Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Mar 16, 2017 2:15:23 GMT -5
"Dearly beloved: we are gathered today to pay our final tribute of respect to that which was mortal of our deceased loved one and friend. To you members of the family who mourn your loss, we especially offer our deep and sincere sympathy. May we share with you the comfort afforded by God's Word for such a time as this..."
A young man in the back got up. His face was red from the tears, yet he looked composed, and calm. Getting out of the pew, he walked down the aisle, lit a cigarette, and left the building, all while the preacher droned on.
"And they gathered them together to the place which in Hebrew is called Armageddon..."
ROLL CREDITS!!
PURE F***ING ARMAGEDDON
An anime by Diesel 11
EPISODE 1: TERMINUS (WHERE DEATH IS MOST ALIVE)
"Can't you dig any faster?!" the man shouted.
"If you want this job to be finished faster then for Christ's sake get off your ass and do some work yourself!" replied his partner.
"Oh for f*ck's sake!" the first man growled. "Let's just get this damn job over with so we can reap our profit and split. This place gives me the creeps."
"Everything gives you the creeps!"
"Just shut up and dig!"
The two men put their back into their job, but even then things didn't work out very quickly.
"Damn! How far down did they bury this thing anyway?" one of the men grumbled.
"Shouldn't be too much further... here we go!" he said, hitting something hard.
The two men now worked with a fervor, and finally succeeded in digging out a box. "At last!" said one of the men. He opened the lid.
Inside was a corpse.
A lightning bolt struck a tree, but the men were undetered.
"Pay dirt," said the man and closed the box.
"Nomads. Wanderers of space. That's all we are and that's all we'll ever be."
"Shut up already and eat your dinner," chuckled the other man. "Food doesn't stay warm forever, Joe."
"Someone has to call the girls," Joe shrugged. "This ship isn't the smallest thing in the world, Frank."
"Hey! Ladies!" he called, opening one of the bedroom doors, only two find the two women on the bed painting each other's nails.
"Hey! It's dinner time you two, so put down the nail polish and get over to the dining room."
"Be patient," one of them said.
"Nope, sorry, that is mentally and physically impossible, now get your asses into the dining room."
"I'm sorry but last time I checked the sofas are not the dining room."
"Either way, it's dinner time and we're hungry so come on!"
"Fine, fine!"
Over a plate of spaghetti and bell peppers, the topic came round to new cash oppurtunities.
"Apparently there have been reports of illegal grave digging on Aston," said Frank. "The police there are offering a $5,000 reward for whoever can catch the diggers."
"Ah yes, bounty hunting, my favorite thing to do," Joe said, leaning back.
"It's too dangerous for my tastes."
"My dear Rose," said the other woman, "everything is too dangerous for you."
"I can't help that I'm always worried Ginger, but..."
"Just so long as you can navigate us we'll take care of the heavy stuff," Ginger replied.
"I'd be a bounty hunter period if it would bring in enough money," Joe continued. "But as it is wandering aimlessly taking different jobs works too."
"Yeah, and with the Marie Roget on our side we can do anything, go anywhere, for as long as life allows," Frank concurred.
"I'm confused though," said Rose. "How DID you get the money to build this ship, Frank?"
"Lot of time and hard work," Frank replied. "Building things from scratch isn't easy, but it sure is great once it's done. Now then," he said, clearing away the plates, "get some sleep because tomorrow we're heading for Aston."
13 hours later, the Marie Roget arrived at Aston.
"God, this place looks like a ghost town!" Ginger said.
"The kind of place where Death is most alive," Joe said, taking in the smoggy air.
"I wonder why - and how, really - people still live in this place," Rose stated.
"One of life's greatest mysteries," Frank said. "Now then, the diggings began around 22nd Avenue and seemed to continue on in a straight line to Northwest Street. I propose we stand guard at Cramden's Drive as that is where the next graveyard of importance is."
"You got it, boss," said Joe, patting Frank on the back. "Alright gang, let's go!"
So that night they kept watch over the graveyard, but when morning came no one had appeared. When they returned to the ship they learned to their dismay that the grave diggers had struck again... at the next graveyard.
"Man," said Frank. "That's a bummer. Wait a minute though." He checked his notes. "Ah ha! I completely missed this," he said. "Guys, they keep striking every other grave, and alternate between large graveyards and small ones. This last one was a big one, so the next grave will be a small one. If I'm right, that means they'll be hitting the one near the Temple of Christ next."
"Right, then let's go there," said Joe.
"It's complicated though," said Frank. "The graveyard is protected by electrical barbed wire."
"So we tunnel under it."
"...yes, okay, that's the plan."
So that's what they did. After crawling underneath the wire - despite Rose (who came along anyway because she didn't want to be left alone) nearly getting electrocuted - they hid behind some bushes and waited.
Presently they saw a light.
"Do you see that?" Joe whispered to Frank.
"Yup, let's go!"
"Alright, what's on the agenda tonight?" one of the men asked the other.
"Your capture, I believe," said Frank.
"Gah! Who are you? How did you get here?!"
"We tunneled under," said Joe. "I'm guessing you did the same."
"So I guess there's only one thing left to do," said one of the men.
"What's that?"
"RUN!"
And the two scrambled away. Frank and Joe gave chace. Suddenly, Ginger and Rose jumped out from behind some other bushes and tackled the men.
"You didn't think you could get away now, did you fellas?" Ginger said sweetly.
Frank and Joe took hold of the men and tied them up. "Now then," said Frank, "perhaps you'd care to tell us why you've been digging up graves, hmm?"
"You'll never get anything from us!" the men said.
"Ah well, maybe the police will get through to you." Frank turned and began walking away when Rose suddenly cried, "Look!"
The men began to writhe, their bodies began to twist and turn and suddenly - blood splattered everywhere.
"OH MY GOD!" cried our protagonists in horror.
"Damn..." said Joe. "...do we still get the money?"
As it turned out they didn't, as the police said that it was impossible to prove it (those sly bastards). And so the crew of the Marie Roget returned empty handed... but with the horrors of the memory left eached in their minds...
JOE: So, you managed to sit through this whole thing, did you?
FRANK: Kudos to you, I know I wouldn't have the patience to sit through sh*t like this.
JOE: Yeah, this Diesel 11 person is a terrible writer, plain and simple, I mean seriously, did that episode do anything at all for you?
FRANK: Anyways, next week we have a MUCH better episode for you.
JOE: Oh really? What's it about?
FRANK: I... have no clue. And I don't care either really.
JOE: Same. Take our advice people, don't come back! You'll regret it!
NEXT EPISODE: COWBOYS FROM HELL
A young man in the back got up. His face was red from the tears, yet he looked composed, and calm. Getting out of the pew, he walked down the aisle, lit a cigarette, and left the building, all while the preacher droned on.
"And they gathered them together to the place which in Hebrew is called Armageddon..."
ROLL CREDITS!!
PURE F***ING ARMAGEDDON
An anime by Diesel 11
EPISODE 1: TERMINUS (WHERE DEATH IS MOST ALIVE)
"Can't you dig any faster?!" the man shouted.
"If you want this job to be finished faster then for Christ's sake get off your ass and do some work yourself!" replied his partner.
"Oh for f*ck's sake!" the first man growled. "Let's just get this damn job over with so we can reap our profit and split. This place gives me the creeps."
"Everything gives you the creeps!"
"Just shut up and dig!"
The two men put their back into their job, but even then things didn't work out very quickly.
"Damn! How far down did they bury this thing anyway?" one of the men grumbled.
"Shouldn't be too much further... here we go!" he said, hitting something hard.
The two men now worked with a fervor, and finally succeeded in digging out a box. "At last!" said one of the men. He opened the lid.
Inside was a corpse.
A lightning bolt struck a tree, but the men were undetered.
"Pay dirt," said the man and closed the box.
"Nomads. Wanderers of space. That's all we are and that's all we'll ever be."
"Shut up already and eat your dinner," chuckled the other man. "Food doesn't stay warm forever, Joe."
"Someone has to call the girls," Joe shrugged. "This ship isn't the smallest thing in the world, Frank."
"Hey! Ladies!" he called, opening one of the bedroom doors, only two find the two women on the bed painting each other's nails.
"Hey! It's dinner time you two, so put down the nail polish and get over to the dining room."
"Be patient," one of them said.
"Nope, sorry, that is mentally and physically impossible, now get your asses into the dining room."
"I'm sorry but last time I checked the sofas are not the dining room."
"Either way, it's dinner time and we're hungry so come on!"
"Fine, fine!"
Over a plate of spaghetti and bell peppers, the topic came round to new cash oppurtunities.
"Apparently there have been reports of illegal grave digging on Aston," said Frank. "The police there are offering a $5,000 reward for whoever can catch the diggers."
"Ah yes, bounty hunting, my favorite thing to do," Joe said, leaning back.
"It's too dangerous for my tastes."
"My dear Rose," said the other woman, "everything is too dangerous for you."
"I can't help that I'm always worried Ginger, but..."
"Just so long as you can navigate us we'll take care of the heavy stuff," Ginger replied.
"I'd be a bounty hunter period if it would bring in enough money," Joe continued. "But as it is wandering aimlessly taking different jobs works too."
"Yeah, and with the Marie Roget on our side we can do anything, go anywhere, for as long as life allows," Frank concurred.
"I'm confused though," said Rose. "How DID you get the money to build this ship, Frank?"
"Lot of time and hard work," Frank replied. "Building things from scratch isn't easy, but it sure is great once it's done. Now then," he said, clearing away the plates, "get some sleep because tomorrow we're heading for Aston."
13 hours later, the Marie Roget arrived at Aston.
"God, this place looks like a ghost town!" Ginger said.
"The kind of place where Death is most alive," Joe said, taking in the smoggy air.
"I wonder why - and how, really - people still live in this place," Rose stated.
"One of life's greatest mysteries," Frank said. "Now then, the diggings began around 22nd Avenue and seemed to continue on in a straight line to Northwest Street. I propose we stand guard at Cramden's Drive as that is where the next graveyard of importance is."
"You got it, boss," said Joe, patting Frank on the back. "Alright gang, let's go!"
So that night they kept watch over the graveyard, but when morning came no one had appeared. When they returned to the ship they learned to their dismay that the grave diggers had struck again... at the next graveyard.
"Man," said Frank. "That's a bummer. Wait a minute though." He checked his notes. "Ah ha! I completely missed this," he said. "Guys, they keep striking every other grave, and alternate between large graveyards and small ones. This last one was a big one, so the next grave will be a small one. If I'm right, that means they'll be hitting the one near the Temple of Christ next."
"Right, then let's go there," said Joe.
"It's complicated though," said Frank. "The graveyard is protected by electrical barbed wire."
"So we tunnel under it."
"...yes, okay, that's the plan."
So that's what they did. After crawling underneath the wire - despite Rose (who came along anyway because she didn't want to be left alone) nearly getting electrocuted - they hid behind some bushes and waited.
Presently they saw a light.
"Do you see that?" Joe whispered to Frank.
"Yup, let's go!"
"Alright, what's on the agenda tonight?" one of the men asked the other.
"Your capture, I believe," said Frank.
"Gah! Who are you? How did you get here?!"
"We tunneled under," said Joe. "I'm guessing you did the same."
"So I guess there's only one thing left to do," said one of the men.
"What's that?"
"RUN!"
And the two scrambled away. Frank and Joe gave chace. Suddenly, Ginger and Rose jumped out from behind some other bushes and tackled the men.
"You didn't think you could get away now, did you fellas?" Ginger said sweetly.
Frank and Joe took hold of the men and tied them up. "Now then," said Frank, "perhaps you'd care to tell us why you've been digging up graves, hmm?"
"You'll never get anything from us!" the men said.
"Ah well, maybe the police will get through to you." Frank turned and began walking away when Rose suddenly cried, "Look!"
The men began to writhe, their bodies began to twist and turn and suddenly - blood splattered everywhere.
"OH MY GOD!" cried our protagonists in horror.
"Damn..." said Joe. "...do we still get the money?"
As it turned out they didn't, as the police said that it was impossible to prove it (those sly bastards). And so the crew of the Marie Roget returned empty handed... but with the horrors of the memory left eached in their minds...
JOE: So, you managed to sit through this whole thing, did you?
FRANK: Kudos to you, I know I wouldn't have the patience to sit through sh*t like this.
JOE: Yeah, this Diesel 11 person is a terrible writer, plain and simple, I mean seriously, did that episode do anything at all for you?
FRANK: Anyways, next week we have a MUCH better episode for you.
JOE: Oh really? What's it about?
FRANK: I... have no clue. And I don't care either really.
JOE: Same. Take our advice people, don't come back! You'll regret it!
NEXT EPISODE: COWBOYS FROM HELL