the top utterly exhausted; Frank is crawling at this point, Tug and Eyes reach the top and faint, TGC collapses to his knees and vomits and Toz hunches over, holding her knees as she pants.
"What the hell; we can do all sorts of crazy slapstick but can't handle 72 steps?!" Toz said in disbelief (laugh track)
"Ironic, isn't it?" Frank replied (laugh track)
(Quick cut: Them half heartedly posing in front of the Rocky statue, laugh track)
Back in the RV, the gang are seen entering New Jersey, Frank reviewing the maps, "Well, the good news is that as far as stupid laws go in New Jersey, best they got is you can't pump your own gas so I think we are safe" Frank assured.
(Montage, they are exploring the decks of the USS New Jersey, riding a roller coaster in Six Flags Great adventure, gawking at Lucy the Elephant, exploring the sites of Thomas Edison Historical National Park, Frank being excited while the others are bored at the Liberty Science Center (laugh track), and trying to make sense of the Grounds for Sculpture museum)
"Hey, can we make a stop over here at This New Jersey University? I could use a new hoodie and I want to visit one of my online friends" Toz asked.
"Fine with me, lets find a parking spot" Tug agreed as the others voiced their approval.
The RV pulls into the parking lot as the gang gets out.
"We'll go restock our groceries" Tug said as Eyes left with him.
"I'll go meet my friend" Toz said
"I'll go with you" TGC said
"I'm going to walk around; I could use the aerobics" Frank explained.
They all parted ways,
(CUT TO: Frank is walking around the campus, but gets many stares, before he finally goes back to the RV)
Frank is finishing his walk, when suddenly, he is confronted by a group of college students.
"Hey! You're Frank the Trivia Man, from the 3WSR show, right?" The student began.
"Yes... can I help you?" Frank asked.
"Yea, we got a problem with you" this student continued
"A BIG problem!" a second added, with Frank observing that this angry looking mob was steadily getting bigger.
"Wait, what?" Frank said in confusion
"You made jokes last season... about that one character, Riley" A third pointed out.
"Indeed; I trust you enjoyed our satire of gender norms?" Frank asked, hopeful.
"HELL NO!!!" The mob said in unison, prompting Frank to take a couple steps back. "That sh*t wasn't satire you j*ck*ss!" Another student pointed out, "That crap was offensive as hell; nonbinary is a thing you jerk!" they continued.
"Wow... I heard comedy wasn't very popular on campuses these days but I didn't realize it was that bad" Frank noticed.
"Did you just make presumptions about our tastes?!" One student said, shocked.
"What? No, I just am trying to understand what's going on here" Frank explained.
"You pathetic, miserable man" one student said, practically getting in Frank's face, "It's quite simple, really: you said things that were offensive to a certain group, in this case nonbinaries, which means its our job as tech savvy young folk to CANCEL you!" He said passionately.
"Oh come on! Look, I admit those jokes didn't age well, but that's no reason to go that far" Frank argued.
"But you still did it anyway, didn't you!" the student continued.
"That's ridiculous! No one is perfect, we all make mistakes! I mean, look at that emo-looking guy, I'm sure he's made plenty of mistakes in his life" Frank pointed out.
"EMO?! I am clearly PUNK you jerk!" The guy said, rather offended.
"Sorry, sorry, I never was part of any subculture movements and its really hard to tell the difference" Frank said sincerely.
"Oh, so you're making presumptions again!" The student from before declared.
"Wait wait wait" Frank said before looking off screen "Ronald, why are we doing this again?" Frank asked in confusion
"Satirical commentary on internet culture, cancel culture, college students, perceptions of sensitivity, mob mentality and the poor aging of comedy in an ever changing world" Ronald pointed out.
"Ok, fair enough.โ Frank said before turning back to the crowd. โBut why are you all doing this?โ Frank asked
"Oh, you naรฏve fool, don't you get it" The first student began, "NOTHING is funny" he began
"EVERYTHING is offensive" a second student continued
"So, conform to what WE think is acceptable" a third added.
"OR WE WILL BAN YOU FROM SOCIETY!" The crowd collectively said (Dramatic music sting)
"Why are college students so easily offended?!" Frank said in exasperation. "And I apologized, didn't I?" Frank pointed out.
"Doesn't matter; now let us get a video of you doing something offensive so it can go viral and you'll get cancelled" the first student said as the iphones began coming out. Frank ran into and hid in the RV in terror.
Toz and TGC were walking back the RV with Toz's friend, when they noticed it... an angry mob surrounding the RV.
"TGC... I thought our angry mob rental was scheduled for Thursday?" Toz said in confusion. (laugh track)
Then, Toz got a text on her phone, "What does it say?" TGC asked.
"It says... guys, run away, I don't entirely understand what is going on, but depending on where you are on the political spectrum, the RV is currently being surrounded by college students that are either woke, overly sensitive, easily offended, or aware of insensitivities. Run away before they go after you too!" Toz continued.
Toz looked up and sighed, "You know... if Riley was here, they'd probably not agree with what's going on here" she observed. "Well, guess we'd better save Frank" Toz said as she and TGC began walking towards the mob
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Post by Toz76 on Sept 6, 2023 3:51:37 GMT -5
"Hang on a second!" Toz said. "This isn't something that would happen, like, ever!" (laughtrack)
"I mean, it's a deliberately absurd TV show where we hang out with a donkey and regularly survive several story falls," TGC pointed out.
"Yeah, but those are parodies of sitcom tropes. This is... well, do you want the nice version or the mean version?"
"The nice version," TGC said. "We don't want behind the scenes drama two episodes in."
"Great point," Toz said, as she got up on her soapbox and addressed the crowd.
"My fellow overly sensitive twenty-somethings! This is not how college students act! No one sincerely believes that nothing is funny! People like you only exist in the minds of washed-up former stand up comics who are upset because saying something racist on stage doesn't get as many laughs as it did in the 90s! And even if Frank's dialogue was offensive enough to critique, you wouldn't mob him like this! You'd make annoying TikToks about him! Or more likely, about the writer of those episodes, because even the dumbest Gen Z stereotypes have some understanding of systems!"
"Okay, but what Frank did was offensive!" one member of the crowd said.
"Eh, it was maybe a bit tasteless, but I think it was always pretty clear that the joke was on Frank for trying too hard to figure out Riley's birth sex anyway. And we've moved past that. There are way more important things to get upset about, like police brutality and landlords abusing their power and whatever that new "Starry" soda is that just randomly started being everywhere a year ago."
"Yeah, what's up with that?" TGC asked.
"In conclusion! As a college student, I am offended that this show would depict us as easily offended!" (laughtrack) "Wait, let me try again."
Toz stopped to compose herself. "This isn't an accurate depiction of a real phenomenon. It's at best an exaggeration and at worst a misinformed attack on teens who are just trying to figure out a complicated world. The people who are really overly sensitive are those who react to criticism by deciding they're victims of an evil mob instead of just listening to the criticism and deciding if it's worth adapting from or not."
"Oh no, she's getting preachy..." TGC muttered.
"Also being woke is cool and sexy. Thank you for coming to my TED talk." Toz climbed down from her literal soapbox, expecting adulation from the crowd of teens.
"Um, actually, you said the word "dumbest" earlier," said one of the angry mob members. "That's offensive to people with disabilities, you r*****. And I can say that, because I have ADHD. Kill yourself."
"Oh, crap, they've morphed into the type of Gen Z person that annoys me instead of the type that annoys Frank! Run!" Toz screamed.
Just than, Tug and Eyes wandered into the scene, carrying several bags of groceries (actually, Eyes was carrying one carton of eggs, while Tug struggled under the weight of seven overflowing grocery bags) (canned laughter).
"What's going on here?" Eyes asked.
"Looks like Frank and Toz started being political at each other again..." Tug said.
"That never ends well," Eyes said. "Quick, let's cut to a new scene!"
(Cut to: our five heroes, plus Toz's friend, safe in the RV."
"Sorry about that, everyone, I've just been dealing with some complicated feelings about my past," Frank said.
"Oh, don't worry about it, everyone has things in their past they wish they could change. There's no need to beat yourself up over it, though. Just learn from it going forward, and you'll be fine. And for what it's worth, you're cool in my book." Toz said. (Crowd awws)
"Although... now that we've decided that, can we just get a definitive answer?" Tug asked. "TGC, you hooked up with Riley or whatever... what's in their pants?"
"Do you really think I'd tell you that?" TGC asked. "That's between Riley and me."
"Who's Riley?" Eyes asked.
"Actually, wait, who is Riley?" Toz asked.
"Toz..." TGC facepalmed. "They're like your best friend! You just gave a big speech about them! There was briefly a love triangle between me, you, and them?"
"Doesn't ring a bell," Toz said.
"Weird," Frank said. "Sounds like a setup for a future episode. I guess we'll find out more about this Riley person later. Anyway, Toz, who's your friend?"
"Oh, right!" Toz turned to her friend. "This is my friend from Philadelphia. His name is Toz."
"Hey, youse guys, I'm Toz! So what's this jawn youse oldheads are doin'? Philly Toz said.
There was a moment of astounded silence, as everyone stared at Toz and Toz with mouths agape (laughtrack)
"What?" Toz said. "It's a common unisex name!"
"No it [bleep] isn't!" Eyes said (laughtrack)
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Sept 12, 2023 21:32:29 GMT -5
"So, youse old heads already checked out Philly?" Philly Toz asked.
"Yea, and we got the sweat stains to prove it" Frank said (laugh track)
"So anyway, we're on a road trip across the states; wanna join us?" Toz asked
(Oh heck yea! I was only on campus for my summer job, but this sounds way more fun!) Philly Toz said in excitement.
"I have no idea what he just said... good thing I can read subtitles backwards" Frank said to himself (laugh track).
"ANYWAY, we're off to Delaware, Maryland, then..." Frank began.
"Virginia! Sweet Home Virginia!" Eyes declared in excitement.
"Yea... what she said. Let's go!" Frank said
(Exterior shot: RV travels from New Jersey to Delaware)
The gang stopped in Fenwick Island, and proceeded to get changed for bed, when suddenly there was a knock at the door. Tug opened it.
"Sir, are you aware that it is illegal in Fenwick Island, Delaware to change your clothes in a car?" the police officer said (laugh track)
"This isn't a car, its an RV!" Tug pointed out. (laugh track)
"Ugh, fine... but stay out of trouble" the officer warned
The next day, the gang left and checked out what Delaware had to offer (Montage: the gang visits the Air Mobility Command Museum, Brandywine Creek State Park, sees a race at Dover Motor Speedway, the Winterthur museum, before finally coming to Rehoboth Beach)
(Cut to: seen emerging from a public restroom near beach)
"All right, time for some fun in the sun!" Toz said excitedly.
"Yea, Frank's a terrible planner; why do we keep going to museums?" TGC asked (laugh track)
"Hey, I put "famous places in (state) and choose from what comes up!" Frank argued.
But before the gang could continue, officers from the Rehoboth Beach Police department ran up to them, "Stop right there! It is illegal in Rehoboth Beach to change your clothes in a public restroom!" they shouted (laugh track)
"SERIOUSLY?!" The gang said before making a run for it
(CUT TO: Gang in RV, entering Maryland)
The gang is seen at The National Aquarium, the B&O Railroad Museum, The Antietam National Battlefield, Riding a roller coaster at Six Flags America, the Walters Art Museum, and the Ocean City Boardwalk, before being back on the Highway again)
"Man, I am so glad we didn't have any trouble in Maryland" Tug said in relief
"F*** yeah!" Eyes said in agreement, when suddenly, they heard sirens and patrol cars pull alongside them.
"Maryland State Police! Pull over now!" The officer in the car on the left said.
"We're 10 miles per hour below the speed limit!" Frank pointed out.
"True, but it IS illegal in Maryland to swear on highways!" The officer pointed out.
"ARE YOU F***ING SERIOUS!?" The six said together. (laugh track)
(Cut to: The gang has finally made it to Virginia; they are in a rest stop as we see a couple things going on)
"All right Philly Toz" Toz said to her friend, "I challenge you to a tickle contest! I'll win this time for sure!" Toz said with a grin as the two started, both laughing hysterically.
Tug, TGC, Eyes and Frank were at a table, "Right, so based on my research, I've found Busch Gardens Williamsburg, the Jamestown Settlement, the Steven F. Udvar-Hazy Center, Luray Caverns, Mount Vernon and Shenandoah National Park; what do you recommend, Eyes?" Frank asked.
Eyes was about to answer when she got a call on her phone, "Oh, one minute, please" She said as she picked up, "Hello? NO! I DON'T OWN A CAR, SO I DON'T HAVE AN EXTENDED CAR WARRANTY! STOP F***ING CALLING ME!!!" Eyes screamed into her cell phone before hanging up. But suddenly, two officers from the Virginia State Police showed up!
"Stop right there! It's illegal in Virginia to use profane language on the phone!" One said.
"What the hell?!" Eyes said in shock.
"And it's illegal to tickle a woman in Virginia!" The second said
(Toz and Toz stop and suddenly look scared, laugh track)
"Don't worry, tickling a man is fine though" The officer assured. Toz relaxed in relief while Philly Toz began sweating nervously (laugh track)
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Post by Toz76 on Dec 12, 2023 19:14:48 GMT -5
Cut to: Philly Toz in jail.
"I'll get youse for this! This isn't the last youse'll see of me!" (laughtrack)
"I hope Philly Toz doesn't become a recurring villain," Tug said. "That accent is hard to write..." (laughtrack)
"So, where to next?" TGC asked. "Are we gonna stop in DC?"
"No, we're going straight to Colonial Williamsburg." Toz said. "I want some of that... Welsh Rarebit!" Toz began floating like a cartoon character smelling a pie on a windowsill (laughtrack)
"What? No!" Frank said. "There's so many museums in DC to go to! Not to mention Mount Vernon and Monticello!"
"We're not setting foot in the inferior Washington or his house on my watch!" Toz said.
"You don't even live in Washington anymore! We all live in New Chicago, Oregon!" Frank pointed out.
"Oregon is just Washington's less cool little brother!" Toz responded.
"Hey!" Eyes yelled. "I'm actually from Virginia, okay! I know what's worth seeing. How about you let me take charge for this one?"
"You're right," Frank said. "I should have let you take charge from the beginning. I'm sorry, Eyes. Where to?"
Cut to: the gang shivering on a beach. The sky is gray and overcast and the seas are choppy.
"Behold, the beautiful beaches of Virginia!" (laughtrack)
"This is kinda nice... shame we couldn't have come on a day when it was sunny," Toz said.
"Oh, it never gets sunny here." (laughtrack)
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Apr 28, 2024 22:47:58 GMT -5
"So, lookin' to enter Virginia, eh?" Eyes spake in a boomingly vocal. "Lookin' to partake in Verginny-a, eh? Listen friends, for there are three things to know about this state. Number one: Robert E. Lee did nothing wrong."
*Eyes stops speaking and looks directly at the camera*
TGC: "And the other three...?"
Eyes: "Yep those were the three things to know about this state." *Laughtrack (centrist version)*
Toz: "So like, what do you do in Virginia?"
Eyes: "Sorry, Virginia? I meant specifically, the Eastern Shore of Virginia. You know, that little piece of the Delmarva Peninsula that mapmakers keep trying to add to Maryland? Oh, you DON'T know? SHOWS YOU WHAT KIND OF CULTURED NONCES YOU CITYFOLK ARE."
Frank: "Hey, I could get used to this. Lots of water, bayside and seaside. I bet some amazing cruises launch from here!"
Eyes: "Sorry, no cruise ships, but we DO have a ferry and it's so cool, it'll take you to an island called Tangier that is sinking into the ocean thanks to the heightening horrors of global warming." *Laughtrack (liberals version)*
Tug: "So, like, any hallmarks?"
Eyes: "YEAH CHECK OUT THIS BRIDGE."
Cut to: the group stand in front of the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel, the (checks Wikipedia) 31st longest bridge in the world and the second bridge-tunnel ever constructed.
Toz: "Oh wow... a bridge..." *Laughtrack (construction version)*
Eyes: "And that's not all! Check out these PONIES!"
Cut to: Assateague Island, where the group look out at a group of wild ponies.
Toz: "Oh wow... horses..." *Laughtrack (Rolling Stones version)*
Frank: "This is incredible! What else is there?"
Eyes:
Frank: "Um..."
Eyes:
*Laughtrack (city version)*
TGC: "Hey, I think I see a raccoon!" *Chases after it* *Laughtrack (trash panda version)*
Tug: "Hey, have you guys seen Alberto?"
Camera pans over to Alberto trying to rizz up one of the ponies.
Tug: "Oh brother! Come back here you horse's ass! Stay out of that horse's ass!" *Laughtrack (mule version)*
Frank: "Well, I guess I'll do some bird watching." *Puts in an earbud and starts loudly singing along to* "I'LL KEEP YOU MY DIRTY LITTLE EGRET!" *Laughtrack (CollegeHumor version)*
Toz looks over at Eyes. Eyes is strumming an acoustic guitar and has become one with the habitat. "Alberto bound, Alberto bound, it's good to be Alberto bound." Off in the distance, Tug is getting chased by a pony. *Laughtrack (Gordon Lightfoot version)*
Toz says softly and directly into the camera: "Next time they cancel this show I swear to god that we are never, ever, ever getting back together." *Laughtrack (Taylor's Version)*
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Post by frankthetriviaman on May 5, 2024 19:03:03 GMT -5
Just then, Frank got a call from the Network, "Huh? Ok, fine" and he told the others, "yea... seems going through all the states is going to be kinda tedious so we're just going to do highlights from here on out" He explained as the camera suddenly cut
FIVE DAYS LATER
the gang were in Florida and were trying to get tickets to a skydiving experience.
"Excuse me, you two, are you unmarried?" The gate attendant asked Toz and Eyes.
"Yea? What about it?" Toz asked
"Oh, sorry, then I can't let you all do this today; it's illegal in Florida for unmarried women to go parachuting on Sunday" the attendant explained (laugh track)
They went slackjawed as Frank sighed and then said, "Well, guess we're off to Walt Disney World and Universal Studios then" he shrugged as he called out to Eyes "By the way it's illegal to sing in a Swimsuit so be careful where you do your thing!" Frank called out
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Post by Toz76 on May 5, 2024 20:22:18 GMT -5
TWO DAYS LATER
"Ah, beautiful Tennessee, home of... roadkill?" Tug said.
"That's the 37th dead animal I've seen since we crossed state lines," Toz complained.
"I've just about had enough!" Frank said. "I'm going to run for office in Tennessee's department of transportation just to get rid of the roadkill."
"That seems like overkill..." Tug muttered.
"No, let him do it, I want to see where this goes," Eyes said.
CUT TO: Frank at a government building, talking to a clerk.
"Everything seems to be in order," the clerk said. "You are officially on the ballot as head of the Tennessee Department of Transportation."
"Not so fast!" A voice yelled.
"Wrong thre- wait!" Frank was shocked. "Trivia Dan? But... your arms?"
"They grew back!" Dan said.
"That doesn't make any-"
"Ma'am, this man is not eligible to run for public office in the state of Tennessee," Dan said. "You see, not long ago, in New York, he engaged in... a DUEL!"
The clerk clutched her chest and gasped. "No! It's illegal to run for public office in Tennessee if you've been in a duel before!"
"He's also not a resident of the state," Toz pointed out.
"Yeah, but we don't care about that," the clerk explained. (laughtrack)
Frank was disappointed. "I just wanted to do something about the roadkill!"
"Well, you could just eat it," the clerk said. "It's legal to eat roadkill in Tennessee, you know."
"Absolutely, categorically, no." Frank said. "There is no situation in which I will eat roadkill. Not now, not ever. I would sooner betray my country, friends, and principles than I would eat dead animals off the side of the ro-"
SMASH CUT TO: the gang in the RV, driving in an awkward silence.
"Are we gonna address what just happened?" Toz asked.
"You're full now, stop whining," Tug said.
"It doesn't matter, it was morally wrong!" TGC said.
"Look, we needed to eat and there was no other choice!" Tug said.
"That didn't mean you had to-" Frank began.
"I did have to and I'd do it again!" Tug said. "Anyone else want to argue?"
There was a long pause.
Eyes spoke up. "I thought it was brave of you to cut in line at the Wendy's drive thru."
"Thank you," Tug sighed. "At least someone's in my corner." (laughtrack)
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