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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Aug 30, 2016 20:26:16 GMT -5
*Idontthinksoidontthinksoidontthinkso*
Meanwhile, Vlad was still warming up for world domination.
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Post by Tug on Aug 30, 2016 20:30:20 GMT -5
(Hang on, run over, pick whatever one to continue with since the post above is so similar to this one ) But he was actually still eternally bonded to hell, so he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon... As you will recall, Vlad is permanently stuck in the underworld because of a deal Elmo made with the devil himself. "You will pay for this Elmo, YOU WILL PAY!!!" But his chains kept him in place. ...... Back to the Heph and Co., Eli was currently mad because his crew had been skipping their breakfasts' of freshly picked tangerines from his small grove on board... "How can you skip eating them! It keeps you from dying from scurvy on my ship, I thought we solved this problem last time!" shouted Eli in fury while violently drowning his anger in booze
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Aug 30, 2016 20:40:58 GMT -5
I know, that's exactly what I meant... see, that's why I said 'warming up'. Get it? .... You can see right through me, can't you... --------------- "Well, I just don't like tangerines!"
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Aug 30, 2016 20:46:22 GMT -5
I spliced the posts; it's fine now
......
"But you are the only one... you mean all of you stopped eating tangerines because of him!?" Eli fumed.
"Personally, I think we just were made the victims of some great force who wanted to exploit a common problem plaguing pirates for the sake of laughter" one pirate said. He was subsequently stabbed twenty times and slumped down.
"I always hated that guy anyway" the second mate shrugged, then he handed out tangerines.
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Aug 30, 2016 21:15:40 GMT -5
"But stabbing him is kinda harsh, don't you think?" said Eli. "Do we look like ballerinas to you?! We're goddamn pirates, for Pete's sake!!"
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Aug 30, 2016 21:20:12 GMT -5
"But I am still your superior officer..." Eli pointed out.
"Uh..." The second mate froze in place
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Aug 30, 2016 21:23:11 GMT -5
"Well uh... what'cha gonna do about it, hmm?"
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Sept 2, 2016 19:52:50 GMT -5
"I'm gonna... I'm gonna..."
and suddenly the crew of the boat burst into song
"Sailing! Sailing! Over the bounding main! For many a stormy wind shall blow err Jack comes home again!
Sailing! Sailing! Over the bounding main! For many a stormy wind shall blow err Jack comes home again!"
"Who's Jack?" A confused Heph asked.
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Post by Toz76 on Sept 3, 2016 13:05:13 GMT -5
"This is suddenly a musical, so let us sing a song! It shouldn't be a musical, so this will just drag on!"
Suddenly, the singing stopped in a final way when most of the crew died. Why? Because...
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Sept 3, 2016 13:11:14 GMT -5
...the Kraken had enough, and smashed the ship in two. "Oops," he said.
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Post by Toz76 on Sept 5, 2016 10:38:14 GMT -5
Heph, Nikko, Pokyrah, Eli, Eduardo, Kokar, and Pol-ny-Chrink were cast off in different directions. Flamethrower and Angle took dragon form and lifted them out of the water. Twitter just hovered annoyingly.
"My ship! Give me alcohol to numb the pain!" Eduardo yelled.
"Where are we?" Heph asked.
"We are south of Magykka, near Foggy Island." Pokyrah replied. "The Elf kingdom isn't too far away, but I don't think we'd be welcome there anymore. We did cause 473 hours of darkness."
"It was fate!" Heph objected.
"There is no such thing as fate. Everything is determined by the gods." Pokyrah said. "Now let us pray to Frankthetriviaman, the god of happy endings for protagonists, that we will escape this."
"I've never heard of that diety." Eduardo said.
"You clearly aren't a member of the Church Of The Fourth Wall." Pokyrah retorted.
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Sept 5, 2016 11:09:17 GMT -5
"Are there any other gods?" "Yes, but Frankthetriviaman is the only one worth praying to." "Why's that?" "Well, the others are kind of... strange..." "What do you mean? I can handle strange." "See, there is TGC, the god of the strange sci-fi adventures. Then there is Toz76, the demon lord of the darkness. Then there is Tugboatfan44, the god of the magnificent bastards, and finally Diesel 11." "The god of..." "Let's just put it this way. Pray to him and you'll be scarred for life." "I heard that!!"
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Post by Toz76 on Sept 11, 2016 0:17:31 GMT -5
"Anyway, what are we doing? What's our mission?" Nikko asked.
"We're seeking four weapons of piece: the Club of Truth, The Bow of Strength, the Naguda of Integrity, and the Knife of Trust. Legend says that once they are all brought together with the sword of destiny and their proper wielders, it will reveal the location of the ultimate weapon: the Ax of Light. We are following a prophecy to find their wielders that says:
One within the trees beyond One within a faraway bog One deep underneath their feet And one that was amongst them all along
But we don't know where to find the weapons themselves. We also need to stop Julius Caesar reincarnated as a lich."
"Oh, okay. Easy enough to remember."
Soon, the party found their way to...
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Sept 11, 2016 1:05:50 GMT -5
The point where the road broke off into 7 directions.
"So we need to find the correct path to continue this quest then?"
"The right path will keep us going, the other paths... Well it says we won't like it if we try to find out" Nikko said.
"Say... Which prophecy are we following anyway?" Heph asked.
"Number 62 I think" Pokyrah replied.
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Post by Tug on Sept 11, 2016 1:30:03 GMT -5
"Hey what happened to Noproe, Twitter and the dragons?" asked Nikko
The Dragons and Twitter couldn't land because of the fog ,and Noproe volunteered to look after them while they circled the island and waited fro us to finish surprisingly..." answered Heph
"That seems fishy to me..." said Kokar
"HO god! I should have went down with that ship! I swear I"ll hunt down that Kraken one of these days and get back at it for killing most of my men!' shouted a sorrowful Eli in a drunken haze, the only reason he wasn't dead with the other pirates was because he had been so hammered at the time he listened to everything Heph did to get his group off the sinking ship...
"Calm down, we'll make it up to you somehow..." Eduardo tried to cheer up Eli with
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Post by Toz76 on Sept 14, 2016 23:07:37 GMT -5
The crew landed in a large valley that would be a clay pit 2000 years later.
"Let's make camp here and plan." Heph suggested.
Little did they know that danger was lurking... the clay pits were notorious for Succubi encounters...
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Post by frankthetriviaman on Sept 14, 2016 23:41:27 GMT -5
As the group settled in for the night, Nikko fell asleep first, while Heph and Pokyrah stayed up for a while to talk.
"I just don't like what is going on; our quest keeps changing direction, and I am not sure of what I am supposed to be doing now" Heph said to Pokyrah.
"Have faith young one, all shall become clear in due time, I am sure of it. For now, we shall keep to the current task at hand, which is to...wait, what's that noise?" He said, confused.
They looked over at Nikko... something looked off about him. Pokyrah did some sort of magic over him and was shocked.
"I should have known... Heph, ready your sword, for you will need it soon" he stated as he prepared some sort of ritual.
"What is happening Pokyrah?" Heph said as he drew his blade.
"Nikko is having his life force drained from him... he is being attacked by a succubus!" Pokyrah said.
"What?! We gotta save him!" Heph said.
"Right; now listen closely, when I finish this ritual, the demon will be sucked out of the dream realm into in the physical realm, where she will be vulnerable. When that happens, strike her down, fast" he said.
"Right" Heph said, readying his blade.
At the end of the ritual, low and behold, what looked like an alluring woman had been summoned. But Heph was shocked... in a bad way.
"Wait a minute... that's a Succubus?" Heph asked incredulously.
Fortunately, the succubus was more confused than a threat right now, allowing this lampshade hanging that was about to happen to take place.
"Yes! Foul, isn't it? Strike it down!" Pokyrah said.
"Wait a minute, men get aroused by THAT thing? Look at her, she's hideous!" Heph said.
"Well I never!" The succubus said, offended.
"Heph, please just... wait, what?" A confused Pokyrah asked.
"Well look at her, I mean, yea the body is nicely developed and the face is objectively lovely, but look at the rest of her! Horns, wings, a tail, cloven feet, fangs instead of canines... how is that attractive, seriously?" Heph pointed out.
"Well, they are meant to appear in dreams, so maybe men don't really pay attention..." Pokyrah began.
"Really? That's your excuse? I don't know about you, but horns and fangs, MAJOR turn off over here. And don't even get me started on the wings, tail and cloven feet." Heph began.
"Well yes, I do suppose those are rather ugly..."
"Hey!" The demon fumed.
"But understand... look it's not important! Just strike her down already for stealing Nikko's life force!"
"Oh fine. Die, parasite!" And Heph thrusted his blade forward.
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Post by Toz76 on Sept 15, 2016 0:11:00 GMT -5
The succubus blocked it with her tail.
"Excuse me? I appear fully human in dreams. Duh." She explained. She grabbed Heph's arm and he instantly fell into a trance. By this time, everyone else had woken up, and Eduardo grabbed a magic jar and trapped the Succubus spirit in it.
"There. If we ever need a distraction, we'll just unleash the succubus on our foes. Thanks to the jar's spells, she won't be able to attack us."
"What's all the shouting about? I was having the most wonderful dream..." Nikko groaned.
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Sept 15, 2016 1:12:01 GMT -5
(Horns and fangs and tails and stuff are sexier than hell.)
Heph slapped him.
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Post by Toz76 on Sept 16, 2016 23:31:36 GMT -5
"Sorry..."
Meanwhile, trouble was brewing.
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