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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Mar 7, 2016 14:00:47 GMT -5
Seasons In The Abyss
The three spelunkers descended down into the cave. It was darker than they had thought; however, they were prepared, and their high-powered flashlights allowed them to see their surroundings. It felt like a journey into the heart of Hades. They came to a ridge, and they put their feet on solid ground again. "Looks deep," said one man. "Let's go," said another. "Do you really think we should risk it?" asked the third man. "What have we come for?" asked the second man. And so the three started to descend again. Slowly but surely, they came closer and closer to the bottom, but they had still a while to go. Suddenly, a shot rang out, and- "ARGH!" cried one of the men, as he let go of the rope.... The other two watched him fall. They had suddenly grown worried. "There's no one else here," they thought to themselves. "So it must have been... HIM..." "Why the heck have you done that?!" cried one of them. "I didn't do it! It was you!" "ME?! It wasn't me, it was you!!" "'Twasn't!" "Don't you start with that!" and he pulled out a revolver. "It WAS you!" "It was not! I always bring one!" The other man wasn't listening. "I'm not going to become another of your victims!" And he kicked out his foot. "Click!" went the trigger. "BANG!" went the gun. "Scorch!" went the rope. "NOOOOO!!" cried the men, as the fell to their doom inside the abyss....
The killer watched them fall, and let out an evil cackle. "Just as planned..."
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Post by Tug on Mar 7, 2016 17:18:13 GMT -5
Um... What just happened? Will there be something in the future that explains the backstory fo this evenet or something because I truly don't know how to react to this...
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Mar 7, 2016 17:28:41 GMT -5
Um... What just happened? Will there be something in the future that explains the backstory fo this evenet or something because I truly don't know how to react to this... Just as planned... This is basically the first of a line of mystery/thriller novels and short stories I'm writing. I think it's for the reader to interpretate what happened. I may come back to this some time in the future with some other happening. What did you think of it overall, though, Tug?
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Post by Tug on Mar 7, 2016 17:32:16 GMT -5
I have no words...
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Mar 7, 2016 17:33:31 GMT -5
So... was it too scary for you?
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Post by Tug on Mar 7, 2016 17:38:27 GMT -5
No, I wasn't scared at all, it's just kind of confusing... The idea is solid, just your wording messed with the flow a bit, to make it seem... I guess awkward... But the idea isn't too bad... I wouldn't mind reading stuff like this, it's nice to get out of the flow one in an while...
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Mar 7, 2016 17:41:05 GMT -5
No, I wasn't scared at all, it's just kind of confusing... The idea is solid, just your wording messed with the flow a bit, to make it seem... I guess awkward... But the idea isn't too bad... I wouldn't mind reading stuff like this, it's nice to get out of the flow one in an while... Could you explain how the wording messed with the flow? I like criticism so that I'll no what not to do next time.
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Post by Tug on Mar 7, 2016 17:44:04 GMT -5
Rereading it, it wasn't the wording at all, you could slow down the pacing, drag it out a little, you have to reach dramatic points slowly to milk the highest amount of tension out of people.. .You jumped too fast to the climax and the conclusion, which hurt it in the end...
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Mar 7, 2016 17:48:40 GMT -5
Rereading it, it wasn't the wording at all, you could slow down the pacing, drag it out a little, you have to reach dramatic points slowly to milk the highest amount of tension out of people.. .You jumped too fast to the climax and the conclusion, which hurt it in the end... Yeah, you're right, the problem with me is that I always run out of ideas with it. Next time I'll try to drag it out a bit more. I'm currently working on a mystery novel that'll really kick the series off. It'll be called 'A Touch of Evil'....
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Post by Tug on Mar 7, 2016 17:50:23 GMT -5
If you would like some help, just ask me, I would love to contribute, just send me a PM if you ever get writer's block...
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Post by Biblically Accurate Angel on Mar 7, 2016 17:51:39 GMT -5
If you would like some help, just ask me, I would love to contribute, just send me a PM if you ever get writer's block... Thanks, Tug, I'll definitely do so if I get writer's block!
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